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Weekly topics covering life‘s challenges with a positive spin and a new perspective. It‘s time to connect, learn, and grow!
Episodes
Tuesday May 18, 2021
Tuesday May 18, 2021
SHOW NOTES:
On this show...we are looking for a deeper meaning, a better vantage point, and a new perspective. Are we making it all too complicated? On this hot pursuit for life’s meaning while rejecting meaningful moment after moment that could be our best teacher. Most of us have failed to retain a pearl of wisdom handed to use from time to time. Discounted the advice as quick as the old timer’s tale of a mile to school, uphill, in snow, both ways! But how many simple, yet impactful, life lessons are there? No way can we cover them all and I won’t even convince you in my relatively short lifespan that I have encountered them all - but with a little help, we will get a good start into understanding how they come about and how to recognize these golden nuggets of revelation.
My grandfather once told me, “if you don’t want to be late, leave a little early.” Now, I’m not sure when that took hold and became an important lesson or if from that moment it just took root but I have always been punctual. I’m also not sure if because of that lesson I take pride in my punctuality or if I just obsess over being late, either way, I’m always on time or early.
As of late, those sentiments and words of advice have hit me harder. I think it’s age and a chance to sit back and take stock of where you are and what you’ve learned. At a younger age I was head down, nose to the grindstone, and mowing over any and all truism. It’s that age of independence when you think you know it all and someone sharing their life experience was just that….them sharing.
If you haven’t come full circle to understanding your parents were actually right then brace yourself - it’s coming.
Sarah Stevenson gets us started with12 Things Your Parents Were Right About
In an article she wrote for healthfully.com ...Sarah gives a great insight into research and statistics that prove these sentiments.
- Don’t Put All of Your Eggs In One Basket
- Early To Bed Early To Rise
- Always Finish What You Started
- Eat Your Fruits and Vegetables
- Be Patient
- Be Thankful for What You Have
- Wash Your Hands Before You Eat
- Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
- Take a Nap (if You Can)
- A Stitch in Time Saves Nine
- Don’t Do the Crime If You Can’t Do the Time
- Respect Your Elders
My mother told me: Find someone to fit your life instead of morphing who you are to fit theirs. Now, I could have overlooked that advice and sloughed it off….oh wait I did do that and come to find out, she was right.
Becoming someone else to appease someone else, has only temporary benefits. You are who you are and so are they and eventually, it’s too difficult to keep up the facade. As a result, through trials and tribulations of course (the hazards of not paying attention the first time), I have learned to be honest with who I am, celebrate that, and be willing to share and be vulnerable. I don’t have to have everything figured out or even all together - I can be me, quirky, kooky, creative, passionate, encouraging….ME.
My father told me: Remember you always have one foot in poverty. His meaning was; don’t get comfortable with where you are because it can all come crashing down unexpectedly. That wasn’t to scare me but help me stay humble and focused. As a result, I’ve learned to live inside or just below my means while striving for more.
We share a collection of great quotes by famous and anonymous people. Here are just a couple…
There are things in life we don’t want to happen but have to accept; things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without, but have to let go. ~Author Unknown
One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon – instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today. ~Dale Carnegie
I used to carry a lot of shame and guilt for the choices I’ve made in my life. On the surface, you will always see a smile and for the most part, a positive attitude and an encouraging word but underneath, it was present. I was good at pushing it away, justifying portions of it, and convincing myself that I had grown but the reality was - I was ashamed to face my own failures.
It doesn’t happen in one day or one session of unpacking and taking responsibility. I think like grief, it’s always present to some degree but we can find ways to acknowledge it without being consumed.
I made some dumb choices. Now the t-shirt would read “but that doesn’t define me and I’m stronger for it” blah blah blah. It may be true, but that only helps the situation if you truly believe it. Today, I can say, I would not care so deeply or be so proactive in the work I do if I had not lived and overcome what I did.
Perspective is a powerful thing. It’s your understanding and how you relate to the information you have. We should always be striving for a better, different, or deeper understanding and new perspective.
Sometimes we can get lost in this world. Our ideas, passions, and even our voice can get overshadowed or drowned by what is happening around us, real or not. It feels like whoever has the loudest and most outrageous thing to say or type gets the attention and unless you're comfortable asserting yourself or going against the grain, you settle in for the ride. Becoming increasingly frustrated by this swell of helplessness.
That’s when it’s time to climb up (metaphorically) to a higher vantage point. This way instead of being in the mouse maze you can see it all with a new perspective.
Here are just a few…
- Don’t let people invalidate your emotions or hardships, but be sure to maintain a sense of perspective.
- Manage expectations. Manage expectations. Manage expectations.
- The grass is green enough where you are.
...and a lesson I’ve learned that has made a huge difference in my life. Encouragement is the key that can help others unlock potential. Motivation doesn’t happen until you have a goal and a goal can seem impossible until first you are encouraged.
CHALLENGE: visit Mt. Perspective as often as you need a better vantage point. Search your mental library for pearls of wisdom you might have overlooked or been unwilling to accept at the time. Mix those with life learnings of your own gathered through experience. Then SHARE with others as teachers and students will forever be entwined.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday May 11, 2021
Tuesday May 11, 2021
SHOW NOTES:
On this show...we aren’t accepting cheesy smiles, phony laughs, or the ever so popular response, “I’m fine”. Faking happy just takes too much work! Instead of faking it until you make it - let’s try and understand what “it” really is. And how do you know when you’ve arrived at “it” so you can wipe that silly look off your face? If being nice is easier than being nasty and smiling takes less effort than frowning, doesn’t it stand to reason that BEING happy is more rewarding than faking it? Ok, let’s go with that!
