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Weekly topics covering life‘s challenges with a positive spin and a new perspective. It‘s time to connect, learn, and grow!
Episodes
Tuesday Feb 16, 2021
Tuesday Feb 16, 2021
SHOW NOTES:
On this show...we’re talking about LOVE! Not blinded by, crazy in, or even unconditional without boundaries. We’re exploring healthy, inspiring, and encouraging love. It’s not just about how you love but how you accept love. Do you demonstrate the type of love you’re looking for? What about control in the name of love…..yep that’s a real thing too. Love is defined as an intense feeling of deep affection. Sounds like an emotion that you feel, it’s yours. What about love as a verb: to like or desire (something) very much: to take great pleasure in. Wreckless love that is driven by expectations without boundaries can be dangerous love. Let’s explore loving with a gentle touch.
I’ve had a lot of time to reflect and consider love from many angles during my lifetime. I think the way we view love evolves as we grow and our needs and desires change and morph.
Let’s explore the different types of love, hopefully hitting on one you cherish and a few you need to re-evaluate. After all, we are sharing, learning, and growing.
Love stretches wide and deep to encompass the passionate affair you experience as your first love, the heart-pounding love you feel when you see your child for the first time, and the gentle love you feel for your parents as they grow older. A common thread throughout each of these types of love is care and consideration for someone. Ultimately, that care and consideration are best expressed through the word "compassion."
Compassion is a concern for the welfare and well-being of others. Compassion does not necessarily require a focused love to exist but is often thought of as a form of love in and of itself: a love for humankind as a whole. Compassion is argued to be the bedrock for kindness and selflessness, as compassion focuses attention outward rather than inward, and is an example of both empathy (putting yourself in someone else’s shoes) and sympathy (feeling sad, sorry, or distressed on someone's behalf without necessarily putting yourself in their situation).
It could be argued that all love is compassionate love. Indeed, some would argue that love is not loving at all unless it is coupled with compassion. On the other hand, affection and attachment without compassion are far more akin to infatuation or obsession than love. While it is not entirely true that love cannot be felt without also feeling compassion, love is best and most effectively put into practice when compassion is present.
Tune in for more…
I made a change almost eight years ago. Oh, you’re always changing as you grow some of which is automatic and unnoticeable but this was a dramatic shift that I orchestrated. It was time for a change and I was ready to change. For me, it was a crossroads of sorts that inspired my need for more. I had spent too much emotional, physical, and financial resources trying to control others. At the beginning of this journey, I was convinced that with more effort and energy things would work out just as I intended. It was clear to me that I had the solution to happiness if everyone would just follow my lead. Of course, in my mind, this was all about love. I loved these people and wanted the best for them…..or so I thought. So I kept pushing and pulling, demanding and bargaining but no matter what I did, they did what they wanted. Most of which was not in my magic plan for success. So I was frustrated and hard on myself thinking I should be doing more. What was I missing here? Why wouldn’t these people want to be happy? Didn’t they love me enough to change?
It’s amazing how you can believe that and without a shadow of a doubt, insist that you’re right.
Not really sure what the final straw was 8 years ago. I believe it was a convergence of ideas and experiences that finally released the pickle jar lid - but I got it. No one is going to change to meet my expectations. You see, they are MY expectations no theirs. All I could do is find love without expectations - compassion. I had to let people live their lives, make mistakes, pick themselves up, and carry on all without my interference. Easy task - of course not. I had deeply rooted compulsive behaviors and how could I think I could change others when I wasn’t even getting it right!
So I started working on me. Getting healthy, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Coming face-to-face with all my idiosyncrasies, owning them, learning from them, forgiving myself, and forging on in a new direction.
I am inherently compassionate and do love people and want to see them succeed. I just had my approach all wrong. Nothing that can’t be righted with a little work. Now I encourage instead of control and inspire instead of demand. But first I connect, listen, and understand. This is their life and sometimes they just want to share and be heard. No need to rush to the rescue which frees me up a great deal to love without expectation.
The term unconditional love does not mean love without limits or bounds. It means, "I offer you my love freely without condition." This means that when we offer our love, we offer it without expectation of repayment. It is important to offer this type of unconditional love in our relationships. Otherwise, we are offering love with "strings attached." This creates power and control imbalances.
Conditional love might sound like this:
- "I always gave you so much love, and this is the thanks I get?"
- "Your father and I wanted you to become a doctor. We did everything for you, and now we are disappointed with your choice to be an artist."
- "I cannot believe that is who you are marrying! I would think you'd respect me more than that after all of the love I gave you."
It is healthy to offer your love without strings attached. Otherwise, we are not truly loving the other person. Rather, we are using affection as a tool to control. It is not healthy to offer love without boundaries….
So many times it comes down to first loving yourself. We hear this mantra and see the quotes or memes so often it seems a bit cliche, like live, laugh, love. But let’s be real, how can you fully and wholeheartedly love someone else if you can’t love yourself.
What does loving yourself even mean? Well, it starts with showing yourself the same kindness, patience, respect, and forgiving spirit that you show others. Are you going to make mistakes - yes. Are you going to like everything about yourself - no. Can you love yourself but still desire to change aspects of your life - of course! Self-acceptance doesn’t mean settling for who you are and where you are without the desire for change. It’s being mindful about those things, accepting that where you are and who you are right now is ok and then having patience with yourself as you grow and change.
