Encouragementology

What's the Point? Escaping Life's Pressures

"What's the Point?" How many times have you said that this year? How about this month? What about today? Are you stressed, overwhelmed, bogged down wondering, “What’s the Point”? Now more than ever, it seems that feeling is just part of it. If you’re not stressed out then you aren’t working hard enough. Your goals aren’t big enough. You aren’t giving it all you got. Giving what? What’s the point? Well before we accept that this is just the way life is in this day and age, let’s do some evaluations, some discovery, and find a few ways to escape at least some of life’s pressures.

I for one am the queen of spinning too many plates. I coach about it all the time but isn’t that just it, if we could take our own advice we wouldn’t have any issues. I’ve never been a good manager. Now, I’m a good mentor or trainer but I have a hard time delegating projects. I love to learn and I like to be as self-sufficient as I can. Ok I know you are saying “control freak” and maybe that has some degree of truth. Why would I take the time to train someone else, then monitor their progress, and in the end check over their work when I could just do it myself. 

Have you ever thought, if I could just find a few more hours in the day? Oh boy, then we both need some help. 

We live in a complicated world and as much as we fantasize about “back in the day” when life seemed a lot simpler, that isn’t our reality. However, what you choose to accept as normal does, in fact, become your new normal.

Learn to say NO

If you are a people pleaser like me that’s a hard one to get out. But if you took a moment before you responded to ask yourself a couple of qualify questions like: Do I have time? Will this cause pressure in other areas of my life? Could I take a pass until I had more availability? You might see that NO is your only option. 

“You know I would love to help, but I can’t this time”...SHHHH leave it at NO. 

Evaluate Your Time Confetti

Instead of running around keeping the sky propped up, take some time and really evaluate what is causing the most pressure in your life. It could be a season that you just have to weather but then again, it could be self-inflicted and you need to be able to see the difference. Does everything have to be solved today? Could you have a one, five, or 10-year plan? 

Create a Healthy Balance

Not something you can snap your finger at but something you should always try and achieve. You need fun, connections, success, and joy in your life - You know what they say about all work and no play. I think the saying includes the word dull but try replacing that with sick or unhealthy. If it takes you twice as long but 50% off that time you are enjoying life then WHO’S winning here????

Look for a Chance to Give of Yourself

This doesn’t conflict with the former - learn to say NO. This is looking for an opportunity to give where needed. Love means connecting with the world around it and showing you care. A kind word, a little encouragement, a hot meal, a ride, a show of sympathy, holding the door, giving a hand, ...the options are endless. 

“It is every man’s obligation to put back into the world at least the equivalent of what he takes out of it.” ―Albert Einstein

Never say never

It may not be how it always was but isn’t it time to adopt a new way of thinking? Be open to new ideas and try some new strategies. You are never too old or too far gone to reinvent yourself and start again. The beauty of wisdom is It aids in enlightenment, and it is so obvious that it's startling when you hear it for the first time.

 

CHALLENGE: Stop accepting that life has to be chaotic to be productive. Carve out your 50% and make it a priority. Life will continue to happen whether you’re propping up the sky or not. Do your part but then find your escape, take time to enjoy this life, ...that’s the point!

I Know YOU Can Do It!

 

Rediscovering Empathy, Noticing the World Around You

Notice I use the word “rediscovering” vs finding or learning. Studies show that around 2 years of age, children start to show genuine empathy, an understanding of how other people feel even when they don't feel the same way themselves. Where did that go? Somewhere through life, we lost that understanding and replaced it with judgment, disregard, pity, hate…..I could just say blank and let you feel it in. This show isn’t to point a finger or cast my own judgment, as with all shows, it’s to bring it up, shine a light on it, discuss some alternatives, and offer some encouragement. If we don’t change our behavior we can’t expect anyone else to change. You may just have to lead the charge. Ok, I brought it up, grab a light and let’s see what’s really going on. 

