Encouragementology

Read the Chapter You’re On: Embracing the Present in Life’s Ongoing Story

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are going to stick to reading the chapter we’re on by embracing the present in life’s ongoing story. Have you ever found yourself mentally rewriting chapters of your past or trying to peek ahead at pages you haven’t reached yet? It’s human nature to replay moments we wish had gone differently or to worry about what’s coming next. But while we’re busy editing old plotlines or predicting future twists, we miss out on the beauty and clarity of the chapter we’re actually in—the one unfolding right now. This week, we’re exploring what it means to truly read the chapter you’re on. No skipping ahead, no flipping back, just being present and fully engaged in this current moment of your life.

As seasons shift—both outside our windows and inside our souls—we’re faced with transitions that can stir anxiety, grief, anticipation, and hope. Maybe you’re watching loved ones age, adjusting to a new phase of your career, or coming to terms with blessings that also carry weighty responsibility. Today, we’re going to explore how to stay grounded in the now while honoring where you’ve been and where you’re going. So grab your favorite journal, take a deep breath, and let’s begin reading…right where you are.

Let’s start by defining what we mean when we say, “Read the chapter you’re on.” It’s more than a catchy metaphor—it’s a mindset. Just like reading a book, life unfolds one chapter at a time. But unlike a novel, we don’t get to flip ahead or rewrite the past. Yet many of us try. We revisit regrets, get stuck in nostalgia, or anxiously attempt to predict and plan for a future we haven’t reached. And when we do that, we lose our place in the present.

1. The Illusion of Control
   
   We often try to manage uncertainty by overplanning or ruminating—believing that if we just think hard enough, we can control the outcome. Spoiler alert: we can’t. While planning and reflection have their place, they become distractions when they rob us of the ability to fully engage with what’s happening right in front of us.
   
   
2. The Power of Presence
   
   Being present doesn’t mean ignoring your past or avoiding your future. It means recognizing that this moment—right now—is the only place where action and awareness can occur. This is the chapter where your growth is happening, your relationships are deepening, and your story is taking shape.
   
   
3. Life’s Seasonal Shifts
   
   Just like nature, we experience seasons: beginnings, growth spurts, stagnation, harvests, and even endings. These aren’t just age-related; they’re emotional and spiritual seasons too. Recognizing the chapter you’re in allows you to meet it with curiosity instead of resistance. Are you in a chapter of learning? Rest? Rebuilding? Joy? When we know what season we’re in, we can better understand what’s being asked of us.
   

Living in the present is not about staying stuck—it’s about giving your full attention to where you are so you can move forward with clarity and intention. Once you identify the chapter you’re in, you can start to ask the important questions: What is this chapter trying to teach me? How can I grow here? What do I want to carry forward—or leave behind—when the page turns?

How Present-Moment Awareness Can Make Life More Meaningful

These 6 mindful ‘micro-practices’ can help you be calmer and happier, including 3 you can do at work

Surrendering to the Present Moment | Eckhart Tolle Teachings

CHALLENGE: Slow down and truly inhabit the moment you’re in. Stop flipping pages in your mind and instead, take a breath, read the chapter you’re living—savor the words, the lessons, and the blessings right here, right now.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Pinned by the Past: Breaking Free from the Weight of Old Mistakes

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are breaking free from the weight of old mistakes by unpinning ourselves from our past. Ever feel like no matter how much you grow, your past keeps showing up like an old playlist you didn’t ask to hear again? You’re finally moving forward—changing your habits, setting boundaries, maybe even feeling hope—but suddenly, wham, a memory, a regret, or a “what-if” slams into your progress like a closed door. I recently came across this line in a book that hit me right in the heart: “I was a butterfly pinned by my wings to the canvas of my mistakes.” That image has stuck with me. Because haven’t we all felt like that at some point—frozen, exposed, and unable to fly, not because we can’t, but because we’ve been too tightly tethered to the past?