So we’ve all been guilty of faking it a time or two, right? You’re in an uncomfortable situation and need to create the illusion that you are having a good time or are totally relaxed. You might have some co-workers that grate on your last never yet it’s better to hide your distaste and soldier on. This too shall pass right?
Fake A Smile?
Fake an Affirmation?
Fake Being Outgoing?
Some people might be good at “faking it” so instead of reaching out, you might think, “Nah - they seem to have it all together” when in reality, they are struggling.
With social media being so widely used for communication and to chronicle our day-to-day - posting and saying only what we want people to perceive has become a trend. The best we have to offer or radically posting cryptic messages of distress. It’s so hard to uncover what is real and what is fake.
Telltale Sign #1: Giant Mood Swings Are a Normal Thing for You
Telltale Sign #2: You're Tired All the Time
Telltale Sign #3: You're Trying Too Hard to Show Others How Great Your Life Is
Telltale Sign #4: You're Totally Isolated from Others
Telltale Sign #5: You're Abusing Alcohol or Other Substances
I’m guessing you shouldn’t leave it up to chance and instead - just try and connect with everyone you encounter in some positive way. This could be from making eye contact with someone at the grocery to asking someone how their day is going to physically going out of your way to assist someone - anyone.
Reaching out with a kind sentiment even if someone is actually doing well is ok too - you don’t have to just look for people in need to help. Think about exercising this muscle by making connections, exuding positive energy, and encouraging everyone daily. People will remember the way you made them feel, crave to be around you, and be inspired to pass that feeling along.
Remember, we are no longer faking it but cultivating it.
Over at the helpguide.com we learn all about how Cultivate Happiness from Authors: Melinda Smith, M.A. and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D.
Just a sample:
Myth: Money will make you happy.
Fact: It’s stressful when you’re worried about money. In order to be happy, you do need enough of it to cover your basic needs: things like food, shelter, and clothing. But once you have enough money to be comfortable, getting more money isn’t going to make much of a difference in how happy you are. For example, studies of lottery winners show that after a relatively short period of time, they are no happier than they were before their win.
- Train your brain to be more positive
- Express gratitude
- Keep a gratitude journal
- Count your blessings
- Write a letter of gratitude
Nurture and enjoy your relationships
Make a conscious effort to stay connected
Invest in quality time with the people you care about
Offer sincere compliments
Seek out happy people
Take delight in the good fortune of others
Easy enough? Never as easy as it should be but part of the joy in self-discovery is learning what you are capable of. New ideas, strategies, and experiences are what shape us as we grow. Evolving is about embracing new and letting go of old and it’s continual. I hope you find joy in the journey.
CHALLENGE: before you plaster on the fake smile and buck up to endure the next uncomfortable situation, make a promise to yourself to squelch the sham and find ways to elicit true happiness and joy. Both of which deserve more than just a temporary appearance in your life but a cherished and ongoing role.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday May 04, 2021
Tuesday May 04, 2021
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…..we are talking about time, not wasting or squandering but investing and spending wisely. When it comes down to it, time is our most precious resource and the only thing we don’t have enough of. So who rushes the weekend, watches the clock, or looks for mind-numbing time-wasters? Ouch - let’s take another look at the effectiveness and these practices so we can explore more self-benefiting strategies. What if boredom or overextending yourself were not really the issues here but a need for balance? A healthy balance of wants, needs, and desires reimagined will bring value to time spent.
I heard this sentiment, “the only thing we don’t have enough of is time”, in an advertisement video for Viking Cruise lines. Isn’t it odd how some things just stick with you? The older gentleman is on a ship stirring what looks to be a big copper cauldron and the boat is rocking a bit and he has this soothing European accent. The words are so true, the meaning so deep, it’s haunting.
We can all relate to vast experiences with time at different phases in our lives. Of course, when you are younger it seems to drag on forever, “when will I get bigger and be able to make all my own decisions?” That seems like a world away. The 20’s felt like forever! When I think of all the things I did and accomplished in my 20’s it makes my head spin. Forty came too quick and now the days, weeks, months, and years steem to fly by. By the time you are ready for it to slow down...you slow down and you are back to watching time creep by.
We all need something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to. Where are you short? When we think about effectively investing and spending, balancing your deficit is a great place to start.
We cover some staggering statistics to back up this theory:
For example…
2.34 hours checking email (30% are neither urgent nor important.) (Carleton University)
35 minutes deciding what to eat (New York Post)
Here are just a few we cover…
Commuting: 9.4 days The average American commutes 52 minutes per day or 225 hours a year.
Working: 120 days The average employed American works 7.9 hours a day or 2,883 hours a year.
Cleaning house: 27.4 days The average American spends 1.8 hours a day or 657 hours a year doing household chores.
Eye-opening statistics can really put things in perspective. To be in the driver’s seat of your own life you have to be aware of what’s going on around you and your own contribution to the stats.
Let’s break it down even further: how much “time” are we really talking about here?
Time is the only thing you always want more of, but you only seem to have less and less of it. And it doesn’t really matter what you do, father time will always work against you.
So how much time is there?
