Encouragementology

Looking in the Mirror for the Who Instead of the What

How much of your worth is measured on what you do and what you think you are instead of WHO you are? Let’s not beat around the bush and just get right into it. Who are you, who do you aspire to be, and who do you want to see YOU? It’s important to separate accomplishments and accolades, trials and failures, to find the real you. Your core. The you that’s inherent even when the world has tried to shape and mold you to fit their whims. Let’s focus on finding you, the who vs the what. 

So what do you see when you look in the mirror? Right now I see someone in desperate need of a haircut, color, & facial. And if I’m not required to actually look decent in a reasonably short amount of time, I’m going to forget how. But I also see someone who is human. Someone who is resilient, patient, positive, enthusiastic, passionate, driven, dedicated….but human. Someone who has been challenged and as a result hasn’t always been kind to herself. Someone who looks to solve and fix the world’s problems but someone who is human.

It’s ok to be human. It’s ok to have days you don’t feel proud or moments you wish you could forget. But it isn’t ok to bury the real you under the need to please others and become someone you aren’t because you were told, you aren’t ok the way you are. It isn’t ok to measure your worth on what you could or could not accomplish. This is your one beautiful life and if you don’t see it that way then let’s see what or who is standing in your way and blocking your vantage point.

I’m not saying it’s easy. The road to self-discovery is windy, long, at times bumpy, but in the straightways, so worth it! Societal perceived pressures are not making it any easier, that’s for sure. Accomplishments, wealth, beauty, success, and fame are not only all around us, but plated up and in our face on a daily….nay, hourly basis. It’s so easy not to feel like you measure up and as a result, focus on the what. 

For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a movie star. Not an actress but a movie star. To me, this represented glamour, lights, cameras, fame. If you asked me I would say I wear a long sparkling red gown and I used to kiss my parents goodnight twisting my head back and forth, like a true Hollywood style kiss. 

As soon as I was able I was trying out for plays or hosting my own. Thank goodness I didn’t have youtube during my formative years. I’ve always had the gift of gab so I guess sales, was a natural step when the talent agents weren’t all fighting to sign me. I love presenting information and the art of negotiation. I’m extroverted and have been told more than once, politely persistent. I’ve been successful on my chosen career path but….that’s not WHO I am, that’s what I do. 

Professionally, I’m direct, aggressive, and will go to the mat defending my point of view but personally, I’m more agreeable, kind, flexible, and compassionate. I will always be outspoken but I don’t always share my feelings. Instead, I worry about how others feel and work to make sure everyone is comfortable and well-loved. 

Who am I? I would love to say a healthy mixture of both, at least that’s what I strive for. I would like the care and compassion to enter my professional life and assertiveness and strong voice to enter my personal life. 

We spend so much of our time trying to get somewhere. Get through school, get through college, get a good job, get married, get the family, get the better job, get to retirement, get out and see the world…...5, 10, 15-year plans. 

Now, I’m a goal setter don’t get me wrong. One of my most precious assets is my brainstorming and creativity. But I’ve learned something on this journey, too much focus on the future means you miss the present. It’s important to have something to shoot for and something to look forward to but never lose touch with where you are. There are great things happening right now, right where you are and if you only set your sights on the future, you may miss them. 

Just like you are outwardly growing your personal and professional life, you are internally growing yourself. Don’t lose sight of the trifecta because they all matter.

CHALLENGE: Look in the mirror with a different focus. Instead of noticing all that is wrong, take a special interest in all that is right and worth exploring to deepen and strengthen who you were meant to be. WHO you are will always return the brightest reflection. 

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

 

Resources:
Maria Stenvinkel for Tiny Buddha
Meg Selig for Psychology Today
Noonday Ventures What If Who You’re Becoming Is More Important Than What You’re Doing?

 

Making the Best Out of What Feels Like the Worst!

I’m sure this catches you as no surprise but in times like this, you’re going to have to dig deep. When negativity is all around you and emotions are high you might have to pull away from the pack and blaze a new trail. Fill your space with positive energy, whether in your house, over virtual calls, or through your social media feeds. Don’t take on the responsibility of rallying the majority. Set a new example and encourage others to follow. Right now, we are talking more about getting rather than giving. I know, strange right? But we're talking about getting over it, getting on with a new attitude, getting creative, getting out of your comfort zone, and NOT giving up!

So let’s get real, are you struggling to maintain a positive attitude in the middle of what feels like an impossible situation? Do you feel like you are in a B level rendition of the movie Groundhog Day? I get it. One of my favorite things to talk about is what I have coming up on my schedule. I was one to really pack it full. Coffee catch-ups, brainstorming sessions, support groups, dinner with friends, live music, you name it…..I love having a full and rich schedule. In comes, screaming halt and I’m lost as to what to be excited about. “Hey, what are you up to today?” oh…..yeah, same thing as yesterday.  

I’m sure it’s dawned on you by now that YOU are going to have to dig deep to shake it up a bit or change your vantage point to gain a new perspective so you can carry on in a positive way. 

Yep, as always, YOU are in charge of making things different. So many times we forget the control is in our power and we wait around for something new to happen TO us. Like that is going to be a magical knock on the door with the itinerary to our amazing new day. Turn the music back up, that knock is not coming. Even though there are plenty of restrictions currently in place, it’s still up to you to adjust your own schedule and attitude to make the best out of what seems like the worst. 

Want some fun and creative ideas and a little different perspective? Yeah, me too. That’s why I’ve done the research for you and mixed in a little of my own MIDY - Make it Different Yourself. 

Of course, before we can just step over these feelings and move on we need to explore the why so that we can understand the how.

Remember, sheltering-in-place and the challenges of a pandemic may not be the only thing you are struggling with. Life changed and in many cases, became more complicated in the middle of what you were already dealing with. Sorting out those feelings may come with a new set of instructions. 

Maybe the relationship with your spouse or partner was already on shaky footing and you were negotiating more time apart vs unlimited time together. Maybe you were in the process of looking for a new career opportunity or changing jobs. Maybe you were already dealing with a health scare and trying to come to terms with a new course of treatment. Perhaps you were just getting started with what, just might have been, the most perfect relationship - absence makes the heart grow fonder?  Let’s hope so!

My point is, we are all dealing with something and the layers might be plentiful. This is a good time to be aware of those around you and what they might be dealing with. For so many it’s not as simple as staying at home, getting a little time out of the office, and finally using your kitchen. So before you lash out in frustration with lack of understanding (not that any of you would do that), rise above and be open to a different perspective. 

Sympathy is much easier than empathy. This is when it’s appropriate to take some time and explore the “what-ifs”. The part of someone’s story that isn’t visible on the surface and aspects they may not be comfortable sharing with the world.

Hey, don’t take anything personally and as we’ve already mentioned, people all around you are dealing with their own stuff. Some people are really capable of managing stress and acting appropriately and there are many more that aren’t. Did you ever think that they may be lashing out as a result of some challenges in their life that aren't going well? Frustration can bubble up in all facets of our lives and in our relationships with others. 

Take a step back, breath, and give them the benefit. A free pass. 

