Encouragementology

Back to the Basics, The Realness of Retro

Times are a-changing but what happened to the “good ol’days? Are you questioning that more and more? There is no doubt that with all the emerging technology and modern-day conveniences life hasn’t gotten a little easier but true to the old adage “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it!” Some things should have been left alone. So things we might see now as inconvenient might have been critical to our social and emotional well-being and maybe paramount to our development as a society. So let’s reminisce a little bit…..go “way back” as I like to say it, and revisit what might need reviving.

So what is way back for you? Think about that time when everything felt right, easy, joyful ...it may be your youth since responsibilities could have been few or it could have been when YOU were in your hey-day, feeling on top of the world. It might have been a time you’ve just heard about - a simpler time when connections were real and people made an effort, were taken at their word, and choices were few but the quality was high. Where ever you mind transports you...let’s talk about then. 

My Dad was 1st generation German who was born to immigrant parents that settled in Seattle, Washington. His Dad passed away when he was 11 but he remembers a man who was very proud to be in America, he took pride in his work and cherished his relationships. He was a “gas jockey” and he took his job very seriously. My Dad still has his uniform, it was always neatly pressed and pristine and he felt honored putting it on every day. He wasn’t trying to shorten his day or work from home. He wasn’t bitter about management and not owning his own time. He wasn’t irritated at having his day scheduled or having to get up early. He was appreciative of a steady job, a paycheck, the opportunity to be part of a team, the respect earned, and the responsibility given. 

When my Dad landed in Southern Illinois for a job at the University he settled in Cobden. A small, rural farm town where everyone knew everyone. He made connections quickly because he knew he had to establish some roots. He needed to be part of the community. You see he bought a place south of town, a big farmhouse needing a little repair. He had a wife and infant son and only knew one other person. I remember him telling me this story and reminding me that, you are only as good as your word. Never forget that. This was before credit cards and as I said, he was new in town and only had one connection. Back then you bought things on credit but that was determined by your character and if they felt you were trustworthy. He always paid on time and before long was in good standing with this close-knit community. He wasn’t judged based on his “credit score” he didn’t have Amazon and wasn’t a prime member. He wasn’t researching companies' legitimacy and reading 1-star reviews to see if they were just hyper-critical or helpful. He was meeting people, developing relationships, and earning trust. He was making commitments and seeing them through that shaped his character and gave him an admirable reputation. 

I bring up these two stories to shine a light on the fact that there are important life lessons we are meant to learn on this journey. Sometimes the journey means meandering, getting stuck in the ruts, getting towed out of the mud, coasting down the highway, taking a side route that might be a bit rocky, finding a detour to avoid danger ahead,  or even setting it on cruise control ...and everything in between. Taking the luge of life ...not passing Go, not collecting $200, is no way to live. Every obstacle, challenge, loss, and win is a chance to learn and grow. When we eventually make life SO easy then where is the lesson, and where is the growth? 

When choices were limited decisions were easy. We could focus on one thing at a time and enjoy the process. Today we are mentally pulled in every direction that we end up spinning in circles instead of picking a clear path.

What happened to our attention spans?? Why can’t we just sit still? No wonder we feel so exhausted, overwhelmed, and sick. WE are overloading ourselves trying to consume everything in front of us. Information is everywhere and most of the times we aren’t fully aware of how hard it’s working to grab our attention. We’ve become used to this and just accept it as normal. Think about Ma and Pa (Little House on the Praire reference) They are going to town to see what’s new at the mercantile. They didn’t wake up and check their phone or surf social media to see what’s new. They didn’t flip on the tube while having coffee or turn on the local commercial radio station. They loaded the kids in the wagon and had a nice ride into town. They didn’t see billboards advertising the latest and greatest littering the roadside. They pulled up to the store…..THE STORE. They didn’t have endless options all vying for their attention and their money. Now, when they went in -THERE were the advertisements and circulars. When the choice to shop had been made. Oh, those were the days. 

Today ads are EVERYWHERE - It’s difficult to look in any direction and not be bombarded. Who are you supposed to make sense of all this information?

Nostalgia has a way of erasing the daily annoyances we experienced, and it leaves behind only the warm, fuzzy feelings.

We come across a familiar smell, place or song on the radio, and we instantly feel comforted by days gone by.