Let’s start with the basics: There are 24 hours in a day. Let’s assume that you have normal sleeping habits and you sleep an average 8 hours per night. We’re already down to 16 hours.
After a normal day in a working American’s life, we are left with approximately 4 hours and 25 minutes of free time. WOW….Listen to the show to see how we got to that calculation!
Oh boy - another thing to stress over, the management of extra time. Right? Isn’t that what you’re thinking? Being intentional does take a little work but the payoff seems to be much more worth it. Remember those phases or stages of life...yeah one or more of those including a little coasting. Coasting through life would seem more freeform and unintentional.
Want to reduce stress, release joy, and add more happiness? You will need to exercise your intentional muscle.
This article covers some of these questions: How do we stop from just going through it on autopilot, just running to distractions and busy work all the time, just getting through things? How do we keep from feeling overwhelmed and lost at sea? How do we change our habit of being too busy, never having time for the things we want to spend our life on?
Expanding these strategies to build intentional days and the joy of letting go!
Have you ever stopped to think about your ROI - Return on investment? I joked about that after empty-nesting 24 years of raising kids….can I get a phone call?? Geeesh.
But really….being intentional might include making smart investments.
We cover some thought-provoking perspectives like:
Are you spending your time in a relationship you’re unhappy with because you’re afraid to leave, or are you investing your time in creating a stronger bond with someone you cherish?
Are you spending your time working at a job that pays the bills, or are you investing your time in a vocation that will allow you to create a legacy?
This show is packed...hope you enjoy!
CHALLENGE: Stop the clock and take a realistic look at how and where you spend your time. Invest in love, friendship, experiences, and joy to maximize your investments. Be intentional with your time to build measurable value in our life.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Apr 27, 2021
Tuesday Apr 27, 2021
SHOW NOTES:
On this show...we’re adopting a new perspective and a new mantra; Never Stop Quitting! Wait, that sounds ridiculous, I mean no one likes a quitter, right? Wrong! If you ever tried to stop something and then fell off the wagon, given in to temptation, or just lost your way should that be it? You quit, end of the story? I think now, pick yourself up and quit again, and again, and then again if you need to but NEVER stop quitting. Sometimes the first time just doesn’t stick! So this show isn’t about the art of quitting but the endless pursuit of freedom. Now there’s a spin I can get behind.
I heard the sentiment “Never stop quitting” from a doctor of mine. At first, I thought it was a nervous response to checking my chart and realizing yet again, I had quit smoking. You see, I had quit smoking the last time I was there and here I was a year later letting her know of my newfound success. Instead of chastising me for being unsuccessful, shaming me for succumbing, or making me feel guilty for not being strong enough to see it through she simply said, "Well, never stop quitting” and we moved on.
Wow, how lovely it was to feel support instead of humiliated. I’m not saying that’s what caused it to stick but I have been smoke-free for over 10 years.
How many times have we wanted to change a habit or behavior, but were unsuccessful? I’m guessing you’re human so I’m guessing everyone one of us can recall something that meets that criteria if not a few things. Failure is just a part of life. Some say failure is the best teacher. So imagine failing at your attempts of quitting something you’re needing freedom from…..welp, that didn’t work. Oh well moving on to something else. Whether it’s drugs, alcohol, caffeine, sugar, gossip, negativity, anxiety, promiscuity, or doubt - you can be freed. You deserve ownership over your life and your life choices. You have the power to dictate what you choose to participate in and what you don’t. If you don’t have the power to heal yourself you have the power to seek help.
Quitting is not even the first step. Coming to terms with the reality that you need to make a change in your life is step one. Then asserting your authority over that right is step two. If your intention doesn’t go to plan - you can’t just walk away. You owe it to yourself to try again - quit again and turn your life in a new direction with a different approach.
When people go outside of the rules they’re trying to follow or keep, it often results in feelings of inadequacy, disappointment, and shame. These reactions are rooted in the belief that our interactions with food affect our own self-worth. Following the rules makes you a “good” person. And when those rules aren’t upheld, you’re a failure.
Let’s get real for a second. That wagon? Yeah, it doesn’t actually exist.
The wagon we all refer to is really just a strict set of rules we hope will give us more control of our health, body, or other people’s perception of us. When the rules are being followed, you’re in the wagon, and when a rule is broken—you’re out….
I actually have fantastic willpower when I think about it but only for something I truly want and am ready to tackle. Isn’t that just it? We get a lot of advice from friends, family, spouses….heck even total strangers. Don’t look up a self-help article or you’ll be bombarded with every self-help strategy and product on the planet. You can find programs that advertise 5minutes a day will give you the body of a lifetime to a patch that promises all your cravings will be squelched. There are endless articles about the cause and effect from true research to scare tactics that just don’t work.
I had a doctor tell me that there could be a pill you take once a day to live forever and people would still skip a day. Human will - it’s a curious thing.
5 Ways to Strengthen Willpower
1) Improve Your Self-Awareness
2) Meditate
3) Exercise
4) Eat Well
5) Relax
Willpower Weakeners
Stress is one of the biggest obstacles to self-control. Two other hindrances are self-criticism and temptation.
To set yourself up for success, know your limitations. Be open and honest with yourself. We’ve had a little tongue and cheek with the idea of: Never Stop Quitting but the fact is - never give up on your pursuit of freedom, no matter what you’re needing to be freed from. You deserve the control your body is capable of.
