Encouragementology

Lifelong Learning, Revelations and Enlightenment

SHOW NOTES: 

On this show...we are celebrating a lifelong love of learning. Ok, maybe you’re not ready for a celebration just yet I mean life lessons can seem cruel but we are going to spend some time walking through the process stopping to appreciate the little gifts - revelations and enlightenment. Can we all laugh at the fact you can be told something a thousand times in different ways but until you come to a level of understanding on your own, you just won’t buy it. Some may say hard-headed but that’s the beauty of life and all it has to teach us. Not all lessons are painful and with a natural curiosity, this pursuit for knowledge about yourself and the world around you can be the fun part of the journey.

If you would have used words like “lifelong learning” too little Kendall she would have thought you were crazy. What do you mean learning for a lifetime? Are you ever done? Won’t I ever be smart enough? What’s the point?

As with many things, we’ve been conditioned to look for the destination to completion of the race, to file the paperwork, etc. To grasp this concept that you are never quite complete is a hard pill to swallow. Unless you look at it as a gift. I am never complete, I get to keep trying again and again. The more I learn the more I grow, the more I grow the more I learn. How wonderful. I’m on a lifelong journey pursuing knowledge and wisdom through experiences and my connections. Isn’t that a better way to view the glass?

Why You Should Never Stop Learning from heragenda.com

Broadening horizons

Keeping your mind sharp

Giving back

Confidence boost

Find something new

Throughout your journey, you will wear different hats and play different roles in regard to your education. Sometimes you’ll be the teacher, sometimes the student, other times the curriculum designer, and maybe even the proctor of your own life challenges.

What have you learned that was an ah-ha moment for you? Have you heard yourself echoing the same things your parents tried so hard to drill into your head earlier rather than later? 

Sometimes it’s the most basic of concepts. Have you heard of the book: All I really need to know I learned in Kindergarten by Robert Fulghum? Be prepared for mind-blown and the revelation that you may have not been paying attention to.

• Share everything.
• Play fair.
• Don't hit people.
• Put things back where you found them.
• Clean up your own mess.
• Don't take things that aren't yours.
• Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
• Wash your hands before you eat.
• Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
• Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
• Take a nap every afternoon.

This whole concept reminds me that the many hours I spent watching some incredibly ridiculous reality tv was a huge waste of time and mind space. The fodder that I allowed to be filtered through my precious mind is almost criminal. I’m now at that precious place in my life where I want more and more and more. More ideas, perspectives, concepts, experiences...ALL of it, and more of it. I’ve been obsessed with reading about exploration and significant historical events. No longer am I interested in purely entertainment - I want to learn!

I found a delightful article full of learning from Quincy Seale; 8 Life Lessons From Benjamin Franklin

1. Winners Wake Up Early
2. Clear Your Head
3. Make A Plan
4. Never Stop Learning
5. Routine is a Good Thing
6. Take It Easy
7. Make Time For Family, Friends, and Fun
8. Take Time to Reflect

There is so much to be learned along the way. Everyone wants to blaze their own trail but why not pick up some tools from the ones that went before you. Imagine the enlightenment that Benjamin Franklin had and was able to pass down through all of his work. What are you learning that you can pass on? 

Linda Darby shares some of life’s truths with us on, Have the Talk of a Lifetime. Talkofalifetime.com

Here are just a few…

Attitude

Don’t let your age define you – It’s just a number, right? How many times have you met someone and been shocked when you learn how old they are?

Relationships

Relationships first – Ultimately, our relationships with our family and friends are among the only things that matter. Make time to talk to them. Nurture and protect these relationships every single day. Who haven’t you talked to in a while?

Things vs Experiences

Experience life – Traveling and trying new things are incredibly satisfying, especially compared to material stuff. Seize every opportunity you can, and invite your family and friends to join you! Keep a journal as you go. It will help you share the memories when you get home.

I love that I’m still learning. How defeating would it be if this was it? My goal is to reprioritize my world to include space to intentionally learn. I’m more aware than ever of what I allow in my mind and how I use the information. For me, connections and making time to encourage others are important. Life-balance is critical for my well being so I’m constantly striving to give enough yet have enough.

11 Life Lessons from Maya Angelou on Christine Mann’s blog, youneverstoplearning.com

Here are just a few…

I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.'

'I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.'

'I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back....'

 

CHALLENGE: Increase your curiosity and pursue more. More knowledge, more experiences, more connections, and more joy. Celebrate the revelations and the enlightenment of finally connecting the dots. Take that learning and share it with others as you grow.

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Owning Your Journey, Walk the Walk

SHOW NOTES: (from the podcast Encouragementology)

On this show...we’re owning it; the good, bad, and yes the ugly! After all, it’s your journey. Sure some played a role, maybe even a vital role, but in the end, the choices you made and the direction you took were all you. Even if you chose to follow instead of lead, your choice. You might think this show is going to be full of tired old journey cliches like; it’s “Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it.” or “Sometimes it's the journey that teaches you a lot about your destination.” and even still; “Peace is a journey of a thousand miles and it must be taken one step at a time.” and a million more. As nauseating as they can be at times, they are right. You’re on it my friend, whether you embrace the challenges, celebrate the successes, or just go along for the ride. You set out on your journey the day you were born and well….we all know how it ends but what you do in the meantime can give you a lifetime of love, learning, and joy. 

I think responsibility is an important attribute to have in life. Personally and professionally. It’s wonderful to have responsibility for things, people, and concepts but also to demonstrate responsibility in your actions and throughs. Owning your responsibility for choices and actions means confessing the reality of the situation to yourself and even to others. I see claiming it as the actional profession and owning it is making space for the learning in your character makeup. “I did it, it’s mine, and here is how it’s impacted my life and changed my behavior”. 

Accepting responsibility doesn’t include, “yeah but…” Yeah but can be that little degree of justification that can temporarily relieve you of the guilt, shame, but also the most important part, the learning.  “Well I did it, yeah but he also did it too or she told me it was ok or they wronged me and I had no choice.” 