In this episode, we’re digging into what happens when we stay stuck in past mistakes and how that mindset quietly shapes the way we see our future. We’ll explore how self-forgiveness isn’t just a feel-good idea—it’s a critical step in claiming your growth. We’ll talk about the emotional toll of living under an old narrative, how to begin rewriting it, and what it means to truly unpin yourself from your past. Ready to reclaim your wings? Let’s get into it.

Let’s start by talking about what it actually means to be “stuck in the past.” It’s more than just ruminating on old memories—it’s when your self-worth, decision-making, and ability to hope are shaped by events you can’t change. It might sound like: “I always mess things up,” or “I don’t deserve better because of what I’ve done,” or even “I’m not the kind of person who gets second chances.” That internal dialogue becomes a trap—one that feels like self-protection but slowly suffocates growth.

And the consequences? They’re sneaky. You avoid new relationships because of old heartbreaks. You turn down opportunities because you’re afraid of failing like you did before. You even stop dreaming because the you from the past already “decided” your limits. It’s like driving with the rearview mirror as your guide—and surprise, you’re missing what’s right in front of you. Being stuck in the past doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means you’re human. But healing means learning to thank your past for the lesson… and then gently close the book.

How to Let Go of Past Hurts: 8 Ways to Move On

Twelve Steps to Self-Forgiveness

You’re not behind. You’re not broken. And you’re definitely not defined by your worst moment. Every time you choose to show up, speak kindly to yourself, and take a step forward—you’re rewriting the story. And this time, you’re holding the pen.

CHALLENGE: Stop seeing your past as a prison and start viewing it as a chapter—one that shaped you, but doesn’t get to write your ending. Today, choose to unpin yourself from the canvas of old mistakes and start creating something new, bold, and beautifully unfinished.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Detaching with Love: Boundaries, Codependency, and Letting Go Without Giving Up

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are detaching with love as we learn the importance of setting healthly boundaries, explore the many faces of codependency, and understand how to let go without giving up. Have you ever felt like someone else’s happiness—or healing—was somehow your responsibility? Like if they were struggling, it meant you had to jump in and fix it, smooth it over, or carry it for them? If that sounds familiar, you might be brushing up against something I’ve wrestled with myself: codependency. For me, learning to detach with love has been one of the hardest, most freeing lessons in my healing journey. It doesn’t come naturally—I’m still working on it every day—but it’s opened up a whole new way of understanding relationships and responsibility.

Detachment doesn’t mean indifference. It doesn’t mean cutting people off or shutting your heart down. It means having healthy boundaries that say, “I love you, and I also know that your growth is not mine to manage.” For those of us who think in black-and-white, all-or-nothing terms, detaching without guilt can feel impossible. But this work—this shift in mindset—isn’t just for people dealing with addiction or dramatic relationship breakdowns. It’s for anyone who finds themselves overfunctioning, over-apologizing, or constantly carrying the emotional weight of everyone else. Let’s talk about what it means to detach, not with judgment or resentment, but with love.

At its core, codependency is about losing yourself in someone else’s needs, emotions, or dysfunction. It’s an emotional tug-of-war where you believe, often unconsciously, that someone else’s stability or growth depends on your constant involvement. You might take on the role of fixer, peacekeeper, rescuer, or even mind-reader. And while your intentions are loving, the results can be exhausting, confusing, and deeply unfulfilling.

Now—detaching with love might sound like an emotional paradox. How do you care without carrying? How do you show up for someone without stepping over the line and taking over? Detachment isn’t coldness or emotional withdrawal. It’s the intentional act of allowing others to face the consequences of their own choices, while protecting your energy, boundaries, and sense of self in the process.

Detaching With Love Is Good for Everyone - Sharon Martin, DSW, LCSW

Demystifying Co-dependency - S.M. Stray

CHALLENGE: Loosen your grip on what was never yours to carry, and instead, hold space—for your growth and theirs. Practice loving with open hands, not clenched fists, trusting that boundaries are not walls, but bridges to healthier relationships.