So many are trying to be flexible and adjust while attempting to survive and thrive. As you make adjustments for everyone in your world including, family, friends, and clients - remember, you are going through this too.  You are going to have bad days where the snooze is a little to close for productivity. Forgive yourself for a few reactions instead of actions. 

Need a daily pep talk to remind yourself of the importance of keeping up, figuring out, and moving forward? Yeah, I think we all do. How about a daily, call, video chat, or meme exchange with a good friend or better yet, your accountability partner. I have a morning exchange with one of mine. We love ridiculous animal videos or memes and more importantly, we love to add our own narration or justification to the content. That’s really the most fun. It’s a way to take, what could have been, a stressful start to the day, and make it joyful. Who doesn’t want to start each day with a belly laugh? 

Maybe a morning podcast pick-me-up might do the trick. Can’t find the other half of that glass so early in the morning, rely on someone who wakes up that way. There are endless inspiring podcasts and 77 more episodes of this one. Use search terms to find areas of interest and then try out a few. You don’t have to follow, download, or commit to anyone. Just see what fits your mood. 

Align what you do with your passion and purpose, and even the worst day isn't so bad.

Tell that to a professional Mother or Father, working from home, as they homeschool their 3 young children while trying to keep the cabinets full, the laundry basket empty, and the sanity of all parties, balanced!

I’m empathizing with your right now. For me, I’m empty nested, down to one pet who keeps me active and already working a job from home for over 6 years. Sounds like a dream huh? Well, even the best situation can be challenged when your routine is turned upside down. I’m tired of my own cooking, long to see my friends, hug my adult children, and be free to travel outside of my rural oasis. 

So to get out of my own head and away from my own "woe is me" celebration, I’m going to give you some tips that I have collected over the many years of keeping your sanity while working at home. 

It’s easy to think “What a gift, now I get to do my dishes, clean my house, be available for a few errands, AND get all my work done!” But adopting this idea means you have to clean your house, do your dishes, run the errands AND get your work done. Your work at home attitude needs to be Hey, I can sleep a tiny bit extra, I’m saving on gas & eating out, and IF and only IF I forget to get dressed from the waist down, it’s no big deal. Other than that, it should be business as usual. You need to get up and establish a workday routine or run the risk of overload and overwhelm. 

Since you won’t be meeting coworkers at your favorite lunch spot, take this time to tidy up around the house or prep for dinner. If the time is used wisely, this could be a delightful addition to your schedule. 

Set work barriers and boundaries with your family so they clearly understand the new routine. 

When I’m at my desk I am working. 

• Just because I’m on the internet does not mean I’m surfing and have time to watch a cool video you found. 
• Regardless of the proximity of my desk to the kitchen, I can not make you a snack. A phone call and a zoom meeting are the same thing but one of them could catch you in your underwear in the background. 
• Anytime you hear me talking or listening intently, so unless you’re bleeding or on fire, don’t interrupt. 
• I need bandwidth to do my job so a company meeting might, no will trump the next level of your game. 

If you don’t have a home office that is a designated space, get creative, and make one. Partition it off as much as you can, try creating a screen for a room divider. Create notes that you can post on the perimeter to communicate what you are doing and what you need. 

Most importantly, breathe and realize this too shall pass. Everyone is going through this one way or another so I’m sure you have a coworker who is struggling to keep it together on their end too. Feel free to share these tips with your team. 

CHALLENGE: Instead of burying your head in the sand to weather the storm, challenge it head-on with the power you possess. The power to react with control, to adjust with creativity, and to thrive with ingenuity. 

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

 

RESOURCES:
Joseph Wilner for You have a Calling
Art Markman for Fast Company.
 LOLLY DASKAL, PRESIDENT AND CEO, LEAD FROM WITHIN
Victoria Joanna Bailey for Best Health Magazine

Centering Yourself to Find Balance

In this crazy time when we are determining what is essential and what isn’t it dawned on me. HEY - YOU are essential too! And now more than ever, you need to know that, embrace that concept, and find a healthy balance of taking care of everything, everyone, and yourself. Sounds impossible, right? I get it. Even though it would seem like things have slowed down and there is less to do, emotions are high and the stress and anxiety cocktails are flowing. How can you compartmentalize the tasks while separating the feelings so that you can handle it all with grace and balance? Yeah, I don’t know either but I’m going to help you figure it out. 

Did you forget about you? It’s ok, to be honest, and admit it, it’s easy to do. When we are faced with challenges beyond measure it’s natural to move swiftly into problem-solving mode. Well, of course, there is the mini-meltdown and whoa is me pity party of one but THEN it’s problem-solving. What can I do to get through the day with the least amount of damage and lasting scars? But when the challenge is widespread and everyone in your immediate circle is feeling the pressure it’s natural to try and take on the world and lose yourself in the process.

Not only is it about logistics, food, laundry, income, homework, toilet-paper….it’s about emotions. Feeling down, frustrated, overwhelmed, scared, depressed, angry. When you try and manage these feelings for everyone you are concerned for, your resources will become depleted with nothing to nurture yourself.

But you’re the rock, right? The only one who plans, organizes, knows what’s going inside and outside the home, the only who can find anything or fix anything. At least, that’s what you’ve told yourself and conditioned those in your household to believe. How could they possibly manage without you?!? Well, we’ll get to that.
With that kind of pressure you’ve put on yourself, how could you find time to take care of your own fears and feelings?

I think the first thing we need to do is to re-engineer the way you see your role. You can gain some much-needed freedom just by getting a different vantage point. That’s really all it is. Back up and look at the bigger picture. I say it all the time but when you are too tactical you can’t be strategic. Since I’m a visual learner let’s paint a picture that might help illustrate this better. Imagine digging a ditch. You are in there head down just digging away. At some point, if you don’t step out and set your sights on the horizon, where do you think you would be? Imagine the line that ditch would take. Another one I like to use is chopping your way through a jungle unable to see what’s in front of you. You just keep pushing forward, hacking away. If you could get an aerial view, ie; the bigger picture, you might be able to save yourself a lot of time.

That’s what we are trying to do here, save us a little time and a little heartache. As with any good process, your goal is to make it more efficient, impactful, and successful. Couldn’t you do the same thing with life? Now granted, you can’t prepare and plan for everything - look where we are right now for instance. Sometimes we learn very valuable lessons through trials and tribulations. Others come from enlightenment and revelation and sometimes, it’s a golden nugget of wisdom or experience that you receive at the most perfect time.

Are you overly empathetic? Or Sympathetic? The difference between the most commonly used meanings of these two terms is: sympathy is feeling compassion, sorrow, or pity for the hardships that another person encounters. empathy is putting yourself in the shoes of another.

I used to think I was overly empathetic and would give the example that I could never work at a prison because I would feel so bad for them. Not bad enough to slip a file into a cake or anything but just sad that they were being prevented from all the wonderful riches of life. I was worried I would take that home with me and affect my own emotional health. I genuinely care about people. Much deeper than the rhetorical all American greeting  “how are you”. I do really care. As a life coach and a support group leader, I have the opportunity to listen and share with a large variety of people. The issues and concerns are wide and deep. But what I’ve learned is you can listen, understand, have compassion, even offer support but in the end, everyone is in the middle of their own journey. We can accept help and even be guided along the way but the mast majority is up to us to figure out. So it’s important to let everyone experience their life the way it was meant to unfold. 