All of that may have influenced your choice but that’s not the exercise here. Owning your responsibility is. 

Steve Rose, PhD, is an addiction counselor who gives us his insight on Why Responsibility is so Important in our life.  On his website, stevenrosephd.com

I’ve been challenged with these questions in my own practice - what if the trauma you suffered was out of your control - how are you supposed to take responsibility? 

Steven says, if you’ve experienced trauma leading to mental health issues, you are not responsible for the problem, but you are responsible for being part of the solution.

The same goes for a heredity illness. You are not responsible for the problem, but you are responsible for being part of the solution. Falling into a victim mindset only serves to strengthen the problem.

So why is responsibility important?

Responsibility is important because it provides a sense of purpose, in addition to building resilience amidst adversity on an individual and societal level.

Like an addiction, sidestepping responsibility may feel good in the short-term, but leads to exponentially worse pain and suffering in the long term.

See, your journey involves more than just choosing a path, forging forward tripping over flora and fauna, nursing your wounds, and praying for the end to come. You have a responsibility to yourself, to your family, and to all beings. When your parents nurtured you and encouraged you to walk celebrating your curiosity for life their wish was for you to be a kind and responsible human being. Between the lines was the thought that would contribute in some great way not that you would simply avoid conflict and make it unscathed. 

So no matter where you currently are on your journey, no matter how prepared or ill-prepared you’ve been, no matter how lost and off-track your course may seem, you can turn it around. You can own your journey starting today. 

Jill Huettich gives us The Road Map to You: Find the Best Version of Yourself in an article she wrote for wealthfit.  I love her ideas on the importance of finding yourself and using that as a guild on your journey.

Look Back to Move Forward

Reflect

View Your Past with Compassion

Act "As If"

Discover Your Life Purpose

Uncover Your Motivation

Visualize Your Future

Determine Your “Golden Rules”

Your Reputation Is a Great Place to Start

Get Started Today

What a great vantage point and fabulous insight. All these tools, even the ones you can’t seem to fit into your tool belt today are valuable. Let them take root in your subconscious so that when you need them, they’re easy to recall. So once you’ve taken responsibility, really owned your role in where you are today, viewed your path from a different vantage point, uncovered the true you - it’s time to forge forward. I mean really, part of the preparation is in the doing. Yep, there is another meme-worthy cliche. 

4-lessons on how to find the right direction in life, Bob Miglani an article on tinybuddha.com

Bob Miglani made a life change when stuck at a crossroads. He shares what lead him to this place in his life and the lessons he learned as a result. 

1. Stop overthinking.
2. Try anything. Do something.
3. Follow your inner voice.
4. Believe in yourself.

By taking small steps each and every day, putting aside over-thinking, and realizing that you have everything you need deep within, you can find the right direction in your life. And while it may not be the direction you expected, it will work out just fine.

CHALLENGE: re-route and re-engage on your journey to self-discovery. Own the bumps, pitfalls, and detours by taking responsibility for the choices you’ve made and responsibly using that learning to forge on. Clear a path to finding you and let that be your guide.

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Loving with a Gentle Touch, Inspiring and Encouraging

SHOW NOTES:

On this show...we’re talking about LOVE! Not blinded by, crazy in, or even unconditional without boundaries. We’re exploring healthy, inspiring, and encouraging love. It’s not just about how you love but how you accept love. Do you demonstrate the type of love you’re looking for? What about control in the name of love…..yep that’s a real thing too. Love is defined as an intense feeling of deep affection. Sounds like an emotion that you feel, it’s yours. What about love as a verb:  to like or desire (something) very much: to take great pleasure in.  Wreckless love that is driven by expectations without boundaries can be dangerous love. Let’s explore loving with a gentle touch.

I’ve had a lot of time to reflect and consider love from many angles during my lifetime. I think the way we view love evolves as we grow and our needs and desires change and morph. 

Let’s explore the different types of love, hopefully hitting on one you cherish and a few you need to re-evaluate. After all, we are sharing, learning, and growing. 

Love stretches wide and deep to encompass the passionate affair you experience as your first love, the heart-pounding love you feel when you see your child for the first time, and the gentle love you feel for your parents as they grow older. A common thread throughout each of these types of love is care and consideration for someone. Ultimately, that care and consideration are best expressed through the word "compassion."

Corrina Horne shares her thoughts about compassion in an article she wrote for betterhelp.com: What Is Compassionate Love?

Compassion is a concern for the welfare and well-being of others. Compassion does not necessarily require a focused love to exist but is often thought of as a form of love in and of itself: a love for humankind as a whole. Compassion is argued to be the bedrock for kindness and selflessness, as compassion focuses attention outward rather than inward, and is an example of both empathy (putting yourself in someone else’s shoes) and sympathy (feeling sad, sorry, or distressed on someone's behalf without necessarily putting yourself in their situation).

It could be argued that all love is compassionate love. Indeed, some would argue that love is not loving at all unless it is coupled with compassion. On the other hand, affection and attachment without compassion are far more akin to infatuation or obsession than love. While it is not entirely true that love cannot be felt without also feeling compassion, love is best and most effectively put into practice when compassion is present.

Tune in for more…

I made a change almost eight years ago. Oh, you’re always changing as you grow some of which is automatic and unnoticeable but this was a dramatic shift that I orchestrated. It was time for a change and I was ready to change. For me, it was a crossroads of sorts that inspired my need for more. I had spent too much emotional, physical, and financial resources trying to control others. At the beginning of this journey, I was convinced that with more effort and energy things would work out just as I intended. It was clear to me that I had the solution to happiness if everyone would just follow my lead. Of course, in my mind, this was all about love. I loved these people and wanted the best for them…..or so I thought. So I kept pushing and pulling, demanding and bargaining but no matter what I did, they did what they wanted. Most of which was not in my magic plan for success. So I was frustrated and hard on myself thinking I should be doing more. What was I missing here? Why wouldn’t these people want to be happy? Didn’t they love me enough to change? 

