Encouragementology

Powerful Perceptions

Have you ever heard “Perception is Reality?” What do you think that means? Is it one of those things your parents say to scare you like: if you keep frowning your face will get stuck like that or if you drink that, it will put hair on your chest. I guess that one’s not scary for everyone.

See, what people perceive is usually what they believe, and this is based on what they hear, see and think. It works both ways. Your perception is your reality and the way you present yourself, say and do, becomes someone else’s reality.

How do you want to be perceived? Maybe you’ve heard this one: “Dress for the job you want not the one you have”. What do you suppose that means? You are creating a perception of a more successful and talented person because you want someone to have a different opinion of you. This can be more than just putting your best foot forward,  sometimes, this desire to be perceived differently can go too far. To their own detriment, people are buying bigger houses, faster cars, plastic surgery, and expensive wardrobes. It easy to see the kind of reality they are trying to personify.

Has your own perception been distorted? See if this sounds familiar. You have an idea in your mind, something you believe to be true. You then give more focus to evidence that helps support your idea vs contrary evidence. A great example of this is in politics. Do you believe in every case presented or are you just sticking to your alignment?

How about the way you perceive a type of person or group of people? People tend to believe that when people are similar in one way, they are likely to be similar in other ways and this is often not the case. Let’s say you have a negative experience with a certain type of person, gender, race, or status. Do you react with a preconceived bias when you are faced with a similar situation?

Our expectations and perceptions of optimism can be altered with a single word like "yes." On the flip-side, we all know the power of “no” to instantly take the wind out of your sails and make you feel negative. The declarative word “yes” is like an implicit green light that implies "go." On the other hand, “no” is an implicit red light that implies "stop."

One of the choices you have when faced with a problem is to change your perception of the problem. People sometimes resist altering their perceptions, believing they are right in what they see, hear, and remember. The truth is that your perceptions are often inaccurate, particularly in emotionally charged situations.

CHALLENGE: To challenge your perception, be open to differing opinions and ideas. Ask yourself “is this what I think, or is this what I know to be true”. Be aware of how the presentation of yourself, your ideas, and your wants could also be skewed. Be bold and clear to personify your desires.

I know YOU can do it!

Musical Feature: Curtis Battrell found on iTunes and SoundCloud

Staying Present, Living Now

Do you feel like life is speeding by? Are you stuck in the past obsessing about what you should have done? How much do you discount today waiting for tomorrow?

Timothy Ferriss wrote the book “The 4-Hour Work Week” on how to experience the benefits of retirement while you are working vs waiting until the end of your life to start living.

Mel Robbins urges you to just GO and act on your instincts with the 5-Second Rule of 5,4,3,2,1.

In the Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle tells us that the future is only in our heads and the past is simply a collection of memories. The only thing that truly exists is the now. By always thinking about the past or the future, we are denying or ignoring the now. Even if the memory is a positive one it could end in negative thinking as you compare your life now to then.

As with everything good - it has to be intentional. You have to want to stay present and experience every moment.

So stay with me, it’s unfolding as we’re talking. When you woke up this morning you had a choice. Maybe not whether you had to get up or how you were going to spend your day, but you had control over your immediate reaction. Only YOU can make or break it.

It starts with staying present. When you wake up and your mind starts to spin, take a pause and remember what is important about that moment. Not what you have ahead or what you have left over from yesterday...but just that moment. How do you feel, what do you hear around you? Don’t pick up your phone or turn on the TV, allow your brain a conscious break as you start your day.

As you go about your day, be mindful of when your mind starts picking up speed. Eliminate unnecessary distractions so that you can concentrate on 1-2 things at a time. Multi-tasking has been linked to a reduction in productivity by 40% as well as lasting effects on your cognition. So where you think you are a superstar getting everything done you are actually training your brain to work at a lower capacity. Channel your energy into one project at a time stopping along the way to admire what you are doing and how you feel so that you can stay present.

As you wind down the day a short reflection is good. Take inventory of what you did or didn’t do and how you feel but limit it to just that day.

CHALLENGE: Celebrate your year NOW while you’re in the present. You may have had a rocky past full of regrets or you may be working towards a big pay off but it’s important to live and appreciate the present to fully enjoy your life.

I know YOU can do it!

Musical Feature: Cheley Tackett www.cheleytackett.com

Enriching Your World, Creating Balance

You can search the internet and find a gazillion top ten lists instructing you on how to achieve optimal Mind, Body & Spirit. Everything from traveling the world and adopting the spirit-filled practices of other cultures to setting a 5-minute timer on your phone for a mid-day meditation break.