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Risk, Reward, and the Fear That Keeps You Stuck

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are exploring risk vs reward and the fear that keeps you stuck. If you’re someone who shies away from taking risks because you’re terrified of failure, I’m speaking to you today. We’re diving deep into the tension between risk and reward, why people stay stuck, and how you can break free from the cycle of fear. We’ll explore why fear holds us back, how to bounce back when things don’t go as planned, and most importantly—how to take calculated risks that can lead to growth, success, and a life that feels more aligned with your true potential.

In this episode, you’re going to learn about the courage to fail and why it’s one of the most powerful tools you can have in your personal and professional development. We’ll unpack the fears that keep us from stepping out of our comfort zones, why those fears don’t always match reality, and how embracing the unknown can actually lead to greater rewards than staying in the safety of what’s familiar. By the end of the episode, you’ll have some tangible ways to start taking those risks, handling failure with grace, and moving forward into the growth you deserve.

Let’s break this down. Risk is the possibility of losing something of value—whether it’s time, energy, money, or reputation. Reward is what you gain in return: success, growth, opportunity, and personal development. The key to moving forward is understanding that with risk comes reward, but it’s not always immediate, and it’s not always what you expect.

Why are we afraid to take risks? It all comes back to fear—fear of failing, fear of judgment, and fear of the unknown. But the reality is, failure is not the end. It’s a step in the process of learning, growth, and progress.

Taking risks is a natural part of growth. Every successful person has faced failure, rejection, and even the sting of loss. The difference between those who succeed and those who stay stagnant is the ability to push past those fears and keep moving forward. It’s about embracing the discomfort and trusting that the reward will be worth the risk.

Shonda Moralis asks is Fear of Failure Holding You Back?

Emily Boynton enlightens us with Why Taking Risks Helps You Grow — and How to Do It

Is Failure Necessary? | Simon Sinek

CHALLENGE: This week, take one risk that’s been scaring you, even if it’s just a baby step. Whether it’s starting that side project, speaking up in that meeting, or taking a leap in your personal life—go for it! Take that step with the confidence that no matter the outcome, you are learning, growing, and moving forward.

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Take Your Own Medicine: Practicing What You Preach for Personal Growth

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are making a commitment to take our own medicine and practice what we preach to achieve authentic personal growth. Have you ever caught yourself dishing out great advice—maybe even life-changing advice—only to realize you’re not actually taking it yourself? You’re not alone. For me, this became very real when I paused and thought, Wait a minute… am I applying the very same healing and growth tools I’ve spent years teaching others? It’s easy to guide, encourage, and support someone else’s transformation—it feels great, even! But when it comes time to turn that spotlight inward, it can get a little… uncomfortable. Personal accountability doesn’t come with a script. There’s no applause when you do the hard inner work in private. Just you, your truth, and the mirror.

In this episode, we’re digging into the idea of “taking your own medicine.” It’s not about shame—it’s about alignment. About realizing that personal growth isn’t just something we facilitate for others—it’s something we owe ourselves too. If you’ve been operating on auto-pilot, pushing others to grow while neglecting your own healing, it’s time to come home to yourself. Let’s gently peel back the layers and explore how self-honesty, ownership, and a little humility can lead to some of the most powerful transformation yet.

Let’s start by unpacking this phrase—“take your own medicine.” It’s one of those sayings we toss around casually, but it carries some weight when you really sit with it. In its simplest form, it means applying the same advice, tools, and strategies to yourself that you so easily hand out to others. It’s about walking your talk. Practicing what you preach. But more than that—it’s about integrity.

When you give others guidance on healing, setting boundaries, processing pain, or embracing change, it usually comes from a place of experience or education. But if you’re not actually applying those practices to your own life, there’s a gap—a disconnect. And that disconnect can create feelings of inauthenticity, burnout, or even imposter syndrome. You might look like you have it all together on the outside, while inside, you’re quietly struggling with the same things you’re helping others overcome.