We are transported back in time to childhood when our world was just a few streets wide, and our main concern was running out of daylight before making it home for dinner.

Think of the things we need to fight not to lose, the things that weren’t broken. Family dinners, making time to catch up in person with your friends, meeting your neighbors and then checking in on them, quiet moments to reflect, reading, spending time outside, talking, wondering, problem-solving, getting your hands dirty, celebrating life…….what are some of yours?

CHALLENGE: If you long for a simpler time...make it happen. Unplug, reduce, limit, and prioritize the information you allow in your life. Nurture your relationships and build in time to make meaningful memories. You deserve it.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Finding Time To Have It ALL

Are you always running out of time, overwhelmed, behind the 8-ball, never feeling like your getting ahead? I think we can all relate to those feelings at some point in our life, week, day, or even hour. Life is busy and there is so much that needs to be done, left to do, or should be tried but how can we find enough time in our schedule to fit everything in without losing our minds? Well, I haven’t invented the 25th hour so relax with that thought. So if everyone has 24 hours a day and 365 days per year the next thing to do is evaluate where it’s going. What is taking up your time and preventing you from that satisfying feeling of accomplishment? What might be stealing your attention and focus away from the things you need to do or want to do? What could you do to have enough time to live the life you want?

TIME. The only thing we don’t have enough of. Waiting until things slow down or the kids are out of the house or you’re ready to retire is not finding time, it’s wasting it. Just like a perfect opportunity doesn’t usually just fall in your lap, your effort and energy are required to make a difference. If you step back and look at your weekly schedule other than the must have’s (work, dr appointments, children’s assignments etc) you’ve added all the extras. It’s going to take some work to declutter and make room to find more time. But...you are important and so are your goals so let’s find the fun in the process!

What is it ALL? When I say having it all, what does the mean to you? For some, this is straightforward and gives a clear picture of where they would like to be and for others, this may be too subjective or broad. ALL would insinuate everything and is that really realistic? We are told at an early age that we can have everything and be anything but is that really the case? Should motivation be a little more targeted….how about you can be the best that you can be. You can give 100% to everything you do. Wouldn’t that be a little more realistic? So first we may have to start this journey on defining what ALL means to you. I’m not going to define it for this show but show you a couple of angles.

Maybe up to this point it’s always been about work. You went to school and got good grades so you could get into a good college where you picked a major and excelled so you could get a good job and then that’s been your day to day without much thought to what else...

Are you all work and no play? Bogged down with the 9-5 and just hanging on until retirement when you can finally own your time?

Don’t expect work to fill a void that non-work relationships and activities should, says Timothy Ferris, author of The 4-Hour Work Week

Work is not all of life. Your co-workers shouldn’t be your only friends. Schedule life and defend it just as you would an important business meeting. Never tell yourself “I’ll just get it done this weekend.” Review Parkinson’s Law which states: "work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion" Instead, force yourself to cram within tight hours so your per-hour productivity doesn’t fall through the floor. Focus, get the critical few done, and get out. E-mailing all weekend is no way to spend the little time you have on this planet.

Finding time to Do It ALL doesn’t mean adding more to your plate and doing it faster and at the same time. Ever feel like you did a lot but really didn’t accomplish anything? How many times do you click over for just a second and 10 minutes later you realize you got sucked in? The internet, the tv, our phones make it so easy to find anything we want to know or look at in a couple of clicks. Instead of thinking and problem solving we spend that time searching for someone else’s answer or opinion. Now, don’t get me wrong it’s handy and I’m not sure what I would do at this point if it went away today but as I always say, it’s a matter of balance….a healthy balance. 

What about spending time trying to support, take care of, or control those around us? 

This can take up valuable physical time as well as mental and emotional time. It’s very difficult to self-care and focus on your own goals when you are busy running everyone else’s life. Why? That’s the first question you should ask yourself. Why am I doing it? Is it something I have to do or something I feel I need to do? Obviously, this eliminates taking care of children, the disabled, or the elderly. This is about feeling like the people around you can’t manage their own lives without your input. 

Is this making sense to you? Do a couple of names come to mind? It’s important, to be honest, and really look at the situation objectively. Is this your problem? How much control do you really have? What happens if you step back and let them do it on their own? What is the worse thing that could happen? Now with that last one be super honest with yourself. If you slowed down to really evaluate your role in the situation and your level of control, you might just see your participation is taking more than giving. 

