Encouragementology
Choose Wisely, Your Words Matter

Choose Wisely, Your Words Matter

September 20, 2022

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are flipping on our internal filters and giving ourselves ample time and space to consider our words and consider them wisely because our words matter! You’ve heard it before, there is life and death in your words. Research shows the average person speaks at least 7,000 words a day, with many speaking much more than that. The words you speak are your imprint on the world and dictate how people perceive you – and largely define you. What are you saying? How many of those 7,000 words you spoke were encouraging?  How many included gossip or judgment? How many were the same words you spoke yesterday?  How many involved a smile and how many were said through tears? 

Your words matter. The words you say to yourself, out of your mouth, or in your head. The words you use to describe yourself to the people who love you and the ones you’ve just met. The words you use to fill a gap in your day or the ones you go out of your way to say. The words that shine a light on the good and the ones that reinforce the bad. 

When is the last time you thought about your words? When is the last time you questioned, contradicted, or fought back against the words you heard when you were growing up that define you today? When is the last time you searched for new words to replace the old ones?

At the Proctor Gallagher Institute if found a story from Sandy Gallagher to put things in perspective.

At Health Direct I found some important information about Self Talk.

Susana Smith shares How to Describe Yourself: 180 Words for Your Positive Qualities found at owlcation.com

Robin Sharma is a Canadian writer, best known for his The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari book series. Sharma worked as a litigation lawyer until age 25, when he self-published MegaLiving, a book on stress management and spirituality. Let’s listen to his take on Why Your Words Matter.

Over at carolcooke.com I found 5 Reasons for Pushing Beyond Your Limits.

CHALLENGE: Take the time to consider your words, where are your 7,000 going? When you notice a negative turn either internally, in a mixed company, or directed toward someone else, remember that only you can course correct and get back on track. 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

People Pleasing, Understanding the Characteristics of Codependency

People Pleasing, Understanding the Characteristics of Codependency

September 13, 2022

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are armed with a hoe and spade in hand as we attempt to pluck out our deeply rooted compulsive behavior of people pleasing. Now, before you question how bad could “pleasing” someone really be? I will just say stop, listen, and hold on to your hat! This episode is meant to be eye-opening to help you notice these characteristics in yourself and in others as a way to bring awareness and the opportunity for change. 

I for one held out on addressing these issues longer than I should. Frankly, I was in denial. A notable characteristic in itself. I’m “helping people” hello, doesn’t anyone but me recognize this? For some reason, I just had the capacity to be able to take on more and solve everyone else’s problems while solving my own. Sounds reasonable right? Well if you just said yes then you are in as bad of shape as I was so stay tuned. 

I didn’t know what people were referring to when they would say things like, take care of yourself first before you can take care of others. If I would have taken the time to do that, then they would have been in even more of a mess than they were to start with. Geez - looking back now I can see how ridiculous that line of thinking was but then, under that influence, without the awareness, it sounded perfectly normal.  Thank you to CODA - Codependence Anonymous for opening my eyes.

Dr. Shawna Freshwater helps us understand what we’re dealing with in Codependency Traits: What, How, When are the Traits Formed? Found at spacioustherapy.com

Dr. Bruce Y. Lee gives us some strategies on How to Deal with People-Pleasers Who Go Too Far found at psychologytoday.com

Jon Jaehnig teaches us How To Change Your Thoughts And Behavior Patterns For the Better at betterhelp.com

JACK CANFIELD | The Law Of Attraction CHEAT CODE!

CHALLENGE: take an honest look at yourself and be willing to address your characteristics that aren’t serving you in a loving and positive way. You have the power to change your thinking and your behavior.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Look Within for Your Power and Peace

Look Within for Your Power and Peace

September 6, 2022

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are pressing pause on our heat-seeking mission and adopting a new approach - what we seek lies within. Who knew? The books we’ve read, the miles we’ve traveled, the mantras we’ve memorized, and all this time it was closer than our backyard. Our power and peace are actually within us and they’ve been here the whole time! No sense blaming the snake that could’ve bit you. Be thankful that you are learning it now with plenty of time to activate them and use them going forward. So many times we are in search of someone to save us, entertain us, inspire us, motivate us, push us, or pull us. We can’t seem to get going because we haven't met the right person, read the right book, or heard the right podcast. So we wait, grumble, whine, ruminate, and even get angry. All the while the spigot within us remains untapped. Who couldn’t use a little more power and peace? Wait…I said who couldn’t, put those hands down. 