It’s amazing how you can believe that and without a shadow of a doubt, insist that you’re right. 

Not really sure what the final straw was 8 years ago. I believe it was a convergence of ideas and experiences that finally released the pickle jar lid - but I got it. No one is going to change to meet my expectations. You see, they are MY expectations no theirs. All I could do is find love without expectations - compassion. I had to let people live their lives, make mistakes, pick themselves up, and carry on all without my interference. Easy task - of course not. I had deeply rooted compulsive behaviors and how could I think I could change others when I wasn’t even getting it right!

So I started working on me. Getting healthy, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Coming face-to-face with all my idiosyncrasies, owning them, learning from them, forgiving myself, and forging on in a new direction. 

I am inherently compassionate and do love people and want to see them succeed. I just had my approach all wrong. Nothing that can’t be righted with a little work. Now I encourage instead of control and inspire instead of demand. But first I connect, listen, and understand. This is their life and sometimes they just want to share and be heard. No need to rush to the rescue which frees me up a great deal to love without expectation. 

Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT -Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist discusses this idea of Unconditional Love: How To Give It & Know If It's Healthy in an article she wrote for mindbodygreen.com

The term unconditional love does not mean love without limits or bounds. It means, "I offer you my love freely without condition." This means that when we offer our love, we offer it without expectation of repayment. It is important to offer this type of unconditional love in our relationships. Otherwise, we are offering love with "strings attached." This creates power and control imbalances.

Conditional love might sound like this:

• "I always gave you so much love, and this is the thanks I get?"
• "Your father and I wanted you to become a doctor. We did everything for you, and now we are disappointed with your choice to be an artist."
• "I cannot believe that is who you are marrying! I would think you'd respect me more than that after all of the love I gave you."

It is healthy to offer your love without strings attached. Otherwise, we are not truly loving the other person. Rather, we are using affection as a tool to control. It is not healthy to offer love without boundaries….

So many times it comes down to first loving yourself. We hear this mantra and see the quotes or memes so often it seems a bit cliche, like live, laugh, love. But let’s be real, how can you fully and wholeheartedly love someone else if you can’t love yourself. 

What does loving yourself even mean? Well, it starts with showing yourself the same kindness, patience, respect, and forgiving spirit that you show others. Are you going to make mistakes - yes. Are you going to like everything about yourself - no. Can you love yourself but still desire to change aspects of your life - of course! Self-acceptance doesn’t mean settling for who you are and where you are without the desire for change. It’s being mindful about those things, accepting that where you are and who you are right now is ok and then having patience with yourself as you grow and change. 

Magda Kay gives us tips on What does “self-love” really mean and how to start loving yourself - an article on her own blog - Bravebelle

1. Become aware of your inner voice
2. Take control of your inner voice
3. Treat yourself like a child...with a gentle tone, love, and kindness
4. Love yourself emotionally and physically

CHALLENGE: be gentle with love, for yourself and with others. Encourage & inspire instead of controlling and bargaining. You can have a deep capacity for love by first expanding the love for yourself through self-awareness and acceptance. 

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Change Your Mindset, Change Your Direction, Change Your Life!

SHOW NOTES:

On this show….we aren’t relying on rubbing the lamp, three wishes, or even luck to change your lives - we are taking control by changing our mindset and changing our direction. Too many times we’ve left it up to chance, waiting for a rainy day, or a “sign” that never comes. So we wait. All the while ignoring our power to activate real action in our lives. Forge forward with a renewed mind and the motivation we need to propel us forward. The mind is a terrible thing to waste so let’s tap in and see where it takes us.

How many times do you say, “when I win the lottery I’m going to do X, Y ,Z?” Now just for fun, how many of you actually play the lottery? Why do we put things we would love to do into this futuristic bubble that we’re never going to pop? Sometimes it’s fun fantasizing about what life could look like. Remember when you were young and you played those games; where you were going to live, what kind of house you would have, what kind of car you would drive, who you would marry, and how many kids you would have. How about the magic 8-ball; yes, no, maybe, outlook not good, signs point to yes. 

At one point, early in life, you thought everything and anything was within your reach. Then you were told no - ‘no, no, no!” and you started to doubt yourself. Reality hit and you realized or believe that not everything was possible so those things became fantasies or pipe dreams. You put them in the bubble and thought of them less and less. You accepted that it wasn’t in the cards. 

What if you could change your mindset and revive some of those dreams? Ok, maybe you can’t go to the moon, sorry little astronaut, but you can seek adventure and curb your appetite for exploration. And that’s just the start!

Over at keepinspiring.me I found an article by Quincy Seale: 9 Signs It’s Time To Change Your Mindset

1. You are constantly focusing on what’s wrong 
2. You mourn your failures but forget to celebrate your victories
3. You don’t want to face the truth
4. You feel angry when your expectations are not met
5. You feel unsatisfied and unhappy with everything you have (or don’t have)
6. You find yourself regularly coming to blows with the people you care about
7. You think about what you “have to” do instead of what you “get to” do
8. You see yourself as a victim
9. You hold onto the dramas of other people

Encouragementology is the practice of instilling hope and this show is about finding positive alternatives to life’s challenges. An overarching theme in everything I do is finding and activating your power. 

Life can be harsh...if you let it. There is negativity at every turn. The perception is that we elevate and celebrate struggle more than success. Drama, fear, and tragedy are what sells so heart-warming and inspirational are left to the dodo on Instagram. Puppies from the street to a loving household and we weep. We long for a good feel-good story - it’s what our heart craves. Create your own heart-warming and inspirational story. Unplug from the negative, activate your power, propel your life forward, and then share your story with others.