As you are evaluating your current life, eliminating your time wasters, letting go over control and focusing on your own wants don’t forget to be present and enjoy the moment.

CHALLENGE: Instead of waiting for another season of your life to open up and “better time” to focus on you, challenge your current schedule to make time for the things that matter most. Time is not infinite and waiting to take that step means you’re already behind. Take a leap of faith instead and put your plan into action!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

 

 

Quitting, Giving In vs Giving Up

Do you find it hard to quit, give up, or admit failure? Is it because you are hyper-competitive, hard-headed, or unaware when enough is enough? Can you think of a time when you threw in the towel and now you regret that decision? Now can you think of a time when you should have given in a little sooner than you did? What’s the right answer? Well, I wish I had that, each situation is different but knowing yourself, your wants, your needs, and your limitations may make finding the answer much easier.

The good news is...no matter which scenario you identify with you have options. Options to think about it differently and options to react in a different manner. See, we are always learning and growing. As new challenges are presented and we problem-solve to find the answer, we are growing. As we age and experience life and the love and loss that go with that, we are growing. As we change and cope, finding new ways to connect and belong to the world around us, we are growing. 

It’s important that we are always mindful of this part of life because it means we don’t always have all the answers….well let’s get this on the table now, we will NEVER have all the answers!  So it means that sometimes we make decisions based on the limited information and experiences we have at the time. The only way we can evolve is to take something away from every situation, learn from it and grow. Quitting is a tough subject because we are taught from an early age to never quit and never give in which might be the most damaging advice you can give. You won’t win every fight….you aren’t supposed to. So to never give in means more loss and more emotional pain as you come to this realization.

Let’s first talk about giving up…..throwing in the towel, calling it quits. How easy is this for you? Are you quick to give up on yourself and your abilities? What does that internal talk track sound like? Oh, Kendall you know you hate to sweat...you just aren’t made for the elliptical and all that huffing and puffing...you are a creative and need to save your energy for your mind. Do you know what I mean….can you justify quitting on yourself before you give up on someone else? 

The core of your being always needs to be strengthened - it carries the weight of everything you want and need to do. Having a strong core means you can withstand the pressure of things not going your way. Having a strong core means you can bend and be flexible when you need to be. An import muscle of our “core” is our self-concept and confidence. 

How important is self-confidence? The more confident you become, the more you’ll be able to calm the voice inside you that says, “I can’t do it.” You’ll be able to unhook from your thoughts and take action in line with your values. 

Building self-confidence doesn’t mean you won’t fail. But confidence will give you the perspective you need to evaluate, learn, and grow from the failure. It will give you the core strength to separate emotionally and know that it’s not a personal failure but an opportunity to give it another go embodying what you’ve just learned.  By being more willing to fail, you'll actually succeed more — because you're not waiting for everything to be 100 percent and perfect before you act. Taking more shots will mean making more of them.

If you bristle up and say “I’m not a quitter” I will keep trying no matter what…...it’s the no matter what that can be the most damaging to you and the people you love. Knowing yourself and your limitations + your areas of control are the keys. 

Consider making a list of all the impossible situations you are trying to manage right now. Instead of just burying your head and trying harder, be willing to dig into the “why” - why you can’t let go and surrender. Just as you would make a pros and cons list to make a decision, add another column shedding light on what you could gain by moving on. This could be really eye-opening! It’s important to see if from all angles. Our perception can get very narrowed when we are only looking through one, potentially distorted lens. 

Giving up is easy - it is usually associated with a half-hearted effort, lack of resilience, a little forethought, and most of the time, premature. 

Giving in - is the decision that something isn’t worth continuing. You’ve given it your all, weighed the pros and cons, have come to a place of acceptance that this isn’t your time, your fight, your right...and you make an educated decision to move on. 

CHALLENGE: Evaluate the resistance in your life. Are you not trying hard enough or do you need to redirect your energy in a new and more positive direction? Free yourself from the fear of failure and learn when and where your efforts will have a greater impact.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Creatively Finding YOU

Are you in there somewhere? Has it been a long time since you’ve come face to face with yourself? Life can bog you down and take you off your path and to unforeseen avenues you never dreamt of. Sometimes it’s difficult to find your way back and sometimes it’s just easier to keep going in the same direction. The work isn’t always simple and at certain times in your life, it can take quite a bit of focus. Are you ready to reconnect with YOU? You may just discover someone new, enlightened, courageous, driven, resilient and dying to be seen.