Doesn’t that provide a huge sense of relief? If you could truly adopt that idea, can you see how it removes the pressure you might have been feeling? You can be there to love and support and even offer guidance but the ultimate responsibility is not yours. You are only in charge of your life. 

Does this sound familiar to you? It’s easy to justify these feelings with the stance that you just care, maybe too much, or that you are just trying to help. There is plenty of time to take care of yourself, what’s really important is everyone else’s needs.

I really thought I was doing it all and doing it all successfully. Perfectly positioned in the ditch and working my fingers to the bone to get somewhere. No clue where just burying my head and working harder. All the time trying to control, carry and fix everyone around me. Don’t get in my path with a problem or I will drop everything and try and fix it right then and there. Can you imagine what my ditch must have looked like from an aerial view? ZIG-ZAG or even around in circles.

If I could have reached that higher vantage point sooner, I could have saved myself and others so much time and heartache. Hindsight, right? Today, I’m so glad I’m there. It doesn’t mean it’s not still a knee-jerk reaction but I’m aware and that’s the first step to change.

Remember to be kind to yourself through the process and repeat the following affirmation: I respect and love myself enough to recognize when something isn’t healthy for me, and I am confident enough to set clear boundaries to protect myself. 

Do you feel strong and in charge? If you’ve been practicing all that we’ve mentioned prior to the alternative, just know, there is nothing inherently wrong with you. It’s ok to care and caring too much allows for life lessons as well. So you’ve done nothing wrong here. But as always, we are trying to achieve balance for an optimal life. So digging, uncovering, exposing, treating, and practicing a new behavior is healthy and can happen at any point in your journey. We are always learning and evolving so it’s never too late to let go of behaviors that no longer serve you and adopt healthier ones. You ARE essential and YOU deserve the time and attention. Remember, this is your journey, and the way you chose to travel and what you ultimately achieve is up to you. 

CHALLENGE: Realize the overwhelming feelings you are having isn’t a result of having too much to do but instead, an out-of-balance sense of responsibility. Remember your needs both physical and mental, are essential. Begin letting go and channeling your energy into healthy boundaries that will protect and guide your journey. 

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

 

Show Resources:
Melissa Renzi  for Psych Central. 
Elizabeth Shuler  The Science Behind Why We Absorb Others’ Emotions (and How to Deal)
Alana Mbanza for Tiny Buddha.
Mental Health America

 

 

 

Dealing with Frustration in a Positive Way

UGH, how are you dealing with YOUR frustration these days?  Letting it out, keeping it in, channeling it in a negative direction, stress eating, stress napping, or caught in a constant ying-yang struggle of gloom & doom meets, silver lining? One thing is for sure, these are stressful and uncertain times. It’s hard to be strong every day when you are navigating a storm. Even Happy-Go-Lucky types can have bad days. Frustration is a part of stress and worry and a natural emotion. Before you succumb completely, let’s explore positive alternatives to this life challenge.

Frustration: the feeling of being upset or annoyed, especially because of the inability to change or achieve something. Nailed it! We are definitely experiencing something we can’t immediately change. Have there been other times in your life where you have been stuck in an impossible situation?  If you are remembering a specific time, how did you get through? How were you able to overcome that situation? Sometimes, we have to be reminded of the power we have. Especially in what appears to be, a powerless situation! The power to adjust, accept, navigate, modify, and overcome. You did one of those things to be able to talk about it today. 

No one WANTS to be sad, in a bad mood, angry, depressed, or frustrated. Sometimes the feelings are overwhelming and we can’t see what lies just beyond success. It seems so far away and unattainable at times why bother right? Wrong. You have the power to dig yourself out or prop yourself up. There IS a silver lining in everything you just have to get to the right vantage point to see it. 

Now, I’m a positive person who always looks for the silver lining. You know the one, sometimes you seek them out because they can help you find the good in all the bad and sometimes you run from them because they never RSVP for your pity-party for one. But still, they have the unique ability to let things go and radically make a switch to problem-solving when things get rough. Yep, that’s me. It’s the main reason I became a Life & Recovery Coach. For years friends and acquaintances would say, “don’t you ever get down?” Or “how are you able to just let things roll off your back and move on?”. The only thing I can tell you is, I don’t like to be in a bad mood. I don’t like to be sad or frustrated. I need and desperately want to be happy so as a result, I don’t stay stuck. At least not for long. 

That doesn’t mean that I don’t have bad days or that I don’t get stressed out. I do. I just don’t stay there very long. I have a moment of pause and reflect and then I move into problem-solving mode and get to work. There is always another idea you just have to be open to exploration. 

Recently I was feeling anxious and frustrated. Seeing the world suffer, being unable to fix the problem, unable to gather with the people you love, and prevented from being there for the people who need it most is feeling unfair. I had and may still have restless feels. Like an animal in a cage just pacing back and forth back and forth. Yes, happy to be alive but unable to fulfill a purpose. It has given me a lot of time to reflect and forced me to a new vantage point to see the bigger picture. 

People need people and no matter what we produce to simulate that experience, it will never replace the benefits of human to human contact, love, and support. My hope is that we all come to this conclusion and fight not to lose it in everything that we do. 

Clearly giving to others is healthy for our community and vital to our survival. Finding ways to give, support, and connect during these trying times can add to your frustration. Remember when I said, a better vantage point? It’s easy to get frustrated and feel defeated when you feel you are going this along. You are just here digging away in the ditch by yourself or machetting your way through the jungle on a solo mission but news flash. We are all facing challenges right now. You are not alone even if your proximity to another person begs to differ.

A friend of mine gave me a visual from another vantage point. Instead of thinking that we are all in the same boat dealing with exactly the same things considered, we are all in the same storm but in different boats. A crisis can impact each person differently but still, that person is impacted. Finding a new vantage point means getting above your own cause and effect and trying to empathize with the world around you. 

Everyone is looking for a diversion right about now. I’m learning the violin & Spanish and knitting a sea of scarves. I’m also getting outside and appreciating nature. What a better reminder that things are going to be ok than the changing of the seasons with a nice slow, stunning roll out. I’m also reconnecting with my thoughts. Just over a month ago, I was not only burning the candle at both ends but I had all of them on fire. I had almost all day, every day, planned out. If I wanted to fit in some “me-time” I had a few spots left or could try and move something around. 

I love to be busy and productive but is that what I was doing? I felt overwhelmed but I couldn’t let anything go. I needed to be in charge of everything on my schedule to feel good about myself and to feel like I was doing my part. 

Fast forward and it’s an intentional reminder that you can’t do it all and guess what, you shouldn’t try anyway. Life still goes on whether you are running 90-to-nothing to say ahead or you are barely keeping up. It still goes. How do you want to participate?