Taking your own medicine means making time for your own emotional maintenance. It means slowing down long enough to check in and ask: Am I living in alignment with what I believe? It doesn’t require perfection—it just asks for honesty and willingness. Because growth isn’t just about knowledge—it’s about embodiment.

Brian Ford - Why It’s Hard To Take Your Own Advice

Why Personal Responsibility Is Key to Changing Your Life - Daniel Mangena 

Check Yourself - Accountability | Charlie Johnson | TEDxNormal

CHALLENGE: Stop waiting for clarity to strike from the outside and start holding yourself accountable from the inside. Take the advice you so freely give, turn it inward, and begin showing up for your own healing with the same grace and determination you offer others.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Beyond the Smile: Growing Through What You Don’t Want to Feel

On this show…we are going beyond the smile to understand that sometimes you have to grow through what you don’t want to feel. How often have you heard, “Just stay positive!” as a magic fix for life’s problems? It sounds good—and sometimes it is good—but what happens when positivity turns into a clever disguise for real, messy emotions? For a lot of us, especially those who are naturally peacekeepers or conflict-avoiders, it’s easier to slap on a smile, let things “roll off our back,” and move on… at least on the outside. But inside? Inside, we might be skipping important work—growth work—that only happens when we’re willing to sit with a little discomfort.

In this episode, we’re diving into the powerful ideas of Capacity Expert RaQuel Hopkins, who challenges the myth that you have to choose between being positive and being real. What if true growth isn’t about avoiding hard feelings—but about honoring them, learning from them, and letting them change us? If you, like me, have ever found yourself managing the appearance of being unbothered while quietly carrying unresolved emotions, you’re going to feel seen today. Let’s crack open this idea together and explore how feeling more can actually lead to living more.

Let’s start by breaking down this idea of emotional capacity. In simple terms, emotional capacity is your ability to experience, process, and integrate a wide range of emotions—both the pretty and the painful—without shutting down, lashing out, or checking out.

When we don’t stretch our emotional capacity, we end up stuck in a narrow lane of “acceptable” feelings: happy, fine, maybe a little stressed but functional. Anything outside that—anger, grief, sadness, disappointment—either gets stuffed down, rushed through, or paved over with “good vibes only” slogans. But the problem with skipping emotions isn’t just emotional. Over time, it limits our capacity for intimacy, resilience, creativity, and real personal growth.

RaQuel Hopkins teaches that growth comes from allowing yourself to fully experience friction, not rush past it. Friction isn’t failure; it’s feedback. And when you avoid it—when you smooth it over with positivity or pretend it doesn’t bother you—you’re not protecting your peace, you’re stunting your growth. Real capacity building happens when we practice being present with discomfort long enough to actually learn from it.

Doretta Bendalin offers the Truth: How Sweeping it Under the Rug Hurts You. Found at Medium

At Grouport I found more info on Understanding Emotional Avoidance: A Deep Dive

3 Toxic Mental Health Trends with RaQuel Hopkins, Capacity Expert

CHALLENGE: Stop sweeping discomfort under the rug and start seeing it as a doorway to your next level of growth. Instead of waiting for peace to find you, choose to meet your emotions where they are—and build the resilience to carry yourself forward with honesty and heart.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Mood Matters: How Your Inner World Shapes Your Outer Experience

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are recognizing that moods matter because our inner world dramatically shapes our outer experience.  Have you ever waited on someone—or something—to change the energy in the room, cheer you up, or just make the day feel better? Maybe you’ve thought, “If they’d just smile,” or “If one good thing would happen, maybe I’d feel different.” We’ve all been there, hoping for a rescue from a funk we can’t quite shake. But what if we’ve been giving away way too much power? What if the secret to turning the day around isn’t out there somewhere, but already within us?

In this episode, we’re flipping the script. Instead of waiting for something to shift our mood, we’re exploring how our mood might actually be the thing shifting everything else. How we think, how we feel, how we choose to respond—it all ripples out and shapes what comes next. Could it be that we’re the thermostat, not the thermometer? That we’re not just reacting to the world but co-creating it in real time? Let’s dig into what this means, how to tell when our mindset is steering the ship (and when it’s stuck in a ditch), and how we can use this awareness to show up differently—even when the world around us stays the same.