7 Mindsets help us to Change Your Mindset to Achieve your Goals.

1. Accept that your thinking needs adjusting 
2. Identify your counter-mindsets
3. Flip the switch
4. Understand your “why” 
5. Realize that motivation and willpower are not enough
6. Start small so you can finish big 
7. Get comfortable with the “F” word 

Feeling down and unmotivated? How about take control and look for motivation. Instead of booking your pity-party table for one - realize there is inspiration, heartfelt messages, and plenty of go-get-it attitudes just waiting for you to consume. 

Make it a part of your everyday. Can’t conjure up a good attitude on your own? No worries, start your day with a devotional or a reminder to “let it go”. Create a Pinterest board with quotes and memes that say something to your soul. Explore an uplifting podcast (like this one, wink wink). Find a book on adventure, overcoming adversity, or the simple pleasures of life to remind yourself that there is good all around you. 

Your new direction only presents itself if you are looking for it. Clear out the cobwebs of past regret, shut off or excuse yourself from water cooler negative nonsense, and lookup. No really, look up. How often do you do that? Want to imagine an expansive world where anything is possible - look up into the sky and let your mind float away. 

Stay there and remind yourself of the things that are under your control:

Your Beliefs

Your attitude

Your thoughts

Your perspective

How honest you are

Who your friends are

What books you read

How often you exercise

The type of food you eat

How many risks you take

How you interpret the situation

How kind you are to others

How kind you are to yourself

How often you say “I love you.”

How often you say “thank you.”

How you express your feelings

Whether or not you ask for help

How often you practice gratitude

How many times you smile today

The amount of effort you put forth

How you spend / invest your money

How much time you spend worrying

How often you think about your past

Whether or not you judge other people

Whether or not you try again after a setback

How much you appreciate the things you have

— Caleb LP Gunner, 26 Things That Are Completely Under Your Control

 

CHALLENGE: let go of lady luck and grab onto that which is in your control. Today you can change your mindset, inviting in thoughts and feelings that surround you with love and inspiration. This renewed and positive energy will help you find a new direction to explore...and change your life!

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Embracing the Varying Shades of Grief

SHOW NOTES:

On this show… we are embracing grief and all its varying shades. Not denying it, running from it, or refusing to face it but embracing it. What can grief teach and how can it help us heal? When to forgive yourself and others and how to accept life and all it has in store for you. The term, “grief is a part of life” might sound like a cliche but if you accept it as factual, then walking through it is the only course of action. Noticing the varying shades can help you accept loss for what it is and move to an understanding that tomorrow brings new hope and opportunity.

Does just hearing the word grief create a feeling of impending sadness? The general color of mourning is black so let’s start there. Grief is a noun, not a verb and the dictionary definition is very definite: deep sorrow, especially caused by someone's death. : deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement. Sorrow, angst, woe, regret. 

Grieving as a verb is an action of feeling grief for or because of death. Expressing great sorrow. 

There are many guides to overcoming grief and many of them include lots of helpful coping strategies but just remember, your grief is personal and unique to you. It won’t fit nicely into a predetermined box and it won’t follow a detailed timeline. Be kind and forgiving as you work your way through loss. 

Experience grief isn’t only connected to the loss of a loved one. Don’t question your grief or judge yourself based on the varying shades. Each time we lose something, time, an opportunity, a relationship, a loved one, and so many more. We feel loss. Maybe not all forms of loss are followed by deep sorrow, but they are represented within our varying shades and will still require your attention. 

With that said, I do fully believe in the Five Stages of Grief. Don’t think of these stages as a step-by-step, chronological guide. You may or may not experience any one or all of these stages once, in sequence. Or over and over in and out with varying degrees. 

I found a break down from Christina Gregory, Ph.D. on the Kubler-Ross Model:  The Five Stages of Grief at PSYCOM

We take a deeper dive into every stage…. It’s important to note that this list is no sequential and you may visit each stage more than once or not at all.

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

My Father was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in 2003. Without a cure, we knew the outlook was bleak but that didn’t stop us from staying positive, and as my Father used to say “just seeing what we’re dealing with”. It was a long decline with loss at every turn. When he lost the ability to effectively communicate, or the ability to drive or be left alone. When he lost the ability to be cared for at home and when he lost the ability to walk. Through dementia, he lost his memory and many of his faculties. Each phase brought on elements of grief and with each level of acceptance, there was more grief to embrace.  When he passed away last year there was a sense of relief mixed with extreme sadness. I was happy for his freedom and faced with the inevitable loss accumulated for years and years of loss. 

Kathryn Sandford’s story echos mine as she writes 7 Valuable Life Lessons The Pain of Grief Can Teach Us

1. Live Your Life to the Fullest As It Can Change In A Blink Of An Eye
2. Family and Friends -Your Precious Gifts  in Life
3. Healing Is A Process – don't rush it.
4. Use Your Power Of Choice - Choose to be hopeful.
5. Find Your Purpose In Life
6. Don't  Let Your Past Rule Your Life Now And  In The Future.
7. Don't Run Away From Life stay strong and embrace its unpredictability.

Life seems to be filled with lesson after lesson doesn’t it. As we walk through, run, crawl, and cower - life is teaching us lessons through joy and sorrow. At one point or another, you might be compelled to choose “head-in-the-sand” vs facing your challenges head-on. I mean, who hasn’t wanted to check out of a difficult situation or two. But feeling life is as big a part of living as being.

I work with women in rehab and embracing and working through grief is a topic that can’t be ignored. For many, they have used drugs and alcohol as a way to escape the emotional pain that comes from trauma. This method then becomes the way of checking out of all struggles and disappointments. In rehab, you are forced to come face-to-face with ALL the pain and since it’s been left unresolved, it can come on with heart-crushing reality. 

As painful as it is, I remind them that it’s normal to feel this great sense of loss when trauma, death, separation, and loss is experienced. It’s hard to buy-in to the fact that this is actually a good thing. It shows the level at which you were able to feel and express real love. For many this is rock bottom, knowing they can experience and deliver this level of grief to others. 

Not all grief looks alike. Just like there are stages and shades, there are also different types of grief.  

