Encouragementology

Venturing Outside of Your Comfort Zone

SHOW NOTES:  

On this show...we are pushing the boundaries, testing the water, and venturing outside of your comfort zone. You know the place, where things feel a bit foreign, out of your perceived control, and where the unknown can either be exhilarating or terrifying. Most of us have been to this place but only temporarily, retreating the moment discomfort alerts us that we are outside our four predictable walls. Routine, Consistency, Automatic, and Safe. Here we live dreaming of what might be “over yonder” but rarely disrupting our day-to-day life to find out. What would happen if we broke through, ventured out, pushed through the awkwardness, and challenged ourselves? You might think it’s a 50/50 situation to win or fail but oh the learning levels in between.

You might be asking yourself;  Why would you want to venture outside of your comfort zone? Well, let’s clear that up before we even get started. Life can be an amazing journey if you let it. All throughout the process we have the opportunity to grow and learn, evolve. Some of this happens automatically and from basic observation of the people around us. Some of it is instinctual but other has to be explored, found, adopted, and nurtured. 

When we stop at the first amount of threat or push back, we have the tendency to stay stuck. Never pushing ourselves to challenge and grow.

There are different stages of learning and growing in your life - and thank goodness for it. Imagine staying stuck at any stage before the one you’re in now. It doesn’t matter how old you are today, imagine a stage or two before and then picture yourself stuck there. Not physically necessarily because it wouldn’t want to shed 20 years off your body (unless you are currently 20). I’m speaking for mentally. 

Picturing being 45 but you’re operating on the knowledge you had at age 25. Sure you might have had significantly more energy but oh boy, you didn’t have the experience you have now. 

NATALY KOGAN gives us 40 lessons in happiness for my younger self (a letter she wrote to her daughter)

Here are just a few…

• Most things are better after a good night of sleep.
• Don’t save your nice dishes, nice clothes, nice shoes for a special occasion. Every day you’re alive is a special occasion, so use the good stuff!
• When in doubt, go for a walk.

Ready for an awesome revelation? You never have to be done. There is no ceiling to your quest for knowledge and experience. No graduation day, no certificate, and until the end, no pass/no fail. Your journey will ebb and flow and if you are willing, will keep moving forward.  Remember,  you hold the power to accelerate or to apply the brakes. 

Pushing down on the gas means you WILL face uncertainty, no doubt get lost, face adversity, and be forced into uncomfortable situations. But oh the fun you might have!

When it comes to life in general, you only know what you know. You’re a product of your environment. 

Jace Jacobs share more on this thought from his blog at jacejacobs.com

The way you operate today is a result of your programming.

Is it good or bad? Maybe a little bit of both. One thing is for sure; you are in charge of what you choose to embrace or change about yourself.

Own your happiness. 

Break your programming

Embrace the power of your thoughts

I love to reinvent and I have a gazillion hobbies and ideas. Sometimes my mind is racing, wondering how I will find time to get them all in. These can be professional projects and new business ventures to being obsessed with crocheting hats. 

I’m notorious for getting an idea and then falling headfirst into all the details until I’ve burnt myself out. Key here - diversify. Projects you can do alone, projects with people, projects that are self-serving, projects that help the community or a community of people or the environment in general, projects that inspire, teach, or exercise your mind and body. I’m getting excited just thinking about it all! 

What if you could grow through life instead of simply...go through life?

Shawn from stunningmotivation.com shares 7 Steps on How To Grow In Life And Become More Successful

A few of his thoughts…

Take a moment to compare yourself 5 years ago…

• Are you reaching greater heights in life?
• Have you achieved most of your goals and are living your dreams?
• And do you feel extremely fulfilled with your life right now?

Success will not come to you overnight, but it can be achieved through daily improvement and small increments over time.

Most people overestimate what they can achieve in a year, but they underestimate what they can achieve within 5 years.

1. Commit to Mastery
2. Cultivate Success Characters
3. Respect Your Time
4. Keep Your Promises and Commitment
5. Take care of your finances and commit to living debt-free when possible
6. Nourish Your Body
7. Enrich Your Soul

How can we coax you out to test the waters once again? You’re ok with where you are today and it’s far more comfortable than trusting and pushing yourself to learn a little more. You’re ok with settling for the here and now. 

In Tony Fahkry’s article -Why The Magic Happens When You Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone found at the medium.com

Just a teaser…

Life tosses you lemons — well at least that’s what you suspect from where you stand. You may be sick and tired of being in a rut. Feeling uninspired — emotionally drained and lacking direction. Don’t despair since you may simply be experiencing an internal shift.

From time to time, you may suffer periods of uncertainty, which on the surface appears as though your world is sinking. You might feel helpless and unable to navigate your journey ahead.

Remember, it is your response to life that is paramount to the level of personal growth you undertake. Most people thrive in ideal situations, although this does not test one’s character.

Your response to life’s uncertainties determines your level of inner growth, especially when the tides are against you.

CHALLENGE: to push yourself forward with the desire to learn and grow. Find comfort in the fact that you are in control of your passion and your pace. Make a commitment to growing through life instead of simply going. 

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Unleashing Your Purpose From Within

SHOW NOTES:

On this show...we are finding meaning, intention, and aim as we move toward unleashing your purpose within. I love talking about purpose and true potential because isn’t that what we’re all striving for anyway? If your life lacks meaning, and your actions are unintentional or aimless, what’s the purpose of anything? Just like in goal setting, having a target for your journey and steps to get there means you have an action plan and nothing is more exciting than putting something you want and strive for, into action. No need to strap on the running shoes yet, we have some work to do first to understand, deep down, what we were meant for. Of course, there is no way to handle that in an hour but we can get your mind redirected to going within for the answers.