I’m always talking about a healthy balance. Everything in moderation even, moderation. But I wasn’t practicing what I was preaching. I was frustrated. When you get the nudge, a simple reminder, or a hammer over the head, take notice. Your body and your mind are trying to tell you something. Also, the universe and your higher power might be redirecting your trajectory but if you are so bull-headed to believe you have life figured out then, frustration is inevitable. 

Getting out of your own head and focusing on someone else might be the right type of diversion at a time like this. Let’s crawl up to a higher spot to get a better vantage of what’s going on around us. This will help us deal with our frustration in a positive way.

Remember those boats in the storm? Frustration can come from every angle and for any reason. Part of practicing empathy is to try and understand your neighbor's frustration may be the same or totally different than yours. Nevertheless, they are still frustrated. During a crisis, the point of impact can come from any direction, and in most cases, multiple ones. You might have lost your job as a result of a government shutdown but your neighbor might have lost a loved one. You might feel slided by the takeover but your neighbor is scared by the threat of something they can’t see or detect. All of those fears and frustrations are real. 

Before you judge someone based on their reaction to a crisis, try and put yourself in their shoes. Maybe use this as a connection point. Not to ridicule and belittle but to understand. Fear is real. Loss is long-lived. Frustration can be overcome. 

When we isolate we have a tendency to escalate and exaggerate our feelings. Getting worked up when you can’t make an immediate change in your circumstance and snowball the effect. 

STOP - no really, say stop to interrupt this behavior. You are in control of you. No one else knows what’s going on in your head so want a way out? Find the door.

FREEZE - take a snapshot of where you are in your stress. You need to see yourself reacting in order to change directions. Hover above to get a better picture of the mouse maze you are in. 

UNDERSTAND - peel back the stress to find the source. Remember, frustration is the reaction but what is the cause. In times like these, it may take very little for you to react so be willing to laugh at yourself.

BREATHE - not to put you into some type of yoga routine you aren’t ready for here but breathing is multi-beneficial. You get more oxygen to your brain but most importantly, it gives you space to react appropriately. 

SOLVE - try to solve your situation instead of adding fuel to the fire. “Pity party for 1”. It’s easy to stew the pot by continuing the rumination but where is the productivity in that? Instead - what can you do now to move on. This may be as simple as changing tasks or moving to another room. You might just need to table it for a better and more accepting time of the day; square peg in round hole kind of thing. 

FORGIVE - It’s ok to get frustrated. You are human. Forgive yourself for the mini-meltdown and try and learn something. Maybe a trigger point like balancing the checkbook before the coffee is a no no or trying to make an elaborate family dinner on a little sleep is a disaster. Just know your threshold and right now, until you can work through this hump on your journey, avoid it. 

You have the power to calm, redirect, and learn. When strengthened, a valuable tool you will use often on the road to self-discovery.

CHALLENGE: Take this time to reflect on your true feelings. Frustration is just a symptom of the inability for immediate change. Redirect to connect and empathize with others to gain a valuable vantage point.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

Live Up to What You Hope For

I read this quote the other day and it really struck a chord; “The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope.”-Barbara Kingsolver. We definitely need to explore this topic because I would wager that a lot of what we do was inspired, instilled, or insisted upon by others or what we believe society expects from us. But what do we hope for? How much time have you spent trying to figure that out? It’s easy to get on the escalator of life and just follow it to where it leads. Sometimes it's going up, sometimes it’s going down, and sometimes it's just a straight shot faster than what it would be if left to our own pace. Let’s step off and take a breather to explore the idea “all that we hope for”, shall we?

So after reading Barbara’s quote, I thought, who is Barbara? I mean, I love inspirational messages and never really think about the source. Was it something that just popped into her head or is she walking the walk. I think that’s important and a barometer that I use. I don’t ever want my encouragement and the messages I put out to become a bunch of taco salad. Let me explain this reference that I use frequently for fodder, unmeaningful content. If I read or write marketing messaging and it’s full of a bunch of buzz words, keywords, and SEO strategies I call it taco salad. You know when you go to an American Mexican restaurant you can order beef, lettuce, beans, cheese, and pico in about anyway on any vehicle. That’s why I call it Taco Salad - it's just a different order to the same meaningless buzzwords. 

Ok, so who is Barbara and what’s she slinging? Barbara Kingsolver was born in 1955 and grew up in rural Kentucky. She earned degrees in biology from DePauw University and the University of Arizona and has worked as a freelance writer and author since 1985. At various times in her adult life she has lived in England, France, and the Canary Islands, and has worked in Europe, Africa, Asia, Mexico, and South America. She spent two decades in Tucson, Arizona, before moving to southwestern Virginia where she currently resides.

Her books have been translated into more than two dozen languages, and have been adopted into the core literature curriculum in high schools and colleges throughout the nation. She has contributed to more than fifty literary anthologies, and her reviews and articles have appeared in most major U.S. newspapers and magazines. Kingsolver was named one of the most important writers of the 20th Century. In 2000 she received the National Humanities Medal, our country’s highest honor for service through the arts.

She has two daughters. Her husband teaches environmental studies. Since June 2004, Barbara and her family have lived on a farm in southern Appalachia, where they raise an extensive vegetable garden and Icelandic sheep. Barbara believes her best work is accomplished through writing and being an active citizen of her own community. She is grateful for the goodwill and support of her readers.

I would say, it’s safe to assume, Barbara is living the life she had hoped for.  Even without all the accolades or illustrious career, can you say you are living the life you had hoped for? I guess the place to start is, what did you or do you hope for? If you aren’t on that path, why? How can you take back the roadmap to your destiny and start heading in the right direction? Sound like a plan? 

Encouragementology is the practice of instilling hope. I discovered the power of encouragement several years ago during a workshop I led for women. That ah-ha moment changed everything for me. It helped me understand the importance of emotional giving and how that can out reach physical giving. We all need to hear that someone believes in us even before we can believe in ourselves. You aren’t born without insecurities and high self-esteem out of the crib. Those things are developed and nurtured in you as you grow. I developed Encouragementology as a practice so that other people could implement this idea and make an intentional effort to reach out, connect, understand, and encourage the people they encounter. 

This is where our hope and instilling hope in other intersects. It’s a give-get world. You get by giving and by giving you get.

An article on livingyourbestlife.com introduces us to the road of your best life.  On this path, it’s okay to want. It’s natural to dream and wish. We are powerful creators, and learning to harness that power is part of creating a life worth living.

Many of us have visions of a better tomorrow. These visions consist of various futures, where we will exercise more, or find a career that we actually love, make more money, have more free time, and so forth . . . If you are reading this it is because you want more, and you suspect you are capable of more. You have hopes and dreams and you are just about ready to create the life you want.

On a deeper level, pursuing our dreams also means finding purpose and meaning in life. And it’s not always clear what that is. If life feels like a grind, that is an indication that something is missing. The haunting feeling of wanting more is trying to tell us something important.

 

Part of the journey is to uncover what really interests us and makes us feel alive. Self-inquiry is one of several powerful methods for discovering what we really want in our lives. And it’s not for the faint of heart. Discovering what we want in life also means facing what we don’t want, and that process can be turbulent. But learning to live with authenticity leads to rewards that often surpass our expectations. Even simple everyday life can feel amazing when we are living with purpose.