Try and remember where you might have taken a different turn and loss touch with yourself. It’s not easy to pinpoint.  The logical place to start is in the beginning but do you ever really know who you are as a child? Sure you have dreams...BIG dreams but are you really in touch with who you are and what you are supposed to be? I love the innocence of a child though. They believe in themselves and see obstacles as challenges. They aren’t cynical or judgemental and they haven’t accepted the labels that life will eventually throw at them. 

In elementary everyone likes everyone small like them, they don’t see differences in the same way...it’s just another little person who wants to play. When we start dividing into groups and clicks we start seeing a difference and learning judgments good and bad. We start hearing negativity and we start believing it. It can shape the way we see the world around us and our place in it. 

I always wanted to be an actress from the time I could talk. My Dad has a tape of me saying at age 5 I was going to be a movie star so if I mentioned anything else, it was never noted. It was probably fitting had I gotten my big break. I was super outgoing, never met a stranger, and fearless. I’m not saying I had any talent but I was definitely willing. Not much has changed there I’m still an extrovert but through the years I have learned a little more about fear and wearing my heart on my sleeve. Oh, I still reach out to strangers but I would say I’m a little more guarded. 

Doesn’t life do that to you? Heartache, trauma, and pain will shape your personality. At times it can put distance between you and the world and you and yourself. Each layer of experience and callous we pile on top pushes the bright-eyed dreamer further down until she might be hard to find or recognize.

PsychAlive says: The greatest and most important adventure of our lives is discovering who we really are. Yet, so many of us walk around either not really knowing or listening to an awful inner critic that gives us all the wrong ideas about ourselves.

Start by uncovering you past and challenging your perceptions. It's easy to pick up or absorb the ideas, concepts and even bad habits from parents and caregivers. If left unchallenged they become a part of our being whether we identify with them or not. You are growing and evolving and what was acceptable at one stage of your life may have no place today.

• What do you like?
• What don't you like? Almost as important
• What do you value
• What do you want to do?
• What are you good at?
• What would you like to do better?

Take some time in finding the answers. This can be exciting and definitely the fun part of the journey. 

You are never too old, too lost, or too set in your ways to reinvent yourself.  You may not be able to escape the pressures of life to make a radical leap in a new direction BUT, you can find time in your schedule to dedicate to your own self-discovery. Your strength, awareness, and healthy self-concept will only help you in every aspect of your life so it should be a priority. 

CHALLENGE: Get creative because you are important - your health, well-being, and happiness and important. Don’t accept a lack of identity, don’t put your goals on pause, don’t settle for fulfilling someone else's dreams. Take time to explore and creatively find YOU!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

 

Crushing Self-Doubt

We are talking about self-doubt and most importantly, crushing it! What could be causing us to doubt ourselves? Could it be that we stay trapped, and held back by limiting beliefs? Ignoring all the good stuff and going right to the bad. Instead of crushing self-doubt we squash our hopes and dreams believing we aren’t good enough.

So, what do you tell yourself when you think about the future or you have your sights set on something you really want? Do you give yourself a positive pep talk? GO FOR IT! You deserve nothing but the best! You possess all the power to make that happen. You have what it takes to be a success! This is going to be easy because YOU ROCK! 

Or…..does it sound much different?

You’re lazy. You have horrible taste in Men/Women. You aren’t smart enough. You're Not worldly enough You’ve made too many bad choices. You're selfish!

As the years go by, that kind of self-talk becomes labels, whether true or not, they are sewn into the fabric of our being. They become part of our core, the vocabulary we use about ourselves, and the thoughts we hold of ourselves.

How could you reframe your limiting belief to be a positive vs a negative? 

Before we learn how to do this let’s find out where these thoughts are coming from. Why do you have self-doubt? When did you stop believing that anything is possible? Early in life when you ask a child what they want to be when they grow up you are likely to hear the impossible. An actress and a dog groomer, an astronaut, a rock star, the President, a model...the list can go on and on and it could be a wild combination of things they love.  Then somewhere down the line self-doubt creeps in...maybe some reality, but self-doubt is leading the way. 

