Episodes
4 days ago
Finding Your Way Back to Peace
4 days ago
4 days ago
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we are taking a deeper look at stress in an attempt to find our way back to peace. No matter what your level of stress is, everyone can benefit from a more peaceful existence because life can sometimes feel like an endless juggling act, and let’s be real—most of us are using bowling pins instead of tennis balls. Between the pressure to perform, the nagging feeling of not being good enough, and the constant stress of “adulting,” it’s no wonder so many of us are stuck in a cycle of burnout. But here’s the good news: there’s a way to hit the pause button, reclaim your peace, and rewrite the narrative playing in your head.
In this episode, we’re diving into how to manage stress, tackle the relentless inner critic, and embrace the idea that you’re not just “enough”—you’re extraordinary. We’ll explore why so many of us feel like we’re falling short, unpack the serious toll this mindset takes on our health, and share practical, empowering strategies to help you flip the script. Because let’s face it, you deserve to feel good about yourself—and that starts today. Ready? With peace being the ultimate destination, let’s chart a course offering valuable pitstops along the way.
Maybe you sometimes feel stress but not sure it’s all bad or that you suffer from too much stress. Maybe the word Peace conjures up tie-die an hemp necklaces instead of a tranquil existence. Let’s start with a few definitions to make sure we’re all on the same page:
Stress: a feeling of emotional strain and pressure that occurs when a person perceives an event as taxing or endangering their well-being.
Peace: freedom from disturbance; tranquility.
Ok, simple enough? Hardly.
At Healthline, I found Why Americans Are More Stressed Today Than They Were in the 1990s
Kira M. Newman helps us understand What to Do When You Never Feel Good Enough found on Greater Good
On Therapy in a Nutshell’s YouTube channel, I found, Stress, Anxiety, and Worry
Self-regulation tools can be divided into quick fixes for immediate relief and long-term health practices for sustained well-being.
- Quick Fixes: Excellent for acute stress or when you need fast relief.
- Long-Term Practices: Create a buffer against future stress and support sustained emotional balance.
- Integration: Use quick fixes during high-stress moments while building long-term habits for resilience.
Quick Fixes
These are tools you can use in the moment to calm stress or regain focus. While effective for immediate needs, they don’t address the underlying causes of dysregulation.
Deep Breathing
- Take 4-5 deep breaths, inhaling for a count of 4, holding for 4, and exhaling for 4.
- Quick relaxation of the nervous system.
5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique
- Identify 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, and 1 you taste.
- Redirects focus and alleviates anxiety.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation
- Tense and release muscle groups from head to toe.
- Relieves physical tension caused by stress.
Short Walk or Movement Break
- A brisk 5-10 minute walk outside or light stretching.
- Boosts mood by releasing endorphins and clearing the mind.
Journaling for 5 Minutes
- Write down your thoughts or worries.
- Provides mental clarity and emotional relief.
Mindful Distraction
- Engage in a quick, enjoyable activity like a puzzle or music.
- Offers temporary relief by shifting attention.
Long-Term Health Practices
These build resilience and create a foundation for improved self-regulation over time.
Mindfulness Meditation
- Commit to 10-20 minutes daily to cultivate present-moment awareness.
- Reduces stress and improves emotional regulation.
Exercise Routine
- Regular aerobic activity like walking, yoga, or cycling 3-5 times a week.
- Strengthens mind-body connection and releases stress-reducing chemicals.
Sleep Hygiene
- Prioritize 7-8 hours of quality sleep with a consistent bedtime routine.
- Regulates mood, energy, and cognitive function.
Healthy Nutrition
- Focus on a balanced diet with whole foods, reducing caffeine and sugar.
- Supports mental clarity and stable energy levels.
Therapeutic Practices
- Engage in regular therapy, counseling, or self-reflection exercises.
- Addresses root causes of stress and emotional dysregulation.
Regular Gratitude Practice
- Write down 3 things you’re grateful for daily.
- Shifts perspective and fosters resilience.
Learning Emotional Regulation Skills
- Techniques like cognitive reframing or dialectical behavior therapy (DBT).
- Provides tools to manage triggers and stress more effectively.
CHALLENGE: Start small. Identify one stressor in your life and address it with a calming technique we discussed, like deep breathing or reframing your thoughts. Then, commit to taking one small step toward asking for support or setting a boundary—because your peace is worth protecting.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Nov 26, 2024
Living in Gratitude: Beyond the Discovery
Tuesday Nov 26, 2024
Tuesday Nov 26, 2024
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we are going beyond the discovery and exploring what an ongoing life of gratitude, looks like. We all know the buzz about finding gratitude—it’s like the self-help world’s holy grail. But let’s be real, what’s the point of finding something amazing if you don’t know how to hold onto it? It’s like finding the perfect snack in the pantry and then eating it all in one go—gone too soon! Gratitude shouldn’t be a one-hit wonder; it’s meant to be the background music of your life, playing on repeat.
In this episode, we’re diving into what happens after you find gratitude. How can you turn those fleeting “thank goodness” moments into a sustainable practice? What does it do for your day-to-day mood and the bigger picture of your life? And, most importantly, how can you live in gratitude rather than treating it like a magic wand you wave when things get rough?
Let’s explore how to make gratitude less of a to-do list item and more of a way of being—because a grateful heart isn’t just lighter, it’s stronger. Buckle up, this journey will leave you feeling uplifted and ready to embrace life’s magic, one thankful moment at a time!
So if I asked you, what is your gratitude practice, what would you say? Journaling, prayer, when someone reminds me, or only around the table one day of the year? Well, I might be all of the above. I do usually start a prayer with what I’m thankful for and I have been known to journal a gratitude list a time or two. I even have a group chat with some diligent members who prompt me to steer my morning in a thoughtful and thankful way. But how can we go from using gratitude as a quick fix to truly integrating it into their lives?