Oh boy, if you’re looking for power all you have to do is Google it. Seriously, power, finding your power, being powerful, activating your power, and tapping into your power are all the craze these days. Why do you think that is? I’m assuming it’s because a lot of people are feeling pretty powerless these days and are grasping at anything and everything to feel even the least bit empowered. 

So it’s within us? We’ve had this power all along? You mean I can stop what I’m doing and tap into my power at any moment? Yep. Let’s learn a little more and don’t forget peace. At the end of the day, it’s the only thing that carries us through until tomorrow. Peace and of course Hope. 

Over at the International Association of Reiki Professionals, I found, Finding Your Power – Laying the Seeds for an Unshakable Foundation

Chiara Gizzi shares 3 SIMPLE STEPS TO ACCESS THE POWER WITHIN YOU found at iamfearlessoul.com

Fearlessoul - Within Us

Ready for a Daily Power Practice? Carley Hauck gives us 10 Steps to Finding Inner Strength

Amber Murphy at declutterthemind.com helps us with 15 Ways to Achieve Inner Peace

CHALLENGE: Look within to tap into your power and your peace. Build in daily practice so that activating your gifts becomes second nature. Remember to intentionally share these gifts with those you meet to heighten the experience.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Uncovering aNeed and Taking Action

Uncovering aNeed and Taking Action

August 30, 2022

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are stepping up and taking notice of the needs around us and in ourselves. Feeling frustrated and small when it comes to the problems all around you? You are not alone. No matter how big the problem is or seems, you can make a powerful impact, today, right this second. All you have to do is notice and take action. You might be asking “what can I do?” that’s right but this time say it with conviction; “What CAN I do?” and then be willing to pitch in. Just like challenges can seem huge solutions can be small. Your efforts can help one person immensely or inspire more to help many. Either way, your actions have an impact. 

I used to have that same mindset. The world’s problems were for other people to figure out. People with more power and influence. I mean, I was still trying to get somewhere in my own life. Without everything figured out, how could I be of any help? As I started my career, sure I helped those around me with training, leadership, and a little motivation but I still couldn’t feel the impact of my efforts. 

Then I stumbled upon Encouragementology, ok God pushed me but still…it was a revelation beyond all others. People need encouragement. It helps with restoration and rejuvenation of the body and soul, and renewal of the spirit of others and even of those who encourage, according to recent research. Encouragement is vital to child maturation and adult optimal health. The healing benefits of encouragement outweigh criticism and can build self-confidence. And guess what? It’s free, easy to do, SO rewarding, and creates a ripple. When you change the outlook and trajectory of a person, the sky is the limit and there is no telling how high and how far they can go. 

We all have needs and encouragement is just one of them…

Over at happonomy.org, I found The Happonomy Human Needs Model

Ariela Paulsen shares 3 Ways to Recognize When Someone Needs Support

Found at Mighty Well

Optimal Lifestyle gives us a better idea of Active Listening. How to be a great listener. Found on their youtube channel

Lesley University inform us about The Psychology of Emotional and Cognitive Empathy found out lesley.edu

How We Can Create Positive “Ripple Effects” Throughout Our Day from Kid President

CHALLENGE: Take notice of those around you who may have quiet needs. You have the power to make a real difference with the actions you take. Listen to understand and take the time to share words of encouragement. It’s free and far-reaching!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Breaking the Conflict; Guilt and Forgiveness, Perfectionism and Self Acceptance

Breaking the Conflict; Guilt and Forgiveness, Perfectionism and Self Acceptance

August 23, 2022

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are aimed at interrupting the constant conflict between guilt and forgiveness, perfectionism and self-acceptance. Sometimes this conflict can feel like a Marvel comic with good versus evil and you aren’t sure which side you’re actually on. Have you ever questioned who’s carrying this bottomless guilt or who’s striving for these unreachable heights? You are. Great, now we’re face to face with our nemesis the only thing left is the battle to see who comes out on top. That does seem like the obvious blockbuster outcome but what about taking another route - letting go? Seeking forgiveness and self-acceptance. Breaking the conflict and choosing peace. Well, that may not make it to the box office but a meaningful self-help guide is worth far more. 