The way of the world is working against us. Negativity is everywhere - at every turn, we are met with what is wrong with the world and its people. Rarely do we celebrate the good or give a public shout out for all that’s going right. I guess trauma and tragedy are more newsworthy or maybe it’s an attempt to keep us in problem-solving mode. My guess is it’s more sensational and just like witnessing a trainwreck, it keeps you tuning in. 

With all this focus on the negative, how could you possibly do anything but judge, pity, and hate? The media isn’t giving you the “why”, sharing intimate details with you about the people involved so you can see what might have led them to this place. You are only informed with the harsh reality or what they want you to believe. Whelp that’s it….we are doomed, humanity is nonexistent.

We need to take it back so we can understand where it came from and at what point we might have lost it. Just accepting that’s it...this is how things are now is unacceptable. When we accept this as normal, we lower the bar. I don’t even want to think how low it can go. So instead of thinking that way, I’m fighting back by bringing these subjects to your attention and challenging you to think about them a different way. 

Empathy, an important component of social and emotional development, emerges within consistent and caring relationships over several years. Much of the groundwork is laid during early attachments formed in infancy.

While we are born hardwired with the capacity for empathy, its development requires experience and practice.

I never talk to anyone who doesn’t recognize the problem. They are almost in total agreement and say something has to be done. No one knows the answer and most people are frustrated and confused about how to help. So what next? When you are in this state what happens? Do you continue to search for an answer unwilling to accept that reality? Or….do you give in and accept the changing times? “It is what it is, times are changing.” The good ol’ days are gone. I’m afraid that’s happening more than the previous suggestion. 

But you are just one person, what kind of impact could you have? Well, I’m here to tell you….a big one. Maybe not immediately on a nation, the country, or the world but you can impact the people you come in contact with and that’s a huge start. Understand and encouraging one person can start a ripple effect in ways you can’t possibly track. What if your positive outlook on the subject changed the way someone else viewed it? Their tune changed and they started sharing these “radical” ideas with someone else. I’m not talking about a video or FB post that goes viral….I’m talking about connecting, understanding and showing empathy, and encouraging someone else can change the world. Even if the movement doesn’t gain momentum in your lifetime, should you start it anyway? What a wonderful legacy you would leave. Your kindness and compassion rewrote history.

 The brilliant part of this is it’s free and you can start today. It really doesn’t take a lot of research or preparation and you can work it into every aspect of your life.

Start this new journey of being more empathetic with self-awareness. If you don’t take the time to notice the world around you and your part in it, you won’t be aware of the lack of empathy. Look up, look out, and land on those you encounter. Start thinking of their back story and where they might be going. Be kind, offer a smile, and a hand when you can. 

CHALLENGE: Connect with the power you possess to make a difference. Be willing to step outside the current and travel upstream. Be aware of the struggles around you and take a moment to understand, listen, and share of yourself. Your positive ripple will come back to you and enrich your life.

I know YOU Can Do It!

Encouragementology was listed as one of the Top 15 Personal Development & Self Improvement Audio Podcasts & Radio You Must Subscribe and Listen to in 2019 https://blog.feedspot.com/personal_development_podcasts/

 

Trusting Yourself, Listening to Your Inner Voice

Would you say you have good intuition? Are you able to sense the right path over the wrong? Are you great with advice…….for everyone but yourself? Why is it hard to take our own advice, trust our own intuition, or listen to our inner voice? Is it because most of the time we ignore those feelings and push forward in a direction that isn’t quite right, we get burned time and time again and then we feel incapable of managing our own lives...successfully?

Let's take it back….way back, you know I like to start at the root of it all if we can. We start our learning and forming opinions and ideas with each new challenge our parents or caregivers put in front of us. They themselves are a big source of how we are molded and what we think. Like little sponges, we soaked up everything. Then, as we explored life we started to develop some independence, courage, and curiosity. We started to form our own points of view..intuition but still grossly impacted by our foundation and what we believed to be true about ourselves and the world around us.

Children have intuition rooted in the heart. In a way, it is our nature to have a heightened sense of knowing and sensitivity to others. And we either make the choice to meet it or we drown it in distraction.

So how can we get back to the heart - pushing out the lingering effects of trauma or hushing the limiting beliefs from our childhood? Do you take time to feel, and think, and trust? 