At whatsyourgrief.com I found  TYPES OF GRIEF AND LOSS by ELEANOR HALEY

Here are just a few we cover in the show…

• Normal Grief
• Anticipatory Grief
• Complicated Grief
• Chronic Grief
• Delayed Grief

If you are sitting there right now keeping your pain to yourself because you don’t want to burden someone with your sadness, please, climb up out of the bog and look at the bigger picture. We are all going through something. People need people to heal and to survive. Reach out now. 

With that said, you must be willing to heal and move forward. No rush, maybe not today, but someday. Having a shoulder to lean on and a friend to help carry your burden is important but pulling someone into your sadness to camp out is not. 

CHALLENGE: Your days can get better if you allow the sun to shine in and a new perspective to form. Your capacity for love is endless. Embrace grief but reach a hand forward and grab on to hope. 

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Surviving or Thriving, Joy and Happiness, YOU Choose

SHOW NOTES:

On this show...we are weighing out our options, laying it all out in front of us because guess what, you have the power of choice. Choices, choices, choices! Everything you say and do is a choice. Most seem to come automatically without much or any thought at all and others require laboring and let’s be honest, taking a risk. The point is you possess the power and just knowing that is so empowering. What if you were more mindful of this revelation, would it change the way you attack your day? It starts before even your eyes pop open, you chose your schedule, and even if your alarm didn’t go off, you lucky devil, your body chose to wake up. Let’s follow this power throughout your day, the seasons of your life, and the future you’ve yet to tap into.

For the title of this show, I featured surviving or thriving, joy & happiness but the options are endless when it comes to the choices you have in front of you. My intention was to be that friendly reminder that where you are today, how you feel, and what you are facing is a choice. Now you may scoff and give me ample examples to the contrary but hear me out. You have the choice of how you interpret your circumstances and how you respond. You have a choice in how you overcome and if you repeat bad behavior. You have a choice of what you consume and what you regurgitate. Now at a high level, that’s pretty powerful. 

What are you facing today that has you in a quandary? Where do you feel helpless or hopeless? How are you going to change your circumstances? 

For me, throwing up my hands and quitting is not an option. That doesn’t mean I don’t give in on things that aren’t working but I never give up on my goals and dreams. I don’t give up on me. You might have to sit with some of these ideas to see the differences but even though they appear, ever so slight, they are huge. 

Giving up and giving in couldn’t be more opposite and has nothing to do with strength or ego. Knowing yourself, strengths and weaknesses, means you know when you need to head in a new direction with a new approach. It’s your choice.

Exploring your mind.com gives us some insight in an article they featured: Giving Up vs. Knowing When to Quit

...The brain’s inclination to always keep us in the same place, doing the same thing, with the same people, makes it difficult to leave our comfort zone. This almost obsessive attachment to what we know makes us say things like “I will stick it out a little longer” or “I’ll just wait a bit longer to see if things change”. 

We have trouble identifying when the costs far outweigh the benefits and when our own mind acts as our enemy, whispering “don’t give up, don’t give in” to us over and over. However, we need to assimilate something basic and essential into our brain: when we leave something behind that is harmful and making us unhappy, we aren’t giving up. We are SURVIVING. 

Finding our sweet spot is like finding our own balance, our psychological and emotional homeostasis. It’s all about knowing what is best for ourselves at all times. It is worth mentioning that this ability isn’t intuitive. It is objective self-learning acquired through experience, observation, and reflection on our own lives, learning from our successes and mistakes.

Finding the balance can help you with perspective and avoiding the highs and lows that come with the all-or-nothing approach. When there is only winning or losing then it’s much easier to throw in the towel. If you can uncover and collect elements of satisfaction then no matter what you’re doing - you’re satisfied. 

It’s your choice. 

Ready to tap into that power you possess? Abundance and happiness.com walks us through this process in their article: Your Power To Choose

...We've each been provided with a number of incredible and irrevocable gifts that are oftentimes overlooked and/or taken for granted.

One of the most incredible gifts provided to you, me, and everyone else on this planet, is our Power to Choose. What we choose, we receive...unconditionally.

...Although we're well aware of our "conscious choices", it's more times than not the "unconscious choices" that lead to producing our "less than desired" results, regardless of how badly we may "claim to want" something better.

We tackle the power to choose from all angles - tune in for the complete idea!

So how do you make good choices and what is your brain up to during the process?

Brainfacts.org shows us How to Weigh Out or Options…

...The brain makes sense of the world by using all available information, including senses, emotions, instincts, and remembered experiences.

One thing is certain...

If nothing changes, nothing changes.

It's as simple and complex as utilizing your power to choose to begin "consciously choosing" your path.

CHALLENGE: before you float downstream with a “go-with-the-flow” attitude, grab onto a passing branch and activate your power to choose your next course of action. Chart out new territory; mentally, physically, and spiritually as you re-discover YOU. 

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Challenging Limiting Beliefs, the Other Half of the Ham

SHOW NOTES:

On this show...we are breaking through our limited belief system, challenging what we’ve always known, to find the other half of the ham. Have you ever really thought about where your ideas and opinions come from? Maybe through experience, trials, and tribulations, but how many were planted, early in life, never to be challenged? So many times we adopt an idea as fact or tradition and never question “why”. Why am I still doing this and that and could there be a different, more productive, more joyful, or more successful way? Today we won’t accept: “well, that’s just the way it is, what I’ve always done” without some further exploration.

So the other half of the ham. I better explain this concept as a basis for our talk. I heard this “joke” if you will that hit me with more than just laughter. It opened my eyes to the pitfalls of just accepting something as fact because that’s what we were told, Lord knows when. This goes against my grain because I know for fact, that we are always changing. Not just the world, and all its improvements, but US - we are growing and changing daily so what might have been an idea or opinion that served us in the past, without challenge, we don’t know if it serves us now or in the future. 

