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Weekly topics covering life‘s challenges with a positive spin and a new perspective. It‘s time to connect, learn, and grow!
Episodes
Tuesday May 17, 2022
Tuesday May 17, 2022
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we are picking up, organizing, and instilling the filter; if it doesn’t serve us, it has to go! Since we are the owners of our domains, mind, body, and soul then the only what to control chaos is to declutter our world. Where to start? How about at the source of our frustration, worry, or stress. Pushing it around on the plate or moving it from here to there is not going to solve our issues or open up a clear path forward. We have to make some cuts, some deep cuts, to get back on track and make room for some new ideas. Clutter is the physical manifestation of unmade decisions fueled by procrastination, a quote by Christina Scalise. Whoa, the buck stops here. No more excuses. You have things, thoughts, past regrets, and unaccomplished goals which no longer fit. Time for some thoughtful evaluation; keep, pitch, or donate.
As a life coach, I’m often tasked with untangling a person's challenges to help them see a path forward. I think we’ve all been there a time or two. Overwhelmed, where every pressure in our lives takes on the same level of priority and before we know it, we’re running around with our heads cut off thinking the sky is falling. It’s easy to do. Life is busy, complicated, and oftentimes, messy. I don’t know about you but I don’t have a life assistant who wakes me up with my to-do list and a steaming cup of coffee. Picks out my outfit for the day, tells me they have this and that handled, and for me to just concentrate on what I do best. WOW - maybe that’s the type of robot help we need to be creating.
Instead, you have to wake up and tackle it all while running the gauntlet of more challenges and to-do’s added as you go. Chaos! There is a time in the day when no matter what else needs to be done, I take a hard pass. If there is any way it can wait until tomorrow - it does!
Today, I know my limitations but there was a time when busy felt productive and productive felt successful and stress was just part of it. If you’re there - don’t be swindled by that thought. If you look at all the memes, apparel, and home decor telling you to nurture yourself, love yourself, keep calm, and hit the beach, and think those are written for someone else, they aren’t. You will hit a wall. I don’t know what you’re wall will look like but hopefully, it’s just a nice wake-up call that you need more balance in your life. Well-rounded doesn’t just refer to possessing a personality mixture of a little bit of everything but you can strive for a well-rounded life.
Gustavo Razzetti shares How to Lead a Well Balanced Life in an article for fearlessculture.com
Hereford helps you Simplify Your Life in 10 Practical Steps found at essentiallifeskills.net
Hereford offers 15 Ways to Enjoy Life More found at essentiallifeskills.net
CHALLENGE: Purge the clutter that’s distracting you from living a well-balanced life. Create space to explore new relationships, welcome new ideas, and live life with meaning. Keep, pitch, or donate - it’s all up to you.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday May 10, 2022
Tuesday May 10, 2022
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we won’t be checking our likes and loves and we won’t be perched on the edge of our seat waiting for positive feedback or verification that we are doing, saying, or acting accordingly. Instead, we will be content with the discovery to better understand our need for validation. Recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile. Why do we need someone else to make that declaration for us? Why do we look to others for approval? It’s true even if you try and say it isn’t, all people want to be liked. So where is the edge; from being accepted to needing acceptance? An important part of this self-discovery journey is to understand who you are and why you need or want certain things. From the physical to the emotional. Through your strengths and your weaknesses. What makes you tick and what can you do to be self-satisfied while connecting with others in a healthier way.
Everyone loves a compliment. Ok, well maybe not EVERYONE. Some people are shy and uncomfortable receiving or giving compliments. But it’s nice to be appreciated and valued. You take the time to get dressed up, make a delicious dinner, or put an extra shine on the spring cleaning and it would be nice if it doesn’t go unnoticed.