- Become aware of your inner voice
- Take control of your inner voice
- Treat yourself like a child...with a gentle tone, love, and kindness
- Love yourself emotionally and physically
CHALLENGE: be gentle with love, for yourself and with others. Encourage & inspire instead of controlling and bargaining. You can have a deep capacity for love by first expanding the love for yourself through self-awareness and acceptance.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Feb 09, 2021
Tuesday Feb 09, 2021
SHOW NOTES:
On this show….we aren’t relying on rubbing the lamp, three wishes, or even luck to change your lives - we are taking control by changing our mindset and changing our direction. Too many times we’ve left it up to chance, waiting for a rainy day, or a “sign” that never comes. So we wait. All the while ignoring our power to activate real action in our lives. Forge forward with a renewed mind and the motivation we need to propel us forward. The mind is a terrible thing to waste so let’s tap in and see where it takes us.
How many times do you say, “when I win the lottery I’m going to do X, Y ,Z?” Now just for fun, how many of you actually play the lottery? Why do we put things we would love to do into this futuristic bubble that we’re never going to pop? Sometimes it’s fun fantasizing about what life could look like. Remember when you were young and you played those games; where you were going to live, what kind of house you would have, what kind of car you would drive, who you would marry, and how many kids you would have. How about the magic 8-ball; yes, no, maybe, outlook not good, signs point to yes.
At one point, early in life, you thought everything and anything was within your reach. Then you were told no - ‘no, no, no!” and you started to doubt yourself. Reality hit and you realized or believe that not everything was possible so those things became fantasies or pipe dreams. You put them in the bubble and thought of them less and less. You accepted that it wasn’t in the cards.
What if you could change your mindset and revive some of those dreams? Ok, maybe you can’t go to the moon, sorry little astronaut, but you can seek adventure and curb your appetite for exploration. And that’s just the start!
- You are constantly focusing on what’s wrong
- You mourn your failures but forget to celebrate your victories
- You don’t want to face the truth
- You feel angry when your expectations are not met
- You feel unsatisfied and unhappy with everything you have (or don’t have)
- You find yourself regularly coming to blows with the people you care about
- You think about what you “have to” do instead of what you “get to” do
- You see yourself as a victim
- You hold onto the dramas of other people
Encouragementology is the practice of instilling hope and this show is about finding positive alternatives to life’s challenges. An overarching theme in everything I do is finding and activating your power.
Life can be harsh...if you let it. There is negativity at every turn. The perception is that we elevate and celebrate struggle more than success. Drama, fear, and tragedy are what sells so heart-warming and inspirational are left to the dodo on Instagram. Puppies from the street to a loving household and we weep. We long for a good feel-good story - it’s what our heart craves. Create your own heart-warming and inspirational story. Unplug from the negative, activate your power, propel your life forward, and then share your story with others.
7 Mindsets help us to Change Your Mindset to Achieve your Goals.
- Accept that your thinking needs adjusting
- Identify your counter-mindsets
- Flip the switch
- Understand your “why”
- Realize that motivation and willpower are not enough
- Start small so you can finish big
- Get comfortable with the “F” word
Feeling down and unmotivated? How about take control and look for motivation. Instead of booking your pity-party table for one - realize there is inspiration, heartfelt messages, and plenty of go-get-it attitudes just waiting for you to consume.
Make it a part of your everyday. Can’t conjure up a good attitude on your own? No worries, start your day with a devotional or a reminder to “let it go”. Create a Pinterest board with quotes and memes that say something to your soul. Explore an uplifting podcast (like this one, wink wink). Find a book on adventure, overcoming adversity, or the simple pleasures of life to remind yourself that there is good all around you.
Your new direction only presents itself if you are looking for it. Clear out the cobwebs of past regret, shut off or excuse yourself from water cooler negative nonsense, and lookup. No really, look up. How often do you do that? Want to imagine an expansive world where anything is possible - look up into the sky and let your mind float away.
Stay there and remind yourself of the things that are under your control:
Your Beliefs
Your attitude
Your thoughts
Your perspective
How honest you are
Who your friends are
What books you read
How often you exercise
The type of food you eat
How many risks you take
How you interpret the situation
How kind you are to others
How kind you are to yourself
How often you say “I love you.”
How often you say “thank you.”
How you express your feelings
Whether or not you ask for help
How often you practice gratitude
How many times you smile today
The amount of effort you put forth
How you spend / invest your money
How much time you spend worrying
How often you think about your past
Whether or not you judge other people
Whether or not you try again after a setback
How much you appreciate the things you have
— Caleb LP Gunner, 26 Things That Are Completely Under Your Control
CHALLENGE: let go of lady luck and grab onto that which is in your control. Today you can change your mindset, inviting in thoughts and feelings that surround you with love and inspiration. This renewed and positive energy will help you find a new direction to explore...and change your life!
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Feb 02, 2021
Tuesday Feb 02, 2021
SHOW NOTES:
On this show… we are embracing grief and all its varying shades. Not denying it, running from it, or refusing to face it but embracing it. What can grief teach and how can it help us heal? When to forgive yourself and others and how to accept life and all it has in store for you. The term, “grief is a part of life” might sound like a cliche but if you accept it as factual, then walking through it is the only course of action. Noticing the varying shades can help you accept loss for what it is and move to an understanding that tomorrow brings new hope and opportunity.
Does just hearing the word grief create a feeling of impending sadness? The general color of mourning is black so let’s start there. Grief is a noun, not a verb and the dictionary definition is very definite: deep sorrow, especially caused by someone's death. : deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement. Sorrow, angst, woe, regret.
Grieving as a verb is an action of feeling grief for or because of death. Expressing great sorrow.
There are many guides to overcoming grief and many of them include lots of helpful coping strategies but just remember, your grief is personal and unique to you. It won’t fit nicely into a predetermined box and it won’t follow a detailed timeline. Be kind and forgiving as you work your way through loss.