Let’s start by learning a little more about guilt from goodtherapy.com

Kendra Cherry guides us with Taking the Steps to Forgive Yourself found at verywellmind.com

Lilianna Hogan explains the difference between self-forgiveness and self-compassion in her article - How to Forgive Yourself found at the webmd.com

Dr. Ilene Strauss Cohen offers How to Let Go of the Need to Be Perfect found at psychologytoday.com

Shonna Waters, PhD believes The path to self-acceptance, is paved through daily practice found at betterup.com

CHALLENGE: Tap out the fight as you strive for a better vantage point. Take a look at the bigger picture. Your conflict is with yourself and forgiveness and self-acceptance are a gift waiting for you to accept.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Overcoming Your Time Management Woes

Overcoming Your Time Management Woes

August 16, 2022

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we will get up on the first alarm, check in with our personal goals before we dive into work, and evaluate our priorities all in the attempt to overcome our time management woes. Am I speaking to you? Are you chronically late, overwhelmed, and feeling guilty? When you hear things like; stay calm and carry on, better late than never, a day late a dollar short, does it hit home? Hey, we get it, it’s a busy world we all live in and you are just trying to make your day happen the best you know how. But you know, the buck does not stop there. You can always work toward freedom and find better practices to make your life easier. So get a piece of paper and start a list….one of the many you might want to make in the future to better use the time you are allotted. 

Ah time…the only thing we don’t have enough of. Well, I would save Love too but that’s another show. I remember when I was younger and I couldn’t wait to grow up, I couldn’t wait for High School, I should wait to drive, for the weekend, or to be considered an adult. Now, I wonder where all that time went. Today I’m trying to stretch time, shove as much as I can into a work day and make the weekend creep by. I’m trying to hold on to precious moments before they become a memory of the past.  Many say age is just a number and that’s true but it’s made up of 24 hours, 7 days a week, 30 days a month, 12 months in a year…..time in our rearview mirror. 

Making the most of time is essential. So let’s look at where we spend our time and tips to help us better manage our time,  not only for a more productive but a happier life. 

Blaz Kos starts us off with The 12 best time management quotes of all time explained found at spica.com

Laura Clarke sheds some light on Why some people are always running late found at bbc.com

Wanda Thibodeaux keeps us in this vein with 11 Unusual Reasons You're Habitually Late (and How to Master the Clock)

Over at zenlyorganized.com I found tips to Become a Time-Management Master with These 8 Time Laws

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPK0yeSFge4

Richard Koch on the 80 / 20 Principle

CHALLENGE: value saving time as much as spending it. Make room to find some balance when you schedule out your day. You deserve a meaningful time slot.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Revisited: Claiming Victory by Saving Yourself, Tapping Into Your Power

Revisited: Claiming Victory by Saving Yourself, Tapping Into Your Power

August 9, 2022

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are revisiting claiming victory by saving ourselves, tapping into the power we possess.  Someone one time...ok actually people ask me all the time, “are you always this happy?”. Or sometimes they phrase it as a statement, “You can NOT be this happy all the time!”  And they would be correct but “this happy” is relative. I realize that my mood is my choice and no one can make me feel anything I don’t want to feel. Guess what I want to feel? You got it, HAPPY. 

A follow-up question or statement I usually hear next is, “how do you let things roll off your back so easily?” Well the answer to that is, I don’t always. But again, I have to make a conscious effort to let go and move on. The primary reason I find that so doable is, that I don’t like to be in a bad mood. I don’t like the feelings of stress, anxiety, or sadness. I don’t like to be melancholy or irritated. Do you know what I do like? I like to problem solve and divert my attention to things that make me happy, feel creative, or that nourishes my soul. It’s a bonus when I can pick up all three feelings in the same activity. 