I may have nothing new. My advice is simply, my advice and may or may not rise to the top of the list. But in everything, we do we should strive for a healthy balance. Everything in moderation, even moderation ;-) wise advice for an outstanding woman who has achieved a great amount of balance in her lifetime.

Creating a balance doesn’t mean starting over every time you find a new passion but instead, a continual enrichment of your life. Start by looking at the world around you and how you respond to it.

Enrich your outer world: Create a joyful and brain-stimulating environment

• Be aware of where you are - the people you associate with, your community, and areas of need.
• Surround yourself with people who are genuinely happy to be with you - power comes from joyful interactions. When you can, widen your circle and accept others to add flavor and diversity.
• Get involved. Find ways that you can be a part of the world around you.

Enrich your inner world: Feed your mind and soul with nourishing thoughts

• Make time to think, wonder, pray, and meditate - recall joyful memories and add detail to create your “happy place.”
• Expand your mind: Read, be curious and learn, journal ideas, challenge your mind with new thoughts.
• Explore this big ol’world around you. Have a new experience, create a new story, share your findings with others.

Enrich your Health: Be mindful of what you put in your mouth and how you push your body

• Listen to your body: when you are tired; sleep, when you are overwhelmed; relax, when you are hungry; eat, when you are lonely; reach out
• Be aware and honest about wants vs needs.
• Move - intentionally and consistently.

 

CHALLENGE: So I challenge you to explore all the ways to enrich your life, you deserve the time and attention. Then,  make a healthy investment daily that creates balance and an enjoyable payoff.

I know YOU can do it!

Musical Feature: Sundae + Mr. Goessl http://sundaeandmrgoessl.com/

 

Forgiving Failure and Moving ON!

How do you define failure? First you have to know what it is to be able to forgive and move on.

Wikipedia presents it as “the state or condition of not meeting a desirable or intended objective, and may be viewed as the opposite of success.”

You could have A failure or you could lump up all your life experiences together and feel like A failure. Let’s concentrate on the previous - one instance at a time. When you generalize your life you prevent yourself from meeting your own potential, you become your perception. If you stop and ask yourself a qualifying question like: “Really- everything I’ve EVER done I’ve failed at?” I’m sure you will see that simply isn’t true.

It can be easy to fall into this pattern when things don’t seem to be going right and you are in a constant state of struggle. But now, more than ever you have to be honest in your assumptions or you will get stuck in the proverbial, “I NEVER…” or “I ALWAYS…”

First, what were your expectations? Then, what actually happened? Most importantly, what could you have done to change the outcome? And finally, how will you adjust your approach to prevent this from happening again. Write this down, it’s better to see it in black and white so you can easily recall it or use your answers as a guide.

You are rarely in control of everything that happens to you but you ARE in control of how you react and the plan you make for your next attempt. Take your time and be intentional.

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

Winston Churchill

Your worth is not tied to your accomplishments. Say that again. Your worth is NOT tied to your accomplishments. If you didn’t try you would not have had the opportunity to fail. So first, celebrate your attempt. Negative self-talk is a powerful thing and usually stems from what you feel others think of you. 

CHALLENGE: Leave room to explore life and if you hit a snag, quarantine it, evaluate your options then have an internal pep talk and be your own coach “Ok that didn’t work, no biggie, I see now what we need to do to get back on track - LET’S GO!”

I know YOU can do it!

Musical Feature: Dave Tamkin  www.davetamkin.com www.headabovemusic.com

 

 

What do YOU Want: A Self Evaluation

It’s so easy to get lost in what you can do…..for everyone else. When you get done saving the world my guess is you are too tired to follow your own dreams. Am I right?

Being it all to everyone is a myth, it’s impossible. Something has to give or everyone, including you, will get a half-hearted attempt. It may be time to evaluate the plates you have spinning and make sure your dreams are represented there.

It’s time for a gut check, what do YOU want? Before you answer, this could be a life-long passion that you’ve put on hold to this exact moment or it could be how you want your day to go. The idea is to start really considering YOUR wants. This may be a foreign concept to you so don’t be too hard on yourself. It will definitely take practice.

Once you identify a “want” that you have, you are presented with 3 options:

To give in, give up or give it all you’ve got.

Giving in to what others think and feel is a real threat. If you’ve spent your life pleasing others and worrying about what others think of you then you may need to take extra caution here. It’s important to understand the “why” to have a conviction for the how. First, it’s something YOU want and that’s important enough but next, explore why it’s important to you. Is it time to reward yourself with a well-deserved break - that’s great. Listen to your heart here and remind your mind it’s ok if everyone thinks you’re being selfish. Maybe it’s a pushing forward to accomplish a goal - more power too you! Give those who object a realistic expectation - you are taking time for YOU.