What does it mean to live my best life? It means living up to my potential. Living up to my potential means doing “the things I hope to do someday” now instead of putting them off for some magical time in the future. Life is temporary, and I don’t want to wait to feel fulfilled.

Living my dream life also means that as soon as I am living up to my potential, I continue to set the bar even higher. It’s not a one-time quick fix. It is a commitment to myself and what really matters to me. Authentic living means I am always asking myself what is working and what is not, and acting accordingly.

Creating the life I want requires a commitment to personal growth. I must be willing to change, to grow, and to do what it takes to live my best life.

Living my best life also means living a balanced life. Balance is a key part of healthy living. By managing time and energy wisely, I nurture all aspects of myself, my body, my mind, and my spirit.

So what does it take to live my best life?

Strength. Being my best self often means doing things that are difficult and challenging. It is much easier to sit on a couch than to run a marathon. Breaking bad habits and creating good habits takes discipline and strength of character.

We can build strength of character by challenging ourselves and doing things that other people might consider difficult. We can then use that strength to make more positive changes in our lives.

Doing things that are challenging but ultimately rewarding eventually becomes a habit! After years of taking the road less traveled and pushing my boundaries, I feel stronger and more grounded than I ever have in life.  I’m not easily rattled by small everyday hassles, other people’s moods, or even my own emotions. The effect is subtle yet profound.

Courage. It takes courage to create the life I desire. As I explore and honor what I ultimately want for myself, I find that means breaking some old habits and making life changes. Those changes may include walking away from friendships and other relationships that no longer support my growth and my goals.

Friends and family may resist some of these changes. Often times the people that don’t support me are the same ones that make little effort in their own lives, so they would prefer that others remain stuck along with them. It takes courage and strength of character to not care what people think and to create the life I want even if others are judging my actions. I’ve done some bold things over the last few years to create a life that feels amazing. Read my story here.

Self  Respect. Living my best life begins with appreciating the fact that I am alive. Realizing that life is a gift and every single day is a blessing is the foundation on which I build the life I desire. Appreciating life means respecting myself and my body.

My body is my vehicle for this journey. When I give it the fuel and maintenance that it needs, it will perform at its best and take me everywhere I want to go. Making the right food and lifestyle choices and creating healthy habits is part of living my dream life. I want to have lots of energy every day to enjoy life and achieve my goals. Check out these healthy recipes and smoothie ideas.

Choosing actions that nurture self-respect also builds confidence, and confidence is vital to achieving my goals.

Organization. Being the best I can be also takes some organization. Setting goals and living a balanced life is much easier when I take the time to plan things out and write them down. From daily to-do lists to 5-year plans, getting organized has a magical impact on our ability to achieve our goals.

 

CHALLENGE: Look within to shine a light on your hopes and dreams. The more you uncover and embrace the brighter the illumination. This light will lead you to live your best life.

 

I Know YOU Can Do It 

 

Resources:
Barbara Kingsolver
Dr. Neel Burton writes on this for Psychology Today.
Cosmic Vine; What Do You Hope To Achieve With Your Life?
Happonomy.com
livingyourbestlife.com

Feeling Behind? When your Best is Enough

We’ve all been there if we aren’t there now; that overwhelming feeling of not being as far along in life as you think you should be. The society we’re living in now isn’t helping either. With technology, we have the ability to peek in, creep, or troll anyone’s virtual life to start forming our opinion on how the other half live. It’s all perception and we are buying it, hook line, and sinker as reality. Look how successful everyone else is that must mean I’m behind. Does that give us the motivation to bring out our competitive side? For some yes but for most it just makes us feel sad and bad about ourselves. It’s demotivating because it looks like we are worlds apart and there is no way to catch up so guess what….I just won’t do anything. What if where you are is exactly where you need to be? What if self-acceptance gives you the motivation to grow? Want to dig a little deeper? 

Perception…..ah the double edge sword. You might say to someone who is stuck in their way of thinking, “you need a new perspective”. Many times that means, I want you to see it my way. But for so many of us, it’s true, we do need a new perspective and a new way of looking at the world, what’s around us, and ourselves. But perception can easily be skewed when we accept what we think we see as reality. 

I was in web-marketing for several years and I can remember sitting across from a Mom and Pop shop uttering these exact words: You may not have the money to change your facade or re-sod your lawn but you can be as big and rich as you want, on the web. It’s all perception. You drive up to a business that has holes in the parking lot, a building that needs repair, and outdated decor and what do you think? They aren’t doing very well, they must not know what they are doing. But you land on an up-to-date and slick website offering the same services and you immediately have more respect - they are successful and maybe even cutting edge. 

Don’t you think the same scenario can apply to personal lives portrayed on the web? Do you think the person who is obsessed with selfies is so confident with the way they look that they just had to overshare with the world?  NO? Possibly they are the ones in need of validation and someone to tell them how attractive they are so they can feel something, overcome something or just be able to look in the mirror. I say perception is surface level. It’s only one layer of the story. But instead of challenging and digging deeper to understand and form our opinions,  we are limiting our senses to only our sight. What we see becomes our reality. I saw it so it has to be true. Communication is 55% body language and 38% tone of voice. Are we saying that no longer matters?

Someone posts a picture in full glam, standing next to a sportscar and behind an obscene amount of filters and they are successful and rich. No questions. They are doing well for themselves. Just as you can’t judge a book by its cover, you can’t accept reality in a photograph, nay social media pic. 

I love technology and I hope my constant reminders are not painting the wrong picture here. We need a healthy balance in all that we do. I’m just shining a light on how easily things can get off-kilter and what can happen as a result. Being aware is the first step. Sometimes we just feel bad and we let it go at that. We never dig deeper and peel back the layers to see why. Could it be what we are consuming and the rate in which we are consuming it? 

When you feel overwhelmed or behind, have you asked yourself why? In a cause and effect trial, should you remove causes to judge the effect?  Or do you just throw up your hands and blame this mean old world and the hand you’ve been dealt? You have the power to take control of your reaction to any action. 

I read a book with the most profound advice; The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I often quote each of the agreements separately when they apply...and they do, often! The fourth agreement is to always give your best. Now that sounds simple but it’s much more complex the deeper you dig. You see, today you may have it all to give but tomorrow you may not. So if you always give your best then you are giving what you have on that given day and nothing more.  We see giving 100% as all. Imagine a full glass up to the brim. That’s all that glass can hold so it’s 100%. But what if that the glass was only half full? How could you give your best or 100%? Well if you give the whole half then you are giving all you have to give at that moment and that is your best. 

It’s hard to conceptualize because we have bought into this idea of 100% as everything to the fullest. If you don’t have a full glass then you don’t have enough. How often do you have a full glass? What happens on the other days?  You feel bad and less than perfect, behind, losing. 

But what if you gave YOUR all….not it all but YOUR all every time? Wouldn’t you feel great knowing that you gave it your all? Would that change your outlook before the day even started? Today, I’m going to give it my all! No matter what happens, I’m giving it my all and that’s enough!