CHALLENGE: If at first you don’t succeed - try, try, again with the knowledge that failure is the challenge to shape you for victory. Embody the notion that quitting anything that isn’t serving you is a critical step but pushing yourself to never stop quitting is the resolve you need to win!
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Apr 20, 2021
Tuesday Apr 20, 2021
SHOW NOTES:
On this show...we’re doing more than setting the clocks back, gassing up the mower, and stocking up on cleaning products. We are springing forward, putting ourselves out there in a new way. With new life comes new ideas and inspiration. Let’s use nature's momentum to catapult us to new heights. Been intimidated to speak up, it’s time to find your voice. Procrastinating a major life change, no time like the present to shake things up. Fearful of failure, fooey, you have to be down before you can rise up. Let’s explore why now and why not now?
For too long we’ve accepted the status quo, tabled our own dreams, discounted our desires, and waited….just waited for who knows what. That dream to either die or fall in our laps. That knock at the door where someone is standing on the other side with a big check, a long-lost brother, someone on a knee professing love, the keys to our new car, the nameplate for our corner office…..just fill in the blanks with whatever is plaguing you.
Life happens and we get distracted. We grow up and reality sets in. Someone with bigger needs steps forward to take our place in line. We buy into the negativity and start doubting ourselves and our worthiness…..just fill in the blanks with whatever is preventing you from getting there.
Where is there? Great question. This is the biggest blank of all. What do you want to do next?
We aren’t going to spend time with regret, blaming ourselves for not going for it or for letting our dreams die. No ruminating over that season of your life when you thought everything and anything was possible...we were all there at one point or another.
Today is a new day and tomorrow has possibilities that today doesn’t even know about.
What do you want to do next? Step one. Step two will be about what is preventing you. And step three will be how to take action.
Let’s go!
- Don’t want: I don’t want a spouse who doesn’t appreciate me.
- Want: I want a spouse who adores me and treats me with respect.
- Don’t want: I don’t want to work at this lousy job.
- Want: I want a job that stimulates me intellectually and allows me to be creative.
I was always selling something, a true entrepreneur. I started my first business when I was 8 or 9, selling my own toys on the side of the street. As a latch-key kid, you can imagine my Mother’s reaction to my newfound success. Everything I did, I monetized from a homemade pretzel stand to daffodils at springtime. I had my own handmade jewelry store “Exception to the rule” catchy right? I created a custom shadowbox business and even tried to launch my own line of handbags. I have three trademarks and some might say a lot of pipedreams. But for me, all my attempts created some of the best memories I have. The excitement of a clever idea mixed with the planning and creating, the launch, and the first adoption. Whether that is an actual transaction or someone just getting it. It’s a thrill.
Today my desire is still there, just channeled in a different direction. I’m driven by people and the love I have to see them succeed. My transactions aren’t monetary but soul-nourishing, which to me, is priceless.
Putting yourself out there in a new way might mean rethinking what’s important to you but mixing those ideas with the drivers that have always been in you from the start.
Springing forward with a new idea may or may not include your life’s purpose or passion - but aren’t you curious? Understanding what you’re meant for and what speaks to you will help you step into something new with confidence.
At jackcanfield.com he gives us 10 Life Purpose Tips to Help You Find Your Passion.
- Explore the Things You Love To Do & What Comes Easy to You
- Ask Yourself What Qualities You Enjoy Expressing the Most in the World
- Create a Life Purpose Statement
- Follow Your Inner Guidance (What Is Your Heart Telling You?)
- Be Clear About Your Life Purpose
- Conduct a Passion Test
- Think About The Times You’ve Experienced the Greatest Joy In Your Life
- Follow This Example of Finding Purpose
- Align Your Goals With Your Life Purpose and Passions
- Lean Into Your True Life Purpose
How about you? What got in your way? When did you change your course and abandoned your ideas?
So many times we throw in the towel on wants and desires if we feel like we’ve missed that window of opportunity. “Well that was when I was young…” age. “Oh, when I was single I thought I would do this or that”. Unencumbered. “If I had the money I might do this or that''. Financial excuses.
Tracy Kennedy brings us 5 Steps to Discover Your Next - in an article she wrote for Thriveglobal.com
Step 1: Take a STEP BACK
Step 2: Take a look at YOU
Step 3: Identify WHAT COULD BE
Step 4: Open up the DOOR
Step 5: Bring it all to LIFE!
CHALLENGE: Use the new life of Spring to inspire you to take action. Be willing to grow in ways you’ve only dreamt of. Spend some time evaluating what’s next and then be open to putting yourself out there in a new way!
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Apr 13, 2021
Tuesday Apr 13, 2021
SHOW NOTES:
On this show...We are initiating our internal filter, editing our narrative, what we consume, and what we say, to find what’s real to us! Everyone wants your time and your attention, loading you down with their ideas and opinions. It can feel like a tug-o-war, swaying your perception to the point of breaking. How do you feel about who you are, what you see, and where you’re going? What would you like to do, to feel, to become? Not sure? No wonder! How could you possibly find time and space to consider your own feelings on anything? No more! It’s not your job to consume everything you hear and it’s not your responsibility to weigh in on every topic or to even have a strong opinion one way or another. We are all working our way through life trying to find balance, love, peace, and respect. To understand our purpose and to embrace our true potential. You have the power to edit and today we start to assert that ability for our own good!