You have to want to succeed to feel successful. 

I also have to consistently check my power and control. These two words can have you soaring or keep you nailed down wondering why you can’t move. Not everything and everyone is under my control and I don’t have the power to change people or the past. If I use those statements as a guide and filter all struggles through them, I find letting go and moving on is really the only option. 

What is preventing you from feeling victorious? Remember, the journey of self-discovery is about education, exploration, and enlightenment. 

Let’s dig a little deeper into victimization and feeling victimized to understand how to achieve victory. 

Crystal Raypole walks us through this exercise in an article she wrote for Healthline.com: How to Identify and Deal with a Victim Mentality

https://www.whatsyourpower.com/ 

Why is it that We Put Ourselves Last & Why Self-Care Should Be a Priority - Hey Jo Ritche gives us her insight on this in an article she wrote for Tiny Buddha.

CHALLENGE: Don’t accept your circumstances without activating your power to choose; your mood, your resolve, and your outcome. Decide your desire for happiness is stronger than your need for control. Let go and move on. Claim victory and celebrate your journey!

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Avoiding the Shame Game and the Pressure to be Perfect

Avoiding the Shame Game and the Pressure to be Perfect

August 2, 2022

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we’re exposing those closed-door conversations we have with ourselves. Do you know the ones,  the not super uplifting ones?  The ones we tend to start our day with, setting the tone for what’s to come. Have you ever questioned why you’re harder on yourself than anyone else you know?  Why can’t you seem to forgive past failures or let yourself have a little slack? Well, me either so that’s why we’re here. Let’s dig into this topic a little to seek out the root. I fully believe that when you face your fears, and come head to head with what’s challenging you, you have a chance to change your thinking. You are in control even when you feel powerless. Shame is a dangerous game and the pressure to be perfect is the ultimate recipe for failure. 

This topic came to me when I flipped on the light first thing in the morning to prepare for the day and immediately started pummeling myself with ridicule. Whoa, what happened to finding gratitude? I don’t have accessories with encouraging words to remind me of happier thoughts,  primarily because Matt said he’s offended when inanimate objects try to tell him how to live. But maybe, I need to surround my mirror with remarks like HEY - before you hit the reject button, you have a beautiful spirit and are going places, lady!

Why do our minds go there so easily? I’m actually pretty confident in myself. If you’ve met me, you would most likely say, I’m outgoing, positive, and encouraging. As an Encouragementologist, those are pretty important traits to possess. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have a bad day or apparently, recurring bad mornings. I’m tired of holding myself to such an impossibly high standard. Why do I believe that’s necessary or even achievable? I love succeeding and hitting goals but if the goals are unattainable, what’s the point? 

You can load your house up with motivational quotes, keep a gratitude journal, and set an alarm for your daily mantras but when the door is closed, no one is around, and you are alone with your thoughts. What will you choose? 

Andrea Blundell gets us started with a question and some solutions: Always Being Hard on Yourself? 7 Ways to Halt the Habit

Susan Krauss Whitbourne Ph.D. informs us on 10 Ways People Are Too Hard on Themselves found at psychologytoday.com

KRISTIN CANNING helps us understand that Shame Is Detrimental To Mental And Physical Health, Experts Say, And Women Tend To Feel It More

Karen Beattie sets us up with 4 DESTRUCTIVE TRAITS OF PERFECTIONISM, FROM DR. BRENÉ BROWN found at the growthfalculty.com

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8Pp7QB6GrE

6 Types of People Who Do Not Deserve to Hear Your Shame Story 

CHALLENGE: Be ready to bow out of the shame game by ceasing your participation and reframing the negative narrative you’ve grown accustomed to

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Becoming More Self-Aware, Knowing Your Strengths and Weaknesses

Becoming More Self-Aware, Knowing Your Strengths and Weaknesses

July 26, 2022

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are committed to paying attention, not to just me but to our own minds, thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. It’s time to own it instead of being an innocent bystander. This is your life and you get to determine how well or how poorly, you participate. This could be fun! Have you ever wondered why you think the way you do or why you say what you say? Have you ever stopped to consider how that thinking and verbalization could impact others?  Everyone has to do their part, too. No one is disconnected. And everyone has to improve their skills, take care of their own health to the extent they can and contribute their time and talents to the community and country. ~Tim Ryan

If you buy into this idea then it’s more important than ever to be aware of yourself; your thoughts and your actions. 