Unleashing your purpose sounds easy enough and suggests that there is this door or box inside of us that we’ve been told to stay away from because we don’t have the key or it’s something boring and bothersome that we just haven’t gotten to yet. It screams that we must already know what our purpose and true potential is - who would have known? I mean haven’t you always thought that it was this grand, momentous exploration for life’s answers. Something a Tibetn Monk studied and uncovered throughout a lifetime. Or maybe it’s one of those things that is revealed at the end of your life when you finally have the “Ah-ha moment” only to discover you’re too late to do anything with it. 

Your purpose, the great mystery of the world. Maybe we’ve been putting off this exploration like Scarlet O’hara - “I won’t think about that today, I’ll think about that tomorrow”. Too deep and soul-searching for a person in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s and beyond. Or is it? Maybe we are missing the point here. Maybe it’s been there all along. Maybe we’ve been using it and living with purpose but never really identified it as such. Could it all be that simple?

Dr. Scott T Allison gets us started with four truths that give your life meaning and purpose in his article: What Is Your Purpose in Life? Located at pyscologytoday.com

Hero stories illuminate your true purpose in four ways:

1)You will go on a journey.

2) You will grow from adversity.

3) You will assemble a team of allies.

4) You will give back to society.

The hero’s journey is not just illustrated in fiction but in the real lives of the world’s greatest heroes, such as Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, and Martin Luther King, Jr. These three legends lived the four truths of heroism we’ve outlined:

• They all embarked on a journey that forever changed their lives
• They suffered greatly at the hands of others
• They benefited from a team of allies who made their triumphs possible
• They all used their gifts to forever change the world.

Mother Teresa said, “I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.”. Ripples felt far and wide. A ripple of love and understanding.

Encouragement is the key to unlock a person’s true potential. 

I started my work wanting to help women get back to work. I’ve always been a professional, career-focused person but I haven’t always walked into the best jobs. My goal was to always go as far as I could go in any role which meant I was prepared to work hard to get there. I have never lacked confidence professionally so for me drive was inherent. As a woman, I knew what it was like to work, have babies, at times a single working mother, trying to make ends meet while getting ahead. I felt compassion for this demographic and wanted to help. 

 

So I created job-seeking workshops to do resumes, uncover desires & talents, role-play interview skills, and provide interview apparel and makeovers. Whatever it took to equip someone to feel confident to be their best.

Immediately, thank goodness, I was shown a revelation - people need encouragement. Not just crave it, they desperately need it.  A kind word of inspiration, someone to listen, care, and believe in them. With that knowledge, a person walks a little taller, sits a little straighter, and smiles a deep, appreciative smile from within. Confidence in themselves will give them confidence in their abilities.  

You can encourage everyone you encounter one way or another. By the positive energy, you expel, making eye contact, giving a kind smile, saying hello. If given the opportunity or if you feel compelled, ask about their day, spend time with them, listen, and understand. 

Human connection is vital to thriving in life and experiencing true happiness.  Something as simple as creating and maintaining meaningful connections can be your purpose and provide long-lasting and far-reaching effects. 

JEREMY ADAM SMITH  provides ideas when you’re struggling on How to Find Your Purpose in Life - in an article he wrote for greatergood berkeley 

Here are six ways to overcome isolation and discover your purpose in life.

1. Read
2. Turn hurts into healing for others
3. Cultivate awe, gratitude, and altruism
4. Listen to what other people appreciate about you
5. Find and build community
6. Tell your story

As a life coach, I’m often asked about purpose because so many are looking for “what next”. Either they’ve come to a crossroads where the way they’ve always done it isn’t working or isn’t satisfying enough or it’s imperative they make a life change for survival. 

When you hit it on the head it can flow as easily as a lazy current or propel you forward like the Colorado River rapids. There is a deep sense of satisfaction and joy from delivering on your purpose. Not monetary or short-lived, but soul-nourishing. 

Your purpose is within but won’t be uncovered or activated without a little work on your part. This isn’t the publisher clearinghouse and no big check is on the other side of the doorbell. You have to be in a place to want to breathe life into it and push aside all obstacles that challenge it. 

A good exercise is to find your “why”...

Dr. Margie Warrell walks us through this exercise in her article for forbes.com: Do You Know Your "Why?" 4 Questions To Find Your Purpose

1. What makes you come alive?
2. What are your innate strengths?
3. Where do you add the greatest value?
4. How will you measure your life?

CHALLENGE: take some time to explore your deepest desires, talents, and purpose to uncover what makes your heart sing. You have the power to make a deeply felt impact on the world while unleashing your own true happiness.  

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Responsibility Without the "Yeah But"

SHOW NOTES:

On this show...we are owning up, stepping in, and taking responsibility without the…” Yeah but!”. No more should’a, could’a, would’a or only if. It’s time to come to terms with the role we’ve played and the choices we’ve made. Only when we own them can we learn and let go. Taking responsibility doesn’t mean you are shackled with regret and shame but the opposite, it’s a chance for freedom. The hamster wheel of rumination can easily trap you into a false sense of searching for the “why”. Keep going, just a little longer and it will all be clear. Instead, you’re in an endless loop of exhaustion, generalizing the events, blurring the lines, bending the facts, and ultimately finishing the story with whatever end you can tolerate. Today we will examine, learn, let go, and move on.

I played tennis for one year in high school. Now, I never fancied myself a tennis player nor did I even really understand the game when I went out for the team. You see, they weren’t necessarily a team to rivel which was apparent when I actually made the team. I was placed in doubles with a player who had grown up playing tennis at the country club. She was a little hot-headed but had a heck of a serve. Looking back I’m not sure I added anything to the pair except maybe some calmness and an attempt to return anything that came on my side of the court. For me, it was a 50-50 shot which for a less than novice player, was much better odds. I had a backup…..a “yeah but”. 