Negative self-talk is something that most of us experience from time to time, and it comes in many forms. It also creates significant stress, not only to us but to those around us if we're not careful. Learn to notice when you're being self-critical so you can begin to stop. For example, notice when you say things to yourself that you wouldn't say to a good friend or a child.

What does your inner voice sound like? Is it hard to hear the positive over the negative? Which one is louder?

Challenge these beliefs because they are preventing you from having the confidence to trust yourself 

1. Write them down or say them out loud. Does that sound right? Is that you at all?
2. Try and think back to the root of this belief. Who said it? What was the circumstance in which it came up?
3. Reframe this idea. What could be the positive outcome of this type of behavior or belief?
4. Prove this wrong. Step outside of your perceived comfort zone and right this wrong. 

Challenge: When you feel doubt creep in, take a time out and ask yourself where, why, and how. Where is this coming from, why am I listening to it, and how can I get back on track! You deserve all life has to offer so don’t give in to negative self-talk and self-doubt.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

What's the Point? Escaping Life's Pressures

"What's the Point?" How many times have you said that this year? How about this month? What about today? Are you stressed, overwhelmed, bogged down wondering, “What’s the Point”? Now more than ever, it seems that feeling is just part of it. If you’re not stressed out then you aren’t working hard enough. Your goals aren’t big enough. You aren’t giving it all you got. Giving what? What’s the point? Well before we accept that this is just the way life is in this day and age, let’s do some evaluations, some discovery, and find a few ways to escape at least some of life’s pressures.

I for one am the queen of spinning too many plates. I coach about it all the time but isn’t that just it, if we could take our own advice we wouldn’t have any issues. I’ve never been a good manager. Now, I’m a good mentor or trainer but I have a hard time delegating projects. I love to learn and I like to be as self-sufficient as I can. Ok I know you are saying “control freak” and maybe that has some degree of truth. Why would I take the time to train someone else, then monitor their progress, and in the end check over their work when I could just do it myself. 

Have you ever thought, if I could just find a few more hours in the day? Oh boy, then we both need some help. 

We live in a complicated world and as much as we fantasize about “back in the day” when life seemed a lot simpler, that isn’t our reality. However, what you choose to accept as normal does, in fact, become your new normal.

Learn to say NO

If you are a people pleaser like me that’s a hard one to get out. But if you took a moment before you responded to ask yourself a couple of qualify questions like: Do I have time? Will this cause pressure in other areas of my life? Could I take a pass until I had more availability? You might see that NO is your only option. 

“You know I would love to help, but I can’t this time”...SHHHH leave it at NO. 

Evaluate Your Time Confetti

Instead of running around keeping the sky propped up, take some time and really evaluate what is causing the most pressure in your life. It could be a season that you just have to weather but then again, it could be self-inflicted and you need to be able to see the difference. Does everything have to be solved today? Could you have a one, five, or 10-year plan? 

Create a Healthy Balance

Not something you can snap your finger at but something you should always try and achieve. You need fun, connections, success, and joy in your life - You know what they say about all work and no play. I think the saying includes the word dull but try replacing that with sick or unhealthy. If it takes you twice as long but 50% off that time you are enjoying life then WHO’S winning here????

Look for a Chance to Give of Yourself

This doesn’t conflict with the former - learn to say NO. This is looking for an opportunity to give where needed. Love means connecting with the world around it and showing you care. A kind word, a little encouragement, a hot meal, a ride, a show of sympathy, holding the door, giving a hand, ...the options are endless. 

“It is every man’s obligation to put back into the world at least the equivalent of what he takes out of it.” ―Albert Einstein

Never say never

It may not be how it always was but isn’t it time to adopt a new way of thinking? Be open to new ideas and try some new strategies. You are never too old or too far gone to reinvent yourself and start again. The beauty of wisdom is It aids in enlightenment, and it is so obvious that it's startling when you hear it for the first time.