Sheldon Reid shares The Benefits of Gratitude and How to Practice It found in the Help Guide
Just like any good habit, gratitude requires intentionality and practice to turn it from a fleeting feeling into a lasting lifestyle. Here’s how you can build a gratitude practice that not only sticks but transforms the way you see the world:
- Anchor Gratitude to Daily Habits
One of the easiest ways to make gratitude sustainable is to attach it to something you already do. For example:
- Morning Routine: Start each day by naming three things you’re grateful for before getting out of bed or while sipping your coffee.
- Mealtime: Reflect on what you’re grateful for as part of saying grace or a moment of mindfulness before eating.
- Evening Wind-Down: End the day with a gratitude journal entry or a quick reflection on the best part of your day.
- Practice Gratitude in Action
Gratitude is most powerful when it’s expressed, not just felt. Find ways to act on your gratitude:
- Write thank-you notes to people who’ve made a difference in your life, whether recently or years ago.
- Compliment someone genuinely and specifically—it could brighten their day and remind you of what you appreciate about others.
- Volunteer your time or donate to causes you’re passionate about as a way of giving back in gratitude.
- Incorporate Gratitude Into Challenges
Gratitude isn’t just for sunny days. It becomes truly transformative when applied during tough times. When faced with challenges:
- Look for the lesson or growth opportunity in the situation.
- Reflect on past difficulties and what they taught you.
- Focus on the support or resources you have to navigate the challenge.
- Surround Yourself with Gratitude Cues
Sometimes we need a little nudge to keep our gratitude practice on track. Set up reminders and cues in your environment:
- Place sticky notes with positive affirmations or gratitude prompts on your mirror, desk, or fridge.
- Use a gratitude app or set a daily reminder on your phone to pause and reflect.
- Display photos, keepsakes, or mementos that remind you of meaningful people, moments, or accomplishments.
- Create a Gratitude Accountability Partner
Everything’s more fun (and sustainable) with a buddy! Share your gratitude goals with a friend or family member and check in with each other regularly. This could be as simple as exchanging texts about what you’re grateful for or meeting up to talk about the positive things happening in your lives.
CHALLENGE: Gratitude isn’t just something you find—it’s something you live, and the real magic happens when you let it ripple through your thoughts, choices, and connections. Challenge yourself to go beyond fleeting moments of thankfulness and create a practice that transforms your perspective, strengthens your relationships, and fuels your joy every single day!
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Nov 19, 2024
The Value of Community: Building, Belonging, and Blooming Together
Tuesday Nov 19, 2024
Tuesday Nov 19, 2024
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we are building, belonging, and blooming together as we explore and celebrate, the value of community. When you think of the word ‘community,’ what comes to mind? Is it a neighborhood, a friend group, or maybe something you long for but haven’t found yet? If the self-proclaimed “loner” still needs to feel connected and supported. People need people. The popular song sheds some valuable insight: We're children, needing other children and yet letting a grown-up pride hide all the need inside.
So let’s talk about community—the people who lift you up, laugh at your bad jokes, and sometimes even remind you to take down your trash. Community isn’t just a nice-to-have; it’s a life-changing, soul-nourishing, growth-accelerating gift. Whether it’s your ride-or-die crew, a group of neighbors, or a virtual squad cheering you on from afar, we all need a tribe. Don’t have one? No problem! You can start your own—it’s easier than you think and way more fun than going it alone.
In this episode, we’ll explore why community matters, how to spot a good one (or a bad one), and how finding your people can help you truly bloom. Because life’s too short to be lonely—let’s build something beautiful together!
At Conscious Mommy I found Building a Conscious Village: Connection When You’re Feeling Lonely
On the Dare to Do YouTube channel, I found The Pencil's Tale - a story that everyone should hear
Ever got sucked into a toxic community? Detecting and avoiding a toxic community requires awareness of behaviors, patterns, and overall group dynamics. Here are some ways to identify and steer clear of toxic environments:
Signs of a Toxic Community
- Lack of Respect or Boundaries:
- Members disregard personal boundaries, gossip, or belittle others.
- Communication is often passive-aggressive or openly hostile.
- Negative Energy and Drama:
- Frequent conflicts, constant complaints, or pervasive negativity dominate interactions.
- People focus on tearing others down rather than lifting them up.
- Exclusion and Cliques:
- Some members are deliberately excluded, creating a sense of “in-group” versus “out-group.”
- Newcomers or outsiders are treated with suspicion or disdain.
- Excessive Control:
- Leaders or prominent members exert control, demanding loyalty or conformity.
- There is little room for differing opinions or individuality.
- Unhealthy Competition:
- Members are pitted against each other or judged based on unrealistic standards.
- Success is envied rather than celebrated, fostering resentment.
- Physical or Emotional Drain:
- Interactions leave you feeling anxious, upset, or drained rather than supported or empowered.
- A sense of obligation to stay outweighs genuine enjoyment.
How to Avoid or Leave Toxic Communities
- Set Personal Boundaries:
- Be clear about what behaviors you will and won’t tolerate. Practice saying no when necessary.
- Observe Before Joining:
- Take time to assess a group’s dynamics before committing. Observe how members treat one another and handle disagreements.
- Seek Positive Attributes:
- Look for communities with mutual respect, empathy, and inclusivity.
- Find groups that share your values and encourage growth.
- Reflect on How You Feel:
- Regularly evaluate how the community impacts your mental and emotional health. If it’s consistently negative, consider stepping away.
- Speak Up or Address Issues:
- If you’re invested in the group, try addressing the toxic behavior directly or with leaders. However, recognize when change is unlikely.
- Focus on Building or Joining Healthy Communities:
- Seek out groups aligned with your interests, where people share goals of positivity, support, and mutual respect.
- Consider starting your own community with values you prioritize, such as open communication and collaboration.