How people gather knowledge has definitely changed through the centuries. My crude way of following that timeline might look like this: early man had to experience things first hand to learn what is good and what is bad. He has scars from running with scissors, singed flanges from touching fire, broken bones from learning about depth perception and his own mortality, and so on. He then began passing these lessons down to the next generation. I’m sure just like the telephone game, the message became a bit muddy and so through the ages, we’ve repeated the same trials only to come up with the same conclusion.
Over time, lessons that were not experienced firsthand began to circulate mixed with personal opinion and focused agenda started to surface. “If you don’t watch it your face will freeze like that”. “That beer will put hair on your chest” - maybe that was just my Father but you get the point.
Things that we heard growing up still stick. Some might call them limiting beliefs. A way of thinking that was given to you that has yet to be tested. This could be personal to you like: “you’re not smart enough”, “you’re too lazy to be taken seriously”. Or they could be about the world around you, influencing your view of people, places, or even feelings.
At some point, it can feel like your thoughts and ideas are not even yours at all but instead absorbed through family, friends, coworkers, media, and public opinion.
- You can do so by starting to pay closer attention to your thoughts and ask yourself whether they are helpful or not and whether you need them.
- You can do so by practicing concentration exercises and meditation.
- You can do so by adopting an attitude of detachment toward your thoughts.
- You can do so by striving not to take what people say personally.
- Try to think with common sense and without bias.
- Do not take anything for granted or accept what you hear, see or read without some independent thinking.
Marketing is a science for a reason. It isn’t just about cute, thought-provoking pictures and clever messaging. There is a science that takes into consideration how you learn, what will resonate with you, and what will cause you to take action. “Call to action”. Every marketer knows the piece falls flat without a clear call to action. What next. If it’s just information that doesn’t invoke a response, then it’s worthless.
Most of the time we are unaware of the effect marketing has on us and other times we are mildly aware...man that burger looks so good, ugh now I’m hungry!
- The People Mirrors
- The Jingle Jam
- The Psychology of Color
- The FOMO Feeling
- The Subtle Design
- The Sale Mindset
- The Consistency Comfort
- The Need of Images
- The Serial Exposure
- The Power of Choice
- The Emotion Message
- The Created Community
- The Give and Get
- The Power of Three
How many times a day do you have a thought and then spend time wondering about the answer. Reasoning based on piecing together the information you have gathered. Problem-solving and investigating using your mind. You don’t. You pick up a device and “google it”. It’s like throwing the ball and having the dog bring it back. Google - “fetch!” And an answer is served up
- Why we catastrophize
- Accept uncertainty
- Stick to the facts
- Avoid all-or-nothing thinking
- Take care of yourself
- Get involved
...and reach out. Forming real relationships and conversations is a great way to live in the moment, bounce ideas off another person. Share, learn, and grow.
CHALLENGE: Don’t sit idle letting unfiltered information, ideas, and opinions consume you. Edit thoughtfully, searching out the facts and allowing what is real to take root. Your thoughts and what you express matter. Reach out and talk it out.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Apr 06, 2021
Tuesday Apr 06, 2021
SHOW NOTES:
On this show...we may have to dig deep, we may have to open our eyes to a new perspective, and we may have to reserve judgment until we’ve completed our exploration because we are finding gratitude even when we don’t feel grateful. Let’s be honest, I’m not thrilled every second of the day. Over the last year, season, month, and day I’ve been disappointed let down, and frustrated feeling anything but thankful. When you are sinking in the bog of displeasure it’s difficult to count your lucky stars! Don’t you question the whole gratitude practice at least from time to time? Well, friend, you’re not alone. Don’t beat yourself up - instead, we are going to rise above this disillusionment and bring the bigger picture into focus because YES, right out of the gate, there are thankful elements to even the most distressing.
So to get us started I looked up the definition for gratitude and grateful: the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness; thankful.
Now that’s more like it. Showing appreciation and kindness. Shouldn’t that be part of our everyday practice? I’m not sure if it’s just me but the whole “gratitude movement” has made finding gratitude seem like a huge event that you have to experience before you can start your day on the right foot. If you can’t get there emotionally then your entire day shall be doomed! Push out all the negative feelings and only embrace the positive ones. Don’t you dare get out of that bed until you purge your bad and find 5 reasons to smile today.
Now don’t get me wrong, all of these are good things. I love taking negative thoughts and reframing them to find the good. But with anything, a slight twist of perception and the good intent can be thrown completely off. You will have bad thoughts. You will roll your eyes, grumble, and possibly growl. You stub your foot and you might more than likely scream and potentially curse. When you are asked to stay late or give up a fun weekend you will feel salty. You are human!
Finding gratitude doesn’t mean you can’t be human. With everything, we strive for we should be striving for balance. Counterbalance your negative with a healthy dose of positive. Before your low mood takes you down find a positive to give you a hand up.
So YES we should be looking for things in our lives to be thankful for. We should embody this feeling of appreciation and show kindness to others. Help them find their gratitude. But that won’t stop yucky things from happening and the feeling of getting the short end of the stick from time to time.
- Your grateful genes
- Your grateful (or less grateful) brain
- Personality pitfalls
I do an exercise with the women in rehab that includes journaling and visualization. It is to write down 1-3 events that have happened in your life that bring you joy. This could be something you’re particularly proud of, something you love, something that created excitement, or just a warm and fuzzy feeling. Now, for each event, add as many details as you can remember. From what the day was like, to how you felt, even as granular as your face hurt from smiling or you hugged so hard you couldn't let go. The more details the easier it is to transport yourself back to this moment and relive that joyous feeling. That feeling will deliver a healthy dose of happy chemicals into your brain.