CHALLENGE: Look within first. Before you compare your life and list of accomplishments with what you see, find out who you are and what is most important to you. Today give your best, whatever that may be.

 

I Know You Can Do It!

 

Show Resources:
Dr. Jim Taylor, psychologist, and professor at the University of San Francisco
Rae Jacobson  for the Child Mind Institute
Henrik Edberg for the Positivity Blog:  
Additional episodes of Encouragementology

 

Loving You, Strengths & Weaknesses

Self-Acceptance in all we are and all we do is the ultimate goal. As with any successful goal planning, you must create milestones with reminders to check-in with yourself; a gut-check if you will.  Total acceptance is not our go-to behavior and may take more than the average amount of self-discovery, awareness, and practice to tap into. I would like to use the word master here but I am convinced that the laws of nature push against this concept so it takes you being persistent and diligent in your pursuit. Just think about it...freedom! Freeing yourself from judgment, shame, and regret and loving YOU! Pencil it in, we aren’t giving up!

By all accounts, I’m a very confident person. I’m outspoken, extroverted, never met a stranger, loves speaking to large crowds, and in most cases, fearless. But I struggle with self-acceptance.  I don’t have low self-esteem and can easily identify my strengths but it’s my weaknesses that I judge and criticize. It’s hard for me to truly and completely forgive myself for past mistakes and as a result, I carry a good amount of regret. Someone once told me that it isn’t guilt but sadness. Sadness over lost time that you can’t recapture. 

I love how everything looks different from a shift in perspective. You can carry a torch for something but from a different vantage point, that flame can look like a roaring fire or barely and burning ember. It’s important to let people inside to help you work through these judgments and to share a different perspective. 

Think about finding an accountability partner to share your dreams, fears, strengths, and weaknesses with. This person can play an important role in your life if you pick the right person. Someone who is genuinely interested in your health and well being. A person that has nothing to gain by your success for failure but who is honest and kind. You don’t need a drill sergeant or a tough-love coach for this exercise. Your accountability partner is someone who you can turn to when you need compassion, guidance, and truthful but kind feedback. 

You aren’t looking for someone to stroke your ego and tell you how attractive you are and how you shouldn’t have anything to complain about. Your fears and self-criticism are real even if, to the outside person, they look unwarranted. Having someone to tell you to just “get over it” is not helpful! 

Self-acceptance comes with time and emotional growth. Each milestone hit, a meaningful relationship formed, personal victory experienced, and obstacle overcame gives you a push in the right direction. But there can be roadblocks and detours that cause you to question everything. Your accountability partner can be a healthy reminder of how far you’ve come and guide you around the closures and back out to smooth sailing. 

How easy is it for you to identify your strengths? What are you good at?  What are you proud of? If someone asked you to tell them about yourself, what do you highlight? Sometimes I do this exercise with groups and I tell them they can’t pick their family. Go deeper than what you’ve produced and talk about yourself, your core. Sometimes we hide behind what we do to avoid talking about who we are. You are unique. Good and bad, there is only one of you. Your walk on this earth is flanked by many experiences and lots of people, but it is your walk to take. No one can make the ultimate decision but you. So don’t you want to get to know your captain? 

How about your weaknesses? Do you have a list a mile long? What if your weaknesses were actually your strengths? That would shake it up a bit wouldn’t it?

I care deeply about what people think about me. That can be a strength and a weakness.  As a strength, I’m very focused on my relationships with others. I am aware of my communication and body language style and go out of my way to be accomodating and kind. As a weakness, I can easily misinterpret a lack of attention or response from another person. I believe I have more control over other people’s thoughts and reactions than I do. I don’t recognize when someone might be dealing with their own insecurities that have nothing to do with me.  

As I said, this is a marathon, not a sprint!

So what are you waiting for? Start embracing your weaknesses today! Whether you choose to work on your flaws or accept them, don’t be afraid to share more of yourself with the world.

Guess what, we all have problems. That’s a general statement meaning everyone is dealing with their own stuff and even if you idealize the person who you think has it all together; guaranteed, they are insecure about something!

I love the dynamic of support groups. I’m using the word support group to give you an accurate visual of a group of people sitting in a circle sharing intimate details about themselves with others. What I don’t like about the support group stereotype is that there has to be something wrong with you to want to seek the counsel and support from other people and that’s wrong! We need each other. We were put here on this earth to commune and work together. That is how we survive and thrive.

Being independent does not mean going it alone or solo. So many times we feel like we are the only ones dealing with these issues and no one could possibly understand what we are going through. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. When you share your fears, desires, goals, challenges, and successes you find common threads that link you with other people. There a bond is formed; a basic understanding and mutual respect. We are always learning and learning from others who have walked there before, overcame, and conquered is priceless. 

If you are alone and disconnected believing no one would understand what you are going through, please reach out. Don’t be ashamed of feeling weak. You aren’t supposed to go it alone, you need others for comfort, compassion, understanding, and support and that is true strength. 

Let’s take another step forward to self-acceptance. Today, you might have uncovered a weakness that turned out to be a mighty strength and a strength you’ve been using to hide weakness. We can shift our perspective to see things with a new light as we start to forgive ourselves for what we can’t control and love ourselves for who we are.

CHALLENGE: Embrace all that you are, good, bad, and undiscovered. You have the power to accept and improve while loving YOU.

 

I Know YOU Can Do It! 

 

Resources:
Sharon Martin LCSW for PsychCentral
Thibaut Meurisse the founder of Whatispersonaldevelopment.org
Umair Haque for Medium

 

Getting Out of the Rain and Moving On

When it rains it pours, doesn’t it? Some of us feel the tiniest raindrop and we run for cover and others get drenched knowing we should seek shelter but are unable to move.  Self-doubt, a misguided sense of responsibility, past failures, worry, fear...you name it, we’re stuck. Taking a risk, calculated or not, and moving on can be one of the hardest things to do. With it comes a storm of “what ifs” to go and to stay. But here’s a what-if; what if there are smooth sailing and sunshine right around the corner. What if, it’s been waiting for you to arrive this whole time. What took you so long?

We’ve all stayed in the rain a little too long before moving on. Let’s talk about what possesses us to endure the obvious and what we need, to motivate a change. Then let’s look at the benefits of moving on. Not just hoping for a clear day but seriously getting to a place of acceptance, letting go, and moving on. Ready to control the weather? 

Are you in a situation right now? Quick,  the first one that came to mind. It could be a romantic relationship that has seen more lows than highs or a work situation that is less than fulfilling. Whatever your storm….why are you still standing in the rain? 

I’m not saying it’s easy, Lord knows that’s not what I’m saying. No seriously, he knows. He saw me drowning and threw me a line. The quote I mentioned is something I aspire to have not something I’ve always possessed. 

The turning point for me was admitting I couldn’t do everything. Yes, I said. I can’t do everything! Not for a lack trying but at some point you have to admit defeat and let go of the control you think you have and try something new. Instead of trying and failing at fixing everyone else, I decided to fix me. Six years ago I put myself first. I’m going to leave a dramatic pause at the end of that because it doesn’t happen for most of us. Putting yourself first seems selfish and egotistical. 

