Encouragementology

Who Am I Without the Title? Exploring Identity Beyond the Roles We Wear

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we’re talking about identity—what it means, where it comes from, and who gets to define it. Ever stop to wonder who you really are when the titles fall away? It’s a strange thing—how we cling to labels like “parent,” “manager,” “helper,” or even “hot mess,” as if they were our full name. Titles can help us navigate the world, but when we rely too heavily on them, they can box us in or even blur the truth of who we are underneath.

We live in a world that loves a good label—it helps others understand us at a glance. But what happens when a role is stripped away, or worse, when we’re handed a title we never asked for? Maybe you’re the “strong one,” the “fixer,” the “people-pleaser,” or the one who “always knows what to do.” Do those titles empower you or exhaust you? Today, we’re peeling back the layers, giving ourselves permission to question, evolve, and maybe even rewrite the narrative of who we are—not based on what we do, but who we’re becoming.

Let’s start by defining identity. At its core, identity is the way we define ourselves and the story we tell—both to ourselves and to the world—about who we are. It’s made up of our beliefs, values, personality, memories, and experiences. But just as much, it’s shaped by our roles, labels, and the expectations that come with them.

Some parts of our identity we choose—our style, our goals, the things we’re passionate about. Some parts we inherit—like family roles, cultural values, or personality traits reinforced by others. And then there are pieces we don’t consciously claim at all—they’re just assigned to us over time. Maybe you’ve been labeled “the dependable one,” “the creative one,” or “the one who always has it together.” But who says you have to wear those labels forever?

One of the biggest identity traps is confusing what we do with who we are. Our jobs, titles, and responsibilities often become our main identifiers. “I’m a teacher,” “I’m a mom,” “I’m a CEO.” While those roles are important, they’re only part of the picture. When we base our entire sense of self on a role, we run into trouble when that role changes—or disappears. Retirement, career shifts, empty nesting, or relationship changes can leave us feeling lost, like we’ve misplaced ourselves.

Another layer? Social identity—how we are perceived by others and how we internalize that perception. Sometimes, we shape ourselves to meet expectations or avoid judgment. That means our identity isn’t always based on our truth, but on what feels acceptable or praised. This isn’t inherently bad—it’s human nature—but left unchecked, it can disconnect us from our authentic selves.

So the big question becomes: Who are you, really? Beyond the titles, beyond the duties, beyond the outside validation—who is left?

How Our Identity Changes Throughout Our Life

Reflecting On and Evolving Identity at Any Age

Developing Your Self-Worth — Therapist Explains!

 

 

CHALLENGE: Strip away the labels and listen for your own voice. Instead of defining yourself by what you do or who others say you are, start exploring who you really are—and who you’re becoming—without the titles.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Find Your Voice—Without the Guilt Trip

SHOW NOTES:

On this show, we’re talking about what it really means to find your voice—without dragging along the guilt trip. Maybe you’ve been biting your tongue, nodding when you mean to shake your head, or saying “sure” when every fiber of your being is screaming “no!” Sound familiar? You’re not alone. So many of us, especially the people-pleasers and peacekeepers of the world, have been taught to smooth things over rather than speak up. But here’s the thing—your voice matters, and your truth deserves airtime.

Now, I’m not talking about shouting from the rooftops or steamrolling over others. This isn’t about turning into someone you’re not. This is about tuning into your own inner frequency and having the confidence to let it come through—clearly, calmly, and guilt-free. Whether it’s saying no without a 10-minute apology, standing up for something you believe in, or simply expressing your opinion without second-guessing yourself, this episode is for you. Let’s explore the sticky stuff that keeps us quiet—and learn how to speak up with grace, confidence, and self-respect.

Let’s start by defining the core ideas behind this episode—because “finding your voice” can mean different things depending on where you are in your personal journey. At its essence, finding your voice is about recognizing your thoughts, beliefs, and needs as valid—and having the courage to express them. It’s about being authentic, honest, and clear, without feeling like you need to water yourself down to make others comfortable.

Now let’s talk about why we don’t. One big reason? People-pleasing. This behavior often stems from a fear of rejection or conflict. If you grew up in an environment where keeping the peace meant keeping quiet, then you might equate speaking up with being “too much” or “too selfish.” Over time, that internalized guilt becomes the bouncer at the door, turning away your opinions before they ever make it to the surface.