Experience grief isn’t only connected to the loss of a loved one. Don’t question your grief or judge yourself based on the varying shades. Each time we lose something, time, an opportunity, a relationship, a loved one, and so many more. We feel loss. Maybe not all forms of loss are followed by deep sorrow, but they are represented within our varying shades and will still require your attention.
With that said, I do fully believe in the Five Stages of Grief. Don’t think of these stages as a step-by-step, chronological guide. You may or may not experience any one or all of these stages once, in sequence. Or over and over in and out with varying degrees.
We take a deeper dive into every stage…. It’s important to note that this list is no sequential and you may visit each stage more than once or not at all.
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
My Father was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in 2003. Without a cure, we knew the outlook was bleak but that didn’t stop us from staying positive, and as my Father used to say “just seeing what we’re dealing with”. It was a long decline with loss at every turn. When he lost the ability to effectively communicate, or the ability to drive or be left alone. When he lost the ability to be cared for at home and when he lost the ability to walk. Through dementia, he lost his memory and many of his faculties. Each phase brought on elements of grief and with each level of acceptance, there was more grief to embrace. When he passed away last year there was a sense of relief mixed with extreme sadness. I was happy for his freedom and faced with the inevitable loss accumulated for years and years of loss.
- Live Your Life to the Fullest As It Can Change In A Blink Of An Eye
- Family and Friends -Your Precious Gifts in Life
- Healing Is A Process – don't rush it.
- Use Your Power Of Choice - Choose to be hopeful.
- Find Your Purpose In Life
- Don't Let Your Past Rule Your Life Now And In The Future.
- Don't Run Away From Life stay strong and embrace its unpredictability.
Life seems to be filled with lesson after lesson doesn’t it. As we walk through, run, crawl, and cower - life is teaching us lessons through joy and sorrow. At one point or another, you might be compelled to choose “head-in-the-sand” vs facing your challenges head-on. I mean, who hasn’t wanted to check out of a difficult situation or two. But feeling life is as big a part of living as being.
I work with women in rehab and embracing and working through grief is a topic that can’t be ignored. For many, they have used drugs and alcohol as a way to escape the emotional pain that comes from trauma. This method then becomes the way of checking out of all struggles and disappointments. In rehab, you are forced to come face-to-face with ALL the pain and since it’s been left unresolved, it can come on with heart-crushing reality.
As painful as it is, I remind them that it’s normal to feel this great sense of loss when trauma, death, separation, and loss is experienced. It’s hard to buy-in to the fact that this is actually a good thing. It shows the level at which you were able to feel and express real love. For many this is rock bottom, knowing they can experience and deliver this level of grief to others.
Not all grief looks alike. Just like there are stages and shades, there are also different types of grief.
At whatsyourgrief.com I found TYPES OF GRIEF AND LOSS by ELEANOR HALEY
Here are just a few we cover in the show…
- Normal Grief
- Anticipatory Grief
- Complicated Grief
- Chronic Grief
- Delayed Grief
If you are sitting there right now keeping your pain to yourself because you don’t want to burden someone with your sadness, please, climb up out of the bog and look at the bigger picture. We are all going through something. People need people to heal and to survive. Reach out now.
With that said, you must be willing to heal and move forward. No rush, maybe not today, but someday. Having a shoulder to lean on and a friend to help carry your burden is important but pulling someone into your sadness to camp out is not.
CHALLENGE: Your days can get better if you allow the sun to shine in and a new perspective to form. Your capacity for love is endless. Embrace grief but reach a hand forward and grab on to hope.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Jan 26, 2021
Tuesday Jan 26, 2021
SHOW NOTES:
On this show...we are weighing out our options, laying it all out in front of us because guess what, you have the power of choice. Choices, choices, choices! Everything you say and do is a choice. Most seem to come automatically without much or any thought at all and others require laboring and let’s be honest, taking a risk. The point is you possess the power and just knowing that is so empowering. What if you were more mindful of this revelation, would it change the way you attack your day? It starts before even your eyes pop open, you chose your schedule, and even if your alarm didn’t go off, you lucky devil, your body chose to wake up. Let’s follow this power throughout your day, the seasons of your life, and the future you’ve yet to tap into.
For the title of this show, I featured surviving or thriving, joy & happiness but the options are endless when it comes to the choices you have in front of you. My intention was to be that friendly reminder that where you are today, how you feel, and what you are facing is a choice. Now you may scoff and give me ample examples to the contrary but hear me out. You have the choice of how you interpret your circumstances and how you respond. You have a choice in how you overcome and if you repeat bad behavior. You have a choice of what you consume and what you regurgitate. Now at a high level, that’s pretty powerful.
What are you facing today that has you in a quandary? Where do you feel helpless or hopeless? How are you going to change your circumstances?
For me, throwing up my hands and quitting is not an option. That doesn’t mean I don’t give in on things that aren’t working but I never give up on my goals and dreams. I don’t give up on me. You might have to sit with some of these ideas to see the differences but even though they appear, ever so slight, they are huge.
Giving up and giving in couldn’t be more opposite and has nothing to do with strength or ego. Knowing yourself, strengths and weaknesses, means you know when you need to head in a new direction with a new approach. It’s your choice.
...The brain’s inclination to always keep us in the same place, doing the same thing, with the same people, makes it difficult to leave our comfort zone. This almost obsessive attachment to what we know makes us say things like “I will stick it out a little longer” or “I’ll just wait a bit longer to see if things change”.
We have trouble identifying when the costs far outweigh the benefits and when our own mind acts as our enemy, whispering “don’t give up, don’t give in” to us over and over. However, we need to assimilate something basic and essential into our brain: when we leave something behind that is harmful and making us unhappy, we aren’t giving up. We are SURVIVING.