CHALLENGE: Step into the power of community by surrounding yourself with people who inspire, challenge, and uplift you—because the connections you nurture today will shape your happiness, health, and purpose tomorrow!
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Wednesday Nov 13, 2024
The Power of Influence: Recognizing What Shapes Us and Taking Control
Wednesday Nov 13, 2024
Wednesday Nov 13, 2024
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we are exploring the power of influence, recognizing what shapes us, and taking back control. We have all been bombarded with messaging asking, begging, and sometimes coercing us to think, feel, and take action. Where do your own thoughts hide in the midst of such assaults? Influence as a pervasive force in our lives that can shape our choices, our mindset, and even our identity. It can feel like a current—sometimes it gently guides us, but other times it’s strong enough to sweep us off our feet. The key is in recognizing where influence is coming from and deciding how much power to give it. Let’s take a big breathe here and make a commitment to unpack, resort, and purge some influencing ideas that no longer serve us in a positive way.
Influence is more than just peer pressure; it’s subtle and can come from various sources—family, friends, social media, society, our inner dialogue, and even our environment.
- A close friend’s advice feels comforting but can sometimes lead you down their path instead of yours.
- Social media trends can push you to buy, think, or act in ways you normally wouldn’t.
- Influence of a mentor or a loved one can impactfully shape your values and ambitions.
- Develop Media Literacy and Mindful Consumption
- Pause and Evaluate: Before you engage with media (whether it’s news, social media, or entertainment), take a moment to reflect on what you’re about to consume. Ask yourself why you’re choosing this source, and consider whether it aligns with your values or goals.
- Question the Source: Develop a habit of asking, “Who created this, and what might be their motivation?” For example, consider whether a brand, influencer, or network could have hidden interests. Recognizing potential biases helps you stay in control of how you interpret information.
- Limit Exposure to Influential Sources
- Set Boundaries: If you notice certain media or social media accounts lead to self-doubt, stress, or unhealthy comparison, consider unfollowing, muting, or setting a time limit on those platforms.
- Curate Positive Influences: Choose to follow people, brands, and organizations that support your goals, align with your values, and inspire you in constructive ways. Make it a rule to engage with content that adds positivity and growth to your life.
- Strengthen Your Core Values
- Define Your Values: Reflect on what’s truly important to you, whether it’s integrity, creativity, kindness, learning, or independence. When you have a solid sense of your core values, it becomes easier to recognize when outside influence aligns or conflicts with them.
- Regularly Revisit Goals and Priorities: Set aside time each month to revisit your goals. Are you on track with what you want, or have you drifted because of external pressures? Realigning with your values keeps you grounded in your personal vision.
- Practice Self-Questioning to Uncover Hidden Influence
- Ask Yourself Key Questions:
- “Why do I want to do this?” This question can help you determine if a choice truly aligns with your desires or if it’s an idea you’ve absorbed from others.
- “How do I feel about this?” Checking in with your feelings lets you see if you’re enthusiastic, uneasy, or pressured—emotions that reveal whether your decision is authentic.
- “What would I do if no one else were watching?” Imagine you’re free of anyone’s opinion or judgment to help identify choices that are truly your own.
- Build Confidence in Your Own Voice
- Challenge Yourself to Act on Your Opinions: Start with small decisions where you rely solely on your own thoughts. For example, choose an outfit based on your preference, pick a book that genuinely interests you, or make weekend plans based on what would make you happiest.
- Engage in Conversations with an Open Mind: Practice sharing your perspective in discussions, even if it’s different from others. Engaging with diverse opinions while sticking to your viewpoint can help build resilience and confidence in your own voice.
- Create a Supportive Inner Circle
- Surround Yourself with Encouragers: Choose friends, mentors, and family members who respect your individuality and encourage you to make decisions that feel true to you. A supportive circle will uplift and validate you, rather than pressuring you to conform.
- Find Accountability Partners: Identify someone who’s also working on taking control of their influences and check in with each other. Share your progress, any struggles, and celebrate wins together to help reinforce each other’s growth.
- Practice Self-Compassion and Flexibility
- Recognize that Influence is Natural: Understand that we’re all influenced by our environments. Self-compassion can prevent you from feeling guilty if you realize you’ve been swayed in a direction you didn’t want. Instead, view it as an opportunity to learn and readjust.
- Be Open to Change: Sometimes, testing your perspective means you might genuinely change your opinion. That’s a sign of growth. The goal is to ensure that any changes reflect your evolving self rather than fleeting external pressures.
CHALLENGE: Remember, influence is a force we all experience, but it doesn’t have to control us. Recognize what’s guiding your path, decide what you want to allow in, and remember that you have the power to steer your own journey.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Nov 05, 2024
Navigating Feelings: Finding Balance Between Empathy and Self-Reflection
Tuesday Nov 05, 2024
Tuesday Nov 05, 2024
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we will be navigating feelings as we try to find a balance between empathy and self-reflection. How are you feeling? How do those feelings impact another person’s feelings? Can you feel what another person is feeling? Are you as confused as I am by this line of questioning? Well, today, we’re diving into the world of feelings—yes, that deep, squishy part of being human! We live in a culture that champions the importance of respecting feelings, which is awesome…but sometimes we can get so wrapped up in our feelings that we forget to take a peek at the other side of the coin. What happens when we’re hyper-focused on our own emotions? Could we be missing out on understanding someone else’s? Let’s explore the fine art of balancing self-reflection with empathy, of making room for our own feelings and those of the people around us. It’s all about connecting, growing, and creating more ‘aha’ moments in our relationships—with a little bit of humor, honesty, and a lot of heart along the way!