And then there’s the Guilt Trip—that little voice in your head that says, “You should just let it go,” or “Don’t make this a big deal,” or “You’re probably overreacting anyway.” But that guilt isn’t always a moral compass; sometimes, it’s just conditioning. A signal that you’ve been taught to value harmony over honesty, even when honesty is exactly what’s needed.

We also need to clarify the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness. Speaking your truth doesn’t mean shouting others down. Assertiveness is respectful communication—it’s saying what you mean, meaning what you say, and doing so in a way that doesn’t trample over someone else’s experience. That’s the sweet spot: clarity without cruelty, directness without drama.

So, if you’ve ever struggled to say “no” without giving an entire TED Talk in justification, or if you’ve nodded through conversations where you disagreed silently, just know—this episode is here to help you build that muscle. You’re not wrong for having an opinion. You’re not bad for needing boundaries. And you’re certainly not selfish for speaking your truth.

Stop the Guilt: 3 Ways to Take Back Your Power to Say No

When Guilt Keeps You From Setting Boundaries

5-Minute Guided Meditation to Find Your Voice and Speak Your Truth

CHALLENGE: Stop waiting for the perfect moment, the perfect words, or the perfect response—and just start speaking your truth. Not to please, not to appease, but to honor your own voice and values.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Controlling What’s Controlling You: Breaking Free from Habits, Hangups, and Denial

SHOW NOTES:

On this show… we’re exploring the sneaky ways we lose control—without even realizing we’ve handed it over. Have you ever found yourself doing something—again—and thinking, “Why do I keep doing this?” Maybe it’s late-night scrolling, that one more drink, the need to say “yes” when you’re screaming “no” inside. These patterns creep in, settle down, and before you know it, they’ve built a little nest in your life. We call them habits, but sometimes, they’re more than that. Sometimes they’re hangups, hurts, or full-blown addictions masquerading as routines. And here’s the kicker—they don’t just take up space; they slowly take the wheel. What if you’re not as in control as you thought? What if what you think is manageable is actually managing you?

Today, we’re going deeper—not to shame or scold, but to shine a gentle light. Because denial is tricky. It whispers that you’re fine, that it’s not affecting anyone else. But the truth is, what controls you, changes you. It touches your relationships, your work, your peace. And the hardest part? Admitting it. Facing yourself in the mirror and saying, “This isn’t working anymore.” But here’s the good news: awareness is the first, most powerful step toward freedom. So today, we’re cracking open the doors of truth with compassion, curiosity, and a roadmap to reclaiming your power.

Before we can take control back, we have to understand what we’re really dealing with. So let’s break it down.

Habit vs. Addiction

A habit is something we do regularly, often without thinking—like brushing your teeth or making coffee first thing in the morning. Habits can be helpful, neutral, or harmful. They’re built through repetition and reinforced by small rewards (hello, dopamine!). On the other hand, addiction takes things further. It’s compulsive. It’s often used to escape, numb, or gain relief. And it continues despite negative consequences. The line between habit and addiction can blur, especially when the habit becomes something we rely on emotionally or physically.

Denial and Self-Deception

Denial is a powerful defense mechanism. It protects us—from shame, fear, discomfort—but it also keeps us stuck. When we’re in denial, we minimize, rationalize, or outright ignore what’s happening. We say things like “It’s not that bad,” “I can stop anytime,” or “It’s not hurting anyone.” But these lies we tell ourselves can build a wall so thick that even when we’re suffering, we can’t admit we need help. The longer we stay there, the harder it is to see a way out.

The Grief of Letting Go

Yes, grief. Because even when we’re giving up something toxic, we’re still letting go of something familiar. This is where the Five Stages of Grief come into play:

1. Denial – “This isn’t a problem. I’ve got this under control.”
   
   
2. Anger – “Why do I even have to deal with this? It’s not fair.”
   
   
3. Bargaining – “If I only do it on weekends, that’s fine, right?”
   
   
4. Depression – “I feel helpless. I’m tired of trying and failing.”
   
   
5. Acceptance – “This is real, and I’m ready to do something about it.”
   

We grieve because we’re changing. We’re letting go of the version of ourselves we thought we needed—and that’s not easy. But it is powerful.

The Invisible Impact

Here’s the truth: you don’t live in a vacuum. Whatever is controlling you—whether it’s overworking, people-pleasing, numbing, or isolating—it doesn’t just affect you. It impacts your energy, your presence, your relationships, and your potential. The scary part? You might not even know the full extent until you start making a change.

Habit vs Addiction: Understanding the Difference

The 5 Stages of Grief and Addiction

REWIRE YOUR BRAIN - Neuroscientist Explains How To Control Your Mind in MINUTES!