Finding our sweet spot is like finding our own balance, our psychological and emotional homeostasis. It’s all about knowing what is best for ourselves at all times. It is worth mentioning that this ability isn’t intuitive. It is objective self-learning acquired through experience, observation, and reflection on our own lives, learning from our successes and mistakes.
Finding the balance can help you with perspective and avoiding the highs and lows that come with the all-or-nothing approach. When there is only winning or losing then it’s much easier to throw in the towel. If you can uncover and collect elements of satisfaction then no matter what you’re doing - you’re satisfied.
It’s your choice.
...We've each been provided with a number of incredible and irrevocable gifts that are oftentimes overlooked and/or taken for granted.
One of the most incredible gifts provided to you, me, and everyone else on this planet, is our Power to Choose. What we choose, we receive...unconditionally.
...Although we're well aware of our "conscious choices", it's more times than not the "unconscious choices" that lead to producing our "less than desired" results, regardless of how badly we may "claim to want" something better.
We tackle the power to choose from all angles - tune in for the complete idea!
So how do you make good choices and what is your brain up to during the process?
Brainfacts.org shows us How to Weigh Out or Options…
...The brain makes sense of the world by using all available information, including senses, emotions, instincts, and remembered experiences.
One thing is certain...
If nothing changes, nothing changes.
It's as simple and complex as utilizing your power to choose to begin "consciously choosing" your path.
CHALLENGE: before you float downstream with a “go-with-the-flow” attitude, grab onto a passing branch and activate your power to choose your next course of action. Chart out new territory; mentally, physically, and spiritually as you re-discover YOU.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Jan 19, 2021
Tuesday Jan 19, 2021
SHOW NOTES:
On this show...we are breaking through our limited belief system, challenging what we’ve always known, to find the other half of the ham. Have you ever really thought about where your ideas and opinions come from? Maybe through experience, trials, and tribulations, but how many were planted, early in life, never to be challenged? So many times we adopt an idea as fact or tradition and never question “why”. Why am I still doing this and that and could there be a different, more productive, more joyful, or more successful way? Today we won’t accept: “well, that’s just the way it is, what I’ve always done” without some further exploration.
So the other half of the ham. I better explain this concept as a basis for our talk. I heard this “joke” if you will that hit me with more than just laughter. It opened my eyes to the pitfalls of just accepting something as fact because that’s what we were told, Lord knows when. This goes against my grain because I know for fact, that we are always changing. Not just the world, and all its improvements, but US - we are growing and changing daily so what might have been an idea or opinion that served us in the past, without challenge, we don’t know if it serves us now or in the future.
So this little girl is in the kitchen with her mother preparing a ham for dinner. She notices that she cuts off the end of the ham and casts it aside. She asks, “Momma, why do you cut off half the ham?” and her mother says, that’s how my mother has always done it. Hmm, let’s call Grandma. So they call Grandma and ask her about cutting off half the ham and she says, “Well, that’s how my mother has always done it, let’s call Granny”. So they give Granny a ring and ask her about this process of cutting off half the ham before you cook it and Granny says…,” Well because that’s what size pan I had”. After you have a good laugh think about that and then think about all the wasted ham because someone, down the line, didn’t question this belief
- Unhealthy Beliefs About Yourself
- Unhealthy Beliefs About Others
- Unhealthy Beliefs About the World
There are many different beliefs you have about yourself, other people, and the world around you. And while you're likely to think that all of your beliefs are 100 percent accurate, the truth is you likely hold onto at least a few core beliefs that are irrational and unproductive.
Unhealthy beliefs lead to unhealthy habits. And unhealthy habits produce negative outcomes that ultimately reinforce your unhealthy beliefs. It's a vicious cycle that can be tough to break.
It’s hard to acknowledge all the good in your life when you have challenge after challenge but in reality, isn’t that normal? Even the people you feel “have it all” who seem to be gleaming with success have faced trial after trial. Nothing is easy and even if you are blessed with talent and good luck, you too will fail. It’s a part of life and learning and our journey would be a brisk uneventful walk without it.
Many of us are constantly striving to grow professionally and personally in our lives. Every new year we set aside some time to establish brand new objectives and things we want to achieve. We start the year off with admirable willpower but it’s not uncommon to arrive at a point when our motivation drops off and our plans lose their luster.
Psychologist, Robert M., describes in his research the importance and impact of beliefs in our lives. He says:
“Beliefs are like filters on a camera. What the camera ‘sees’ is a function of the filters through which it is viewing its subject. In other words, how we ‘see’ the world is a function of our beliefs and profoundly influences personality.
As a result of our beliefs, we define ourselves as worthy or worthless, powerful or powerless, competent or incompetent, trusting or suspicious, belonging or outcast, self-reliant or dependent, flexible or judgmental, fairly treated or victimized, loved or hated. Your beliefs have far-reaching consequences, both positive and negative, in your life. Beliefs affect your moods, relationships, job performance, self-esteem, physical health, even your religious or spiritual outlook.”
See how just a slight shift in perspective can open up a whole new world of understanding? Isn’t that exciting. It’s like taking a new route instead of the same one you've done hundreds of times in practically a dream state.
I found some additional ideas from challengingmids.org that will help us identify where to start.
Here are just a few…
I do/don't - We may define ourselves by what we do or do not do. I may say 'I am an accountant', which means I do not do marketing and should not even think about it, and consequently fail to sell my services well.
I can't - We often have limited self-images of what we can and cannot do. If I think 'I cannot sing' then I will never try or not go to singing lessons to improve my ability. This is the crux of many 'I can't' statements: we believe our abilities are fixed and that we cannot learn.
I must/mustn't - We are bound by values, norms, laws, and other rules that constrain what we must and must not do. However, not all of these are mandatory and some are distinctly limiting. If I think 'I must clean the house every day' then this robs me of time that may be spent on something more productive.