So this little girl is in the kitchen with her mother preparing a ham for dinner. She notices that she cuts off the end of the ham and casts it aside. She asks, “Momma, why do you cut off half the ham?” and her mother says, that’s how my mother has always done it. Hmm, let’s call Grandma. So they call Grandma and ask her about cutting off half the ham and she says, “Well, that’s how my mother has always done it, let’s call Granny”. So they give Granny a ring and ask her about this process of cutting off half the ham before you cook it and Granny says…,” Well because that’s what size pan I had”.  After you have a good laugh think about that and then think about all the wasted ham because someone, down the line, didn’t question this belief

AMY MORIN gives us 3 Types of Self-Limiting Beliefs That Will Keep You Stuck in Life (and What to Do About Them) in an article she wrote for Inc.com

• Unhealthy Beliefs About Yourself 
• Unhealthy Beliefs About Others
• Unhealthy Beliefs About the World

There are many different beliefs you have about yourself, other people, and the world around you. And while you're likely to think that all of your beliefs are 100 percent accurate, the truth is you likely hold onto at least a few core beliefs that are irrational and unproductive.

Unhealthy beliefs lead to unhealthy habits. And unhealthy habits produce negative outcomes that ultimately reinforce your unhealthy beliefs. It's a vicious cycle that can be tough to break.

 

It’s hard to acknowledge all the good in your life when you have challenge after challenge but in reality, isn’t that normal?  Even the people you feel “have it all” who seem to be gleaming with success have faced trial after trial. Nothing is easy and even if you are blessed with talent and good luck, you too will fail. It’s a part of life and learning and our journey would be a brisk uneventful walk without it. 

Amanda Alvernaz shares her insight on how These Limiting Beliefs Are Preventing You From Being Successful in a blog article she wrote for Trello.

Many of us are constantly striving to grow professionally and personally in our lives. Every new year we set aside some time to establish brand new objectives and things we want to achieve. We start the year off with admirable willpower but it’s not uncommon to arrive at a point when our motivation drops off and our plans lose their luster.

Psychologist, Robert M., describes in his research the importance and impact of beliefs in our lives. He says:

“Beliefs are like filters on a camera. What the camera ‘sees’ is a function of the filters through which it is viewing its subject. In other words, how we ‘see’ the world is a function of our beliefs and profoundly influences personality.

As a result of our beliefs, we define ourselves as worthy or worthless, powerful or powerless, competent or incompetent, trusting or suspicious, belonging or outcast, self-reliant or dependent, flexible or judgmental, fairly treated or victimized, loved or hated. Your beliefs have far-reaching consequences, both positive and negative, in your life. Beliefs affect your moods, relationships, job performance, self-esteem, physical health, even your religious or spiritual outlook.”

See how just a slight shift in perspective can open up a whole new world of understanding? Isn’t that exciting. It’s like taking a new route instead of the same one you've done hundreds of times in practically a dream state. 

I found some additional ideas from challengingmids.org that will help us identify where to start. 

Here are just a few…

I do/don't - We may define ourselves by what we do or do not do. I may say 'I am an accountant', which means I do not do marketing and should not even think about it, and consequently fail to sell my services well.

I can't - We often have limited self-images of what we can and cannot do. If I think 'I cannot sing' then I will never try or not go to singing lessons to improve my ability. This is the crux of many 'I can't' statements: we believe our abilities are fixed and that we cannot learn.

I must/mustn't - We are bound by values, norms, laws, and other rules that constrain what we must and must not do. However, not all of these are mandatory and some are distinctly limiting. If I think 'I must clean the house every day' then this robs me of time that may be spent on something more productive.

Once you challenge a former belief to test its validity in your life today it’s time to release it. What doesn’t serve you must go. Just as you do a closet overhaul or a garage cleanout, you too can purge old beliefs to make room for new perspectives. 

Matt James Ph.D. suggests these4 Steps to Release “Limiting Beliefs” Learned From Childhood in an article he wrote for Psychology Today.

• Step 1: Write the limiting belief down.
• Step 2: Acknowledge that these are beliefs, not truths!
• Step 3: Try on a different belief.
• Step 4: Take different actions. 

CHALLENGE: don’t accept what you’ve always heard and known to be fact and relevant in your life today. Dust off old concepts, explore their origin and meaning, then challenge these ideas with what and who you are today.  Release what no longer serves you in preparation for the fresh new perspectives you will encounter on your journey.

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Morphing Your Mantra to Speak to You

SHOW NOTES: (exerts and resources from the show)

On this show...we’re on the hunt for some new messaging to propel us forward. Words are powerful and can pick you up, placate you, or pull you down. We’re morphing your mantra to speak to you. Whether it’s a quote, an inspirational message, or just a catchy string of words, what you say and set your sights on can make all the difference. Let’s dig into saying it, claiming it, and making it happen - and why what we say directly affects what we think. It’s important to know what you can and can’t control to be effective with your efforts.

Now you might associate the word mantra with yoga or meditation like “ummmm” repeated over and over to put you in a state of awareness. On this show, we are using mantra as a word, words, or quote that you will connect with that means something to your being or in respect to a goal. We are specifically talking about morphing your existing one or taking on a new one because every day we are changing and what served us before may not serve us today or in days ahead.

Mantras can give you that source of inspiration, the anchor to which your goals are tied. When you are feeling lost and uninspired they can help refocus your efforts. Now, you can find mantras for just about anything. 

If you are stressed out

Gotten off track

Need to exercise more

Finding gratitude in the morning

And so on….

But before we dig in to find a source of inspiration, we have a little work to do. What are you trying to do? You can’t just throw inspiration against the wall to see what sticks. You need to pick a goal, a new direction, a state of being, and then find the words to encourage you on your journey. 

Margie Warrell tells us why Your Words Are Powerful: 8 Positive Speaking Habits to Build Yourself Up in an article she wrote for success.com

The words you use hold immense power. Power to fuel your confidence and ambition and power to make you feel anxious and inadequate. Power to make a strong first impression and power to be quickly forgotten. Power to create opportunities and power to shut them down.