 

CHALLENGE: Name what’s been silently calling the shots in your life—whether it’s a habit, a hurt, or a hang-up—and meet it with honesty instead of avoidance. Then, take one small step toward releasing its grip, reminding yourself that you are not powerless, you are in progress.

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Permission to Be a Work in Progress: You’re Not Behind – You’re Becoming

SHOW NOTES:

On this show… we’re giving ourselves permission to embrace progress—not perfection—as we unpack what it really means to be a work in progress. That nagging feeling that you’re somehow behind in life? Yeah, we’re going to challenge that head-on. Because maybe you’re not off track at all… maybe you’re right on time for your own becoming.

Have you ever looked around and thought, “Wait, am I the only one who doesn’t have this whole life thing figured out?” If so, you’re in good company. Today, we’re tossing out the illusion of perfection and replacing it with something more honest—grace. We’re rewriting the script that says we have to have it all together by now. Growth is rarely a straight line, and often looks like detours, backtracks, and a lot of figuring-it-out-as-we-go. And you know what? That’s progress too.

Let’s start with the pressure-packed elephant in the room: the idea that by a certain age, milestone, or calendar year, you should have it all figured out. You know—career locked in, relationships thriving, finances flawless, personal growth tied up with a vision board and a bow. But here’s the thing: that timeline? It’s mostly made up. There is no one-size-fits-all path to life, and the myth of “being behind” is usually just a snapshot of comparison dressed up as truth.

At its core, being a work in progress means allowing yourself to exist in a state of growth—unfinished, evolving, and completely valid. It’s understanding that who you are today is not the final version of you, and that’s not a flaw… it’s the point. But we often confuse progress with perfection—as if our worth hinges on having reached some invisible finish line. The truth is, progress is messy. It’s filled with doubts, mistakes, detours, and sometimes a hard reset. But it’s also evidence that you’re showing up, learning, stretching, becoming.

Let’s define a few key terms that will guide this conversation:

• Progress: A forward or onward movement toward a destination—even if that movement includes baby steps, backslides, or breathers.
  
  
• Self-compassion: Treating yourself with kindness when you fall short, instead of defaulting to criticism.
  
  
• Reinvention: The courageous act of choosing again. New path. New dream. New you.
  
  
• Comparison trap: That sneaky voice whispering “you should be further along” based on someone else’s highlight reel.
  
  

It’s all about embracing grace. The grace to change. The grace to learn. The grace to say, “I’m not where I want to be…yet—but I’m still becoming.”

Progress Not Perfection Is a Reasonable Goal

Stop Comparing Yourself Negatively to Others

This is a Poem about Perfectionism by Ginelle Testa

The Problem With Perfect - Motivational Video

CHALLENGE: Trade perfection for progress and meet yourself with grace in the messy middle. Don’t wait until you feel “ready”—start now, with what you have, and who you are, because the journey only begins when you do.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Read the Chapter You’re On: Embracing the Present in Life’s Ongoing Story

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are going to stick to reading the chapter we’re on by embracing the present in life’s ongoing story. Have you ever found yourself mentally rewriting chapters of your past or trying to peek ahead at pages you haven’t reached yet? It’s human nature to replay moments we wish had gone differently or to worry about what’s coming next. But while we’re busy editing old plotlines or predicting future twists, we miss out on the beauty and clarity of the chapter we’re actually in—the one unfolding right now. This week, we’re exploring what it means to truly read the chapter you’re on. No skipping ahead, no flipping back, just being present and fully engaged in this current moment of your life.

As seasons shift—both outside our windows and inside our souls—we’re faced with transitions that can stir anxiety, grief, anticipation, and hope. Maybe you’re watching loved ones age, adjusting to a new phase of your career, or coming to terms with blessings that also carry weighty responsibility. Today, we’re going to explore how to stay grounded in the now while honoring where you’ve been and where you’re going. So grab your favorite journal, take a deep breath, and let’s begin reading…right where you are.

Let’s start by defining what we mean when we say, “Read the chapter you’re on.” It’s more than a catchy metaphor—it’s a mindset. Just like reading a book, life unfolds one chapter at a time. But unlike a novel, we don’t get to flip ahead or rewrite the past. Yet many of us try. We revisit regrets, get stuck in nostalgia, or anxiously attempt to predict and plan for a future we haven’t reached. And when we do that, we lose our place in the present.