Once you challenge a former belief to test its validity in your life today it’s time to release it. What doesn’t serve you must go. Just as you do a closet overhaul or a garage cleanout, you too can purge old beliefs to make room for new perspectives.
- Step 1: Write the limiting belief down.
- Step 2: Acknowledge that these are beliefs, not truths!
- Step 3: Try on a different belief.
- Step 4: Take different actions.
CHALLENGE: don’t accept what you’ve always heard and known to be fact and relevant in your life today. Dust off old concepts, explore their origin and meaning, then challenge these ideas with what and who you are today. Release what no longer serves you in preparation for the fresh new perspectives you will encounter on your journey.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Jan 12, 2021
Tuesday Jan 12, 2021
SHOW NOTES: (exerts and resources from the show)
On this show...we’re on the hunt for some new messaging to propel us forward. Words are powerful and can pick you up, placate you, or pull you down. We’re morphing your mantra to speak to you. Whether it’s a quote, an inspirational message, or just a catchy string of words, what you say and set your sights on can make all the difference. Let’s dig into saying it, claiming it, and making it happen - and why what we say directly affects what we think. It’s important to know what you can and can’t control to be effective with your efforts.
Now you might associate the word mantra with yoga or meditation like “ummmm” repeated over and over to put you in a state of awareness. On this show, we are using mantra as a word, words, or quote that you will connect with that means something to your being or in respect to a goal. We are specifically talking about morphing your existing one or taking on a new one because every day we are changing and what served us before may not serve us today or in days ahead.
Mantras can give you that source of inspiration, the anchor to which your goals are tied. When you are feeling lost and uninspired they can help refocus your efforts. Now, you can find mantras for just about anything.
If you are stressed out
Gotten off track
Need to exercise more
Finding gratitude in the morning
And so on….
But before we dig in to find a source of inspiration, we have a little work to do. What are you trying to do? You can’t just throw inspiration against the wall to see what sticks. You need to pick a goal, a new direction, a state of being, and then find the words to encourage you on your journey.
The words you use hold immense power. Power to fuel your confidence and ambition and power to make you feel anxious and inadequate. Power to make a strong first impression and power to be quickly forgotten. Power to create opportunities and power to shut them down.
- Hold yourself powerfully.
- Reframe forward.
- Avoid absolutes.
- Avoid absolutes.
- Shelve the “shoulds.”
- Express commitment. (Stop “trying”!)
- Limit the labels.
- Rephrase problems as opportunities.
One of my favorite quotes is…..”She stood in the middle of the storm and when the wind didn’t blow her way, she adjusted her sails” by Elizabeth Edwards.
For me, this is that anchor I was talking about. She didn’t run from conflict, she stood where she was, in the middle, and even when nothing was happening, she didn’t take a rest, she looked for wind by adjusting her sails. That speaks empowerment to me and being tenacious. When I’m feeling weak and overwhelmed, I can refer to the feeling I get when I recite this quote. I’ve made bookmarks and magnets for others to share this feeling.
...Let’s take another look at the power behind what we say and think from an interesting article I found on Legacy.com: WORDS ARE MORE POWERFUL THAN GUNS
There are major differences between verbal and physical violence. A physical attack is obvious and unmistakable. It hurts and often leaves a visible mark. The pain of verbal violence goes deep to the self and festers there. Because nothing shows on the surface, you can't expect much sympathy or even actual assistance. Worst of all, verbal violence often goes unrecognized, except at a level you probably may not even understand yourself.
If words can hurt, they can also heal. Think of the four words, "I have a dream." The moment they enter your mind, you know who said them -- and why.
Much has been written about the need for new patterns of communication in our society. There's deep dissatisfaction with the traditional ways of dealing with conflict, from argument to debate to lawsuits to violence. There's a growing feeling that there has to be a better way.
So many times we say something to someone or even to ourselves never fully understanding the effects of those words. Did you just plant a seed of inspiration to be uncovered at just the right time or maybe a seed of doubt that will stay stuck causing a series of issues. You might have had an opportunity to encourage with your words, and even inspire real action. The point is to be mindful of the power of your words. Use your time, your effort, and your words wisely.
Ok, do you have an idea what you want to do or are trying to do that could benefit from some uplifting words? Maybe you need a little extra inspiration to get your mind churning.
Well, Aaron Westbury gets us started with 25 Motivational Mantras That Actually Work so get ready! Here are just a few…
Mantra 1: You Didn’t Come This Far to Only Come This Far
This is one of the best motivational mantras as it is a great reminder of how far we have come. By waking up every morning and repeating this mantra, you remind yourself of all the success that you have had in your life and are ready to tackle the day. It makes you realize that if we were to quit, as we all have a tendency to do from time to time, how much we would actually be giving up.
Mantra 2: You Get What You Focus On
Mantra 3: You Can Find an Excuse or You Can Find a Way
Mantra 4: Wake Up. Kick Butt. Be Kind.
Mantra 5: I’m Doing This for Me
Mantra 6: Action Conquers Fear
I’m on a path to learn and grow so my mantra for 2021 is “Wreck me with Revelation”. No longer will I think the way I’ve always thought. Instead, I will be open to new ideas and opinions, I will research, read, study, and listen. And I will be flexible knowing I’m still growing and always learning.
CHALLENGE: pick a target and a purpose then explore motivational words and phrases that speak to you. Be mindful of what you say, think, and share, knowing that power comes from the tongue and plants in the mind.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Jan 05, 2021
Tuesday Jan 05, 2021
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…...we are preparing for a new year AND a new you? No no, why does everyone feel this push to reinvent themselves at the beginning of every new year? Push, maybe I should say peer pressure. It’s like you come sliding in under the wire at the end of a year with all sorts of promises to better yourself if you could just start over with a new year. How can you get in touch with your authentic self if you are always feeling less than adequate in fact so sub-par that you actually are looking for ways to become a whole new person. What a roller coaster of shame, regret, and false promises. I say NO - don’t start over, instead, commit to exploring what makes you, YOU, nurturing what needs attention, and then sharing your gifts with others.