When I was growing up, the question, ‘How do you feel?’ had a whole different vibe. It was usually about the basics—are you hot, cold, tired, or maybe just a little hungry? When it came to health, the answer was usually straightforward: sick or not. If you were really under the weather, maybe you’d get a day at home or a trip to the nurse’s office. Simple. But today, that question has become a lot more nuanced. Now, asking ‘How do you feel?’ can open up a world of responses, as unique and layered as each person who answers it.
Don’t get me wrong, a focus on exploring more about feelings has helped normalize mental health discussions, reduced stigma, and empowered people to speak openly about their struggles. It has illuminated the need for self-awareness, stress management, and setting boundaries. However, focusing too much on personal feelings can sometimes limit our ability to connect empathetically with others. It can even contribute to misunderstandings in relationships if one person is more focused on expressing their own feelings versus listening to understand someone else’s emotional struggles.
Ever heard of emotional myopia – when we see only our own emotional perspective and may inadvertently neglect the feelings of others?
Martha Beck starts this discussion with Seeing Your Emotional Blind Spots found on her blog
Recognizing when someone is playing on our emotions to push their own agenda can be tricky, but there are a few red flags that can help us stay aware:
- Intense Emotional Appeal
- If someone is leaning heavily into emotions—guilt, pity, anger, or fear—without much substance or reason behind it, it’s a sign they might be trying to sway you emotionally rather than engaging in a balanced conversation. Notice if they’re frequently amplifying emotional language or using words designed to make you feel extreme sympathy or urgency.
- Lack of Listening and Empathy
- People pushing an agenda will often avoid giving space to your feelings, opinions, or questions. If they dominate the conversation, rarely let you speak, or dismiss your perspective when you do, it’s a red flag. Genuine conversations include active listening; if it feels one-sided, trust that instinct.
- Deflection and Manipulation of Responsibility
- When you try to express your own emotions or viewpoints, do they quickly shift the topic back to their own concerns or play down your feelings? Manipulators often turn things around to make you feel responsible for their emotions, a tactic to keep the focus on themselves and their goals.
- Inconsistent Narratives or Exaggerations
- Listen for inconsistencies or exaggerated claims that don’t add up. Manipulators may bend the truth or overemphasize details to paint themselves in a certain light or to steer you toward a specific reaction. If something seems “off” or overly dramatic, trust your gut.
- Pressure to Make Quick Decisions
- People pushing an agenda often create a sense of urgency, pressuring you to act or decide quickly. They know that when we’re rushed, we’re less likely to question or analyze their motives. Pausing and asking for time to think it over is often the best way to get clarity.
- Using Past Events as Emotional Leverage
- Manipulators might bring up past events or your own vulnerabilities to make you feel indebted to them or guilty. They might even use their past generosity or sacrifices as leverage, nudging you to go along with their wishes. This type of guilt-tripping is a clear sign they’re trying to steer your emotions to benefit their narrative.
- Trust Your Gut
- Sometimes, the simplest way to recognize manipulation is by trusting your own feelings. If you feel drained, confused, or somehow “off” after talking with them, this might be your intuition signaling that their intentions aren’t fully in your best interest.
By keeping an eye out for these signs, you can protect your emotional space and engage with people on your own terms, setting boundaries and staying true to your values.
CHALLENGE: Look beyond your own feelings and consider the bigger picture—what are others experiencing, and how can you make space for that? By balancing self-reflection with empathy, you can create deeper, more meaningful connections that benefit everyone involved.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Oct 29, 2024
Tuesday Oct 29, 2024
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we are exploring the shocking truth about how the media’s shock and awes keep us on high alert but in actuality, weaken our instincts. Have you ever heard of the tale of Henny Penny? It’s a classic Scandinavian folktale where a little chick named Henny Penny gets hit on the head by a falling acorn and panics, believing that the sky itself is falling. Determined to warn the king, Henny Penny sets off on a journey, gathering other animals along the way who are also swept up in the hysteria. However, they eventually meet a clever fox who pretends to join their mission but instead lures them to its den—where it ends up eating them all. And that’s the abrupt, cautionary end of their story! OUCH.
Ever feel like you’re bombarded with so much shocking news that it’s hard to know what’s an actual emergency? Kind of like poor Henny Penny, who thought the sky was falling over a little acorn! In this episode, we’re diving into what happens when the media’s constant “shock and awe” leaves us in a state of constant worry, always braced for disaster. We’ll explore how this can wear us down and dull our true instincts, and most importantly, we’ll uncover ways to take back our peace, sharpen our intuition, and add a little calm to our daily lives. Let’s get grounded and learn to spot the real acorns from the falling skies—no foxes allowed!
I could have started by pandering today’s headlines but to be honest, I didn’t want to throw any more fuel on the inferno. I also know it’s easy to look to a “simpler” past by saying, “Back in my day we had three channels….and you had to get up to turn them.” But that kind of angle isn’t going to grab the youth of today. So let’s just consult the hard-core facts. I wanted to look at a thirty-year span so we could see how our consumption in America has changed over the past three decades.
When we get used to constant alarming headlines and alerts, it can really mess with our ability to spot real danger when it actually matters. Here’s how:
- Slower Response in Emergencies:
- When we’re bombarded with “urgent” information all the time, we start tuning it out—even if it’s important. It’s like hearing a fire alarm but thinking, “Eh, probably another drill.” This can lead us to hesitate or ignore real emergencies, which can be risky in critical situations.
- Difficulty Telling Real Risks from Fake Ones:
- After a while, it becomes hard to figure out what’s an actual threat and what’s just noise. We might freak out over something minor but brush off something serious, which is not exactly ideal if we want to keep ourselves safe.
- Health Burnout:
- Constant alerts and stress keep us in a high-stress state, which isn’t good for anyone. When we’re always on edge, our bodies start to wear down—anxiety, high blood pressure, poor sleep, you name it. Eventually, we get so used to that stress that we become numb, and when something real happens, our bodies may not respond with the urgency we actually need.