1. The Illusion of Control
   
   We often try to manage uncertainty by overplanning or ruminating—believing that if we just think hard enough, we can control the outcome. Spoiler alert: we can’t. While planning and reflection have their place, they become distractions when they rob us of the ability to fully engage with what’s happening right in front of us.
   
   
2. The Power of Presence
   
   Being present doesn’t mean ignoring your past or avoiding your future. It means recognizing that this moment—right now—is the only place where action and awareness can occur. This is the chapter where your growth is happening, your relationships are deepening, and your story is taking shape.
   
   
3. Life’s Seasonal Shifts
   
   Just like nature, we experience seasons: beginnings, growth spurts, stagnation, harvests, and even endings. These aren’t just age-related; they’re emotional and spiritual seasons too. Recognizing the chapter you’re in allows you to meet it with curiosity instead of resistance. Are you in a chapter of learning? Rest? Rebuilding? Joy? When we know what season we’re in, we can better understand what’s being asked of us.
   

Living in the present is not about staying stuck—it’s about giving your full attention to where you are so you can move forward with clarity and intention. Once you identify the chapter you’re in, you can start to ask the important questions: What is this chapter trying to teach me? How can I grow here? What do I want to carry forward—or leave behind—when the page turns?

How Present-Moment Awareness Can Make Life More Meaningful

These 6 mindful ‘micro-practices’ can help you be calmer and happier, including 3 you can do at work

Surrendering to the Present Moment | Eckhart Tolle Teachings

CHALLENGE: Slow down and truly inhabit the moment you’re in. Stop flipping pages in your mind and instead, take a breath, read the chapter you’re living—savor the words, the lessons, and the blessings right here, right now.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Pinned by the Past: Breaking Free from the Weight of Old Mistakes

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are breaking free from the weight of old mistakes by unpinning ourselves from our past. Ever feel like no matter how much you grow, your past keeps showing up like an old playlist you didn’t ask to hear again? You’re finally moving forward—changing your habits, setting boundaries, maybe even feeling hope—but suddenly, wham, a memory, a regret, or a “what-if” slams into your progress like a closed door. I recently came across this line in a book that hit me right in the heart: “I was a butterfly pinned by my wings to the canvas of my mistakes.” That image has stuck with me. Because haven’t we all felt like that at some point—frozen, exposed, and unable to fly, not because we can’t, but because we’ve been too tightly tethered to the past?

In this episode, we’re digging into what happens when we stay stuck in past mistakes and how that mindset quietly shapes the way we see our future. We’ll explore how self-forgiveness isn’t just a feel-good idea—it’s a critical step in claiming your growth. We’ll talk about the emotional toll of living under an old narrative, how to begin rewriting it, and what it means to truly unpin yourself from your past. Ready to reclaim your wings? Let’s get into it.

Let’s start by talking about what it actually means to be “stuck in the past.” It’s more than just ruminating on old memories—it’s when your self-worth, decision-making, and ability to hope are shaped by events you can’t change. It might sound like: “I always mess things up,” or “I don’t deserve better because of what I’ve done,” or even “I’m not the kind of person who gets second chances.” That internal dialogue becomes a trap—one that feels like self-protection but slowly suffocates growth.

And the consequences? They’re sneaky. You avoid new relationships because of old heartbreaks. You turn down opportunities because you’re afraid of failing like you did before. You even stop dreaming because the you from the past already “decided” your limits. It’s like driving with the rearview mirror as your guide—and surprise, you’re missing what’s right in front of you. Being stuck in the past doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means you’re human. But healing means learning to thank your past for the lesson… and then gently close the book.

How to Let Go of Past Hurts: 8 Ways to Move On

Twelve Steps to Self-Forgiveness

You’re not behind. You’re not broken. And you’re definitely not defined by your worst moment. Every time you choose to show up, speak kindly to yourself, and take a step forward—you’re rewriting the story. And this time, you’re holding the pen.

CHALLENGE: Stop seeing your past as a prison and start viewing it as a chapter—one that shaped you, but doesn’t get to write your ending. Today, choose to unpin yourself from the canvas of old mistakes and start creating something new, bold, and beautifully unfinished.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Detaching with Love: Boundaries, Codependency, and Letting Go Without Giving Up

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are detaching with love as we learn the importance of setting healthly boundaries, explore the many faces of codependency, and understand how to let go without giving up. Have you ever felt like someone else’s happiness—or healing—was somehow your responsibility? Like if they were struggling, it meant you had to jump in and fix it, smooth it over, or carry it for them? If that sounds familiar, you might be brushing up against something I’ve wrestled with myself: codependency. For me, learning to detach with love has been one of the hardest, most freeing lessons in my healing journey. It doesn’t come naturally—I’m still working on it every day—but it’s opened up a whole new way of understanding relationships and responsibility.