What are your typical NYE resolution go-to’s? And most importantly, what is the motivation? Guilt? Peer pressure? Dissatisfaction?
Never set a goal without a strong personal reason. Well, I should never set a goal in which you plan on being successful, without a strong personal reason. You won’t follow through if it’s to please anyone else, because you feel pressure to do so, or you are just following a crowd.
- You MUST pick a small action. "Get more exercise" is not small. "Eat healthier" is not small.
- You MUST attach the new action to a previous habit.
- You MUST make the new action EASY to do for at least the first week.
If you take these three steps and you practice them 3 to 7 days in a row your new habit will be established.
The best (and some would say the only) way to get a large and long-term behavior change, is by changing your self-story.
Everyone has stories about themselves that drive their behavior. You have an idea of who you are and what’s important to you. Essentially you have a "story" operating about yourself at all times. These self-stories have a powerful influence on decisions and actions.
In his book, Redirect, Timothy Wilson describes a large body of impressive research of how stories can change behavior long-term. One technique he has researched is "story-editing"
I think before you add something new to the mix, you have to first figure out what you are dealing with and to do that, might require some exploration. Finding the authentic you is about peeling back the layers you’ve created to please the world around you and the people in it.
- LEARN TO MEET YOUR OWN PHYSICAL NEEDS
- GIVE YOURSELF SPACE
- OPEN YOURSELF UP TO THE POSSIBILITIES
- TRY ON DIFFERENT SELVES
- KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE ARRIVED
Self-discovery is the fun part but so many people are scared away from delving in and getting to know themselves for fears of facing their past. Would it help to know that your past can not be undone? Facing your past doesn’t mean reliving it. It means acknowledging it, claiming your responsibility, forgiving yourself and others, and then allowing yourself to move on.
But how in the world can you find time to do it all. The answer is, you can’t. Just like we discussed in the beginning, start with a small action and build from there. Be honest and kind to yourself.
Rachael Wolff from fromalovingplace.com wrote herself a letter as a mantra for better self-care. Why not make a commitment to yourself.
Dear Self,
Today, I will make a commitment to take 30 minutes or more a day for me. In that time, I will not have my phone on and will do everything in my power not to be distracted by the outside world. I will use this time to show myself love, respect, care, and loyalty. I will do this because it is exactly what I deserve. I will not be too busy and ignore my own personal needs. I know that by being there for myself I will be able to show up more for all the people in my life. I will have a clearer vision of who should and shouldn’t stay in my life. ….. (the whole letter is so inspiring!)
Don’t you wish it were that easy, to say it, claim it, and then follow our own advice. Who knows you better than you? If that answer isn’t YOU, then take that as a cue you need to stay on your quest for self-discovery. While you are out there, keep your eyes open for trust, the ability to trust yourself.
Sarah Williams shares her story of sharing in an article she wrote for addicted2success.com: Sharing is Caring: 6 Scientifically Proven Ways Helping Others Can Improve Your Life
“I’ve come to believe that the simple formula for happiness and success in life lies in caring about others, helping them in any way we can, and sharing what we have….”
- Helping others is good for your health
- It helps us handle stress better
- We form a deeper connection with ourselves thanks to sharing
- Doing good for others improves our social life
- Increased happiness levels
- Give more for better relationships
Share, learn, and grow. If you feel like you’ve hit a plateau in your development, your journey has become stale feeling more like a drudge….reach out and learn from others. Share your own story to build stronger connections. Whether you are sharing or learning, you are always growing.
CHALLENGE: make this a year of self-discovery to be reacquainted with your authentic self. Explore, nurture, and share your gifts with others to unlock additional opportunities. You are important and deserve added focus, time, and attention.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Dec 29, 2020
Tuesday Dec 29, 2020
SHOW NOTES:
On this show...we are being proactive! No better time to get a jump on the new year than with a solid solution instead of a weak resolution. You might feel a bit turned around as if this last year was a blur. How do you get a handle on what lies ahead when so much is uncertain? You start with what you know, organize your current life, and find the best solution...for YOU! Let’s dig into what is working and what isn’t. What you want and what you need. What you can reach for and what you can realistically handle. Remember, this solution is about you and what fits you best. Isn’t it nice to assert a little control when the world seems out of control? You have the power to make your next move count.
Who loves to organize? Come one now let’s do a quick little test. How many papers are stacked in your file 13 (you know the ones waiting for a day of meticulous filing)? How about your junk drawers, let’s be honest, one rather tidy one or several filled with...hmmm no clue and don’t care? Do you have a closet or two hiding things that have been pushed to the back that you have almost certainly purchased again?
What about your schedule - planned out to the minute or cluttered with more than humanly possible, missed timelines, forgotten appointments, and to-do’s that keep piling up?
I’m not sure there is a person out there who couldn’t stand to spend a little time organizing their life to find the most manageable way to handle all life throws your way.
It’s not just about getting on top of what you currently have but to find time to build in rewarding and life-enriching experiences. Don’t get comfortable with punching the clock of life without wanting more.
With that said - I do feel like there is a systematic way to achieve organization. If someone handed you the formula that removed the guesswork that led to a positive end result quicker with more accuracy...wouldn’t you take it? Why recreate the wheel?
I found a guide with How to Organize Your Life - 10 principles for organizing your work, home, health, fitness, hobbies, finances, and more...from Ambition & Balance, by Doist.