Here’s what my gut is saying about this...NO. You feel a pull, get a thought and immediately you dismiss it. Crazy ideas, self-sabotage, silly notions, overly judgmental, super nieve. Whatever you have to tell yourself to push forward without regard to this feeling. 

Maybe it’s fear from the things you’ve come to believe or adopted as fact during your formative years. You aren’t really sure if they are fact - you’ve never challenged them as such - but it’s “just always been like this or that”. 

Are you thinking of a few right now that might be preventing you from trusting yourself? You’re lazy. You have horrible taste in Men/Women. You aren’t smart enough. You're Not worldly enough You’ve made too many bad choices. You're selfish.

How could you reframe your limiting belief to be a positive vs a negative? 

You’re lazy.  - Maybe you take your time and evaluate all the information before making a hasty decision. Maybe you move at a slower pace building in time to enjoy life. 

You have horrible taste in Men/Women. Maybe you saw something in that person that you felt needed more attention and on paper, they may not have been a perfect match but went for it anyway. It didn’t work out but you are learning and growing and you will take away valuable lessons from these experiences and continue to explore what is best for you. 

You aren’t smart enough.  For what? Maybe those topics aren’t important to you and as a result, you haven’t invested a lot of time investigating and learning. But where you are passionate and interested you dig in deep and focus your energy in learning more about those topics. 

You're Not worldly enough For whom? Maybe you enjoy creating a haven at home and channeling your energy building a worldly retreat in your own backyard. You have a strong sense of community and travel means getting out and participating, getting to know your neighbors, volunteering and enjoying your own paradise. 

You’ve made too many bad choices. Maybe you’ve been in a rush to make something amazing happen in your life and as a result, you didn’t listen to your own intuition or let your heart guide you. Instead, you powered through with the knowledge you had at that time. When it didn’t go your way, you recognized the defeat and learned the experience so you create a different outcome next time

You're selfish M you value your time and choose to surround yourself with things, experiences, or people who make you happy. Maybe you are unsure how to pitch in and help others and lack the confidence to ask. 

Developing a strong connection with your intuition can be challenging, especially if you’ve spent a lifetime second-guessing yourself or not trusting your own decision- making skills, or if you have too many other “voices” in your head – voices of self-doubt, or blame, or judgment – drowning out your intuition.

Challenge: Challenge whatever is preventing you form listening and tuning into your inner voice. Realize you have a purpose and you deserve all life has to offer. Make yourself, your wants, needs, and desires a priority. Listen and trust.

I know YOU can do it!

The Power of Sharing #ShareLearnGrow

We are talking about sharing….sharing of your time, your experiences, and your encouragement. We are all on a journey with different itineraries taking different routes at different times but all heading to the same destination. We can learn from each other, we can comfort one another, we can grow in our personal development by sharing. It’s just that easy - #ShareLearnGrow.

Making a serious impact will be groups of people getting together to share ideas, learn from each other and grow as individuals. The power of groups is going to save our society as we get farther and farther apart emotionally, personally, and spiritually. We are going to talk about why it’s important, how it can benefit you, and how you can get involved.

Now before we go any further let me say there are all types of groups and we aren’t addressing any one group. The ideas we are looking to bring people together to connect and share. So if you are attending a group...fantastic, maybe these ideas will help you open up more and understand why it’s important. If you are scoffing thinking ...why there’s nothing wrong with me, why do I need a group, don’t turn the dial because we are just about to get to that. Groups connect people...plain and simple. That’s it at its rawest form. Groups connect people.

The fact is ….we need each other to emotional thrive. But the days of someone knocking on your door and bringing you the Welcome wagon basket of goodies are over so YOU have to be the one that steps outside and works to make it happen. Do you want more authentic and meaningful connections? Then you have to put yourself in the right place and in the right environment to make it happen.

Groups are safe and welcoming environments which are filled with understanding, reassurance, positive reinforcement, hope, and compassion. Members tend to develop special bonds by sharing their honest feelings, humor, accomplishments, and losses. causing them to develop emotional connections with one another.