Let’s kick things off with a truth that feels simple on the surface but hits a little deeper the more you sit with it: your mood shapes your experience more than your experience shapes your mood. We often think we’re reacting to what’s happening around us, but in reality, we’re often reacting to what’s happening within us—and that response colors the whole scene.

This idea leans into what psychologists call “emotional reasoning”—where we believe something is true based solely on how we feel. For example, if I feel overwhelmed, I assume the situation is chaotic. If I feel ignored, I assume people don’t care. But the kicker? The situation may not actually be that bad—it just feels that way because of the emotional lens I’m looking through. It’s like wearing sunglasses indoors and wondering why everything looks dim.

Our brains are wired to scan for threats, to make quick judgments, and to look for evidence that supports how we already feel. That’s called confirmation bias, and when we’re in a funk, our minds will happily hand us proof that the day is, in fact, garbage. But here’s the good news: once you realize this, you can interrupt the loop. You can change the glasses, so to speak. You can take back control of your mood and, with it, the way you engage with the world.

So rather than waiting for something outside of you to cheer you up or “fix” the day, what if you became your own emotional thermostat? Not to fake positivity or push feelings aside—but to gently shift how you interpret the moment, choose your response, and create a ripple effect from the inside out.

Dr. Beth Kurland gives us some insight on How to Shift Perspective When You're Stuck in Your Own Way, found a Psychology Today  

Carole Fossey declares Whether You Believe You Can or Believe You Can’t, You Are Right found on LinkedIn

Dr. Tracey Marks on Why you’re an emotional sponge and 5 Tips for Better Boundaries

CHALLENGE: Take ownership of your mood today. Recognize that by adjusting your internal narrative, you have the power to transform not only your own experience but also the world around you. Enjoy this new found freedom.

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Unspoken: How Body Language Communicates What Words Can’t

SHOW NOTES:

On this show… we are exploring the unspoken to learn how body language communicates what words can’t.  Have you ever walked into a room and immediately felt something… off? No one said a word, but somehow, you just knew—you weren’t welcome at that table, or someone just had an argument in the kitchen. That’s the beauty (and sometimes the awkwardness) of body language. It speaks loud and clear—even when our mouths are saying, “I’m fine!”

In this episode, we’re digging into all those silent signals we send—whether we mean to or not. From the crossed arms that scream “I’m not open to feedback,” to the smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes… we’re decoding what’s really being said when nothing’s being said at all. Body language isn’t just a sideshow to the conversation—it is the conversation. And once you learn to read it (and manage your own), you’ll start to feel more connected, more confident, and—yes—even a little more in control of how you’re coming across.

Let’s take a closer look at the language we’ve all been speaking since before we said our first words. You might just be surprised what your body’s been saying behind your back.

I’ll start by stating the obvious… but also the often-overlooked: we’re talking all the time—even when we’re not saying a word. Whether it’s the way we cross our arms, how long we hold eye contact, or the way our faces betray us mid-sentence, body language is this constant, silent sidekick to our spoken communication. And more often than not, it’s doing the real talking.

Body language is made up of all the nonverbal cues we use to express ourselves—things like facial expressions, posture, gestures, eye movements, even how close we stand to someone. It’s a full-blown language… just without the dictionary. According to researchers, nonverbal communication can account for up to 70–90% of how our messages are received. Which means the tone of your voice and the look on your face might be saying more than your words ever could.

And here’s the kicker: while we’re often very aware of what we say, we’re not nearly as tuned in to what our bodies are saying. That can lead to all kinds of mixed messages—like smiling while delivering bad news (awkward), or nodding when you actually disagree. We don’t always realize what we’re broadcasting.

There are also cultural differences to consider. What feels like an innocent gesture in one country might be offensive in another. And what seems like eye contact to you might feel like a stare-down to someone else. So body language isn’t one-size-fits-all—but it is universal in the sense that we’re all doing it, all the time.