That seems like a normal give and take for humanity right? Right. But what makes us take it too far? What causes us to crave more than a simple thank you, you got this, and I love your hair? You’re going to hear a lot of different angles on the topic of validation, from why we crave it to how to distance ourselves from what can be an obsessive need. So let me tell you why I felt it necessary to explore this topic. I’m a little worried frankly. I feel like I’ve reached a level of maturity that helps me step back and observe things as they happen vs being in the thick of it. Some might say being on the fringes is risky because you are too far away from the action to have a real opinion but in this case, I think it’s best.
Social media and the internet in general have given the normal human being more exposure than we’ve ever had in history. Everyone can be seen and heard if they choose to be. Look at me, listen to me, I’m over here! And instead of it being a one-way conversation that a soapbox might create, they are looking for feedback, agreement, encouragement, and validation.
We know it and yet we feel compelled to participate. You see a new profile pic of a friend of yours…what do you do? Great pic, you’re so beautiful, love your smile, stunning, gorgeous. LIKE LIKE LIKE, LOVE LOVE LOVE. Feels pretty good when it’s happening to you, right? Let’s be honest. Let’s explore the feeling to find the threshold.
Happiness.com suggests; Self-validation: 5 ways to develop it
CHALLENGE: Drink the water. You are enough and you have enough and what you offer is valuable. Look within to self-satisfy and meet your basic needs before seeking validation and acceptance from others.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday May 03, 2022
Tuesday May 03, 2022
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we aren’t taking our toys and going home or playing the blame game but instead, we are going to explore and research as we navigate ever-changing friendships. Best buds, bestie, buddy, friends-forever, chums, pals, twinkies, mates, amigo…..so what is the true meaning of friendship?
friendship, a state of enduring affection, esteem, intimacy, and trust between two people. In all cultures, friendships are important relationships throughout a person's life span. But it isn’t always smooth sailing but instead a little bumpy, emotional, and sometimes heartbreaking. If we could only answer with certainty, was it you or was it me? People come in and out of your life leaving meaning, impact, and a myriad of lessons. But at the time of a friendship break, it’s hard to pick through the benefits. Let’s try and do just that. So no matter where you are in your friendships, take this journey with me.
I have had the same best friend since I was 4 years old. That is a rarity I know and for which I am very blessed. Her sister is just a year older and we all met while visiting their cousin who was my neighbor. It wasn't long until we were thick as thieves. Coming from a small town, it was easy to stay together in school and in our free time. After school adventures and weekend slumber parties. We grew up, got braces, learned to drive, dated boys, started careers, found husbands, and had children. It all sounds very Norman Rockwell I know but it wasn’t without our lion’s share of challenges, tragedies wins, and losses. Through it all, we’ve weathered the storms and stayed together. You should hear us singing 80’s music at the top of our lungs at Patio Time. Actually, maybe you shouldn’t lol.
Not all my friendship stories have happy endings and at first, I took it personally. What do I mean, “at first”, maybe I still do. Endless hours were spent replaying my role, scrutinizing what I must have said or done, and not accepting that maybe our time had come to an end. How do you let go and move on when you weren’t really ready for a friendship to end? Don’t worry, we’ll unpack that and much more.
I found this post on Facebook which inspired the show today. I think we could have all benefited from this list as we were growing up but I also believe we need these reminders moving forward.
Things I want my daughter to know about friendship. Written by Amy Weatherly & Jess Johnston
Dr. Karen Binder-Brynes shares more on this with When Friendships Change, written for goop.com
At yourlifeyourvoice.org I found an interesting concept of Circles of Friendship
CHALLENGE: today, reach out to a friend, new or old. Set a date to connect and share. Realize the benefits of nurturing your inner circle and uncover new ways to give to those relationships. Be yourself. Let other people be themselves right back.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Apr 26, 2022
Tuesday Apr 26, 2022
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we aren’t going to be quick to dismiss our emotions or shame ourselves for overreacting. Instead, we’re going to listen to our bodies, recognize the sensations, and be thankful that acting on instinct is our brain’s natural protection. Your mind is command central and in most cases, is working for you not against you. In certain situations, you have a heightened sense of awareness for a reason. Cause for pause isn’t just a catchy slogan but your brain’s warning signal. Laughter, tears, shock, connection, joy, and peace are all delivering much-needed chemicals from your brain to your body at just the right moment. We can become overwhelmed, over-stimulated, and over-tired without reason except to say, OK, I hear you. Thank you for always looking out for me. Before someone tells you to stop feeling a certain way or to start feeling a certain way - shouldn’t you take the time to understand where you’re mind is coming from?