Excuses and justifications for our choices are as easy to come by as the air we breathe. Without much thought we bail ourselves out, defending our position at all costs. Sometimes we justify when there isn’t even a call to do so. It becomes second nature. What would happen if we just owned it? Good, bad, and ugly? Instead of just taking credit for our triumphs we took responsibility for our failures. Judgment and criticism are a fearful combination and it keeps us on the lamb. Let’s take a deeper dive into these ideas.

Adam Sicinski helps us out with WHEN PROBLEMS ARISE, HERE’S WHY YOU NEED TO TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY - an article he wrote for his blog, iqmatrix.com

Adam explains a lot about the reasons why taking responsibility is so hard then offers a five-step process for when life just doesn’t seem fair.

Step 1: Acknowledge You’re Responsible

Step 2: Recognize the Value of a Problem

Step 3: Take Ownership of the Problem

Step 4: Figure Out How to Solve the Problem

Step 5: Take Initiative to Instigate Change

Facing your failures is like the starting game you played as a child, at some point you have to blink or look away. It’s tough to admit that you weren’t strong enough or not smart enough or were too selfish. UGH, that’s a hard pill to swallow. Making poor choices based on your own selfish wants…..yeah but!  “Yeah but...you don’t know what I was going through at the time…” “Yeah but...they did worse than I did…” “Yeah but...I had to, I had no other options…” We’ve said them all to some degree. 

But by adding a “yeah but..” we give ourselves a pass to file it away, all safe, sound, and justified. We have this internal vault full of justifications and we can recall them to serve our current purposes at any time. 

What happens if we just admit we did it and then, were honest about why. What is the worst that could happen? 

We have to get to a point of acceptance, that the way we’ve always done it doesn’t work, that maybe life is bigger than us and our chokehold on the world isn’t preventing it from kicking our butt. Coming to the end of your understanding means you can be open to accepting new ideas and perceptions. 

Getting rid of the “yeah but” means you have the permission to glean the lesson from the failure and then instead of tucking it back into your internal file system, you can shred it for good. 

Andy Andrews wrote a book which I have referenced often, The Traveler’s Gift where the main character learns seven valuable life lessons.

Just a snippet from this powerful decision…

From this moment forward, I will accept responsibility for my past. I understand that the beginning of wisdom is to accept the responsibility for my own problems and that by accepting responsibility for my past, I free myself to move into a bigger, brighter future of my own choosing.

Never again will I blame my parents, my spouse, my boss, or employees for my present situation. Neither my education or lack of one, my genetics, or the circumstantial ebb and flow of everyday life will affect my future in a negative way. If I allow myself to blame these uncontrollable forces for my lack of success, I will be forever caught in a web of the past. I will look forward. I will not let my history control my destiny.

If both sides could just understand that responsibility has nothing to do with blame. It has everything to do with hope and control. If everyone could understand this, a lot more people would be grabbing for all the responsibility they could get their hands on because who among us doesn’t want to have hope for a greater future that we can control?

 

CHALLENGE: Be willing to own it, ALL. Your role, responsibility, outcome, and lesson. To achieve total freedom and the opportunity to move forward your need to let go. To truly let go, you need to forgive, and to forgive you need to understand. 

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

New Perspective? Simple But Impactful Life Lessons

SHOW NOTES:

On this show...we are looking for a deeper meaning, a better vantage point, and a new perspective. Are we making it all too complicated? On this hot pursuit for life’s meaning while rejecting meaningful moment after moment that could be our best teacher. Most of us have failed to retain a pearl of wisdom handed to use from time to time. Discounted the advice as quick as the old timer’s tale of a mile to school, uphill, in snow, both ways! But how many simple, yet impactful, life lessons are there?  No way can we cover them all and I won’t even convince you in my relatively short lifespan that I have encountered them all - but with a little help, we will get a good start into understanding how they come about and how to recognize these golden nuggets of revelation.

My grandfather once told me, “if you don’t want to be late, leave a little early.” Now, I’m not sure when that took hold and became an important lesson or if from that moment it just took root but I have always been punctual. I’m also not sure if because of that lesson I take pride in my punctuality or if I just obsess over being late, either way, I’m always on time or early. 

As of late, those sentiments and words of advice have hit me harder. I think it’s age and a chance to sit back and take stock of where you are and what you’ve learned. At a younger age I was head down, nose to the grindstone, and mowing over any and all truism. It’s that age of independence when you think you know it all and someone sharing their life experience was just that….them sharing. 

If you haven’t come full circle to understanding your parents were actually right then brace yourself - it’s coming.

Sarah Stevenson gets us started with12 Things Your Parents Were Right About

In an article she wrote for healthfully.com ...Sarah gives a great insight into research and statistics that prove these sentiments.

1. Don’t Put All of Your Eggs In One Basket
2. Early To Bed Early To Rise
3. Always Finish What You Started
4. Eat Your Fruits and Vegetables
5. Be Patient
6. Be Thankful for What You Have
7. Wash Your Hands Before You Eat
8. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
9. Take a Nap (if You Can)
10. A Stitch in Time Saves Nine
11. Don’t Do the Crime If You Can’t Do the Time
12. Respect Your Elders

My mother told me: Find someone to fit your life instead of morphing who you are to fit theirs. Now, I could have overlooked that advice and sloughed it off….oh wait I did do that and come to find out, she was right. 

 

Becoming someone else to appease someone else, has only temporary benefits. You are who you are and so are they and eventually, it’s too difficult to keep up the facade.  As a result, through trials and tribulations of course (the hazards of not paying attention the first time), I have learned to be honest with who I am, celebrate that, and be willing to share and be vulnerable. I don’t have to have everything figured out or even all together - I can be me, quirky, kooky, creative, passionate, encouraging….ME.