 

CHALLENGE: Stop accepting that life has to be chaotic to be productive. Carve out your 50% and make it a priority. Life will continue to happen whether you’re propping up the sky or not. Do your part but then find your escape, take time to enjoy this life, ...that’s the point!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

 

Rediscovering Empathy, Noticing the World Around You

Notice I use the word “rediscovering” vs finding or learning. Studies show that around 2 years of age, children start to show genuine empathy, an understanding of how other people feel even when they don't feel the same way themselves. Where did that go? Somewhere through life, we lost that understanding and replaced it with judgment, disregard, pity, hate…..I could just say blank and let you feel it in. This show isn’t to point a finger or cast my own judgment, as with all shows, it’s to bring it up, shine a light on it, discuss some alternatives, and offer some encouragement. If we don’t change our behavior we can’t expect anyone else to change. You may just have to lead the charge. Ok, I brought it up, grab a light and let’s see what’s really going on. 

The way of the world is working against us. Negativity is everywhere - at every turn, we are met with what is wrong with the world and its people. Rarely do we celebrate the good or give a public shout out for all that’s going right. I guess trauma and tragedy are more newsworthy or maybe it’s an attempt to keep us in problem-solving mode. My guess is it’s more sensational and just like witnessing a trainwreck, it keeps you tuning in. 

With all this focus on the negative, how could you possibly do anything but judge, pity, and hate? The media isn’t giving you the “why”, sharing intimate details with you about the people involved so you can see what might have led them to this place. You are only informed with the harsh reality or what they want you to believe. Whelp that’s it….we are doomed, humanity is nonexistent.

We need to take it back so we can understand where it came from and at what point we might have lost it. Just accepting that’s it...this is how things are now is unacceptable. When we accept this as normal, we lower the bar. I don’t even want to think how low it can go. So instead of thinking that way, I’m fighting back by bringing these subjects to your attention and challenging you to think about them a different way. 

Empathy, an important component of social and emotional development, emerges within consistent and caring relationships over several years. Much of the groundwork is laid during early attachments formed in infancy.

While we are born hardwired with the capacity for empathy, its development requires experience and practice.

I never talk to anyone who doesn’t recognize the problem. They are almost in total agreement and say something has to be done. No one knows the answer and most people are frustrated and confused about how to help. So what next? When you are in this state what happens? Do you continue to search for an answer unwilling to accept that reality? Or….do you give in and accept the changing times? “It is what it is, times are changing.” The good ol’ days are gone. I’m afraid that’s happening more than the previous suggestion. 

But you are just one person, what kind of impact could you have? Well, I’m here to tell you….a big one. Maybe not immediately on a nation, the country, or the world but you can impact the people you come in contact with and that’s a huge start. Understand and encouraging one person can start a ripple effect in ways you can’t possibly track. What if your positive outlook on the subject changed the way someone else viewed it? Their tune changed and they started sharing these “radical” ideas with someone else. I’m not talking about a video or FB post that goes viral….I’m talking about connecting, understanding and showing empathy, and encouraging someone else can change the world. Even if the movement doesn’t gain momentum in your lifetime, should you start it anyway? What a wonderful legacy you would leave. Your kindness and compassion rewrote history.

 The brilliant part of this is it’s free and you can start today. It really doesn’t take a lot of research or preparation and you can work it into every aspect of your life.

Start this new journey of being more empathetic with self-awareness. If you don’t take the time to notice the world around you and your part in it, you won’t be aware of the lack of empathy. Look up, look out, and land on those you encounter. Start thinking of their back story and where they might be going. Be kind, offer a smile, and a hand when you can. 

CHALLENGE: Connect with the power you possess to make a difference. Be willing to step outside the current and travel upstream. Be aware of the struggles around you and take a moment to understand, listen, and share of yourself. Your positive ripple will come back to you and enrich your life.

I know YOU Can Do It!

Encouragementology was listed as one of the Top 15 Personal Development & Self Improvement Audio Podcasts & Radio You Must Subscribe and Listen to in 2019 https://blog.feedspot.com/personal_development_podcasts/

 

Trusting Yourself, Listening to Your Inner Voice

Would you say you have good intuition? Are you able to sense the right path over the wrong? Are you great with advice…….for everyone but yourself? Why is it hard to take our own advice, trust our own intuition, or listen to our inner voice? Is it because most of the time we ignore those feelings and push forward in a direction that isn’t quite right, we get burned time and time again and then we feel incapable of managing our own lives...successfully?