There are so many thoughts and opinions flying around and if you want to stay true to yourself, you find yourself bobbing and weaving, ducking the loaded viewpoint bombs until you can get to a safe place and sit with your own ideas. I’m all about embracing other viewpoints and I would NEVER claim to know it all or even be well versed on most topics. But what I do know is that, geez, give me a minute! Let my brain catch up and check in on what I know and need to know. 

I remember when I had a pool. My first pool and probably my last. It was a disaster trying to keep that thing crystal clear. I went from pool place to pool place looking for the secret recipe only to get more frustrated and further from sparkling blue water. I decided to give it one more go before I bought lilypads and frogs to add to my swamp. At the last pool place, I planned on visiting, the young man who came to the counter couldn’t have been more than 18. I felt defeated but was committed to trying anything he said. SHAZAM - his recipe worked and we enjoyed the rest of the summer splashing about in clean or thoughtfully treated water.  I tell you this story because I remember being overwhelmed with all the ideas and advice and ready to through in the towel. It’s easy to do when everyone has their own ideas they are ready to share with fervor. 

Becoming more self-aware is critical for your journey to self-discovery. I’ve learned so much about myself and realize I’ve just dipped my toe in. Let’s learn from some experts and I’ll share some of my learning along the way and not just my tried and true pool shocking recipe!

Nicole Spector gets us started with What is self-awareness? And how can you cultivate it? Found at nbcnews.com

Nick Wignall helps us with 10 Simple Ways to Improve Your Self-Awareness found on his blog

Dr Ramya Ranganathan flips the script with Turning Wrongness into Strongness - The next frontier in Personal Effectiveness after Strength-Based Approach. Found at Linkedin.com

VIDEO - Start turning your DIFFERENCES into USP | Dr. Ramya Ranganathan

CHALLENGE: take some time to check in with yourself, and explore the quirks that make you, YOU. Leverage those very differences, as your unique strengths. 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Living Life with Meaning; Leaving a Legacy

Living Life with Meaning; Leaving a Legacy

July 19, 2022

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are looking to get intentional—no more flying by the seat of our pants waiting for our big break or hoping for more. We are recommitting to living a life with meaning so that we can dictate the type of legacy we leave and the impact we have on this world. Have you ever stepped back and looked at your role and the influence you’ve had? What do you think they would say if you could be a fly on the wall and visit the important and unimportant people in your life? What has been your impact? What will you be remembered for? When asked this question, most people start with “well I hope they say…”. Let’s secure that legacy by living a more meaningful life now. Let’s make a conscious effort to impact people in a positive way directly versus hoping they remember the good about you and forget the rest. You see, you have the power to effect change and it starts with you. 

Many people believe there are three types of people; the thinkers, the connectors, and the doers. Some people think there are “big idea” folks and then the others who carry those ideas out. And yes, it takes everyone to make the world go round but never count yourself short of any talent or skill. You can dramatically alter the life of one person at a time with your kindness and encouragement. This is how you start a positive ripple. Think about it, you influence someone in a positive way and then they turn and do the same in their network.

I break it down so digestible because I think we have a tendency to overcomplicate terms like “finding your purpose” or “live a life with meaning”. These are what “thinkers” figure out and then tell us how to get there right? Not entirely. You need to trust in yourself as you search for meaning. Your journey is personal and unique. 

Over at the Pursuit of Happiness, we learn about Viktor Frankl and Man’s Search for Meaning.

Jill Suttie and Jason Marsh ask and explore an important question; Is a Happy Life Different from a Meaningful One? Found at the Greater Good Magazine from Berkley 

Nina Amir  warns us to BE MINDFUL OF THE GAPS IN YOUR LIFE found on her blog

CHALLENGE: Fill the gaps in your life story. Be intentional about the influence you have and the mark you make. Remember, encouraging one person can have a profound effect on the world. 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

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