I don’t know about you but I am fascinated by the brain! We have such complex emotions, thoughts, and reactions, that it seems like our minds never shut off completely. Now, we could dwell on those moments where we find ourselves ruminating, worrying, or in a state of unnecessary panic over the past or the perceived future. But let’s not. Let’s try and understand how our brains protect us, and how they trigger us to be aware, question, and reason.
In 1784, philosopher Immanuel Kant penned a now-famous essay entitled, “What Is Enlightenment?” He called out people’s tendency to blindly follow thought leaders. “If I have a book that thinks for me, a pastor who acts as my conscience, a physician who prescribes my diet, and so on — then I have no need to exert myself. I have no need to think if I can only pay; others will take care of that disagreeable business for me,” he wrote. His thesis for the essay became a rallying cry for the era. “Sapere Aude! (Dare to know.) ‘Have the courage to use your own understanding,’ is, therefore, the motto of the enlightenment.”
Today I feel very led to think a certain way. Not because there has been some thoroughly researched revelation and I’m late to the party but more of someone’s ideas and opinions that spread and infect or impact large groups of people who adopt those same ideas and opinions as to their own. At times it feels like a tidal wave. Swim hard or get sucked down. What I want to say is HEY…wait a minute. Give me some time to sit with my feelings. Explore more than one point of view and come together with my own thoughts. THEN I might be ready to talk about it to see how my ideas match or differ from yours, or theirs, his, or hers.
Does that sound reasonable?
Let’s look at why our mind behaves as it does, how our brains protect us, and what it means to be a free thinker.
I found a few more ideas on the subject at aconsciousrethink.com
Remy Awika gives us The 10 Traits That Make You a Free-Thinker found at medium.com
CHALLENGE: Be informed, be inspired, be educated, but don’t be led to make your mind up before you are ready. Your thoughts and opinions are valuable and should never be discounted. Take your time.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Apr 19, 2022
Tuesday Apr 19, 2022
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we are putting a pin in the “what ifs”, acknowledging our responsibility, and letting go so we can move on with peace and freedom. It’s time we give ourselves a pass. You will never have it all figured out, people, including yourself, will continue to shock and surprise you, and you don’t possess the power to change the past. You can, however, learn and grow as you navigate this complex thing called life. In order to move on, you need to come to a place of acceptance knowing what you have today, information, motive, apologies, or forgiveness will have to be enough. Feeling stuck and hopeless is an illusion. Emotions are powerful but you are stronger. Pick up each foot, quiet your spinning minds with ENOUGH, and reach a hand in front of you. Take your index finger and extend it forward because that’s where you are heading.
There are so many angles we can explore when it comes to acceptance so let’s leave no stone unturned. We’ve all heard or used the saying “It is what it is”. The perfect phrase for acceptance. It is that it means, "Oh well, nothing to do now but move on. It already happened and it can’t be changed or that’s just what it is and I can’t make it different." However you interpret the meaning, it means time to move on.
The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance. – Nathaniel Branden
Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune. – William James
Acceptance is typically linked to loss. Accepting the loss of something in preparation of letting go and moving forward. What have you lost that you are still in the process of accepting? How did you get there? How did you move on?