1. Hold yourself powerfully.
2. Reframe forward.
3. Avoid absolutes.
4. Avoid absolutes.
5. Shelve the “shoulds.”
6. Express commitment. (Stop “trying”!)
7. Limit the labels.
8. Rephrase problems as opportunities.

One of my favorite quotes is…..”She stood in the middle of the storm and when the wind didn’t blow her way, she adjusted her sails” by Elizabeth Edwards. 

For me, this is that anchor I was talking about. She didn’t run from conflict, she stood where she was, in the middle, and even when nothing was happening, she didn’t take a rest, she looked for wind by adjusting her sails. That speaks empowerment to me and being tenacious. When I’m feeling weak and overwhelmed, I can refer to the feeling I get when I recite this quote. I’ve made bookmarks and magnets for others to share this feeling. 

...Let’s take another look at the power behind what we say and think from an interesting article I found on Legacy.com: WORDS ARE MORE POWERFUL THAN GUNS

There are major differences between verbal and physical violence. A physical attack is obvious and unmistakable. It hurts and often leaves a visible mark.  The pain of verbal violence goes deep to the self and festers there. Because nothing shows on the surface, you can't expect much sympathy or even actual assistance. Worst of all, verbal violence often goes unrecognized, except at a level you probably may not even understand yourself.

If words can hurt, they can also heal. Think of the four words, "I have a dream." The moment they enter your mind, you know who said them -- and why. 

Much has been written about the need for new patterns of communication in our society. There's deep dissatisfaction with the traditional ways of dealing with conflict, from argument to debate to lawsuits to violence. There's a growing feeling that there has to be a better way. 

So many times we say something to someone or even to ourselves never fully understanding the effects of those words. Did you just plant a seed of inspiration to be uncovered at just the right time or maybe a seed of doubt that will stay stuck causing a series of issues. You might have had an opportunity to encourage with your words, and even inspire real action. The point is to be mindful of the power of your words.  Use your time, your effort, and your words wisely. 

Ok, do you have an idea what you want to do or are trying to do that could benefit from some uplifting words? Maybe you need a little extra inspiration to get your mind churning. 

Well, Aaron Westbury gets us started with 25 Motivational Mantras That Actually Work so get ready!  Here are just a few…

Mantra 1: You Didn’t Come This Far to Only Come This Far

This is one of the best motivational mantras as it is a great reminder of how far we have come. By waking up every morning and repeating this mantra, you remind yourself of all the success that you have had in your life and are ready to tackle the day. It makes you realize that if we were to quit, as we all have a tendency to do from time to time, how much we would actually be giving up.

Mantra 2: You Get What You Focus On

Mantra 3: You Can Find an Excuse or You Can Find a Way

Mantra 4: Wake Up. Kick Butt. Be Kind.

Mantra 5: I’m Doing This for Me

Mantra 6: Action Conquers Fear

I’m on a path to learn and grow so my mantra for 2021 is “Wreck me with Revelation”. No longer will I think the way I’ve always thought. Instead, I will be open to new ideas and opinions, I will research, read, study, and listen. And I will be flexible knowing I’m still growing and always learning. 

 

CHALLENGE: pick a target and a purpose then explore motivational words and phrases that speak to you. Be mindful of what you say, think, and share, knowing that power comes from the tongue and plants in the mind. 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Authentically YOU, Exploring, Nurturing, and Sharing

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…...we are preparing for a new year AND a new you? No no, why does everyone feel this push to reinvent themselves at the beginning of every new year? Push, maybe I should say peer pressure. It’s like you come sliding in under the wire at the end of a year with all sorts of promises to better yourself if you could just start over with a new year. How can you get in touch with your authentic self if you are always feeling less than adequate in fact so sub-par that you actually are looking for ways to become a whole new person. What a roller coaster of shame, regret, and false promises. I say NO - don’t start over, instead, commit to exploring what makes you, YOU, nurturing what needs attention, and then sharing your gifts with others.

What are your typical NYE resolution go-to’s? And most importantly, what is the motivation? Guilt? Peer pressure? Dissatisfaction? 

Never set a goal without a strong personal reason. Well, I should never set a goal in which you plan on being successful, without a strong personal reason. You won’t follow through if it’s to please anyone else, because you feel pressure to do so, or you are just following a crowd. 

Susan Weinschenk Ph.D. tells us more about why New Year’s Eve resolutions don’t work in an article she wrote for psycologytoday.

• You MUST pick a small action. "Get more exercise" is not small. "Eat healthier" is not small.
• You MUST attach the new action to a previous habit.
• You MUST make the new action EASY to do for at least the first week.

If you take these three steps and you practice them 3 to 7 days in a row your new habit will be established.

The best (and some would say the only) way to get a large and long-term behavior change, is by changing your self-story.

Everyone has stories about themselves that drive their behavior. You have an idea of who you are and what’s important to you. Essentially you have a "story" operating about yourself at all times. These self-stories have a powerful influence on decisions and actions.

In his book, Redirect, Timothy Wilson describes a large body of impressive research of how stories can change behavior long-term. One technique he has researched is "story-editing"

I think before you add something new to the mix, you have to first figure out what you are dealing with and to do that, might require some exploration. Finding the authentic you is about peeling back the layers you’ve created to please the world around you and the people in it. 

Over at solutionstoallyourproblems.com Ani wrote: HOW TO FIND YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF WHEN YOU’VE LOST YOURSELF IN PLEASING OTHERS

1. LEARN TO MEET YOUR OWN PHYSICAL NEEDS
2. GIVE YOURSELF SPACE
3. OPEN YOURSELF UP TO THE POSSIBILITIES
4. TRY ON DIFFERENT SELVES
5. KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE ARRIVED

Self-discovery is the fun part but so many people are scared away from delving in and getting to know themselves for fears of facing their past. Would it help to know that your past can not be undone? Facing your past doesn’t mean reliving it. It means acknowledging it, claiming your responsibility, forgiving yourself and others, and then allowing yourself to move on. 