My father told me: Remember you always have one foot in poverty. His meaning was; don’t get comfortable with where you are because it can all come crashing down unexpectedly. That wasn’t to scare me but help me stay humble and focused. As a result, I’ve learned to live inside or just below my means while striving for more. 

Marquita Herald shares Life Lessons We Learn The Hard Way in an article she wrote for emotionallyresilientliving.com

We share a collection of great quotes by famous and anonymous people. Here are just a couple…

There are things in life we don’t want to happen but have to accept; things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without, but have to let go. ~Author Unknown

One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon – instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today. ~Dale Carnegie

I used to carry a lot of shame and guilt for the choices I’ve made in my life. On the surface, you will always see a smile and for the most part, a positive attitude and an encouraging word but underneath, it was present. I was good at pushing it away, justifying portions of it, and convincing myself that I had grown but the reality was - I was ashamed to face my own failures. 

It doesn’t happen in one day or one session of unpacking and taking responsibility. I think like grief, it’s always present to some degree but we can find ways to acknowledge it without being consumed. 

I made some dumb choices. Now the t-shirt would read “but that doesn’t define me and I’m stronger for it” blah blah blah. It may be true, but that only helps the situation if you truly believe it. Today, I can say, I would not care so deeply or be so proactive in the work I do if I had not lived and overcome what I did. 

Perspective is a powerful thing. It’s your understanding and how you relate to the information you have. We should always be striving for a better, different, or deeper understanding and new perspective. 

Sometimes we can get lost in this world. Our ideas, passions, and even our voice can get overshadowed or drowned by what is happening around us, real or not. It feels like whoever has the loudest and most outrageous thing to say or type gets the attention and unless you're comfortable asserting yourself or going against the grain, you settle in for the ride. Becoming increasingly frustrated by this swell of helplessness. 

That’s when it’s time to climb up (metaphorically) to a higher vantage point. This way instead of being in the mouse maze you can see it all with a new perspective. 

Kristen Lee leaves us with 24 Simple Life Lessons That Are Extremely Important But Too Often Forgotten in an article she wrote for thoughtcatalog.com

Here are just a few…

• Don’t let people invalidate your emotions or hardships, but be sure to maintain a sense of perspective.
• Manage expectations. Manage expectations. Manage expectations.
• The grass is green enough where you are.

...and a lesson I’ve learned that has made a huge difference in my life. Encouragement is the key that can help others unlock potential.  Motivation doesn’t happen until you have a goal and a goal can seem impossible until first you are encouraged. 

 

CHALLENGE: visit Mt. Perspective as often as you need a better vantage point. Search your mental library for pearls of wisdom you might have overlooked or been unwilling to accept at the time.  Mix those with life learnings of your own gathered through experience. Then SHARE with others as teachers and students will forever be entwined. 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

HAPPY, When Faking It Takes Too Much Work

 

SHOW NOTES:

On this show...we aren’t accepting cheesy smiles, phony laughs, or the ever so popular response, “I’m fine”. Faking happy just takes too much work! Instead of faking it until you make it - let’s try and understand what “it” really is. And how do you know when you’ve arrived at “it” so you can wipe that silly look off your face? If being nice is easier than being nasty and smiling takes less effort than frowning, doesn’t it stand to reason that BEING happy is more rewarding than faking it? Ok, let’s go with that!

 

So we’ve all been guilty of faking it a time or two, right? You’re in an uncomfortable situation and need to create the illusion that you are having a good time or are totally relaxed. You might have some co-workers that grate on your last never yet it’s better to hide your distaste and soldier on. This too shall pass right? 

Elizabeth Scott tells us When Faking Positivity Reduces Stress and When It Backfires - in an article she wrote for verywellmind.com

Fake A Smile?

Fake an Affirmation?

Fake Being Outgoing?

Some people might be good at “faking it” so instead of reaching out, you might think, “Nah - they seem to have it all together” when in reality, they are struggling. 

With social media being so widely used for communication and to chronicle our day-to-day - posting and saying only what we want people to perceive has become a trend. The best we have to offer or radically posting cryptic messages of distress. It’s so hard to uncover what is real and what is fake. 

Alex Moore helps us see through the lens with 5 Ways to Tell You're Just Faking Happiness in an article for happify.com

Telltale Sign #1: Giant Mood Swings Are a Normal Thing for You

Telltale Sign #2: You're Tired All the Time

Telltale Sign #3: You're Trying Too Hard to Show Others How Great Your Life Is

Telltale Sign #4: You're Totally Isolated from Others

Telltale Sign #5: You're Abusing Alcohol or Other Substances

 

I’m guessing you shouldn’t leave it up to chance and instead - just try and connect with everyone you encounter in some positive way. This could be from making eye contact with someone at the grocery to asking someone how their day is going to physically going out of your way to assist someone - anyone. 

 

Reaching out with a kind sentiment even if someone is actually doing well is ok too - you don’t have to just look for people in need to help. Think about exercising this muscle by making connections, exuding positive energy, and encouraging everyone daily.  People will remember the way you made them feel, crave to be around you, and be inspired to pass that feeling along. 

Remember, we are no longer faking it but cultivating it.

Over at the helpguide.com we learn all about how Cultivate Happiness from Authors: Melinda Smith, M.A. and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D.

Just a sample:

Myth: Money will make you happy.

Fact: It’s stressful when you’re worried about money. In order to be happy, you do need enough of it to cover your basic needs: things like food, shelter, and clothing. But once you have enough money to be comfortable, getting more money isn’t going to make much of a difference in how happy you are. For example, studies of lottery winners show that after a relatively short period of time, they are no happier than they were before their win.