- Community Safety Slips:
- Desensitization can even affect a whole community. If everyone starts to shrug off warnings, we can end up ignoring things like severe weather alerts or health warnings. This makes it easier for emergencies to do real damage because no one takes the steps they should to stay safe.
- Weaker Instincts and Slower Decision-Making:
- Constant worry over everything can mess with our survival instincts. When we’re overloaded, it becomes harder to think clearly and react quickly. We can lose that sharp sense of what’s actually dangerous and what’s not, which messes with our natural ability to make quick, smart choices.
- More Apathy and Helplessness:
- Ever feel like there’s just too much going on to make a difference? The more we’re bombarded by negativity, the more likely we are to feel helpless. And when that sets in, we’re less likely to step up when it actually counts or get involved in efforts that could make a positive change.
- Normalizing Risky Behavior:
- Over time, constant exposure to stories about danger or violence can make risky behavior seem normal. We might find ourselves being a bit too casual with things like safety precautions or risky habits because they don’t seem like a big deal anymore.
This desensitization isn’t just about personal safety—it affects whole communities. Breaking out of it means setting some boundaries on our media intake, staying connected to the present, and making a conscious effort to focus on what we can control. That way, we’re not only ready for real emergencies but also a lot less stressed out in general.
CHALLENGE: Break free from the echo chamber—take a step back, question your sources, and seek out new perspectives that might surprise you. By doing this, you’re empowering yourself to see the world in a fuller, richer way, staying curious, informed, and open-minded!
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Wednesday Oct 23, 2024
Leadership is Not Just a Title; It’s an Attitude
Wednesday Oct 23, 2024
Wednesday Oct 23, 2024
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we are embracing leadership as an attitude and not just as a title. Maybe you’re a CEO, VP, or Director and maybe you don’t hold a title at all. Either way, you are a leader. You don’t need a corner office or fancy title to lead; all you need is a little courage and a lot of self-belief. It’s all about finding your voice and stepping into your power, whether you’re running a team, working behind the scenes, or just navigating your everyday life. Leadership isn’t about calling the shots—it’s about taking charge of your journey, lifting others up, and being the CEO of your own story.
We’ll explore how you can lead from where you are and talk about how being the “entrepreneur” of your life means setting your own course. It’s time to ditch the idea that leadership is only for a select few—if you’ve got passion, purpose, and a willingness to grow, then congratulations, my friend—you’re already a leader!
For some people, taking charge comes easily. For me, it was inherent. I can remember times when I stepped up and took charge, times when I was asked, and times when it was assumed. I also remember times when it didn’t always go as planned. There are instances where I find comfort in mentoring and encouraging but not leading and other times where I purposely, take a back seat. What about you? Where are you most comfortable and where would you like to grow? Being a leader is about mindset, whether in a workplace, a community, or your personal life. Everyone has the potential to lead by finding their voice and taking control of their journey.
Simon Sinek gives some valuable insight on What Makes a Leader Great? Found on his YouTube channel
Embracing an entrepreneurial spirit is all about thinking like a visionary, taking initiative, and having the courage to pursue new opportunities. Here are some ways to cultivate that mindset in your own life:
- Adopt a Growth Mindset
- Entrepreneurs are always learning. Instead of fearing failure, see it as a chance to grow. Every challenge or mistake is an opportunity to improve, and this mindset opens doors to new possibilities.
- Take Initiative
- Stop waiting for permission or perfect timing. Whether it’s in your job, personal life, or side projects, be proactive. Look for opportunities to lead, solve problems, or create something new. The entrepreneurial spirit thrives on taking action.
- Set Big Goals and Break Them Down
- Entrepreneurs dream big, but they know that success doesn’t happen overnight. Set ambitious goals, but break them into smaller, manageable steps. This keeps you focused and motivated while building momentum.
- Be Comfortable with Risk
- To think like an entrepreneur, you’ve got to get comfortable with uncertainty. Not every idea will succeed, and that’s okay. Take calculated risks, and view them as a necessary part of innovation and growth.
- Get Creative with Problem-Solving
- Entrepreneurs don’t just accept problems—they find creative solutions. Train yourself to think outside the box. When something doesn’t go according to plan, instead of throwing in the towel, ask yourself, “What’s another way to approach this?”
- Embrace Failure as a Learning Experience
- Entrepreneurs see failure as feedback. Don’t let setbacks stop you—learn from them. Whether it’s a botched presentation or a business idea that didn’t take off, each “failure” is a stepping stone toward success.
- Network and Collaborate
- Entrepreneurs know the power of connection. Surround yourself with people who inspire you, challenge you, and push you to be better. Collaboration sparks new ideas and can lead to exciting opportunities.
- Stay Flexible and Adaptable
- The entrepreneurial spirit thrives on flexibility. Be willing to pivot when things change or new opportunities arise. If plan A doesn’t work, entrepreneurs are already thinking of plan B (and C, and D).
- Cultivate Passion and Purpose
- Entrepreneurship isn’t just about making money—it’s about passion. Find what excites you and pursue it with enthusiasm. Having a sense of purpose fuels persistence and keeps you going even when the road gets tough.
- Celebrate Small Wins
- Entrepreneurship is a journey, and it’s important to celebrate the milestones along the way. Recognize your progress, no matter how small, because it keeps you motivated and energized for the bigger goals ahead.
CHALLENGE: It’s time to step up and take charge—be the leader of your own life by finding your voice, embracing risks, and turning challenges into opportunities. Remember, leadership is an attitude, not a title, and you have the power to create the path you want!