Brene Brown, a professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, specializes in social connection, said in an interview that “A deep sense of love and belonging is an irresistible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don't function as we were meant to.” We may think we want money, power, fame, beauty, eternal youth or a new car, but at the root of most of these desires is a need to belong, to be accepted, to connect with others and to be loved.

Take a moment and think about the people you come into contact with every day. Are you in a rush, in a routine and not really noticing the areas of need around you? You have the power to make a difference and to give of yourself but first, it takes awareness. Getting outside of your own head, your own needs, and looking around. Then being willing to make the first move. There are plenty of people struggling or having a bad day that never vocalize their needs. It’s up to us to tap into our empathetic brains and reach out.

CHALLENGE: Reach out and connect. Even if you think you love your silence and your solitude. Reach out...SHARE you experiences and your encouragement with another person. Forge strong bonds, nurture those relationships, and lean into them to find joy.

I know YOU can do it!

Living Bravely, Asserting Yourself

Think about your life thus far...In what situations where you a lion and which were you a lamb. When faced with a challenge or a difficult situation do you stand your ground and defend your point of view or do you find comfort in retreating and avoiding it altogether?

I would like to insert another alternative, a wise owl - one who neither roars nor hides but one who has patience and is mindful about their approach. Sometimes we associate being brave and assertive with being hard and confrontational but that isn’t true.  Let’s look at them all and when you can find power in each one.

Living your life like a lion means knowing your own strength. What if a lion thought it was weaker than antelope, wildebeests, and zebras? It would starve! Instead, lions are so confident in their strength that they will even attempt to take down elephants (if other food is scarce)! Are you thinking about a lion you attempted to or accomplished in taking down? 

One of the saddest ways to live your life is being blind to your own strength(s). Here’s the tricky thing: the world won’t tell you your strength.

It’s something you must learn on your own… in the wild. You have to figure out what you CAN do and basically force it upon the world. Think about your own self-discovery….have you uncovered a hidden strength? Maybe it took a tough situation to call attention to it. Well, now you know….let’s think about how you can leverage it. 

Maybe the thought of roaring like a lion is terrifying …..maybe you identify more with the calmness of a lamb?

We tend to think of a lamb as weak and vulnerable but there is power in these characteristics. Sheep is a meek animal. They are usually very quiet and gentle, holding themselves aloof from the world. In a herd, all the sheep tend to listen to their leaders and show esteem to them. Because of the obedient character, sheep are among the most popular animals beloved by mankind.

Having a joyful, playful and even vulnerable side is living brave. Showing the true authentic you is one of the bravest things you can do. In a world of false reality and sharing the edited version of your life….honesty and authenticity is rare or quite possibly, extinct. 

“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage,” affirms research professor and author Brené Brown in Rising Strong.

Different seasons of life call for different personas. As you are evolving and committed to learning and growing it’s easier to adopt new ideas and points of view. As a wise ol’owl you’ve learned a thing or two. Usually through trials and tribulations...sometimes you’ve been overly confident and ROARED without justification and other times you’ve cowered and retreated when you had every reason to stand your ground. These are all learning opportunities that made you who you are today. Then you enter a season of enlightenment and are once again open to new ideas and revelations about life and who you are. The wise Ol’Owl takes his time and reflects - weighing out all options. Relying on his past attempts and learnings and understanding where modifications need to be made. 

You can live brave by taking a moment to evaluate your challenges, look at it from all angles to find the best solution to the problem. Being a problem solver means taking time to understand the challenge and evaluate all the possible solutions. Being assertive can be taking ownership and responsibility for the role you played in your own life and making the necessary changes to grow and to move on. We only learn from our own mistakes if we first own and claim responsibility.

Challenge: Draw on your lion moments and infuse the wise old owl. Be mindful about what causes you to be brave and when you feel the need to cower. Knowing yourself  - your strengths and your weaknesses means you can be brave and assert yourself with confidence and knowledge.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Restoration Through Forgiveness & Freedom

What are you carrying around that you can’t seem to let go? Is it forgiving a loved one, a person who has wronged you or is it forgiving yourself? Whatever is creating the baggage, you can’t achieve freedom when you are bound by your past. Why can’t you move on? I’m not suggesting this is easy or something you should have figured out by the end of this show but I am hoping you will open your heart and mind and consider a new perspective. Restoration  - becoming whole, mending the broken, giving new life…...let’s try it. 