When you are in a dark place, feeling low, or angry, and frustrated, it’s hard to conjure up these feelings and much easier to grab a drink or a substance to quickly do the trick.
Instead, refer back to your journal, pick out one of these events, and transport yourself to a happier place and time. Help yourself naturally feel better.
Here are some major myths and assumptions we make all the time:
Myth #1: If you have something good, you can’t have something bad
Just because you have things to be grateful for doesn't mean you can't have things that feel off, upsetting, uncomfortable, or not aligned with what you truly want.
Myth #2: If you have something that someone else doesn’t, you should never complain
Myth #3: The best way to feel better is to focus on the positive
While there are solid and scientifically founded ways of creating neural pathways in your brain that habitually lean toward the positive, the only way out of things is through them
Myth #4: If you’re not happy, something is wrong with you
There’s such a big push for happiness these days. Endless books on how to be happier, how to be a certain % happier, how to be happier in different locations. And while I won’t discredit the merit within those books and that many of those things do in fact help and improve life, it can start to make you feel like there’s something wrong with you if you’re not happy.
Tomorrow when you wake up, take a moment and feel your emotions instead of being quick to dismiss them as you wake up your gratitude muscle. Look for ways to appreciate yourself as you focus on sharing kindness with others. These acts will lead a way to feeling grateful.
CHALLENGE: Feeling grateful and less than grateful are both human emotions so give yourself a break. Take action to understand your feelings while exercising your gratitude muscle. Making it a daily practice takes time and should be at your own pace instead of handed to you. No cliches here but YOU GOT THIS!
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Mar 30, 2021
Tuesday Mar 30, 2021
SHOW NOTES:
On this show….we are letting it go, releasing the bad, and purging our toxic feelings. These feelings might be right at the surface bubbling up on a daily basis or they could be buried deep, accumulating throughout our lifetime - either way, they got to go! No more will we let negativity take root and affect our day-to-day causing us to doubt ourselves and the people we encounter. No more will we be burdened by regret blaming ourselves for past, present, or future. Today we are taking ownership of the next step in our lives and choosing to follow a new path. A new path of understanding and awareness and a new path to power. The power to forgive and let go, unshackling us to become something new.
So let’s be real, do you need a reminder to purge toxic feelings? Do I need to dedicate a show and initiate and explore forgiving and letting go? The fire is hot, it burns your finger, you pull your hand back. Should this be a natural response to all things which are bad for us? Oh boy, that does make perfect sense but for whatever reason, it’s not that easy. I don’t know that we intentionally seek out the bad, rolling around in the stink like a precocious puppy. But nevertheless, it’s all around us and hard to dodge on a daily basis. Sometimes it feels as if we are on our backs floating aimlessly in a sea of negativity. Rising with the swells and being sucked under by the current coming up barely able to get our breath.
Do we really have a choice? Or is it easier to adopt the mantra “If you can’t beat 'em, join 'em”? Let’s look at the pros and cons from every angle. It isn’t just a matter of letting in negativity, listening, and even repeating. What happens when negativity takes root? How does it change us and our lives? Can a sunny disposition solve your problems or could it prevent you from being present and walking through the hard times?
What if we said no, deal with what we were already carrying around, let go freeing ourselves, and moved on. Then what?
Managing Negative Emotions
Negative Emotions vs. Positive Emotions
Even Positive Emotions Have Downsides
A technique, outlined in research by Ceri Sims, has the acronym TEARS of HOPE. Here's what this entails….just to get you started:
Tears
T - Teach and learn: This means to embrace self-awareness and increase personal knowledge of your body and mind, and how they are responding to stress and other emotional states. This allows you to understand when you are upset and why, and be better able to interpret the signals your body is sending.
E - Express and enable sensory and embodied experiences: This one sounds a little more complicated but it simply involves encouraging openness and curiosity within yourself to increase your acceptance of what comes….listen to the show for the rest!
It really is all about balance. I used to be so black and white, hot or cold, yes or no. But now I see the gradient and strive to live in its balance. But could someone really be too positive? Too happy? That seems like something only a pessimist would say but when you step back and look at the bigger picture, it’s really unrealistic for even the most optimistic person not to have a bad day.
How you pull yourself out of the dumps and over the humps can make all the difference in the world.
While there is certainly something to be said for having a sunny disposition on life, it’s also possible to overdose on the sickeningly sweet nectar of platitudes such as “everything is awesome!”
They explore:
Shame
Suppressed emotions
Isolation
Relational problems
I spoke with someone the other day who was going through some tough trials on their journey. As you know I’m a visual thinker and speaker so I shared some visualization that helps me. Sometimes in life, you are overwhelmed with the pressures all around you - I liken it to being in the jungle hacking your way through with a machete. Imagine a dense jungle where you can’t see anything in front of you but what presents itself to be directly in your way. HACK HACK HACK. Now, imagine you can crawl up to a higher vantage point. Look down at your life with the perspective of an aerial view over a mouse maze. You can see where you’ve come from, where you are going, and any pitfalls in your way. You can also see the sheer size and scope of what you’re dealing with. Wouldn’t this type of perspective be invaluable?
To help you gain this vantage point I like to think of my heart and soul as being unmeasured by this world. Inherent to me it is what makes me unique and distinct. My heart and soul will not be undone but will live above the trials of this world forever. My body is my flesh and it is susceptible to the pain of my journey. It must endure my trials and power through but it can be broken and will eventually be no more. This is the difference between the mouse maze and the machete.