• Train your brain to be more positive
• Express gratitude
• Keep a gratitude journal
• Count your blessings
• Write a letter of gratitude

 Nurture and enjoy your relationships

Make a conscious effort to stay connected

Invest in quality time with the people you care about

Offer sincere compliments

Seek out happy people

Take delight in the good fortune of others

Easy enough? Never as easy as it should be but part of the joy in self-discovery is learning what you are capable of. New ideas, strategies, and experiences are what shape us as we grow. Evolving is about embracing new and letting go of old and it’s continual. I hope you find joy in the journey.

 

CHALLENGE: before you plaster on the fake smile and buck up to endure the next uncomfortable situation, make a promise to yourself to squelch the sham and find ways to elicit true happiness and joy. Both of which deserve more than just a temporary appearance in your life but a cherished and ongoing role. 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Time, Your Most Precious Resource, Effectively Investing and Spending

SHOW NOTES: 

 

On this show…..we are talking about time, not wasting or squandering but investing and spending wisely. When it comes down to it, time is our most precious resource and the only thing we don’t have enough of. So who rushes the weekend, watches the clock, or looks for mind-numbing time-wasters? Ouch - let’s take another look at the effectiveness and these practices so we can explore more self-benefiting strategies. What if boredom or overextending yourself were not really the issues here but a need for balance?  A healthy balance of wants, needs, and desires reimagined will bring value to time spent.

 

I heard this sentiment, “the only thing we don’t have enough of is time”, in an advertisement video for Viking Cruise lines. Isn’t it odd how some things just stick with you? The older gentleman is on a ship stirring what looks to be a big copper cauldron and the boat is rocking a bit and he has this soothing European accent. The words are so true, the meaning so deep, it’s haunting.

We can all relate to vast experiences with time at different phases in our lives. Of course, when you are younger it seems to drag on forever, “when will I get bigger and be able to make all my own decisions?” That seems like a world away. The 20’s felt like forever! When I think of all the things I did and accomplished in my 20’s it makes my head spin. Forty came too quick and now the days, weeks, months, and years steem to fly by. By the time you are ready for it to slow down...you slow down and you are back to watching time creep by. 

We all need something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to. Where are you short? When we think about effectively investing and spending, balancing your deficit is a great place to start.

We cover some staggering statistics to back up this theory:

The first set comes from Hugh Culver on his blog in an article titled: Thirteen Shocking Facts About How We Waste Time.

For example…

2.34 hours checking email (30% are neither urgent nor important.) (Carleton University)

35 minutes deciding what to eat (New York Post)

The next list comes from Jeanine Skowronski in her article: How much time Americans waste on the daily grind each year, on policygenius.com 

Here are just a few we cover…

Commuting: 9.4 days The average American commutes 52 minutes per day or 225 hours a year.

Working: 120 days The average employed American works 7.9 hours a day or 2,883 hours a year.

Cleaning house: 27.4 days The average American spends 1.8 hours a day or 657 hours a year doing household chores.

Eye-opening statistics can really put things in perspective. To be in the driver’s seat of your own life you have to be aware of what’s going on around you and your own contribution to the stats. 

Let’s break it down even further: how much “time” are we really talking about here?

Jozef Kutka gives us another perspective on time in his article: How much time do you actually waste in a day? Found on meetfox.com

Time is the only thing you always want more of, but you only seem to have less and less of it. And it doesn’t really matter what you do, father time will always work against you. 

So how much time is there?

Let’s start with the basics: There are 24 hours in a day. Let’s assume that you have normal sleeping habits and you sleep an average 8 hours per night. We’re already down to 16 hours.

After a normal day in a working American’s life, we are left with approximately 4 hours and 25 minutes of free time. WOW….Listen to the show to see how we got to that calculation! 

Oh boy - another thing to stress over, the management of extra time. Right? Isn’t that what you’re thinking? Being intentional does take a little work but the payoff seems to be much more worth it. Remember those phases or stages of life...yeah one or more of those including a little coasting. Coasting through life would seem more freeform and unintentional. 

Want to reduce stress, release joy, and add more happiness? You will need to exercise your intentional muscle. 

Leo Babauta walks us through: The Zen Habits Guide to Spending Your Time Intentionally found on zenhabits.net

 

This article covers some of these questions: How do we stop from just going through it on autopilot, just running to distractions and busy work all the time, just getting through things? How do we keep from feeling overwhelmed and lost at sea? How do we change our habit of being too busy, never having time for the things we want to spend our life on?

Expanding these strategies to build intentional days and the joy of letting go!

Have you ever stopped to think about your ROI - Return on investment? I joked about that after empty-nesting 24 years of raising kids….can I get a phone call?? Geeesh.

But really….being intentional might include making smart investments.

MARELISA shares her thoughts on Time Investment: Invest Your Time Instead of Spending It, on her blog daringtolivefully.com

We cover some thought-provoking perspectives like:

Are you spending your time in a relationship you’re unhappy with because you’re afraid to leave, or are you investing your time in creating a stronger bond with someone you cherish?

Are you spending your time working at a job that pays the bills, or are you investing your time in a vocation that will allow you to create a legacy?

This show is packed...hope you enjoy!

CHALLENGE: Stop the clock and take a realistic look at how and where you spend your time. Invest in love, friendship, experiences, and joy to maximize your investments. Be intentional with your time to build measurable value in our life. 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Never Stop Quitting, Sometimes the First Time Doesn't Stick

SHOW NOTES:

 

On this show...we’re adopting a new perspective and a new mantra; Never Stop Quitting! Wait, that sounds ridiculous, I mean no one likes a quitter, right? Wrong! If you ever tried to stop something and then fell off the wagon, given in to temptation, or just lost your way should that be it? You quit, end of the story? I think now, pick yourself up and quit again, and again, and then again if you need to but NEVER stop quitting. Sometimes the first time just doesn’t stick! So this show isn’t about the art of quitting but the endless pursuit of freedom. Now there’s a spin I can get behind. 