But how in the world can you find time to do it all. The answer is, you can’t. Just like we discussed in the beginning, start with a small action and build from there. Be honest and kind to yourself.

Rachael Wolff from fromalovingplace.com wrote herself a letter as a mantra for better self-care. Why not make a commitment to yourself. 

Dear Self,

Today, I will make a commitment to take 30 minutes or more a day for me. In that time, I will not have my phone on and will do everything in my power not to be distracted by the outside world. I will use this time to show myself love, respect, care, and loyalty. I will do this because it is exactly what I deserve. I will not be too busy and ignore my own personal needs. I know that by being there for myself I will be able to show up more for all the people in my life. I will have a clearer vision of who should and shouldn’t stay in my life. ….. (the whole letter is so inspiring!)

Don’t you wish it were that easy, to say it, claim it, and then follow our own advice. Who knows you better than you? If that answer isn’t YOU, then take that as a cue you need to stay on your quest for self-discovery. While you are out there, keep your eyes open for trust, the ability to trust yourself.

Sarah Williams shares her story of sharing in an article she wrote for addicted2success.com: Sharing is Caring: 6 Scientifically Proven Ways Helping Others Can Improve Your Life

“I’ve come to believe that the simple formula for happiness and success in life lies in caring about others, helping them in any way we can, and sharing what we have….”

1. Helping others is good for your health
2. It helps us handle stress better
3. We form a deeper connection with ourselves thanks to sharing
4. Doing good for others improves our social life
5. Increased happiness levels
6. Give more for better relationships

Share, learn, and grow. If you feel like you’ve hit a plateau in your development, your journey has become stale feeling more like a drudge….reach out and learn from others. Share your own story to build stronger connections. Whether you are sharing or learning, you are always growing. 

 

CHALLENGE: make this a year of self-discovery to be reacquainted with your authentic self. Explore, nurture, and share your gifts with others to unlock additional opportunities.  You are important and deserve added focus, time, and attention.

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Organizing Your Life, Finding the Best Solution

SHOW NOTES:

On this show...we are being proactive! No better time to get a jump on the new year than with a solid solution instead of a weak resolution. You might feel a bit turned around as if this last year was a blur. How do you get a handle on what lies ahead when so much is uncertain? You start with what you know, organize your current life, and find the best solution...for YOU! Let’s dig into what is working and what isn’t. What you want and what you need. What you can reach for and what you can realistically handle. Remember, this solution is about you and what fits you best. Isn’t it nice to assert a little control when the world seems out of control? You have the power to make your next move count.

Who loves to organize? Come one now let’s do a quick little test. How many papers are stacked in your file 13 (you know the ones waiting for a day of meticulous filing)? How about your junk drawers, let’s be honest, one rather tidy one or several filled with...hmmm no clue and don’t care? Do you have a closet or two hiding things that have been pushed to the back that you have almost certainly purchased again?

What about your schedule - planned out to the minute or cluttered with more than humanly possible, missed timelines, forgotten appointments, and to-do’s that keep piling up? 

I’m not sure there is a person out there who couldn’t stand to spend a little time organizing their life to find the most manageable way to handle all life throws your way. 

It’s not just about getting on top of what you currently have but to find time to build in rewarding and life-enriching experiences. Don’t get comfortable with punching the clock of life without wanting more. 

With that said - I do feel like there is a systematic way to achieve organization. If someone handed you the formula that removed the guesswork that led to a positive end result quicker with more accuracy...wouldn’t you take it? Why recreate the wheel?

I found a guide with How to Organize Your Life - 10 principles for organizing your work, home, health, fitness, hobbies, finances, and more...from Ambition & Balance, by Doist.

Instead of throwing life’s tasks in the air in hopes you’ll somehow manage to catch them all, follow a framework to keep every area of your life in order.

1. Develop habits and build a routine
2. Plan ahead
3. Embrace your natural inclinations
4. Consistency over perfection
5. Find balance
6. Prioritize appropriately
7. Declutter and simplify
8. Measure your progress
9. Automate or outsource
10. Experiment

Now that you know the ten aspects of the Organize Your Life framework, you can apply it to any number of areas in your life. By having some specific guidelines, you can approach each area with more confidence and less stress. 

Work

It’s likely you spend the majority of your waking hours at work. Work represents what most people are actually organizing their lives around. There are endless conversations on how to organize the time we’re not working – early mornings, during lunch breaks, and after-hours into the evening. Less attention is paid to how people should organize their workdays and make the most out of the 8 hours you’re likely spending at a desk. 

Home

Home is where it all happens. From doing the dishes to dinner parties, keeping up a clean and tidy household is a never-ending unpaid job. However, by being diligent and using some outsourcing hacks, running a household can be a little easier. 

Health and Fitness

Making time for a healthy lifestyle is a multiplier for everything else: we become better at our jobs, can be more present for our loved ones, and feel more motivated to tackle life’s other challenges. Unfortunately, it’s also often the first thing to fall to the wayside when the stress of everyday life takes over. 

Finances

Money can buy financial freedom and peace of mind. It can also buy a whole lot of things we don’t need. By organizing your finances with care, you can set yourself up for the future without depriving yourself in the present. 

Relationships

Make time for planning social outings. The older and busier we become, the less time there seems to be for spontaneous date nights and random coffee dates with friends. Proactively plan time with all the people in your life you care about, rather than waiting for plans to assemble themselves.

Deciding how to organize your life isn’t about precisely what time you should wake-up in the morning or exactly where you should store your important documents. Rather than getting caught up in these details, pay attention to the bigger principles of leading a good life. 

 

CHALLENGE: Instead of being led by your life, find the right solution to lead your best life. Organizing, reprioritizing, letting go, and making space will give you the control and enrichment your life is craving.

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!