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Oct 15, 2024
Beyond Offense: The Power of Perspective
Tuesday Oct 15, 2024
Tuesday Oct 15, 2024
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we are making the effort to get beyond the offense as we seek the power of perspective. Are you quick to react and to respond, in hindsight, before you have all the information or fully understand the intent of the question or comment? This might be a hard question to answer most of this behavior is automatic and without prior thought. Reactive behavior often refers to an immediate response to feelings about an uncontrollable situation, a problem, or other issue. Being easily offended can often shut down meaningful dialogue and block personal growth. We’ve all been there, whether it’s an offhanded comment or even something that feels more intentional and targeted. Think back to an instance you’ve faced. Did you react in a way that kept the dialogue going, asking good questions to understand the comment or question fully? Or, did you respond quickly, maybe even aggressively, shutting it down and removing yourself from the equation? Either way, let’s broaden our thinking as we focus on how reactionary offense often overlooks the context, intent, or deeper meaning behind someone’s words or actions. Instead of retreating into defensiveness, we’ll approach differing views with curiosity and openness, maintaining confidence in our own beliefs while seeking to understand the other side.
Whether you’re discussing religion, politics, or any number of social issues, today feels like we have adopted an us versus them mindset. We’ve heard terms like, you either stand for something or you stand for nothing, or you’re either with us or against us. This tension is perpetuated by the media leading the listener to choose sides of this camp vs that camp. Each camp remains in a bubble of its own ideas, searching for members that agree, and content that aligns. Once your line has been drawn then any opinion that differs is quickly discounted or worse, labeled as conspiracy. Ouch. With this system, how can you possibly learn and grow?
So let’s dig into some of these ideas and find strategies to avoid feeling personally attacked and instead focus on understanding where the other person is coming from. To understand why it’s important to leave room for others to express themselves imperfectly, and how patience can lead to deeper understanding. To find common ground and how you can transform conversations from an “us vs. them” mindset into opportunities for connection and growth. And to explore how having confidence in your own beliefs, while staying open to new perspectives, can lead to personal and relational evolution. We better get started!
Transforming conversations from an “us vs. them” mindset into opportunities for connection and growth requires deliberate strategies that foster mutual understanding and respect. Here are some effective strategies for finding common ground:
- Shift from Debate to Dialogue
- Focus on conversation, not competition: Instead of trying to “win” or prove your point, approach the discussion as an exchange of ideas where both parties can learn something new. This mindset change encourages openness.
- Ask more questions: Engage with genuine curiosity. By asking, “Can you explain more about how you see this?” you demonstrate a willingness to understand, not just argue.
- Identify Shared Values or Goals
- Highlight common interests: Look for areas where both parties agree, even if you differ on how to achieve them. For example, if discussing a divisive issue like policy, you might say, “It sounds like we both care about improving our community, even if we see different paths to get there.”
- Focus on universal values: Appeal to values that resonate with everyone, such as fairness, respect, or safety. These can act as touchpoints to ground the conversation in shared human concerns.
- Acknowledge Valid Points on Both Sides
- Validate where appropriate: Acknowledging that the other person’s perspective has merit can diffuse tension and promote connection. For instance, “I can see why you’d feel that way because…” This shows respect for their viewpoint and encourages reciprocity.
- Recognize complexity: Instead of viewing issues as black-and-white, admit that most topics have nuances. Phrases like, “This is a complex issue, and I see how different experiences could lead to different perspectives,” can open the door to finding middle ground.
- Practice Active Listening
- Listen to understand, not to respond: Make sure the other person feels heard by fully focusing on what they’re saying instead of planning your rebuttal. You could restate their points to confirm understanding, like, “So what I’m hearing is…”
- Pause before responding: Give yourself a moment to process what’s been said before reacting. This helps prevent defensive replies and keeps the conversation thoughtful.
- Humanize the Other Side
- Personal stories over abstract arguments: Ask the other person to share personal experiences that shaped their beliefs. Stories make abstract issues feel real and relatable, fostering empathy. Sharing your own experiences can also make your stance more approachable.
- Find out more about their background: By asking, “What experiences have led you to that belief?” you create an environment where personal stories reveal why they think the way they do. This helps you understand their perspective on a deeper level.
- Reframe the Conflict as a Problem to Solve Together
- Collaborate, don’t compete: Position the conversation as a joint effort to find solutions. Instead of arguing for individual positions, ask, “What do you think would be a good way to move forward that addresses both of our concerns?”
- Use inclusive language: Say “we” and “us” instead of “you” and “them” to remind the other person that you’re both part of the same larger community or working toward a similar goal.
- Challenge Assumptions, Not Identities
- Focus on ideas, not people: When disagreements arise, critique the ideas or behavior, not the person. Avoid phrases that target identity or values, such as “You’re wrong” or “You always think like that,” and instead say, “This particular idea doesn’t resonate with me because…”
- Avoid stereotyping: Refrain from making assumptions about the other person’s entire belief system based on one viewpoint. Ask clarifying questions to understand the specific nuance behind their opinion.
- Create a Safe Space for Vulnerability
- Set a respectful tone: Set ground rules for the conversation, ensuring that both parties feel safe to express their views without fear of ridicule. “I want this to be a space where we can explore ideas respectfully. Let’s try to focus on understanding each other.”
- Admit when you’re wrong: If you realize you’ve made a mistake or misunderstood something, admit it openly. This encourages the other person to do the same, making it easier to reach common ground.
- Look Beyond the Surface Conflict
- Ask “why” to get to deeper concerns: Instead of fixating on surface-level disagreements, probe deeper. Ask, “Why does this matter so much to you?” Often, the underlying concern is something more universal, like security, belonging, or fairness, which can help bridge gaps.
- Avoid binary thinking: When discussing divisive issues, don’t frame the conversation as one person being right and the other wrong. Acknowledge that multiple perspectives can coexist and that it’s possible to hold differing views without being enemies.
- End on a Positive Note
- Agree to disagree, respectfully: If the conversation doesn’t result in full agreement, that’s okay. It’s important to acknowledge and respect differences while maintaining civility. Ending with, “I appreciate hearing your thoughts, and even though we don’t fully agree, I value this conversation,” preserves the relationship.