I heard the sentiment “Never stop quitting” from a doctor of mine. At first, I thought it was a nervous response to checking my chart and realizing yet again, I had quit smoking. You see, I had quit smoking the last time I was there and here I was a year later letting her know of my newfound success. Instead of chastising me for being unsuccessful, shaming me for succumbing, or making me feel guilty for not being strong enough to see it through she simply said, "Well, never stop quitting” and we moved on. 

Wow, how lovely it was to feel support instead of humiliated. I’m not saying that’s what caused it to stick but I have been smoke-free for over 10 years. 

How many times have we wanted to change a habit or behavior, but were unsuccessful? I’m guessing you’re human so I’m guessing everyone one of us can recall something that meets that criteria if not a few things. Failure is just a part of life. Some say failure is the best teacher. So imagine failing at your attempts of quitting something you’re needing freedom from…..welp, that didn’t work. Oh well moving on to something else. Whether it’s drugs, alcohol, caffeine, sugar, gossip, negativity, anxiety, promiscuity, or doubt - you can be freed. You deserve ownership over your life and your life choices. You have the power to dictate what you choose to participate in and what you don’t. If you don’t have the power to heal yourself you have the power to seek help. 

Quitting is not even the first step. Coming to terms with the reality that you need to make a change in your life is step one. Then asserting your authority over that right is step two. If your intention doesn’t go to plan - you can’t just walk away. You owe it to yourself to try again - quit again and turn your life in a new direction with a different approach. 

Noelle gets us started with her ideas on How to Stop Falling “Off” the Wagon (for good) found on her blog, Coconuts and Kettlebells. 

When people go outside of the rules they’re trying to follow or keep, it often results in feelings of inadequacy, disappointment, and shame. These reactions are rooted in the belief that our interactions with food affect our own self-worth. Following the rules makes you a “good” person. And when those rules aren’t upheld, you’re a failure.

Let’s get real for a second. That wagon? Yeah, it doesn’t actually exist.

The wagon we all refer to is really just a strict set of rules we hope will give us more control of our health, body, or other people’s perception of us. When the rules are being followed, you’re in the wagon, and when a rule is broken—you’re out….

I actually have fantastic willpower when I think about it but only for something I truly want and am ready to tackle. Isn’t that just it? We get a lot of advice from friends, family, spouses….heck even total strangers. Don’t look up a self-help article or you’ll be bombarded with every self-help strategy and product on the planet. You can find programs that advertise 5minutes a day will give you the body of a lifetime to a patch that promises all your cravings will be squelched. There are endless articles about the cause and effect from true research to scare tactics that just don’t work. 

I had a doctor tell me that there could be a pill you take once a day to live forever and people would still skip a day. Human will - it’s a curious thing. 

Psychologist Catarina Lino offers some insight in her article The Psychology of Willpower: Training the Brain for Better Decisions

5 Ways to Strengthen Willpower

1) Improve Your Self-Awareness

2) Meditate

3) Exercise

4) Eat Well

5) Relax

 

Willpower Weakeners

Stress is one of the biggest obstacles to self-control. Two other hindrances are self-criticism and temptation.

To set yourself up for success, know your limitations. Be open and honest with yourself. We’ve had a little tongue and cheek with the idea of: Never Stop Quitting but the fact is - never give up on your pursuit of freedom, no matter what you’re needing to be freed from. You deserve the control your body is capable of. 

 

CHALLENGE: If at first you don’t succeed - try, try, again with the knowledge that failure is the challenge to shape you for victory. Embody the notion that quitting anything that isn’t serving you is a critical step but pushing yourself to never stop quitting is the resolve you need to win!

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Spring Forward, Putting Yourself Out There in a New Way

SHOW NOTES:

On this show...we’re doing more than setting the clocks back, gassing up the mower, and stocking up on cleaning products. We are springing forward, putting ourselves out there in a new way. With new life comes new ideas and inspiration. Let’s use nature's momentum to catapult us to new heights. Been intimidated to speak up, it’s time to find your voice. Procrastinating a major life change, no time like the present to shake things up. Fearful of failure, fooey, you have to be down before you can rise up. Let’s explore why now and why not now? 

For too long we’ve accepted the status quo, tabled our own dreams, discounted our desires, and waited….just waited for who knows what. That dream to either die or fall in our laps. That knock at the door where someone is standing on the other side with a big check, a long-lost brother, someone on a knee professing love, the keys to our new car, the nameplate for our corner office…..just fill in the blanks with whatever is plaguing you. 

Life happens and we get distracted. We grow up and reality sets in. Someone with bigger needs steps forward to take our place in line. We buy into the negativity and start doubting ourselves and our worthiness…..just fill in the blanks with whatever is preventing you from getting there.

Where is there? Great question. This is the biggest blank of all. What do you want to do next? 

We aren’t going to spend time with regret, blaming ourselves for not going for it or for letting our dreams die. No ruminating over that season of your life when you thought everything and anything was possible...we were all there at one point or another.

Today is a new day and tomorrow has possibilities that today doesn’t even know about. 

What do you want to do next? Step one. Step two will be about what is preventing you. And step three will be how to take action. 

Let’s go! 

Jennice Vilhauer Ph.D. helps get us there with an article she wrote for Psycologytoday.com: How to Figure Out What You Want in Life

• Don’t want: I don’t want a spouse who doesn’t appreciate me.
• Want: I want a spouse who adores me and treats me with respect.
• Don’t want: I don’t want to work at this lousy job.
• Want: I want a job that stimulates me intellectually and allows me to be creative. 