I’ve always heard, you can’t help others until you help yourself but I never fully knew what that meant. Remember, I was stuck in the delusion that I could do anything. Taking care of me didn’t mean getting my hair and nails done or a nice massage, it meant listening and responding to my needs.  I had to get in touch with who I am and who I wanted to be. I had to explore my own fears and insecurities to create a plan to get there. 

This doesn’t happen overnight but it’s the first step to getting out of the rain. Make the decision that you are worth more. Accept the fact that the only person you can save is you. Grab the umbrella and the rest will be a meaningful discovery. 

Not every situation can be so judicious. Sometimes every act of nature is being thrown in your direction and you aren’t willing to accept that you are in the eye of the storm by your own doing. It’s called denial and it doesn’t mean you are stupid or defiant. In most cases, you believe you are helping. As twisted as that may sound especially when you stay it out loud to a trusted friend or worse, a stranger who doesn’t know any back story. You feel a sense of responsibility for someone else’s happiness and emotional well being.

Now, we all want to be helpful and we all want to be liked but the person drenched to the bone because they won’t seek shelter is a person who believes they have more control.

Once you shift your perspective and accept a clear and honest picture of where you are, why you are there, and how to make the right decision, it’s time to focus on you. 

Moving on is moving to a different vantage point for your life. Instead of being in the ditch digging away without direction, you are ready to be more strategic and develop a blueprint for what you want out of YOUR life.  Let the fun begin! 

Guess what, just in case you are looking over your shoulder fearful that you’ve moved on too quickly (while drenched to the bone of all the second, nay the endless chances you’ve given); they will be just fine. Really, they will. We all have a life to lead and that includes trials, tribulations, success, and failure. We are all meant to walk through these without being carried. 

CHALLENGE: Grab an umbrella and a moment to evaluate the situation. Don’t accept unhappy as the problem instead of the symptom. Dig deeper and then get a better vantage point to chart out your next move.

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!

 

Resources:
5 questions to ask yourself from Positively Present
Joseph Wilner  Free Yourself By “Letting Go” of What You Can’t Control
Jennifer Lyn Sanin from, live purposely now
Ilene Strauss Cohen Ph.D. - Important Tips on How to Let Go and Free Yourself

 

 

Remember the Clouds? The Importance of Daydreaming

When is the last time you took the time to fantasize, dream, or wonder? Sometimes we are so busy with our day-to-day crazy schedule and crunch time that we forget there is a great big world out there and all we have to do is imagine more. Visualize how we want to go and where we want to be. Sounds dreamy, huh? Why then, when we have a moment to ourselves, do we grab a device and get lost in someone else’s fantasy? One moment...a half a second, gone! Let’s take this opportunity to stop, take in a big breath, and lookup. Notice the clouds? Ok, stay there. 

I saw the clouds one morning while making coffee. Up early, bustling around gathering all my workplace necessities, computer, all the adapters for said computer, an ample supply of notebooks and folders, snacks, my lunch, water that I would talk myself into drinking later, and now the coffee….COME ON! I recently bought a Keurig with a frother to make lattes at home. Why don’t they just tell you in the disclaimer that there is a reason Starbucks is in business and you are not?

At any rate, now I have a Keurig that produces one slow cup at a time. So impatiently, I looked out the window. At first, I thought of how in a few weeks I would need the grass cut and how in a huff, I got rid of last season’s lawn crew and was behind in finding someone new. But then, all of a sudden,  it happened. I looked up and caught a glimpse of the fluffy pillows of white and I exhaled. It was a clear day and the sky was a welcome shade of baby blue so the clouds just rested there on display. 

I was instantly transported back to childhood when spring was blooming and the grass was turning green and the days were getting just a little bit longer. I can remember laying on my back, the ground still moist. The temp was cool enough for a sweatshirt but I was already pushing summer with short sleeves and goosebumps. I would stare at those clouds getting mesmerized by their sheer size and the thought of what they must feel like and what it would be like to jump from cloud to cloud. So relaxed and miles away in thought. Not sure how long I would lay there, probably until the ants finally found me and persistently asked me to leave. 

No agenda, no rush, no stress. When is the last time you lost yourself to that place? Does it seem like a world apart from here? What happened? Why did we stop daydreaming? 

Is it just a lack of time? Maybe we don’t see the point, we’ve evolved. Or life has thrown us so many curve balls there is no reason to leave anything up to chance, we’ve become jaded. Let’s find out and then find a way back!

As with everything we talk about, a healthy balance is ideal. So to be fair, we will also look at what happens when you spend too much time with your head in the clouds and how even that, could be limiting. 

Daydreaming to me represents slowing down and spending a little more time thinking, wondering, and visualizing the world and you in it. I’m suggesting creating space to grow without the limits and parameters of everyone else’s ideas.

Sure, cop a squat and pick out giraffe and elephant shapes in the cloud, that’s fun too but let’s explore daydreaming in other ways. 

How many of you robot from activity to activity? Time to make the coffee, leaving for work, emails, meetings, lunchtime, more emails, meetings, putting out fires, driving home, take out the trash, time for dinner, chit chat, worry, frustration...whelp time for bed see you again, tomorrow! Autopilot!

I can remember showing up to work and not remembering the drive-in and I wasn’t even daydreaming! I was lost in a cloud of same’o, same’o. If that’s you and your week flies by because you barely noticed it or your week drags because NOTHING ever changes, then it’s time to take the wheel. 

Oh to see the world as a child does. We used to say that thinking yeah, you just wait until you get older and have to get a job and then have a family to support. Now who’s laughing! It’s not about having responsibility or the pressures of life weighing you down. A child takes their time with no agenda but to figure it all out. They aren’t quick to be bias or discount something because of what they’ve heard. In fact, the opposite is true, they think they can do anything ….until you tell them they can’t. 

What if we could make a concentrated effort to rediscover wonder? That doesn’t mean quit your job and unload your responsibility to start over. 

Try This:  Cultivate your beginner’s mind as a daily life experiment. Try to approach a problem at work with fresh eyes. Imagine you’d never encountered this problem before and explore it in all its detail. Do the same with daily experiences, like dinner-time or while in a conversation with a friend or spouse. Look at the interaction with new eyes. You may want to imagine you are watching the interaction as an observer. Search for details that you’d previously ignored because the situation is so familiar. Notice how people look, their tone of voice, how they respond to you and their body language. When you look with beginner's eyes, what do you see, that you previously overlooked?

As you do this exercise in daily life, do you find your mind clearing of automatic expectations and judgments? Did you notice anything that you’d previously overlooked? Does slowing down and allowing yourself to simply observe the world around you give you a sense of peace or wonder?

Routine and knowledge of how the world works allow us to make choices about where to focus our attention. But sometimes we get so used to seeing the world in a particular way that we miss important aspects of our experience.

As with everything, just be aware of the moments you blow through and slow down. Don’t be quick to grab your phone or ask someone else. Just sit and wrestle with something for a while. I’m convinced Google is crushing our critical thinking not to mention, paralyzing our patience. 