STEP 1: Hit the pause button.
STEP 2: Identify the trigger.
STEP 3: Notice your automatic thoughts.
STEP 4: Identify your emotional reaction and note how intense it is.
STEP 5: Generate alternative thoughts.
STEP 6: Re-rate the intensity of your emotional response.
CHALLENGE: As you strive to hit your balance in the gradient take an intentional approach to our day and become the gardener of your mind. You decide what is planted, what takes root, and what you harvest to share with others. Prune back or pull the invasive to make room for your goodness to bloom.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Mar 23, 2021
Tuesday Mar 23, 2021
SHOW NOTES:
On this show...we are looking for the good. Intentionally trying to find the positive in everything we do because what you seek, you shall find. Where you put the majority of your attention will yield the biggest returns. Could it be that easy? Positive or negative, you can control the yield. So take a moment to think about your day, week, or month. What are you pursuing? Where is your focus? Are you being intentional, seeking the good, and inviting in the positive, or just getting lost in the chaos. Collectively, we can either drown in the negatively spewing our own buckets of hate OR we can rise above and intentionally pursue the good. The good in ourselves, in the people we encounter, and in our daily interactions with the world.
Do you know the only way to get rid of darkness is to add light? Darkness is the absence of light so to change it any other way, simply doesn’t work. Sometimes we can get so focused on the darkness in our lives, bumping around hitting wall after wall. Blaming and shaming, pursuing things we can not change. We focus on what went wrong with our lives as a justification to stay stuck where we are, chastising ourselves for poor choices and lack of knowledge. Dark.
So much of what we obsess about is out of our control but we can’t seem to accept that or forgive ourselves. Forgiving ourselves would mean granting ourselves freedom to move on and step into the light but then what? What would happen with all that stuff? The stuff we feel responsible for, burdened by, even plagued. Shouldn’t we carry this around as evidence that we’re no good?
Dani DiPirro shares how to light up your life: 5 ways to make your path brighter. She is an author, blogger, and designer living in Washington, DC. Dani launched PositivelyPresent.com in 2009 with the intention of sharing her insights about living a positive and present life (something that didn’t always come easy to her!).
Here are her thoughts...This morning I was walking down the same path I had walked down the night before and it suddenly dawned on me how different my thoughts were in the daylight. Last night, I'd been walking down the brick path late at night and I'd been slightly scared, walking fast, clutching my keys, and occasionally looking over my shoulder. But when I ventured down the same path this morning, I was walking leisurely, strolling along and not once considering looking behind me. It dawned on me that that's the difference between night and day, between darkness and light.
The 5 Best Ways to Shed Light on Your Path
- Bring your own source of light.
- Choose your route carefully.
- Imagine the best possible scenario.
- Be prepared for the dark spots.
- Life is filled with light and dark
Don’t you love when you hear golden nuggets of inspiration that take root in and you're able to apply them throughout your life in so many ways? Well, that happened to me several weeks ago and I had to share.
I was listening to a horse trainer give his story and in it came an important revelation. He was talking about working with a new horse. Now, this wouldn’t be a typical trail horse but a horse that works a ranch. One required to be a part of the team and perform critical duties for his rider. So synergy and trust would be crucial here. The trainer talked about two ways you can get to that point. You could pull back, kick, spur, and shout, over correcting his every move until he does what you want. Or, you could be patient, ride it out until he does something just right, and then celebrate this achievement, praising him, and asking for more just like that.
Now, with these types of nuggets, I like to climb up high for a bigger perspective and look out to see how this affects other areas of my life. Be patient, ride it out, and celebrate the good asking for more of the same.
So many times we stay perched on the negative waiting for the other shoe to drop. We listen to negative banter, sensational headlines, and tragedy after tragedy and our perception is everything is falling apart so why bother. We are back in the darkness. But looking for the good, waiting out the storm instead of being overtaken by it, and celebrating the things going right adds in the light. A slight shift of perspective can open up a whole new world.
Now we all know this to be fact, you can’t turn on the news without hearing the bad and feeling worse. It’s a commonly accepted practice today. But besides the immediate shift in your overall well-being, could there be long-term effects to this kind of focus?
Our access and exposure to media dramatically increased over the last decade, specifically in terms of quantity and available modalities with widespread implications for different aspects of human life. Media engagement impacts how we form relationships with strangers to how we experience life as a whole. One such impact, perhaps less commonly discussed, is the media’s effect on human memory and how this affects the way we recall history.
Catch the show for all the details on these findings…
What if we concentrated on only sharing the good? Now, don’t get me wrong, everyone needs an accountability partner or a safe and trusting inner circle i.e. support group or close friends so for this experiment I’m referring to what we speak to the world. What if your water cooler story was about something funny or heartwarming? What if your social posts were uplifting and encouraging? What if you chose to turn the other cheek and not engage with something that rubbed you the wrong way?
When it comes to the jolly stuff of life, we humans love talking about it, even if it’s with just one other person. On anywhere from 60-80 percent of our days, we mention a positive moment to someone else. Just think about a time when something really cool happened, you got wonderful news, or you simply experienced a pleasant point in your day.
Capitalization allows us to relish the feelings that arise from a wonderful, significant turn of events or simply an amusing moment.
- Start small.