I was always selling something, a true entrepreneur. I started my first business when I was 8 or 9, selling my own toys on the side of the street. As a latch-key kid, you can imagine my Mother’s reaction to my newfound success. Everything I did, I monetized from a homemade pretzel stand to daffodils at springtime. I had my own handmade jewelry store “Exception to the rule” catchy right? I created a custom shadowbox business and even tried to launch my own line of handbags. I have three trademarks and some might say a lot of pipedreams. But for me, all my attempts created some of the best memories I have. The excitement of a clever idea mixed with the planning and creating, the launch, and the first adoption. Whether that is an actual transaction or someone just getting it. It’s a thrill. 

Today my desire is still there, just channeled in a different direction. I’m driven by people and the love I have to see them succeed. My transactions aren’t monetary but soul-nourishing, which to me, is priceless. 

Putting yourself out there in a new way might mean rethinking what’s important to you but mixing those ideas with the drivers that have always been in you from the start. 

Springing forward with a new idea may or may not include your life’s purpose or passion - but aren’t you curious? Understanding what you’re meant for and what speaks to you will help you step into something new with confidence.

At jackcanfield.com he gives us 10 Life Purpose Tips to Help You Find Your Passion.

1. Explore the Things You Love To Do & What Comes Easy to You
2. Ask Yourself What Qualities You Enjoy Expressing the Most in the World
3. Create a Life Purpose Statement
4. Follow Your Inner Guidance (What Is Your Heart Telling You?)
5. Be Clear About Your Life Purpose
6. Conduct a Passion Test
7. Think About The Times You’ve Experienced the Greatest Joy In Your Life
8. Follow This Example of Finding Purpose
9. Align Your Goals With Your Life Purpose and Passions
10. Lean Into Your True Life Purpose

How about you? What got in your way? When did you change your course and abandoned your ideas? 

So many times we throw in the towel on wants and desires if we feel like we’ve missed that window of opportunity. “Well that was when I was young…” age. “Oh, when I was single I thought I would do this or that”. Unencumbered. “If I had the money I might do this or that''. Financial excuses. 

Tracy Kennedy brings us 5 Steps to Discover Your Next - in an article she wrote for Thriveglobal.com

Step 1: Take a STEP BACK

Step 2: Take a look at YOU

Step 3: Identify WHAT COULD BE

Step 4: Open up the DOOR

Step 5: Bring it all to LIFE!

 

CHALLENGE: Use the new life of Spring to inspire you to take action. Be willing to grow in ways you’ve only dreamt of. Spend some time evaluating what’s next and then be open to putting yourself out there in a new way! 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Editing, Finding What's Real to You

SHOW NOTES:

On this show...We are initiating our internal filter, editing our narrative, what we consume, and what we say, to find what’s real to us! Everyone wants your time and your attention, loading you down with their ideas and opinions. It can feel like a tug-o-war, swaying your perception to the point of breaking. How do you feel about who you are, what you see, and where you’re going? What would you like to do, to feel, to become? Not sure? No wonder! How could you possibly find time and space to consider your own feelings on anything? No more! It’s not your job to consume everything you hear and it’s not your responsibility to weigh in on every topic or to even have a strong opinion one way or another. We are all working our way through life trying to find balance, love, peace, and respect. To understand our purpose and to embrace our true potential. You have the power to edit and today we start to assert that ability for our own good! 

How people gather knowledge has definitely changed through the centuries. My crude way of following that timeline might look like this: early man had to experience things first hand to learn what is good and what is bad. He has scars from running with scissors, singed flanges from touching fire, broken bones from learning about depth perception and his own mortality, and so on. He then began passing these lessons down to the next generation. I’m sure just like the telephone game, the message became a bit muddy and so through the ages, we’ve repeated the same trials only to come up with the same conclusion. 

Over time, lessons that were not experienced firsthand began to circulate mixed with personal opinion and focused agenda started to surface. “If you don’t watch it your face will freeze like that”.  “That beer will put hair on your chest” - maybe that was just my Father but you get the point. 

Things that we heard growing up still stick. Some might call them limiting beliefs. A way of thinking that was given to you that has yet to be tested. This could be personal to you like: “you’re not smart enough”, “you’re too lazy to be taken seriously”. Or they could be about the world around you, influencing your view of people, places, or even feelings. 

At some point, it can feel like your thoughts and ideas are not even yours at all but instead absorbed through family, friends, coworkers, media, and public opinion. 

Remez Sasson gives us his thoughts: Are You the Creator of Your Thoughts? An article from his blog Success Consciousness.

• You can do so by starting to pay closer attention to your thoughts and ask yourself whether they are helpful or not and whether you need them.
• You can do so by practicing concentration exercises and meditation.
• You can do so by adopting an attitude of detachment toward your thoughts.
• You can do so by striving not to take what people say personally.
• Try to think with common sense and without bias.
• Do not take anything for granted or accept what you hear, see or read without some independent thinking.

Marketing is a science for a reason. It isn’t just about cute, thought-provoking pictures and clever messaging. There is a science that takes into consideration how you learn, what will resonate with you, and what will cause you to take action. “Call to action”. Every marketer knows the piece falls flat without a clear call to action. What next. If it’s just information that doesn’t invoke a response, then it’s worthless. 

Most of the time we are unaware of the effect marketing has on us and other times we are mildly aware...man that burger looks so good, ugh now I’m hungry!