- Summarize what you agree on: Before wrapping up, highlight any common points you’ve found. “So we both agree that [shared value], even if we see it differently, that’s a great starting point.”
Bonus Tip: Approach With Humility
- Be willing to learn: Embrace the mindset that every conversation is an opportunity for growth, not a battlefield. Accept that your understanding could evolve through dialogue and be open to revising your views when presented with compelling information or new perspectives.
CHALLENGE: move beyond offense and embrace conversations as opportunities for growth. By listening with curiosity and seeking common ground, you can transform conflict into connection and open the door to deeper understanding.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Friday Oct 11, 2024
Happiness: Creating Mine, Respecting Yours, Developing Ours
Friday Oct 11, 2024
Friday Oct 11, 2024
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we are exploring how to create happiness within ourselves, how to respect others’ happiness without trying to control it (because let’s face it, that never works), and how to build a collective happiness that lifts us all up. If someone asked you, “Are you happy?”, what would your answer be? Does it depend on the time of day, what’s happening in the world, or another person? It’s ok to take a multi-pronged approach to answering that question because happiness is something we create within ourselves, respect others, and develop collectively. Because let’s be real: happiness is a tricky thing to pin down, isn’t it? We all want it, but sometimes we’re so busy trying to make everyone else happy that we forget to take care of our own. So whether you’re a self-proclaimed people-pleaser, someone who’s learning to set healthy boundaries, or just figuring out what makes you smile, I’ll find something for you. Let’s get real about what happiness is, what it isn’t, and how we can all be a little happier together. Deal?
I started this study with some definitions that felt more like peeling an onion. Define happiness: the state of being happy. Ok, I should have seen that one coming. Define happy: feeling or showing pleasure or contentment. Pleasure and contentment seem like two different things so let's find out. Define pleasure: (disclaimer here….the definition of this one definitely differs by who you ask so proceed with caution) a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment. Hmmm we may need to come back to those but I think I am seeing a common thread because satisfaction and contentment might be the same as pleasure and enjoyment. Define contentment: a state of happiness and satisfaction. And we’re on a loop. Looks like we need to jump off and take it from here.
If I answered the aforementioned question “Are you happy?” I could honestly answer yes! I am happy. Of course, I have days of dissatisfaction and discontent but overall, I’m extremely happy. Throughout my life, my happiness has been tangled in a messy pile of yours, mine, and ours. I believed my happiness was directly tied to or a result of someone else’s happiness. Like we all have to get there together or not at all, that weakened my happiness but never depleted it. Once I was able to work through the tangle and untie the knots, I had a clear path to my own happiness. I’ve said it before but it bears repeating: your day starts and ends with you. YOUR day starts and ends with YOU. You have the power to find happiness and let joy explode or….well fill in the blank here. Anything that is the opposite of happiness and joy needs to be a temporary state that you are currently working your way out of.
So let’s get started!
Jennifer Williams from Heartmanity helps Create a Healthy and Happy Life with Effective Boundaries
Here are some practical ways to check in with yourself to make sure you’re focusing on your own happiness and not overly tied to someone else’s:
- Ask Yourself, “How Am I Feeling Today?”
Why it works: Start by tuning into your own emotions regularly. It’s easy to get swept up in how others feel, but this question grounds you in your own experience. Make it a habit to check in with your emotions at different times of the day.
What to notice: Are you feeling anxious or down, but don’t know why? This could be a sign you’re too focused on someone else’s mood or well-being.
- Check if You’re Overthinking Someone Else’s Problems
Why it works: It’s natural to care about others, but if you find yourself constantly thinking about how to fix or solve their issues, it might be a red flag that you’re neglecting your own.
What to ask yourself: “Is this my responsibility?” or “Have I taken on more than I should?” This helps you draw healthy boundaries between what’s yours to carry and what’s not.
- Assess Your Day-to-Day Choices
Why it works: Look at your daily decisions—what you eat, how you spend your time, and what you prioritize. Are you making choices based on what truly makes you happy, or are you trying to please or accommodate someone else?
What to ask yourself: “Am I doing this because I want to, or because I think it will make someone else happy?” If it’s always the latter, it’s time to reevaluate.
- Reflect on Your Motivations
Why it works: Before you take action, pause and ask yourself why you’re doing it. This practice helps you distinguish between acting out of genuine desire versus trying to keep someone else happy.
What to ask yourself: “Am I doing this because it aligns with my values and happiness, or because I’m afraid of disappointing someone?”
- Set Small, Personal Goals
Why it works: Focusing on small, personal goals that bring you joy will help you stay centered on your own happiness. These goals don’t need to be big—they can be as simple as setting aside time for a hobby or practicing self-care.
What to notice: If your goals are always centered on someone else’s well-being or approval, it’s a sign you need to focus more on yourself.
- Create Boundaries Around “Emotional Giving”
Why it works: If you’re constantly giving emotional support but feeling drained, it’s a signal that you may be overextending yourself. Setting boundaries helps prevent emotional burnout.
What to ask yourself: “Am I emotionally giving to the point where it’s depleting me?” and “How can I offer support without sacrificing my own happiness?”
- Observe Your Reactions to Others’ Moods
Why it works: Notice how much your mood is influenced by others. If someone else’s bad day instantly brings you down, you may be tying your emotions too closely to theirs.
What to ask yourself: “Is my mood changing because of something going on with me, or am I picking up on someone else’s feelings?” This helps you create emotional distance and recognize that their mood doesn’t need to dictate yours.
- Track When You Say “Yes”
Why it works: If you’re always saying “yes” to requests without considering your own needs, it’s a sign that you’re prioritizing someone else’s happiness over your own.
What to ask yourself: “Am I saying yes because I genuinely want to, or am I afraid of letting someone down?” Learning to say no helps you honor your own boundaries and happiness.