We have all experienced some level of hurt. Whether we were mistreated, left brokenhearted, or lost our faith or trust in someone, we all have felt pain.

We cannot change the past. We also cannot change people. With this in mind, it is important to remember what forgiveness is really about. Forgiveness is not about erasing the past. The past can never be erased. It isn’t simply forgetting what has happened. Sometimes it’s beneficial to remember the pain so we don’t have to endure it again. It is not about making someone else see their faults or expecting your forgiveness to change their behaviors.

Time to get honest with yourself….Are you trapped by your reluctance to forgive? Someone has wronged you and it’s just too monumental to simply forgive...and move on? Wow well, we can’t even go there! If you could change the situation what would you do? If you could do anything but change the initial circumstance since that’s an easy one but the only one we CAN’T do….what would you do?  

Much research has been done on the personal, intrapersonal benefits of forgiving, and the detriments of not forgiving another. That is, studies show people unwilling to extend forgiveness to someone who has done them harm will often withdraw from social relationships and tend to experience deep loneliness. Additionally, a loss of trust occurs more often than not, discouraging them from ever developing future close relationships. Depression and anxiety are often leading causal reasons, but one particular motivation often overlooked is deeply rooted in stress.

Now you have the steps but what about the “why” - not only will it mentally relieve you of the responsibility of harboring this anger but it will benefit your overall health and wellness. We always have to remember what these toxic emotions can do to US. Every day you have a responsibility to yourself to live the best day you can. Life is so short and life with the effects of bad health can feel forever in torture. 

Maybe it’s YOU, you can’t forgive. The shame and guilt of choices you’ve made in your past keep looping in your mind, consuming any joy that threatens to permeate your self-loathing. What a dark and lonely place that can be. How can you climb out? 

When your mind isn’t being consumed with negative thoughts that play at a crippling volume you are free to pursue your dreams. You have time and energy and an open road to move forward. 

You may want to take your time and just enjoy the space and time. What got you into a place of resentment will always need care - it may be the way you are wired so you will always have to be mindful of your knee-jerk reaction. When you can see it and stop it, you are using a different part of your brain, you are growing. 

Each day, take an inventory of your feelings, your energy and where you want it to go today. Find gratitude first thing and continue to focus on the little things that you can appreciate throughout your day. Collect these as if you are collecting a bouquet of flowers, each tiny daisy will add fullness to your day. Be kind to yourself…..personal growth isn’t always easy and doesn’t come without challenges so don’t let the first bit of resistance take the wind out of your sails. Adjust them to pick up the wind and carry on. 

CHALLENGE: Take the step to freedom today for YOU. Accept what can not be changed and let go of what can’t be controlled, forgive. Start new in a fresh direction where freedom and self-care are valued and cherished.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Patience, Everything in Time

So they say patience is a virtue but what does that mean? It is defined as behavior showing high moral standards is the definition but why is that important to our day-to-day. Of course, having high moral standards is important but it doesn’t tell us the value of patience. 

Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world. Harriet Tubman

Patience is not simply the ability to wait - it's how we behave while we're waiting. Joyce Meyer

Each life is made up of mistakes and learning, waiting and growing, practicing patience and being persistent. Billy Graham

Lots of good advice there but it doesn’t make the process any easier. Patience and be painful and sometimes what trumps success. Let’s look at it from a few didn’t perspectives to see if I can shine some new light on some strategies. 

Patience requires restraint. In a world that moves by at the speed of light without much thought to the overall picture or quality of life...patience requires us to slow down and be mindful.  

When we feel like we have all the answers and with a little more hard work we can make it happen and happen faster, patience makes us wait. Relax and wait. Where timing and growth meet. 