Let’s dig into this idea with  14 Psychological Marketing Tips for Customer Mind Control - an article by Cydney Hatch

1. The People Mirrors 
2. The Jingle Jam
3. The Psychology of Color
4. The FOMO Feeling
5. The Subtle Design
6. The Sale Mindset
7. The Consistency Comfort
8. The Need of Images
9. The Serial Exposure
10. The Power of Choice
11. The Emotion Message
12. The Created Community
13. The Give and Get
14. The Power of Three

How many times a day do you have a thought and then spend time wondering about the answer. Reasoning based on piecing together the information you have gathered. Problem-solving and investigating using your mind. You don’t. You pick up a device and “google it”. It’s like throwing the ball and having the dog bring it back. Google - “fetch!” And an answer is served up

Allie Volpe helps us with some strategy in How to Stay Sane When the World Seems Crazy - an article she wrote for the NY Times.

• Why we catastrophize
• Accept uncertainty
• Stick to the facts
• Avoid all-or-nothing thinking
• Take care of yourself
• Get involved

...and reach out. Forming real relationships and conversations is a great way to live in the moment, bounce ideas off another person. Share, learn, and grow. 

 

CHALLENGE: Don’t sit idle letting unfiltered information, ideas, and opinions consume you. Edit thoughtfully, searching out the facts and allowing what is real to take root. Your thoughts and what you express matter. Reach out and talk it out.

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Finding Gratitude When You Don't Feel Grateful

SHOW NOTES:

On this show...we may have to dig deep, we may have to open our eyes to a new perspective, and we may have to reserve judgment until we’ve completed our exploration because we are finding gratitude even when we don’t feel grateful. Let’s be honest, I’m not thrilled every second of the day. Over the last year, season, month, and day I’ve been disappointed let down, and frustrated feeling anything but thankful. When you are sinking in the bog of displeasure it’s difficult to count your lucky stars! Don’t you question the whole gratitude practice at least from time to time? Well, friend, you’re not alone. Don’t beat yourself up - instead, we are going to rise above this disillusionment and bring the bigger picture into focus because YES, right out of the gate, there are thankful elements to even the most distressing.

So to get us started I looked up the definition for gratitude and grateful: the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness; thankful.

Now that’s more like it. Showing appreciation and kindness. Shouldn’t that be part of our everyday practice? I’m not sure if it’s just me but the whole “gratitude movement” has made finding gratitude seem like a huge event that you have to experience before you can start your day on the right foot. If you can’t get there emotionally then your entire day shall be doomed! Push out all the negative feelings and only embrace the positive ones. Don’t you dare get out of that bed until you purge your bad and find 5 reasons to smile today. 

Now don’t get me wrong, all of these are good things. I love taking negative thoughts and reframing them to find the good. But with anything, a slight twist of perception and the good intent can be thrown completely off. You will have bad thoughts. You will roll your eyes, grumble, and possibly growl. You stub your foot and you might more than likely scream and potentially curse. When you are asked to stay late or give up a fun weekend you will feel salty. You are human! 

Finding gratitude doesn’t mean you can’t be human. With everything, we strive for we should be striving for balance. Counterbalance your negative with a healthy dose of positive. Before your low mood takes you down find a positive to give you a hand up. 

So YES we should be looking for things in our lives to be thankful for. We should embody this feeling of appreciation and show kindness to others. Help them find their gratitude. But that won’t stop yucky things from happening and the feeling of getting the short end of the stick from time to time. 

Mitch Horowitz shares The benefits — and limits — of today’s gratitude movement in an article for the Washington Post

 

Dr. Summer Allen tells us  Why Is Gratitude So Hard for Some People? In an article she wrote for Greater Good Magazine

1. Your grateful genes
2. Your grateful (or less grateful) brain
3. Personality pitfalls

I do an exercise with the women in rehab that includes journaling and visualization. It is to write down 1-3 events that have happened in your life that bring you joy. This could be something you’re particularly proud of, something you love, something that created excitement, or just a warm and fuzzy feeling. Now, for each event, add as many details as you can remember. From what the day was like, to how you felt, even as granular as your face hurt from smiling or you hugged so hard you couldn't let go. The more details the easier it is to transport yourself back to this moment and relive that joyous feeling. That feeling will deliver a healthy dose of happy chemicals into your brain. 

When you are in a dark place, feeling low, or angry, and frustrated, it’s hard to conjure up these feelings and much easier to grab a drink or a substance to quickly do the trick. 

Instead, refer back to your journal, pick out one of these events, and transport yourself to a happier place and time. Help yourself naturally feel better. 

Sarah Steckler tells us  Why she no longer focuses on gratitude lists or being more "positive" in her blog mindfulproductivity.

Here are some major myths and assumptions we make all the time:

Myth #1: If you have something good, you can’t have something bad

Just because you have things to be grateful for doesn't mean you can't have things that feel off, upsetting, uncomfortable, or not aligned with what you truly want. 

Myth #2: If you have something that someone else doesn’t, you should never complain

Myth #3: The best way to feel better is to focus on the positive

While there are solid and scientifically founded ways of creating neural pathways in your brain that habitually lean toward the positive, the only way out of things is through them

Myth #4: If you’re not happy, something is wrong with you

There’s such a big push for happiness these days. Endless books on how to be happier, how to be a certain % happier, how to be happier in different locations. And while I won’t discredit the merit within those books and that many of those things do in fact help and improve life, it can start to make you feel like there’s something wrong with you if you’re not happy.

Tomorrow when you wake up, take a moment and feel your emotions instead of being quick to dismiss them as you wake up your gratitude muscle. Look for ways to appreciate yourself as you focus on sharing kindness with others. These acts will lead a way to feeling grateful.

CHALLENGE: Feeling grateful and less than grateful are both human emotions so give yourself a break. Take action to understand your feelings while exercising your gratitude muscle. Making it a daily practice takes time and should be at your own pace instead of handed to you. No cliches here but YOU GOT THIS!

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!