Instead of throwing life’s tasks in the air in hopes you’ll somehow manage to catch them all, follow a framework to keep every area of your life in order.
- Develop habits and build a routine
- Plan ahead
- Embrace your natural inclinations
- Consistency over perfection
- Find balance
- Prioritize appropriately
- Declutter and simplify
- Measure your progress
- Automate or outsource
- Experiment
Now that you know the ten aspects of the Organize Your Life framework, you can apply it to any number of areas in your life. By having some specific guidelines, you can approach each area with more confidence and less stress.
Work
It’s likely you spend the majority of your waking hours at work. Work represents what most people are actually organizing their lives around. There are endless conversations on how to organize the time we’re not working – early mornings, during lunch breaks, and after-hours into the evening. Less attention is paid to how people should organize their workdays and make the most out of the 8 hours you’re likely spending at a desk.
Home
Home is where it all happens. From doing the dishes to dinner parties, keeping up a clean and tidy household is a never-ending unpaid job. However, by being diligent and using some outsourcing hacks, running a household can be a little easier.
Health and Fitness
Making time for a healthy lifestyle is a multiplier for everything else: we become better at our jobs, can be more present for our loved ones, and feel more motivated to tackle life’s other challenges. Unfortunately, it’s also often the first thing to fall to the wayside when the stress of everyday life takes over.
Finances
Money can buy financial freedom and peace of mind. It can also buy a whole lot of things we don’t need. By organizing your finances with care, you can set yourself up for the future without depriving yourself in the present.
Relationships
Make time for planning social outings. The older and busier we become, the less time there seems to be for spontaneous date nights and random coffee dates with friends. Proactively plan time with all the people in your life you care about, rather than waiting for plans to assemble themselves.
Deciding how to organize your life isn’t about precisely what time you should wake-up in the morning or exactly where you should store your important documents. Rather than getting caught up in these details, pay attention to the bigger principles of leading a good life.
CHALLENGE: Instead of being led by your life, find the right solution to lead your best life. Organizing, reprioritizing, letting go, and making space will give you the control and enrichment your life is craving.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Dec 22, 2020
Tuesday Dec 22, 2020
On this show...we’ll be putting it all together. A compilation if you will. All the experience you’ve acquired, the challenges you’ve overcome, the tests you’ve failed, and the struggles you’ve emerged victorious. We’re pulling them all together. It’s time to share your knowledge as you apply what you’ve learned. That’s right, it wasn’t all for nothing. Each time you heard no and persevered to get the yes, you learned a valuable lesson. These lessons together shaped who you are today and that my friend, needs to be shared with others. We are all on our own journey traveling at our own pace. There are people all around us, including us that have something to teach and a valuable impact to make.
I love a different perspective. Just a slight twist can cause you to look at a situation with fresh, unfiltered eyes. Failures are valuable lessons. Not something you seek out but something you can definitely learn from that could alter your course in a positive and profound way.
That’s something to be thankful for. That’s a new perspective. Typically, failures are something to be ashamed of, to hide from, and cover-up. Taking the emotional baggage and pushing it deep down, disassociating ourselves with the event and denying our role. Not only is there no lesson learned from that approach but it’s actually counter-productive delivering even more damage.
Harvey Mackay shares more on this introduction to that way we think in his article, Change your perspective, change your life, that he wrote for bizjournal.com
Perspective has many definitions, such as the ability to understand what is important and what isn't, and the capacity to view things in their true relationship or relative importance.
Consider this excellent example of how differently people view the same subject in this ancient fable.
Four blind men were asked to examine an elephant and to describe its appearance.
- The first blind man felt the elephant’s leg and declared that the creature was like a tree.
- The second blind man felt the elephant’s enormous side and said that it was like a wall.
- The third man felt the tail and was positive that the elephant was like a rope.
- The fourth felt the tusk and likened it to a spear.
Each man’s notion of reality was limited by the number and kind of attributes he had been able to perceive. Four different perspectives, four different conclusions. None of them had enough information to arrive at a reasonable answer. Acting on limited information is one of the biggest mistakes we can make.
Once I had my first revelation, a shift in my thinking that elicited an AH-HA moment, I wanted more. I loved the freedom this new perspective brought and I wanted to challenge everything else I had ever thought. There was no way I could have done this level of discovery on my own. I had to seek out support and then listen to new ideas. Most importantly, be willing to accept a new way of thinking.
Now, no matter where you are on your journey, this show is all about SHARE, LEARN, AND GROW - so I found some lessons you might not have experienced yet so for you this is the gift of knowledge. And for some of you, these might be revelations since you’ve lived it BUT didn’t know you were in the midst of a learning experience so for you, this is the gift of enlightenment.
- When you are done with an experience, compost it, don't throw it out
- Obstacles aren't roadblocks, they're road signs
- Adventure is the greatest path to knowledge & happiness
...check out the show or the link to review all 30!
Let me share some of mine with you:
A great work ethic is noble but won’t solve all the world’s problems. You can’t just put your head down and keep digging the ditch, faster, putting in more hours, and going deeper. You have to be strategic and sometimes that comes with slowing down and reflecting on what you have and where you are.
Don’t be in such a rush to get somewhere. Grow up, get married, have kids, climb to the top of the ladder in your career. Time flies and if you get in a rush, you are propelled through the best parts. Slow down and enjoy.
Love is your most rewarding asset. Being loved and loving others is essential to health and happiness. Don’t isolate yourself thinking independence means you are rewarded for doing everything on your own. You need a consistent flow of love in your life.
Serving others from a place of purpose and passion is the quickest way to unlock joy in your life. Nothing nourishes your soul more than being there for someone else in a true hour of need. Financially, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Give from your heart when you see someone in need - even when you don’t see it. Acknowledging someone is the only ice breaker you need.