Giving up is easy. No one said getting what you want was going to be simple. Even simple changes won’t be easy if you’ve spent years putting yourself last. Now is the time to make yourself a priority. Say it with me: Giving up is not an option!

What’s left - oh yeah, giving it all you got! So to avoid radical spikes in motivation that may lead to you running out of steam, take some time and prepare for this new approach. What do YOU want? How important is it to you? How long will it take to achieve it? What are the steps to make it happen? Now ...take the first one.

CHALLENGE: I challenge you, whether it’s a luxurious day to yourself or making a leap towards a life goal, take the time to search your soul and make YOUR wants a priority!

I know YOU can do it!

Musical Feature: Kristin Kearns  www.kristinkearnsmusic.com

Establishing Healthy Boundaries

 

“You change for two reasons: Either you learn enough that you want to, or you've been hurt enough that you have to.” ~Unknown

Boundary - a line that marks the limits.

Have your limits been tested? Are your boundaries frequently crossed or violated? How strong is your perimeter?

Developing a healthy boundary is establishing a system of rules that protect you from overextending yourself and being taken advantage of or harmed. If your nature is to nurture and take care of others, it’s easy for these boundaries to be fuzzy or unclear. Leaving yourself open and vulnerable.

Setting strong guidelines for how you expect to be treated helps you regain your power and gives others a clearer expectation.  But here’s the key, you can’t just say it one time and expect everyone to respect your wishes. You have to lead by example and stay firm. If you say one thing, then bend when you feel weak or guilty, you create that level of expectation, “Well that’s what she says, but it’s not really what she means”.

So visualize building this boundary around you at a healthy and safe distance. How tall is it? Do you need a wall or will a fence do? What did you use to build your boundary?

Maybe your boundary involves time for yourself. Schedule it, and make it reoccurring.

Maybe your boundary is about respect and how people speak to you. Model this in your own daily communication.

If your boundary is having the ability to say NO. Exercise that, start small but be firm.

What if your boundary is eliminating toxic people. Take a moral inventory and whether family, friend or co-worker, if they are consistently adding negativity to your life, take a step back and create distance.

Creating a healthy boundary is about taking care of yourself, preventing negativity, and adding space for things that bring you joy.

CHALLENGE: make a list and evaluate what is bringing you joy and what is preventing it. Don’t get overwhelmed with thoughts of a total life makeover, take one thing at a time and start building your boundary. When you are challenged, refer to this list. It’s up to you to hold your perimeter. When you do this consistently, the attacks will come fewer and fewer.

I know YOU can do it!

Musical Feature: Escaping Pavement  www.escapingpavement.com

Overcoming Fear

We’ve all heard the words “paralyzed by fear”. The inability to move in any direction and the tendency to stay stuck and obsess with “what if’s”

Have you ever found yourself there? You get a thought and instead of following it down the happy trail you take a side path to doom. The mind is a powerful control center and can shoot holes and inject fear into almost any situation. You then rationalize these thoughts with over-generalized statements like, “makes sense, things NEVER go my way” “I’m always on the short end of the stick”.

How can we cut through these thoughts and institute a reality check?

First, you have to be aware of what is happening. Be mindful when your thoughts start to create the end of the story. “They haven’t called because I probably didn’t have enough experience…” “She left early because I’m sure I said something that offended her” “He isn’t home, I bet he found someone else to talk to”  Put a stick in the spoke of the spinning wheel and STICK TO THE FACTS. Stop the story where the facts end. That’s hard to do because naturally, we want to have a complete picture of what we are facing. The issue is, you rarely write a rosy ending.

When you regain control of your thoughts do an inventory. That starts with being present and in the now. Transport yourself back to the present by noticing how your body feels. Where are your feet, wiggle your toes. Stretch out your hands and wiggle your fingers. Roll your shoulders and take in a deep breath. Welcome back.

Now, where is this fear on the needs assessment scale of priorities  - is it critical? Are we in harm's way? How about our loved ones? Is there immediate danger? NO, ok then you have a minute to explore your options. Being reactionary relies on old habits and knee-jerk reactions. Being strategic is first, fully understanding the entire situation and taking your time to find an appropriate solution.

It is true Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength. But courage is feeling fear, not getting rid of fear, and taking action in the face of fear."

CHALLENGE: The next time your thoughts take you careening off your path and into the ditch, pump the breaks and give yourself a reality check so you can take a step in the right direction.

I know YOU can do it!