When we are frustrated because nothing is turning out the way we expected and we just can’t seem to catch a break, patience reminds us that life is still moving and things are still evolving and we aren’t finished yet. 

Another perspective says: "Patience: the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, difficulty, or annoyance without getting angry or upset." 

Notice how impatience arises when we’re not getting our way—specifically, when people or our environment aren’t conforming to our expectations, even in circumstances over that we have no control (for example, the flow of traffic or the length of a line). Our expectations are often out of synch with reality. 

Recognize the stressful feeling, and FREEZE FRAME it. Take a time out.

Make a sincere effort to shift your focus away from the racing mind or disturbed emotions to the area around your heart. You can pretend that you are breathing thru your heart to help focus energy in this area. Keep your focus there for ten seconds or more.

Recall a positive, fun feeling or time you’ve had in life and attempt to re-experience it.

Now use your intuition, common sense and sincerity-- ask your heart, what would be a more efficient response to the situation, one that will minimize future stress?

Listen to what your heart says in answer to your question. It's an effective way to put your reactive mind and emotions in check and an in-house source of common sense solutions.

These are just ideas and strategies to try and isn’t that just it…..not sure anyone is born with patience - you lose your cool, your force things to happen, you fall on your face, things don’t work out the way you want, then hopefully….you regroup and try something new. …..is that where you are?

By cultivating a practice of patience, you’re able to let go of things outside your control and live with less stress, anxiety, and frustration. When you are patient you are still and when you are still you have a chance to listen, and when you listen the universe speaks.

Challenge: Test your patience and wait - wait before anger, wait before sadness, wait before giving up. Practice patience as you listen to and for direction. Show patience with those you meet - listen, understand, encourage. There is power in patience. 

I know YOU can do it!

What More Can I Do?

What More Can I Do?

We are going to look at this simple question in 4 ways. As a plea, as a frustration, as self-reflection, and as an exploration. My goal with this show is to constantly evolve, challenge, and question life’s perceptions. You can live a different life just by looking through a different lens. Open your mind and push your perception and adopt a positive alternative to life’s little challenges. That is Encouragementology - the practice of instilling hope

So…...What more can I do? How do you hear that question? Are you throwing up your hands pleading with your maker…..What more can I do? Are you wanting an answer, some validation, or a task list? You really can look at this question in so many different ways.

Maybe you are stuck - uninspired, wanting to feel something profound and be a part of something meaningful.

Maybe your tone is one of exhaustion….What more can I do? Are you done, spent, ready to take a step back feeling like you’ve exhausted all your efforts? Before you reach this point or maybe you are there and I’m urging you to back peddle but it’s time to realize…..you can’t save the world. I’m sorry to break this to you if this is the first time you’ve heard it...but you can’t. You do not possess the power to save the world.

Maybe you are searching your own soul asking “what more can I do”  not happy with where you are emotionally or spiritually. May you are questioning your own self-concept and power.

Are you just existing in the world today not really knowing how you fit into it all? Have you bought into all the limiting beliefs that you’ve picked up through your life to define who you are? Or….are you ready to get to know the real you?

We are on a roll here….don’t stop now. You looked inside to get to know yourself - let’s keep exploring by introducing and organizing the experiences on the outside.  I want to experience more - more excitement, more peace, more joy, …..what more can I do?

First….try getting organized - Look at your month to see how you can consolidate, more items around, create more time for yourself. Start delegating - no need to be a hero. All good managers delegate responsibilities and you want to be a good manager of your life, delegate!

Stimulate your brain - Are you challenging yourself  - learning something new or are you stuck in a routine of mindless information? Just like you don’t want to feed your hunger with empty calories you don’t babysit your boredom with senseless information. your mind is craving something new.

Socialize - You don’t need to have a big group of friends to socialize. Consider a date with someone you would like to get to know better. Maybe some at work - the new guy or a person you were just introduced with.

Give - Give a compliment, give encouraging advice, give of your time, give of your resources. It’s not just saying your Mom used to keep you in line - it actually is better to give than to receive.