Mateja Klaric asks and answers, Why Is It So Hard to Accept a Loss? In her article for medium.com
At condolence.com I found more info on the Fifth Stage of Grief: Acceptance
CHALLENGE: accept what you can not change. Instead of resisting and living in a constant state of suffering. Reach out, explore your options, and be open and willing to invite in new emotions. You deserve to feel free.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Apr 12, 2022
Tuesday Apr 12, 2022
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we’re throwing open the shutters and coming into the light as we boldly embrace a new season without the familiar fear we’ve become accustomed to. Change is inevitable so instead of cowering or resisting, we are setting our sights on something new. This time we WILL be curious, we WILL welcome new ideas, we WILL be mindful of our needs, we WILL reach out when we need comfort and connection, and we WILL enjoy our ever-evolving life! John F Kennedy said, “Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past and present are certain to miss the future.” Rumi said, “Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” Let’s explore the different seasons of life and our willingness or resistance to change. It’s also important to acknowledge the fear and when it threatens progress to get to the root of its existence.
I love the quote from Rumi because it represents two seasons of thought. The first season is when you are slugging it out with life trying to get ahead and finding your place in the world. You’re passionate and driven, believing in your ability to be a world-changer. Now you might be there now or be on your way to a future season thinking HEY, I’m still passionate and driven and believe I have the power to affect change. No doubt - hear me out. The biggest change in these two seasons happens with a level of self-awareness and a shift in your approach.
Quoting a Micheal Jackson’s song here: If you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and then make a change you better get it right while you’ve got the time cause if you close your heart then you close your mind!
That’s where self-awareness comes into play. You have the power but how do you define power and then how do you exercise that power? Does power mean exerting strong physical energy over something or does it mean self-control and the power to change your perception, your ideas and opinions, and your own mind? Coming to a powerful revelation in your own mind can affect measurable change.
I still feel as powerful as I did in my earlier seasons but I feel more empowered to do something with the knowledge that I’ve collected. Experiences, trials, failures, re-engineering, new connections, new experiences, additional challenges, successes, celebrations…..all of this made me and is making you who you are. That’s what we see when we look in the mirror. Self-reflection is the only way to invoke change in your life.
Connie Mathers starts us off with How to Thrive During the Four Seasons of Life
Found at developgoodhabits.com
Paula at thirteenthoughts.com digs into OVERCOMING FEAR + EMBRACING CHANGE
Happeemindz.com reminds us that Self Awareness: A mechanism to change one's life
CHALLENGE: no matter what season of you’re life you’re leaving and embracing, take a look in the mirror and check in with your willingness to change. Awareness rationalizes assumed beliefs and gives clarity to perception.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Apr 05, 2022
Tuesday Apr 05, 2022
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we are aiming to evaluate our thoughts, exercise our intuition, and challenge our rational thinking as we avoid getting swayed by the power of suggestion, instead, standing our ground. How often do we take the time to question our thinking; is that how I feel or is that how they want me to feel? It all seems a bit blurry. Ideas and opinions, demands and ultimatums, bombarding us into a state of confusion. We feel this intense sense of urgency and because of that, we can find ourselves making rash decisions. “You are either for IT or against IT…come on which is IT”? Exactly…can I ask, “What is IT?” That pressure and the promise of a self-paced life journey are in complete contrast. Like two roads in the wood, which would you choose? A quote from Erich Fromm, Let your mind start a journey thru a strange new world. Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before. Let your soul take you where you long to be…Close your eyes let your spirit start to soar, and you’ll live as you’ve never lived before.
I’ve been in sales and marketing for over 30 years so I am well aware of the power of suggestion. It’s my job to be persuasive and persistent. Persuasion: recommending a product or service that would benefit this person and convincing them, with logical and rational resources, to take action. The persistent part comes by never giving up. But let’s dive deeper into this idea of persuasion and how it relates to the power of suggestion. Every day and quite possibly, hourly, you’re being sold. Images, videos, commercials, taglines, slogans, arguments, offers, discounts…the list can go on and on. Your mind is busy all day long making choices.
You get up and make a choice of how to start your day, what to have for breakfast, and what to wear. At work it feels like that’s all you do all day long, managing your time, resources, meetings, co-workers, clients…all choices. You come home or head to your after-work extracurricular, time with friends, time with kids, time with your spouse or other obligations; honey-dos, projects, extra jobs, volunteerism, you name it. Choices.