Detachment doesn’t mean indifference. It doesn’t mean cutting people off or shutting your heart down. It means having healthy boundaries that say, “I love you, and I also know that your growth is not mine to manage.” For those of us who think in black-and-white, all-or-nothing terms, detaching without guilt can feel impossible. But this work—this shift in mindset—isn’t just for people dealing with addiction or dramatic relationship breakdowns. It’s for anyone who finds themselves overfunctioning, over-apologizing, or constantly carrying the emotional weight of everyone else. Let’s talk about what it means to detach, not with judgment or resentment, but with love.

At its core, codependency is about losing yourself in someone else’s needs, emotions, or dysfunction. It’s an emotional tug-of-war where you believe, often unconsciously, that someone else’s stability or growth depends on your constant involvement. You might take on the role of fixer, peacekeeper, rescuer, or even mind-reader. And while your intentions are loving, the results can be exhausting, confusing, and deeply unfulfilling.

Now—detaching with love might sound like an emotional paradox. How do you care without carrying? How do you show up for someone without stepping over the line and taking over? Detachment isn’t coldness or emotional withdrawal. It’s the intentional act of allowing others to face the consequences of their own choices, while protecting your energy, boundaries, and sense of self in the process.

Detaching With Love Is Good for Everyone - Sharon Martin, DSW, LCSW

Demystifying Co-dependency - S.M. Stray

CHALLENGE: Loosen your grip on what was never yours to carry, and instead, hold space—for your growth and theirs. Practice loving with open hands, not clenched fists, trusting that boundaries are not walls, but bridges to healthier relationships.

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Risk, Reward, and the Fear That Keeps You Stuck

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are exploring risk vs reward and the fear that keeps you stuck. If you’re someone who shies away from taking risks because you’re terrified of failure, I’m speaking to you today. We’re diving deep into the tension between risk and reward, why people stay stuck, and how you can break free from the cycle of fear. We’ll explore why fear holds us back, how to bounce back when things don’t go as planned, and most importantly—how to take calculated risks that can lead to growth, success, and a life that feels more aligned with your true potential.

In this episode, you’re going to learn about the courage to fail and why it’s one of the most powerful tools you can have in your personal and professional development. We’ll unpack the fears that keep us from stepping out of our comfort zones, why those fears don’t always match reality, and how embracing the unknown can actually lead to greater rewards than staying in the safety of what’s familiar. By the end of the episode, you’ll have some tangible ways to start taking those risks, handling failure with grace, and moving forward into the growth you deserve.

Let’s break this down. Risk is the possibility of losing something of value—whether it’s time, energy, money, or reputation. Reward is what you gain in return: success, growth, opportunity, and personal development. The key to moving forward is understanding that with risk comes reward, but it’s not always immediate, and it’s not always what you expect.

Why are we afraid to take risks? It all comes back to fear—fear of failing, fear of judgment, and fear of the unknown. But the reality is, failure is not the end. It’s a step in the process of learning, growth, and progress.

Taking risks is a natural part of growth. Every successful person has faced failure, rejection, and even the sting of loss. The difference between those who succeed and those who stay stagnant is the ability to push past those fears and keep moving forward. It’s about embracing the discomfort and trusting that the reward will be worth the risk.

Shonda Moralis asks is Fear of Failure Holding You Back?

Emily Boynton enlightens us with Why Taking Risks Helps You Grow — and How to Do It

Is Failure Necessary? | Simon Sinek

CHALLENGE: This week, take one risk that’s been scaring you, even if it’s just a baby step. Whether it’s starting that side project, speaking up in that meeting, or taking a leap in your personal life—go for it! Take that step with the confidence that no matter the outcome, you are learning, growing, and moving forward.

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Take Your Own Medicine: Practicing What You Preach for Personal Growth

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are making a commitment to take our own medicine and practice what we preach to achieve authentic personal growth. Have you ever caught yourself dishing out great advice—maybe even life-changing advice—only to realize you’re not actually taking it yourself? You’re not alone. For me, this became very real when I paused and thought, Wait a minute… am I applying the very same healing and growth tools I’ve spent years teaching others? It’s easy to guide, encourage, and support someone else’s transformation—it feels great, even! But when it comes time to turn that spotlight inward, it can get a little… uncomfortable. Personal accountability doesn’t come with a script. There’s no applause when you do the hard inner work in private. Just you, your truth, and the mirror.