Let's take it back….way back, you know I like to start at the root of it all if we can. We start our learning and forming opinions and ideas with each new challenge our parents or caregivers put in front of us. They themselves are a big source of how we are molded and what we think. Like little sponges, we soaked up everything. Then, as we explored life we started to develop some independence, courage, and curiosity. We started to form our own points of view..intuition but still grossly impacted by our foundation and what we believed to be true about ourselves and the world around us.

Children have intuition rooted in the heart. In a way, it is our nature to have a heightened sense of knowing and sensitivity to others. And we either make the choice to meet it or we drown it in distraction.

So how can we get back to the heart - pushing out the lingering effects of trauma or hushing the limiting beliefs from our childhood? Do you take time to feel, and think, and trust? 

Here’s what my gut is saying about this...NO. You feel a pull, get a thought and immediately you dismiss it. Crazy ideas, self-sabotage, silly notions, overly judgmental, super nieve. Whatever you have to tell yourself to push forward without regard to this feeling. 

Maybe it’s fear from the things you’ve come to believe or adopted as fact during your formative years. You aren’t really sure if they are fact - you’ve never challenged them as such - but it’s “just always been like this or that”. 

Are you thinking of a few right now that might be preventing you from trusting yourself? You’re lazy. You have horrible taste in Men/Women. You aren’t smart enough. You're Not worldly enough You’ve made too many bad choices. You're selfish.

How could you reframe your limiting belief to be a positive vs a negative? 

You’re lazy.  - Maybe you take your time and evaluate all the information before making a hasty decision. Maybe you move at a slower pace building in time to enjoy life. 

You have horrible taste in Men/Women. Maybe you saw something in that person that you felt needed more attention and on paper, they may not have been a perfect match but went for it anyway. It didn’t work out but you are learning and growing and you will take away valuable lessons from these experiences and continue to explore what is best for you. 

You aren’t smart enough.  For what? Maybe those topics aren’t important to you and as a result, you haven’t invested a lot of time investigating and learning. But where you are passionate and interested you dig in deep and focus your energy in learning more about those topics. 

You're Not worldly enough For whom? Maybe you enjoy creating a haven at home and channeling your energy building a worldly retreat in your own backyard. You have a strong sense of community and travel means getting out and participating, getting to know your neighbors, volunteering and enjoying your own paradise. 

You’ve made too many bad choices. Maybe you’ve been in a rush to make something amazing happen in your life and as a result, you didn’t listen to your own intuition or let your heart guide you. Instead, you powered through with the knowledge you had at that time. When it didn’t go your way, you recognized the defeat and learned the experience so you create a different outcome next time

You're selfish M you value your time and choose to surround yourself with things, experiences, or people who make you happy. Maybe you are unsure how to pitch in and help others and lack the confidence to ask. 

Developing a strong connection with your intuition can be challenging, especially if you’ve spent a lifetime second-guessing yourself or not trusting your own decision- making skills, or if you have too many other “voices” in your head – voices of self-doubt, or blame, or judgment – drowning out your intuition.

Challenge: Challenge whatever is preventing you form listening and tuning into your inner voice. Realize you have a purpose and you deserve all life has to offer. Make yourself, your wants, needs, and desires a priority. Listen and trust.

I know YOU can do it!

The Power of Sharing #ShareLearnGrow

We are talking about sharing….sharing of your time, your experiences, and your encouragement. We are all on a journey with different itineraries taking different routes at different times but all heading to the same destination. We can learn from each other, we can comfort one another, we can grow in our personal development by sharing. It’s just that easy - #ShareLearnGrow.

Making a serious impact will be groups of people getting together to share ideas, learn from each other and grow as individuals. The power of groups is going to save our society as we get farther and farther apart emotionally, personally, and spiritually. We are going to talk about why it’s important, how it can benefit you, and how you can get involved.

Now before we go any further let me say there are all types of groups and we aren’t addressing any one group. The ideas we are looking to bring people together to connect and share. So if you are attending a group...fantastic, maybe these ideas will help you open up more and understand why it’s important. If you are scoffing thinking ...why there’s nothing wrong with me, why do I need a group, don’t turn the dial because we are just about to get to that. Groups connect people...plain and simple. That’s it at its rawest form. Groups connect people.

The fact is ….we need each other to emotional thrive. But the days of someone knocking on your door and bringing you the Welcome wagon basket of goodies are over so YOU have to be the one that steps outside and works to make it happen. Do you want more authentic and meaningful connections? Then you have to put yourself in the right place and in the right environment to make it happen.