When do you get time to think, ponder, rationalize, evaluate, or consider. To get all that done in a single day requires rapid-fire decisions. YES, NO, and not a whole lot of room for Maybe.
So let's go back to that idea of persuasion: recommending a product or service that would benefit this person and convincing them, with logical and rational resources, to take action.
Is that what’s happening? Do you believe everyone intent on getting your attention and winning your action is recommending a product or service that would benefit you? Then do you feel like they are convincing you with logical and rational resources?
Whoa….I see a pretty big discrepancy how about you?
Over at exploringyourmind.com I found more info on The Power of Suggestion
CHALLENGE: let your mind be the compass for your journey. Take the time to evaluate how you feel and when needed, choose to research what’s important to make your decision. When you assert your authority, you are in control.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Mar 29, 2022
Tuesday Mar 29, 2022
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we are taking our time, letting the candle wax run as we explore the warning; be careful what you wish for. I’m sure you’ve thought about it before, if I could have anything, what would I wish for? You might have even played the game when you were young, three wishes. Some of you might have chosen simply, for the moment and others of you might have taken your time, savoring each wish and thinking of an all-encompassing answer. “I wish for unlimited wishes”. But how many of you thought of the after wish. You know that time after the wish has been granted. What now? How do you live with your choice? How do you manage the gift? Sometimes it’s not as simple as granting you what you want but instead, there could be strings attached or conditions. What if it weren’t that simple and instead, every wish led to an extended responsibility. Maybe instead of wishing you find contentment where you are and with what you have. Intriguing? Maybe, let’s dig in and see.
I recently read a book, The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue. In the story, the main character, Adeline is desperately trying to get out of an arranged marriage at the end of the 17th century in France. She has befriended a lady of the woods who taught her to pray to many other gods besides the religious God her parents worshiped. She warned her never to pray at night because the God of the night wasn’t a good god but an evil one. Unfortunately, that is just what happened. In her desperation to escape and not be owned by anyone, she made a deal with the devil. She could live forever, independently but when surrendered, her soul would be his.
She was 23 at the time of the deal and she would be 23 for centuries. Sounds amazing huh? Never growing old and bonus, she could never die which meant, any injury or accident was immediately rectified.
BUT you didn’t think the devil would make it that rich did you? Now the conditions. Why couldn’t she be owned or controlled by anyone? Because as soon as she left their sight, even exiting a room, she was immediately forgotten. She wasn’t allowed to say her name or make a mark in any way on this world. Think about that? She couldn’t get a job, rent a room, have a friend, or make a home. She couldn’t build on more than the first meeting with anyone. No one remembered her. Let that sink in for a minute.
What if no one remembered you or what you did? I think we’ve all wished for eternal youth but imagine if this were the consequence?
At aconsiousrethink.com I found 6 Sad Reasons Why You Are Never Satisfied In Life (+ How To Be)
I want to leave you with 4 Inspiring Messages from The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue
CHALLENGE: count your lucky stars and find gratitude in the life you have. Before you make a deal for more, explore the conditions and impact a wish granted will have on your life. It’s all in the power of perception.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Mar 22, 2022
Tuesday Mar 22, 2022
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we are laying our cards on the table and summoning the courage to ask, offer, and receive forgiveness. It might sound simple but far from it. Guaranteed you’ve got some sort of shame or guilt stowing away in the baggage you’ve been dragging around for decades. Maybe you haven't come to terms with it or you’ve convinced yourself with faulty justification just to get by, but it’s there. Well today, with your permission, we are going to unpack it with the attempts to sort it out. Forgiveness is multifaceted which is why we are looking at the concept from multiple angles. Asking for it when needed, learning to forgive yourself, extending that offer to others, and then benefiting from receiving said forgiveness. All equals freedom in one form or the other. First, you have to be open and willing to accept responsibility for your own actions and be self-aware enough to realize what you are holding on to or refusing to ask for, could be making all the difference.