Musical Feature: Independent Singer/Songwriter Matt Martino www.mattmartinoband.com  

Building Deeper Connections

What does your circle look like? Notice I didn’t ask you how many Facebook friends you have or followers on Twitter and Instagram. Who do you let into your inner circle?

So many of us are looking for true and authentic connections. When you were growing up, you liked everyone small like you. Then your personality started developing and you weeded through those who looked like you but didn’t think like you and you developed a group or a click. Best friend, BFF, Besties or Bro started to surface and you vowed never to be apart. But as life happens - school, career, marriage, kids, and just stuff, your relationships changed and your circles got smaller.

Technology promises to make things easier, keep people more connected and informed but instead, it creates isolation and horrible social habits. Instead of bonding and building deeper connections we find ourselves creeping, prying, judging, and ignoring. We’ve replaced a visit with a phone call, shortened to a text, reduced to a “like”, and share our emotions through status updates and emoticons. Who are we? Are we really THAT busy and out of touch?

We have to stop the madness vs excepting what has become the “norm”. Why do we need a $1,000 phone to text our 5 friends and peruse FB’s mindless sea of drama? I a STOP!

RECONNECT

Invite a friend to lunch to catch up (by the way, leave your phone at home or in another room) Remember, you can say “we should do lunch” until you are blue in the face but until you make a plan, it won’t happen. Make the first move! If you do this more often you can eventually stop “catching up” and start going deeper. Really sharing. Judith E. Glaser an Organizational Anthropologist says “When we actively share with others — sharing deep secrets, sharing what’s on our mind, sharing our fears, our dreams and our aspirations, the brain lights up like a Christmas tree. This behavior activates a high level of oxytocin, which is the neurotransmitter that enables us to bond and connect with others deeply”

You are connected with this friend because she/he shares some of your likes and values. Why not network and share connections to widen your circle. “There is a part of the brain that activates when we meet people. It’s called the "like me/not like me" part of the brain or the Rostromedial Prefrontal Cortex. When we think people are like us the RPC lights up and we connect easily. It’s like looking in the mirror and seeing more of ourselves — and we are comfortable.”

We are relational beings who thrive on connecting with others. To experience more joy in your life, make an intentional effort to adopt this idea as a practice. And practice it often!

CHALLENGE: Call a friend, make a date, share deeper. To experience more joy in your life, make an intentional effort to adopt this idea as a practice. And practice it often!

I know YOU can do it!

MUSIC: Featuring independent singer/songwriter, Heidi Burson. www.heidiburson.com

 

Harnessing Your Power

The day starts and ends with you. Have you ever thought about it that way? When you wake up in the morning YOU are in charge of what you feed your consciousness. Much of our day can be dictated by the demands of life, kids, work, school, and so on but YOU can make a conscious decision on all the extras.   

In an article published by the National Science Foundation, it was found that 80% of thoughts are negative. No wonder life feels heavy and overwhelming. Of the 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts experienced each day, as many as 98% of them are the same thought as the day before. If the core elements are predetermined, what can you do to infuse positivity into the rest of your day?

What pops into your head when you first wake up? Instead of tricking yourself with 8 more minutes of interrupted semi-sleep, try turning off the alarm and opening your mind. First, find gratitude. This can happen by just saying it out loud, THANK YOU. Thank you for a chance to make something cool happen today, thank you for all that I have already, thank you for the opportunity to do more with my life….

Next, clear your mind and take in a couple of big breaths. Since you bypassed the snooze you have a little extra time. Focus on one thing you can do today that will bring you joy, help you achieve a goal, or make an impact on the lives of those around you.

Instead of letting all the things you haven’t done flood through your mind pick ONE thing you can do to focus on. This can be as simple as making pancakes for your family or getting to your meeting in time for bagels and coffee. The point is ONE thing to get your day started.

During the day, start observing how you spend your time, eating, social media surfing, procrastinating, watching TV, being angry and so on. Is there an opportunity to maximize ONE moment? Where can you infuse a healthier alternative that can help you regain your power?  Something that might challenge your mind. An activity to help you relax, organize your thoughts and bring you joy.

You have the power to take back some of the control and to assert your authority over your thoughts. Start small, ONE thing can easily turn to TWO, then habits will form and THREE and FOUR will be a cake walk. Before you know it, you’ll end your day thankful for all the positive extras you experienced and hopeful for the next day!

CHALLENGE: So I challenge you to evaluate your morning routine and try something new. Find gratitude and what’s important to you, take time and shift focus to capture more opportunities throughout your day.

 I know YOU can do it!

FEATURED ARTIST: Martin Sexton www.martinsexton.com