Groups are safe and welcoming environments which are filled with understanding, reassurance, positive reinforcement, hope, and compassion. Members tend to develop special bonds by sharing their honest feelings, humor, accomplishments, and losses. causing them to develop emotional connections with one another.

Brene Brown, a professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, specializes in social connection, said in an interview that “A deep sense of love and belonging is an irresistible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don't function as we were meant to.” We may think we want money, power, fame, beauty, eternal youth or a new car, but at the root of most of these desires is a need to belong, to be accepted, to connect with others and to be loved.

Take a moment and think about the people you come into contact with every day. Are you in a rush, in a routine and not really noticing the areas of need around you? You have the power to make a difference and to give of yourself but first, it takes awareness. Getting outside of your own head, your own needs, and looking around. Then being willing to make the first move. There are plenty of people struggling or having a bad day that never vocalize their needs. It’s up to us to tap into our empathetic brains and reach out.

CHALLENGE: Reach out and connect. Even if you think you love your silence and your solitude. Reach out...SHARE you experiences and your encouragement with another person. Forge strong bonds, nurture those relationships, and lean into them to find joy.

I know YOU can do it!

Living Bravely, Asserting Yourself

Think about your life thus far...In what situations where you a lion and which were you a lamb. When faced with a challenge or a difficult situation do you stand your ground and defend your point of view or do you find comfort in retreating and avoiding it altogether?

I would like to insert another alternative, a wise owl - one who neither roars nor hides but one who has patience and is mindful about their approach. Sometimes we associate being brave and assertive with being hard and confrontational but that isn’t true.  Let’s look at them all and when you can find power in each one.

Living your life like a lion means knowing your own strength. What if a lion thought it was weaker than antelope, wildebeests, and zebras? It would starve! Instead, lions are so confident in their strength that they will even attempt to take down elephants (if other food is scarce)! Are you thinking about a lion you attempted to or accomplished in taking down? 

One of the saddest ways to live your life is being blind to your own strength(s). Here’s the tricky thing: the world won’t tell you your strength.

It’s something you must learn on your own… in the wild. You have to figure out what you CAN do and basically force it upon the world. Think about your own self-discovery….have you uncovered a hidden strength? Maybe it took a tough situation to call attention to it. Well, now you know….let’s think about how you can leverage it. 

Maybe the thought of roaring like a lion is terrifying …..maybe you identify more with the calmness of a lamb?

We tend to think of a lamb as weak and vulnerable but there is power in these characteristics. Sheep is a meek animal. They are usually very quiet and gentle, holding themselves aloof from the world. In a herd, all the sheep tend to listen to their leaders and show esteem to them. Because of the obedient character, sheep are among the most popular animals beloved by mankind.

Having a joyful, playful and even vulnerable side is living brave. Showing the true authentic you is one of the bravest things you can do. In a world of false reality and sharing the edited version of your life….honesty and authenticity is rare or quite possibly, extinct. 

“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage,” affirms research professor and author Brené Brown in Rising Strong.

Different seasons of life call for different personas. As you are evolving and committed to learning and growing it’s easier to adopt new ideas and points of view. As a wise ol’owl you’ve learned a thing or two. Usually through trials and tribulations...sometimes you’ve been overly confident and ROARED without justification and other times you’ve cowered and retreated when you had every reason to stand your ground. These are all learning opportunities that made you who you are today. Then you enter a season of enlightenment and are once again open to new ideas and revelations about life and who you are. The wise Ol’Owl takes his time and reflects - weighing out all options. Relying on his past attempts and learnings and understanding where modifications need to be made. 

You can live brave by taking a moment to evaluate your challenges, look at it from all angles to find the best solution to the problem. Being a problem solver means taking time to understand the challenge and evaluate all the possible solutions. Being assertive can be taking ownership and responsibility for the role you played in your own life and making the necessary changes to grow and to move on. We only learn from our own mistakes if we first own and claim responsibility.

Challenge: Draw on your lion moments and infuse the wise old owl. Be mindful about what causes you to be brave and when you feel the need to cower. Knowing yourself  - your strengths and your weaknesses means you can be brave and assert yourself with confidence and knowledge.

I Know YOU Can Do It!