In this episode, we’re digging into the idea of “taking your own medicine.” It’s not about shame—it’s about alignment. About realizing that personal growth isn’t just something we facilitate for others—it’s something we owe ourselves too. If you’ve been operating on auto-pilot, pushing others to grow while neglecting your own healing, it’s time to come home to yourself. Let’s gently peel back the layers and explore how self-honesty, ownership, and a little humility can lead to some of the most powerful transformation yet.

Let’s start by unpacking this phrase—“take your own medicine.” It’s one of those sayings we toss around casually, but it carries some weight when you really sit with it. In its simplest form, it means applying the same advice, tools, and strategies to yourself that you so easily hand out to others. It’s about walking your talk. Practicing what you preach. But more than that—it’s about integrity.

When you give others guidance on healing, setting boundaries, processing pain, or embracing change, it usually comes from a place of experience or education. But if you’re not actually applying those practices to your own life, there’s a gap—a disconnect. And that disconnect can create feelings of inauthenticity, burnout, or even imposter syndrome. You might look like you have it all together on the outside, while inside, you’re quietly struggling with the same things you’re helping others overcome.

Taking your own medicine means making time for your own emotional maintenance. It means slowing down long enough to check in and ask: Am I living in alignment with what I believe? It doesn’t require perfection—it just asks for honesty and willingness. Because growth isn’t just about knowledge—it’s about embodiment.

Brian Ford - Why It’s Hard To Take Your Own Advice

Why Personal Responsibility Is Key to Changing Your Life - Daniel Mangena 

Check Yourself - Accountability | Charlie Johnson | TEDxNormal

CHALLENGE: Stop waiting for clarity to strike from the outside and start holding yourself accountable from the inside. Take the advice you so freely give, turn it inward, and begin showing up for your own healing with the same grace and determination you offer others.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Beyond the Smile: Growing Through What You Don’t Want to Feel

On this show…we are going beyond the smile to understand that sometimes you have to grow through what you don’t want to feel. How often have you heard, “Just stay positive!” as a magic fix for life’s problems? It sounds good—and sometimes it is good—but what happens when positivity turns into a clever disguise for real, messy emotions? For a lot of us, especially those who are naturally peacekeepers or conflict-avoiders, it’s easier to slap on a smile, let things “roll off our back,” and move on… at least on the outside. But inside? Inside, we might be skipping important work—growth work—that only happens when we’re willing to sit with a little discomfort.

In this episode, we’re diving into the powerful ideas of Capacity Expert RaQuel Hopkins, who challenges the myth that you have to choose between being positive and being real. What if true growth isn’t about avoiding hard feelings—but about honoring them, learning from them, and letting them change us? If you, like me, have ever found yourself managing the appearance of being unbothered while quietly carrying unresolved emotions, you’re going to feel seen today. Let’s crack open this idea together and explore how feeling more can actually lead to living more.

Let’s start by breaking down this idea of emotional capacity. In simple terms, emotional capacity is your ability to experience, process, and integrate a wide range of emotions—both the pretty and the painful—without shutting down, lashing out, or checking out.

When we don’t stretch our emotional capacity, we end up stuck in a narrow lane of “acceptable” feelings: happy, fine, maybe a little stressed but functional. Anything outside that—anger, grief, sadness, disappointment—either gets stuffed down, rushed through, or paved over with “good vibes only” slogans. But the problem with skipping emotions isn’t just emotional. Over time, it limits our capacity for intimacy, resilience, creativity, and real personal growth.

RaQuel Hopkins teaches that growth comes from allowing yourself to fully experience friction, not rush past it. Friction isn’t failure; it’s feedback. And when you avoid it—when you smooth it over with positivity or pretend it doesn’t bother you—you’re not protecting your peace, you’re stunting your growth. Real capacity building happens when we practice being present with discomfort long enough to actually learn from it.

Doretta Bendalin offers the Truth: How Sweeping it Under the Rug Hurts You. Found at Medium

At Grouport I found more info on Understanding Emotional Avoidance: A Deep Dive

3 Toxic Mental Health Trends with RaQuel Hopkins, Capacity Expert

CHALLENGE: Stop sweeping discomfort under the rug and start seeing it as a doorway to your next level of growth. Instead of waiting for peace to find you, choose to meet your emotions where they are—and build the resilience to carry yourself forward with honesty and heart.

I Know YOU Can Do It!