CHALLENGE: explore your interpretation of questions like, what more can I do? Look for other meanings and a chance to actually do more. Reward yourself with new experiences, new connections, and the freedom or letting old routines that no longer serve you...go. Step outside of the same old same old and adopt some of these ideas - change it up - you deserve MORE!

 

I know YOU can do it!

Overcoming Loss: Past, Present, & Future

Not only is loss a part of life, but it’s also a part of every day. Every day you are losing time. This can be precious well celebrated time or squandered ill-managed time. This is the choice you have. What did you choose today? Life is a work in progress so don’t beat yourself up - we are going to talk through some ideas.

Past: You can revisit your past with regret, replaying all the mistakes and missed opportunities OR you can forgive yourself for the questionable choices you might have made and help your mind find the lesson that molded the person you are today. In this find gratitude.  

Present: You can let daily challenges stop you from experiencing the joy that awaits you, keeping you stuck in a cycle while the hours waste away OR you can take each challenge for what it is, solving it or releasing it while you search for the good in the day.

Future: You can spend time worrying about the unknown of the days to come writing your future story based on the assumptions of today OR you realize that today is enough and you are learning and growing every hour and with that comes progress and peace that will get you where you need to go.

How many times have you heard - Just let it go? Get over it?

Why isn’t it that easy? Ruminating or getting stuck is a real thing.

Psychological studies state that rumination seems to be correlated to “cognitive incompetence” and “cognitive consciousness“. It means that ruminating individuals are very well aware and conscious of their negative thoughts. They think about past experiences over and over again – up to a point where the thoughts create their own reality, sometimes exaggerating or even differing from what really happened. Ruminators often believe that their rumination will lead to solving a problem, but it really creates a loop where they are stuck in their own thoughts. Cognitive incompetence means that they cannot find their way out of the loop.

Letting go can be difficult. Letting go of people, ideas, expectations, desires; letting go of bad habits, false beliefs, and unhealthy relationships... the list goes on. Every day, every moment presents an opportunity to create ourselves anew, to shrug off the baggage of the past, open ourselves up to the possibility of the moment and take action to create an incredible future.

CHALLENGE: Choose to value your time as a precious gift. Evaluate anything that threatens to steal that and replace it with worry, anxiety, or fear. Stay present and realize loss is inevitable but grief is temporary.  

 

I know YOU can do it!

Letting Go, Detaching with Love

Sometimes walking away and letting go can be the hardest thing to do. Letting go of people, ideas, regrets, routines, or desires. Hard work, focus, and even love may not be enough to control a situation and dictate the outcome. Sometimes you simply have to let go and realize it’s not your fight, it’s not your journey, and it’s not your life. But there is a way to do this...and that’s with Love.

Here’s a secret that I’m hoping is a revelation for you sooner rather than later. You can not change people. Waiting for someone to meet your expectations may be the cruelest irony. They will NEVER meet your expectations because it’s not theirs. Your hope should be they meet or exceed their own true potential. But your expectations are just that….your expectations.

Detachment with love means caring enough about others to allow them to learn from their mistakes. It also means being responsible for our own welfare and making decisions without ulterior motives or the desire to control others.

Perhaps the essence of detachment with love is responding with choice rather than reacting with anxiety.  The key is to stop being responsible for others and be responsible TO them—and to ourselves.

The first step of any 12-step is Admit that you are powerless. Why do you think that is an important first step?

Many people resist the term powerlessness because it contradicts much of what we have been taught. Believing you can do anything and fix everything if you just try harder and want it enough is instilled in us at an early age. The truth is we cannot do or fix everything, regardless of how hard we try or how much we want it. We cannot control the weather, war, illness, or other people.

Sometimes we just need to learn to love, listen, and appreciate that things don’t always work out the way we wanted or on our desired timeline. Walking away with questions unanswered is ok. Everyone in on their own journey and if you step back to see that it would be unrealistic for everything to go just the way you anticipated.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

CHALLENGE: Be aware of the power struggle in your own life and who’s pulling harder. Question your resistance and remember, you are worth more. Your time, your attention, your patience, and your love are worth more. Split the difference with yourself.

 

I know YOU can do it!