- Give what you'd want to get.
- Take an active-constructive approach.
I love sharing the good and for me, with anything, I need to make time to be intentional. I need structure in my day to work on all the things I want and need to do. From exploring and reading, to learning new things, and connecting with others. Life can get away from you and before you know it, instead of paddling against the current you are simply floating along picking up all the debris as you go. Everyone wants your attention and not necessarily to influence you with positive things that will help your growth. Start to take notice of your day and where your attention lies. Break up your day because some of us tend to be more conscious in the morning where others are more alert at night.
CHALLENGE: if needed, shift your focus from ruminating about the past, being frustrated by things outside of your control, or partaking in the negative narratives of the world. Instead open yourself to receive the light of goodness, gratitude, and joy knowing what you seek you shall find.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Mar 16, 2021
Tuesday Mar 16, 2021
SHOW NOTES:
On this show….we are giving it all, 100%, our best, every time, always! Sounds ambitious huh - but I’m going to let you in a little secret early on to set the tone for the show. All you can give is what you have and nothing more. Now if you let that sink in a while….or let’s say over the course of this show, you will see that is enough, and the knowledge of this fact is the ultimate freedom. Now I know some of you overachievers out there are thinking what happened to the 10%, you know the 10% more - giving 110%. Well, let me clear that up for you. There is no 10%. ALL of it is exactly that, ALL - everything, and nothing more. I appreciate your tenacity and never want you to lose the drive but let’s just concentrate on the totality of this concept.
I really don’t mean to make light of the fact that giving 100% every time to everything you do seems exhausting and actually unrealistic. Even someone as motivated and enthusiastic as I am can see that seems far-fetched. If you are thinking the same thing then you have a couple of choices. Some of us see things through and all or nothing lens. Hot or cold, on or off, black or white. With this kind of approach, it’s easy to think of this concept and immediately be ready to through in the towel the minute something happens. “Welp I blew it today so nevermind, I’ll try again tomorrow - I give up”. If this sounds like you then you can see where getting to the point of 100% consistency in your efforts, may seem like a mirage.
Before you hit that point, let me let you off the hook and share a revelation I found through a book by Don Miguel Ruiz - you might have heard me mention him a time or two. He wrote a book called The Four Agreements which has really shaped some new thinking for me.
The Four Agreements are:
Be Impeccable With Your Word.
Don't Take Anything Personally.
Don't Make Assumptions.
Always Do Your Best.
Under any circumstance, always do your best, no more and no less. But keep in mind that your best is never going to be the same from one moment to the next. Everything is alive and changing all the time, so your best will sometimes be high quality, and other times it will not be as good. When you wake up refreshed and energized in the morning, your best will be better than when you are tired at night. Your best will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick; it will depend on whether you are feeling wonderful and happy, or angry and upset.
BAM! There you go - all you are responsible for is your best. Nothing more. On the days you are struggling and only have 20% in the tank, give it all because 100% of 20% is - you got it, 20%.
No longer do you have to throw in the towel on your less-than-stellar days. You still have an opportunity to give 100% and feel the satisfaction of doing your best.
For so long we’ve been focused on the glass have empty or half full. How do you see it are you an optimist or a pessimist. At this point, you’re almost afraid to answer. But no matter how much is in the glass all you have to do is pour it out. ALL of it, give it all because that’s what you have to give today and that’s enough.
You might wrestle with this newfound enlightenment, maybe even push back thinking how I can do my best when I can’t be the best. Maybe 100% of the 20 you have to give is not enough. You need to be perfect, all or nothing.
Change your mindset.
Build self-reliance.
Learn to let go.
Make your own decisions.
Remember, you can’t hate your way into accepting yourself.
Make peace with the “now” before you feel satisfied with the “later.”
….oh if it were just that easy but listen to the show, we go into a lot of detail!
That’s just it, being committed to doing your best is no guarantee you’ll win or come out on top every time. Everyone wants to win and succeed but that’s not the point here. The point is you have the freedom to give what you have to give and the opportunity to commit to yourself to do it every time in every situation.
Do you Accept Your Own Ambition?
Are you choosing what you want to be driven towards?
Do you compete with others all the time or only when it serves you?
Have you got enough ambitious people around you?
Are you willing to take risks?
With this idea safely in our tool belt let’s explore another eye-opener that might help you effectively use the 20% or 80% you do have to give and that’s the 80/20 rule.
The Pareto principle or 80/20 rule is the universal truth about the imbalance of inputs and outputs. The main point is to find the small things that give you the biggest results.
Here are some 80/20 Rule Examples:
80% of problems originate from 20% of projects.
60% of your distractions come from 40% of sources.
70% of customers only use 30% of software features.
90% of complaints are made by 10% of users.
80% of value is achieved with the first 20% of effort.
85% of the important conversations are from 15% of the emails.
- Identify your key tasks based on your goals.
- Clarify and unblock.
- Use the 80/20 framework.
- Work smarter.
With these ideas and your newfound freedom, how could you ever settle for less? Settling means accepting and accepting means giving up. I don’t know about you but that’s not in my vocabulary. I understand that I am always learning and growing and to give up on where I am right at this moment is to not have hope for the future. Hope is not a wish for better days ahead it’s a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.
CHALLENGE: today, no matter what you have available, give it all. Doing your best meets you where you are and asks for only what you have to give. Evaluate where you’re depleted and leverage what offers you the best returns.
I Know YOU Can Do It!