So, why does this matter? Because when we become more aware of our own nonverbal habits—and better at reading others’—we show up more authentically. We connect more deeply. We avoid unnecessary misunderstandings. And we walk away from interactions not just having talked, but having been heard and understood.

Wendy Rose Gould offers 7 Body Language Mistakes You Don't Know You're Making -Plus effective pro-tips on improving non-verbal communication.

Tom Morrison explains What Your Body Language Says About Your Leadership Impact

Let’s learn even more from the expert, Vanessa Van Edwards, as she describes Learn 7 Body Language Secrets 

CHALLENGE: Become more conscious of your nonverbal cues and observe how they influence your interactions. By aligning your body language with your intentions, you can foster more genuine and impactful connections. Show up as you, fully you.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Manifesting Your Destiny: Embracing Personal Responsibility to Shape Your Future

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are embracing personal responsibility to shape our futures as we manifest our destiny. Have you ever paused to consider the role you play in crafting your own life story? It’s a compelling notion that the outcomes we experience—both triumphs and setbacks—are not merely products of chance, but reflections of our own intentions and actions. This perspective invites us to delve into the profound connection between our thoughts, behaviors, and the realities we encounter.

 

In this episode, we’re embarking on an enlightening journey to explore the concept that “that which we manifest is before us.” We’ll unravel how our conscious and unconscious choices shape our destinies, and how embracing personal responsibility can empower us to steer our lives toward fulfillment and purpose. This isn’t about casting shadows of blame, but about illuminating the paths of possibility that open up when we acknowledge our role as architects of our own fate.

Let’s kick things off by getting on the same page about what we’re really talking about when we say, “That which we manifest is before us.” Sounds poetic, maybe even mystical, right? But it’s actually a lot more practical—and empowering—than it might seem at first glance.

Manifestation is the idea that the thoughts we think, the intentions we set, and the beliefs we hold have a powerful influence over the reality we experience. It’s not just about wishing for something and hoping it appears out of thin air—it’s about recognizing the role our mindset, choices, and focus play in shaping our path. It’s like planting seeds in a garden: the quality of your thoughts determines what grows, and your effort is what brings it to life.

Now let’s pair that with personal responsibility—the idea that we are not just passive observers of our lives, but active participants. This doesn’t mean blaming ourselves for every hiccup or hardship. Life happens, and some things are out of our control. But when we step back and really look at our habits, our self-talk, our patterns—what we believe about what we’re capable of—we often find that we’ve played a bigger role in our outcomes than we realized.

Here’s where it gets really interesting: we’re always manifesting—whether we know it or not. Through action or inaction. Through clarity or confusion. If you’ve ever said, “I knew this was going to happen,” good or bad, chances are… that thought planted a seed. And when we’re not clear about what we want, or when we let fear and limiting beliefs steer the wheel, we can manifest outcomes that don’t serve us—outcomes that feel like they just “happened” to us, when really, we helped create the conditions.

So no, this isn’t about magical thinking—it’s about mindful thinking. It’s about checking in with yourself and asking, “What am I putting out into the world through my energy, choices, and beliefs?” Because more often than not, that’s exactly what shows up in front of you.

Dr. Tchiki Davis on “What Is Manifestation? Science-Based Ways to Manifest” from Psychology Today. 

Alright, let’s break this down—manifestation in a nutshell.

First, manifestation isn’t magic. It’s not about wishing really hard and waiting for the universe to deliver your dream on a silver platter. Instead, it’s about aligning your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors to move toward the life you want.

Second, your mindset matters—a lot. What you believe about yourself and your future can shape your motivation, your resilience, and even how you interpret setbacks. A strong, focused mindset helps you stay committed and open to opportunity.

Third, action is key. You can visualize the perfect job, the dream relationship, or the peaceful life—but unless you’re taking consistent steps in that direction, you’re just daydreaming. Manifestation works best when your intention meets effort.