MANON RINSMA-LEONARD, MSC. explains why we are Stronger by Sharing: “5 Reasons Why It’s Important to Share Your Story” in an article for strongerbysharing.com
Bursts of laughter, tears of joy, sobs of sadness, love, grief, anger, it is all part of our story we call ‘Life’. It is a journey, a quest to pursue happiness. There are ups and downs, highs and lows, for some more extreme than others, but either way, there are so many stories out there.
- Find your Voice
- Empower Others
- Create Hope
- Create Hope
- Emotional Healing
Judith E Glaser - Learn to Talk WITH People, Not at Them
Love her research on the importance of sharing - not just about the weather or a quick catch-up. Sharing your challenges, struggles, goals & desires.
CHALLENGE: be in constant pursuit of knowledge. Look deeper at your struggles to find a new perspective and the lesson you will add to your experience bank. Use this learning to tell your story and impact others as you share what you’ve learned.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Dec 15, 2020
Tuesday Dec 15, 2020
SHOW NOTES:
On this show...we are releasing our need to over-perform, over commit, and over criticize as we break perfectionism’s power over us. Deep down we realize being perfect at everything every time without fail isn’t attainable but yet, it doesn’t stop us from raising our expectations and never being satisfied with anything other than winning. Think about that, the feeling of never being satisfied with our performance and therefore, never feeling the joy of accomplishment. That just won’t do.
Perfectionism: refusal to accept any standard short of perfection. Immediately my ears perk up when I hear the words “refusal to accept”. There is your wall keeping you from learning and growing. At what point in your life did you adopt this stance, the refusal to accept? In the early years when you were just getting started in life. You had all the energy and motivation but also a serious lack of experience and growth. Certainly not the ideal recipe for drawing such a line in the sand.
Refusal to accept any standard short of perfection. What then is perfect? Completely free from faults or defects, or as close to such a condition as possible.
I wonder who added the “....or as close to such a condition as possible” HA It had to be when they figured out, perfect is impossible. So there you go, you have a safety net. When it can’t be perfect, get as close as you can.
But even that level of expectation can wreak havoc in your life. Nothing could be more subjective; when it can’t be perfect, get as close as you can. Are YOU ok with admitting THAT is as close as you can come to perfect and then being willing to stop and pat yourself on the back, a job well done!?
Perfectionists are a lot like high achievers, but with some key differences. The following are ten telltale traits of perfectionists, that you may be able to spot in yourself or in the people you know. Do any of these sound familiar?
- All-or-Nothing Thinking
- Highly Critical
- Pushed by Fear
- Unrealistic Standards
- Focussed on Results
- Depressed by Unmet Goals
- Fear of Failure
- Procrastination
- Defensiveness
- Low Self-Esteem
With all or nothing thinking, you have one try and that’s it. If the following people adopted that philosophy we wouldn’t have:
- Disney
- The lightbulb among a gazillion other inventions
- Harry Potter
- Dr. Suess
- Microsoft
- Oprah - and all she does
- Heck, even KFC!
Perfectionism is a double-edged sword. On one hand, it can motivate you to perform at a high level and deliver top-quality work. On the other hand, it can cause you unnecessary anxiety and slow you down.
- Look at the big picture
- Create a checklist
- Break the cycle of rumination
- Identify your triggers
- Don’t trust your first reaction
- Seek a diversion
- Think positive
- Get some perspective
- Monitor your progress
Let’s all do a little visualization, shall we? You at age 21 (and if you are now 21, take it back to age 15) What if that person was still in charge today, make all your life’s decisions. Oh sure they thought they knew everything and were in total control and NO one could have told them differently. They weren’t open, honest, and un-opinionated. Hey give them a break, they were green which is a nice way of saying dumb. Ok, they were a little dumb.
They needed a gentle push, and some trials just challenging enough to open their eyes and to realize, they needed to accept help and possibly a different perspective. Possibly from people who have already been there and done that.
You learn from other people, walking through life, making mistakes, being down, and getting back up. Never should you refuse to accept whether it’s ideas, a new perspective, help, support, kindness, or love.
Shutting yourself off to change and accepting that you are as good as you will ever be is a travesty no matter what your age or present circumstance. You have the power for real change. Breaking the power of perfectionism gives you permission to try until you, just figure it out.
Awareness is breaking the power. Let’s dig more into the way we think and why. Micheal Schwantes shares 10 Things Emotionally Intelligent People Refuse to Think as a way to expose negative thinking patterns.
- All or nothing thinking
- Over-generalization
- Minimizing or magnifying (also, catastrophizing)
- Using words like "should," "need to," "must," and "ought to" as motivation
- Labeling
- Jumping to conclusions (mind-reading or fortune-telling)
- Discounting the positive
- Blame and personalization
- Emotional reasoning
- Mental filtering
Ready to let go of the unobtainable and mind-shift to acceptance? Thomas Oppong wrote: Make Life Easier on Yourself by Accepting “Good Enough.” Don’t Pursue Perfection, Pursue Progress - for medium.com
...Done is better than perfect. The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists. It rewards people who get things done. Give yourself time in your life to wonder what’s possible and to make even the slightest moves in that direction.
...Free yourself from the fear of mistakes. When you follow your own true north you create new opportunities, have different experiences, and create a different life.
You have the power to break perfectionism’s hold over you. It starts today with accepting who you are and where you are as good enough. Tomorrow you can forge out in a new direction.
CHALLENGE: let self-acceptance be the guide on your journey instead of blindly following the misleading beacon to perfection. You are good enough and change should come from a desire to learn and grow, not to please.
I Know YOU Can Do It!