- Spend Time Alone to Recharge
Why it works: Time alone allows you to reconnect with your own needs and desires. It helps you break free from the constant influence of others and check in with what really makes you happy.
What to do: Engage in solo activities you enjoy—reading, going for a walk, or meditating. Ask yourself during this time, “What do I need right now?”
- Examine How You Handle Disagreement
Why it works: If you avoid conflict or disagreement because you don’t want to upset someone, it might be a sign you’re putting their happiness before your own.
What to ask yourself: “Am I being true to myself, or am I just trying to keep the peace?” Standing up for your own needs, even when it’s uncomfortable, is key to maintaining your happiness.
- Notice When You Feel Guilt
Why it works: Guilt can be a sign that you’re too focused on someone else’s happiness. If you feel guilty for choosing your own joy or saying no to someone, it’s time to reflect.
What to ask yourself: “Why do I feel guilty? Am I doing something wrong, or am I just putting myself first for a change?”
- Celebrate Your Own Wins
Why it works: Take time to celebrate your personal achievements and milestones, no matter how small. This reminds you that your happiness doesn’t have to be tied to anyone else’s.
What to do: At the end of each day or week, list out things you did for yourself—anything from completing a task to taking a moment of self-care. Recognize that you deserve happiness and fulfillment independent of others.
CHALLENGE: Reclaim your happiness and make it your own! Challenge yourself to focus on what truly brings you joy, while letting go of the need to control or depend on someone else’s happiness—because when you’re thriving, you inspire others to do the same.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Oct 01, 2024
The ROI of Unconditional Giving: Love Without ‘Ifs
Tuesday Oct 01, 2024
Tuesday Oct 01, 2024
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we are exploring a love without ‘ifs as we calculate the ROI of unconditional giving. Have you ever delivered or been delivered an ultimatum when it comes to love? “I will love you IF….”? How did that make you feel? Well welcome to a conversation that flips the script on giving! Let’s dive into why giving to get will leave your ROI completely upside down. We’ll be exploring the power of unconditional giving—no strings attached, no hidden agendas. It’s all about the deep, soul-level rewards that come when we stop expecting anything in return. After all, love doesn’t come with “ifs” or conditions. So, let’s break down why the best payoffs come when you’re not even looking for one—and why giving with no expectations just might be the ultimate life hack!
As someone who had to learn the hard way that caring and controlling aren’t the same thing, this concept didn’t come naturally to me. When you struggle with people-pleasing, loving with conditions can feel like second nature. Even when you think you’re giving love without expecting anything in return, it doesn’t take long before you realize that, deep down, you’re still craving validation. It’s a sneaky little expectation that can undermine the whole point of unconditional love.
Don’t worry, it may feel a bit like splitting hairs but when the revelation of the difference hits your “over the rim” thinking, a new perspective will open up an exciting new path with soul-nurturing payoffs!
A people pleaser can easily mistake care for controlling behavior because, on the surface, both can seem driven by kindness or concern for others. However, the difference lies in the motivation and expectations behind the actions.
When you’re genuinely caring, you offer support, love, or help without expecting anything in return. You’re tuned in to the needs of others and respect their autonomy. On the other hand, when care becomes controlling, it’s often about managing outcomes—trying to influence someone’s behavior or decisions to get validation, maintain approval, or reduce anxiety.
For a people pleaser, this fine line is crossed when the focus shifts from simply caring for someone to subtly manipulating situations in order to keep peace, avoid conflict, or secure affection. It’s when you’re doing things to make yourself feel better rather than genuinely considering what’s best for the other person.
The key difference is intention: caring allows for freedom, while controlling is about managing outcomes for your own comfort. Recognizing when your help is tied to your own emotional needs or expectations can help you avoid crossing that line.
To test yourself and keep your behavior in check when navigating the line between caring and controlling, try these strategies:
- Ask “Why am I doing this?”
Before you take action, pause and check your motives. Are you offering help because the other person truly needs it, or are you seeking validation or approval? If your reason is more about easing your own discomfort, it may be a sign of control.
- Let go of the outcome
Caring means allowing the other person to choose how they respond, even if the outcome isn’t what you want. If you feel anxious about not getting the “right” response, it’s time to step back and reassess whether you’re trying to control the situation.
- Give people space to fail
Real care respects others’ autonomy and their right to make mistakes. If you feel compelled to step in to “fix” everything, you might be more focused on controlling than supporting. Let them handle it, even if it means learning from failures.
- Practice active listening
When you’re in people-pleasing mode, you might jump to offer solutions without really hearing what the other person needs. Slow down, listen fully, and ask if they actually want your help before offering it.
- Set boundaries—for yourself
Boundaries aren’t just for others; you need them too! Notice when you’re over-extending yourself to meet someone else’s needs, and check if you’re doing so out of a genuine desire or a need to feel validated.
- Check for resentment
If you find yourself feeling resentful or disappointed when your efforts aren’t acknowledged or appreciated, it’s a red flag. True care is given freely, without strings. If resentment creeps in, it’s a sign you may be attaching conditions to your giving.
- Reflect on past patterns
Take time to reflect on situations where you’ve felt drained or frustrated in your efforts to help. Did you expect something in return, even if it was just gratitude or validation? Recognizing these patterns can help you stay aware in the future.
By regularly using these self-checks, you’ll be able to identify when you’re slipping into controlling behavior and steer back toward healthy, unconditional care.
Jason Merchey shares Altruism in Action: Helping Others is a Virtue found at Values of the Wise
CHALLENGE: Give love and care without expecting anything in return—start with small acts and watch how they transform not only the people around you, but also your own sense of fulfillment. Let go of control, embrace genuine compassion, and see how unconditional giving becomes the ultimate reward!
I Know YOU Can Do It!