And finally, positive thinking alone isn’t enough—you also need clarity, self-awareness, and a willingness to grow through challenges. It’s about co-creating your life with purpose, not passively hoping everything will work out.

Focus on What You Can Control, Leave What You Can't by Hannah Briame at Becoming Who You Are

Mel Robbins hosted Dr. James Doty to talk about Manifestation

CHALLENGE: Take a moment to reflect on an area of your life where you’d like to see change. Identify one specific goal, visualize the outcome, and outline the steps you’ll take to achieve it. Embrace your role as the creator of your destiny, and watch as your intentions transform into reality.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

The Certainty Trap: Are You as Right as You Think?

SHOW NOTES:

On this show…we are attempting to avoid the Certainty Trap by asking, "Are you as right as you think you are?" Have you ever felt so sure you were right about something, only to later discover there was more to the story—or a completely different side you hadn’t considered? That moment can be humbling, even a little uncomfortable, but it’s also where growth begins.

We’ve all been there—standing our ground, convinced that our perspective is the correct one. Whether it’s a debate about current events, a disagreement in a relationship, or simply our interpretation of a situation, we often hold tightly to our beliefs. In this episode, we’re diving into the human tendency to cling to certainty, even when we might not have all the facts. We’ll explore the importance of self-awareness, the value of considering opposing viewpoints, and how embracing a bit of uncertainty can lead to personal growth and deeper connections with others. So, let’s challenge our assumptions and open the door to new perspectives—who knows what we might discover?

Let’s start by calling out the very human thing we all do: we like to be right. I mean, who doesn’t? Being right feels good—it’s validating, it’s safe, and it gives us a sense of control. But the brain takes it a step further. Scientifically speaking, our brains are wired to protect our current beliefs. We’re not just thinking—we’re filtering, editing, and defending. This is thanks to something called confirmation bias, which is your brain’s way of saying, “Let’s only pay attention to the stuff that proves we already know what we’re talking about.”

Here’s a real-life example: you’ve decided your partner never listens to you. So, every time they forget something you said—ding ding ding—more proof. But when they do listen? You might not notice. Or maybe you write it off as a fluke. That’s confirmation bias in action. You’re scanning for evidence that supports what you already believe and quietly ignoring what doesn’t fit.

Then there’s overconfidence bias, which is exactly what it sounds like: thinking we know more than we do. Ever found yourself mid-debate, completely certain about a “fact” you read online… only to later realize you misread it or, oops, it was a meme? Yeah, same. Our brains often give us the feeling of being right before we’ve actually done the homework. And once we’re feeling confident, our openness to alternative views tends to shrink like jeans in the dryer.

Now, let’s turn the mirror inward. It’s time for a little self-reflection:

Recall a Recent Disagreement: Think about a recent situation where you were convinced you were right. What was the topic? Who were you discussing it with?

Identify Your Sources: What information did you base your opinion on? Was it firsthand experience, something you read, or perhaps information from someone you trust?

Consider the Other Perspective: What was the other person’s viewpoint? Can you understand why they might see things differently?

Assess Your Openness: During the discussion, were you genuinely open to hearing the other side, or were you more focused on proving your point?

Reflect on the Outcome: How did the conversation end? Did you learn something new, or did it reinforce your original belief?

By engaging in this exercise, you may uncover patterns in your thinking and identify areas where you can be more receptive to differing viewpoints.

Dr. David W. Johnson with “The Importance of Taking the Perspective of Others.” Found at Psychology Today

Certainty Is a Psychological Trap and It's Time to Escape also found at Psychology Today

Let’s go to the well….Annie Duke explains why being uncertain is a hidden strength 

CHALLENGE: Identify one belief or opinion you hold with absolute certainty and actively seek out information or perspectives that challenge it. Embrace the discomfort of uncertainty, and observe how this openness can lead to deeper understanding and personal growth. Remember, true wisdom often begins with the acknowledgment of what we don’t know. 

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!