I’m not one to hold a grudge. Primarily because I hate tension, literally loath confrontation. I also don’t like to be in a bad mood. I’m not a brooder, a worrywart, or a nervous Nelly. I love calm consistent joy with a sprinkling of anticipation and a dash of drive. That’s where I feel most comfortable. Because of that, I do what it takes to get over it…for the most part.
Where I struggle most is with self-forgiveness. Most of us tend to hold ourselves to a much higher standard than we do others so with that comes harsh judgment and an unwillingness to forget let alone forgive. What does that look like on a face? Maybe nothing if you are good at hiding your deepest feelings. This means a sunny disposition can be hiding a darker storm so just be aware. You can not judge a person by what you see. We all have had trials and tribulations throughout our lives which are far from over. You might be good at compartmentalizing but others may not. So our reactions and how we work through each incident of struggle and strife make the way for what lies ahead.
Why is self-forgiveness so hard? Why are we so quick to let someone else off the hook; to swiftly lower their expectations but our own are kept to the highest standards with no second chances? I don’t know. Have you ever asked yourself that? Have you ever had an in-depth conversation through a personal deep dive on yourself?
Dr. Stephen Marmer enlightens us with more about Forgiveness found at PragerU.com
The Mayo Clinic shares: Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness
CHALLENGE: let go of resentment and lower your defenses. Be willing to re-examine your role, forgive yourself for the part you played, offer the same to others, and receive the freedom to move forward. You hold the key!
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Mar 15, 2022
Tuesday Mar 15, 2022
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we are challenging our thought process, removing perceived obstacles, and finding love from within as we eliminate perfection from our expectations. Is your self-love conditional? “When I achieve this or that I can revisit the love I have for myself but not before.” Are your conditions reasonable and achievable or will the love you have for yourself never be realized? Let’s be honest with ourselves today because denying yourself love from within is preventing you from sharing authentic love with others. Everything starts and ends with you. Might sound like a lot of responsibility but hear me out. The way you look at the world and your relationship with it is entirely personal. The ideas you chose to believe and identify with will shape how you operate in it. That’s why this journey of SELF-discovery is all about YOU. You are the self this journey is all about.
Self-love is the self-help buzzword of the decade. It’s painted, screen printed, embroidered, written about, posted, shared, and podcasted all over the planet. But what is it and how does one partake? How many self-help buzzwords or sayings trigger an immediate response with you:
- Breathe
- Keep calm
- Carry on
- Don’t sweat the small stuff
- Choose kindness
- Be mindful
- Let Go
Most seem meaningful and are definitely a friendly reminder but if you don’t know what they mean and how they apply to you then they are just words.
You don’t know what you don’t know. So if you’re curious, if you would like to feel more accepted and loved by yourself and then others, isn’t it worth the journey?
I was too busy worrying about everyone else to worry too much about my own personal development. Now on the surface that sounds gallant but it’s not. My worry was more about control and this misperception that I was more responsible for everyone than I actually was. Because of this warped way of thinking, I spent a lot of time investing my mental and physical energy on those who would have benefited way more from just figuring it all out on their own.
Professionally I excelled but personally, I didn’t take the time to get to know myself and what I truly wanted or needed. You are made up of many glorious parts and endless personas and they all need your attention. This might sound like something else to add to your plate and you’re right. You need to carve out time for yourself - sooner rather than later. Giving to yourself will help you more effectively give to others.
As we strive to create balance in our lives it’s important to explore and extinguish this idea of perfection. Understanding it and its hold over you will help the pace of your journey from the need to be first and fastest to taking the necessary time you need.
CHALLENGE: delight in your journey taking special care to celebrate the self-revelations along the way. Striving for perfection will prevent you from moving forward and enjoying the constant evolution and love that is unique to you.
I Know YOU Can Do It!