Do you find it hard to quit, give up, or admit failure? Is it because you are hyper-competitive, hard-headed, or unaware when enough is enough? Can you think of a time when you threw in the towel and now you regret that decision? Now can you think of a time when you should have given in a little sooner than you did? What’s the right answer? Well, I wish I had that, each situation is different but knowing yourself, your wants, your needs, and your limitations may make finding the answer much easier.
The good news is...no matter which scenario you identify with you have options. Options to think about it differently and options to react in a different manner. See, we are always learning and growing. As new challenges are presented and we problem-solve to find the answer, we are growing. As we age and experience life and the love and loss that go with that, we are growing. As we change and cope, finding new ways to connect and belong to the world around us, we are growing.
It’s important that we are always mindful of this part of life because it means we don’t always have all the answers….well let’s get this on the table now, we will NEVER have all the answers! So it means that sometimes we make decisions based on the limited information and experiences we have at the time. The only way we can evolve is to take something away from every situation, learn from it and grow. Quitting is a tough subject because we are taught from an early age to never quit and never give in which might be the most damaging advice you can give. You won’t win every fight….you aren’t supposed to. So to never give in means more loss and more emotional pain as you come to this realization.
Let’s first talk about giving up…..throwing in the towel, calling it quits. How easy is this for you? Are you quick to give up on yourself and your abilities? What does that internal talk track sound like? Oh, Kendall you know you hate to sweat...you just aren’t made for the elliptical and all that huffing and puffing...you are a creative and need to save your energy for your mind. Do you know what I mean….can you justify quitting on yourself before you give up on someone else?
The core of your being always needs to be strengthened - it carries the weight of everything you want and need to do. Having a strong core means you can withstand the pressure of things not going your way. Having a strong core means you can bend and be flexible when you need to be. An import muscle of our “core” is our self-concept and confidence.
How important is self-confidence? The more confident you become, the more you’ll be able to calm the voice inside you that says, “I can’t do it.” You’ll be able to unhook from your thoughts and take action in line with your values.
Building self-confidence doesn’t mean you won’t fail. But confidence will give you the perspective you need to evaluate, learn, and grow from the failure. It will give you the core strength to separate emotionally and know that it’s not a personal failure but an opportunity to give it another go embodying what you’ve just learned. By being more willing to fail, you'll actually succeed more — because you're not waiting for everything to be 100 percent and perfect before you act. Taking more shots will mean making more of them.
If you bristle up and say “I’m not a quitter” I will keep trying no matter what…...it’s the no matter what that can be the most damaging to you and the people you love. Knowing yourself and your limitations + your areas of control are the keys.
Consider making a list of all the impossible situations you are trying to manage right now. Instead of just burying your head and trying harder, be willing to dig into the “why” - why you can’t let go and surrender. Just as you would make a pros and cons list to make a decision, add another column shedding light on what you could gain by moving on. This could be really eye-opening! It’s important to see if from all angles. Our perception can get very narrowed when we are only looking through one, potentially distorted lens.
Giving up is easy - it is usually associated with a half-hearted effort, lack of resilience, a little forethought, and most of the time, premature.
Giving in - is the decision that something isn’t worth continuing. You’ve given it your all, weighed the pros and cons, have come to a place of acceptance that this isn’t your time, your fight, your right...and you make an educated decision to move on.
CHALLENGE: Evaluate the resistance in your life. Are you not trying hard enough or do you need to redirect your energy in a new and more positive direction? Free yourself from the fear of failure and learn when and where your efforts will have a greater impact.
I Know YOU Can Do It!