Start noticing how many times you have a thought and how quickly you grab your device to look up the answer. Once the results are in, do you dig down to compare the info to come up with the right answer or do you take the first result?

What if, the next time you are at dinner with your family or a friend and you come up with a question, you spend some time reasoning it out? Couldn’t this be fun? Everyone can contribute a thought and a possible solution or reason. You can wonder and rationalize to come up with the best possible solution.  This doesn’t have to be a big life question or solve the world’s problems. How old is Willie Nelson? Take a moment and consider his span of work, a movie you might have seen him in, how old you were when you saw it, how old he must have been when he made it. I’m just suggesting taking some time and talking it out. You never know what other conversations and cool subjects could come up as a result. 

In the end, if you want to verify your conclusion, you can but do you really care how old Willie Nelson is? Oh and remember, Google is a search engine gathering data from websites based on keywords and popularity or the clever manipulation of SEO. Don’t be so quick to accept the first answer since they aren’t just an unbiased service for the public but a business selling to consumers.

Are you thinking, great, now I need to spend time wondering? Where am I going to fit that in? I’m supposed to wake up and find gratitude, send out my positive energy to everyone I encounter, be mindful of limiting beliefs and when I should challenge them, AND wonder? Oy

There are many times I catch Matt in wonder. I’ll walk into his office to tell him something and he’s just sitting there. No computer on, no music, nothing in his hands; just sitting there. Now, as a multi-tasker extraordinaire, this seems odd to me. So I ask, “whatcha doing?” His response, “just sitting here”. This is such a foreign concept to me so I have to clarify that I heard him right by repeating his answer, “just sitting there?” Notice the question in my voice? I’m expecting him to come back with a detail that he left out but no, “Yep, just sitting here”. I’m perplexed and dig because there has to be more to this activity. Maybe he’s waiting for something to happen by just wasting time. But no…..he’s just thinking. WEIRD!

But we should all take this awkward exchange as a reminder, thinking IS doing something too. 

Not all daydreaming comes with visions of the little girl on her back looking at the clouds trying to figure out the world. Sometimes the term “daydreamer” brings a negative picture. Someone who can’t take anything seriously, won’t put any real attention or effort in, no direction, lost in the clouds.

Always dreaming, getting ready to get ready isn’t the healthy balance we are always talking about. If you use daydreaming as a way to escape for a moment and give your mind space to wonder, that’s great. If you use daydreaming to escape from life, from your responsibilities and growth, then it could be counterproductive.

Dreams should help you visualize new things you want to try, experience, or explore. What might be preventing you from turning those thoughts and dreams into reality? This may be something to breakdown but you can’t do that until you are aware that your healthy balance, might be a little off.

Too much time in the future, imagining what life could be without taking action means you can’t enjoy the present or work out the details that are preventing you from moving forward.

“A daydream is a meal at which images are eaten. Some of us are gourmets, some gourmands, and a good many take their images precooked out of a can and swallow them down whole, absent-mindedly and with little relish.”
― W.H. Auden

CHALLENGE: Observe your thoughts and wrestle with your ideas. Take a moment to dream and wonder; exploring the corners of your subconscious. Life will keep moving even if you take a mini, thought-provoking, time-out.

I Know YOU Can Do It!

 

RESOURCES:

Christy Matta wrote an article, Have You Lost Your Sense of Wonder? For mentalhelp.net
SIDNEY STEVENS gives us 5 ways daydreaming is good for you.
In an article for Everyday Health, we learn ever MORE positives for daydreaming and a few negatives
A cool quote by  W.H. Auden

 

 

Getting Laser-Focused On Your Goals

Did you start the year, this quarter, or even this month off with the best intentions only to find yourself smack dab in a lull? Broad goals are easy to create, mapping out milestones and hitting them along the way can be a challenge, but sticking to a plan with the same intensity as the day you started can be a brutal fight. You still want it right? Then what happened? Where did you lose focus? We are going to delve into that, dissect some scenarios and come up with some strategies to get back on track. I know you can do it! 

Just like we would research places to go, create an itinerary, and pack all the necessary tools for our journey, creating reachable goals takes a well thought out plan. Did you forget to investigate all the options, leave out a step along the way, or did you over or under pack for the trip? First, let’s walk through the steps for successful goal planning to make sure we haven’t missed anything. Then let’s explore where motivation comes from and how you can get more and sustain it longer. A time-release solution for motivation sounds perfect! 

We also need to discuss the obvious snags to any good plan. Preparing for how you are going to handle the unforeseen is a critical strategy needed for success. Ready to party and celebrate? It’s a necessary element to motivation so we are going to talk about its benefits and how you can make sure you build in reward to keep you mentally hydrated along the way. 

Where did this goal come from? Is this a long-term goal to get you further along in life or is it a short-term goal helping you obtain something you want or getting you over the hump? It’s important to remember where you started and why. 

You should always have a goal. Setting goals helps trigger new behaviors, helps guides your focus and helps you sustain that momentum in life.

Communicating your goal to an accountability partner helps keep you accountable. I recently did just that. At the end of the brainstorming session my accountability partner said, is there anything I can do to help you and I said, “Now you know my plan, the reasons why, and my overall mission. Help me stay laser-focused on that. If you see me wavering or going in a different direction, gently remind me to look to my vantage point.”

It’s easy to get into weeds and go off on a tangent. I love to paint the picture of digging a ditch. If you are too tactical you will spend all your time in the ditch, digging and digging. Without a strategic approach, you can’t stay focused on where you’re going. Imagine the aerial view of that!

So how do you know if you set the right goal? Like picking the perfect destination for your journey, you might want to clarify a few things. Do you have a burning desire to uncover and execute your life’s purpose? Or is it more of getting to the next level in life, work, or health?

Here are a few questions I came up with to flush out before you put pen to paper.

1 - Why is this my goal? It’s important to soul-search this question a bit. If you are going to spend the time, do the research, and set up the plan, you might want to make sure this is what YOU truly want. It’s a great time to make sure the goal and the outcome associated with it are of importance to you and not something you’re doing to please someone else. The motivation to please will only take you so far.

2- Is the timing right? Laser-focus takes time and a serious commitment. Is this the right time for you to dedicate yourself to this goal? Is it something you want to do or have to do? What will you be giving up to make it happen? Are you willing to give it up? Be strategic, timing is everything and missing the mark won’t set yourself up for success. 

3- Do I have support through the process? Clearing a path in your life to focus on your, your wants, needs, and desires may mean others have to take a back seat or pitch in with a little extra help. Do you have a good support system? Are you willing to ask for the help you need? Have you identified an accountability partner or two? Creating a successful plan means you do the homework to modify your current routine and remove any known obstacles ahead of time.

4 -What’s your timeframe? You need to be willing to push yourself. It’s ok to be realistic but not setting parameters around time means you aren’t taking the process very seriously. Losing weight, getting better at something, or making more money is way too broad. You need to be specific and time-bound to stay on track. What do you want, when do you want to complete it by, and what happens in between. 

5- What happens if you don’t succeed? Failure is a part of life and even though you don’t want to start your journey with a negative spirit, you do need to be prepared with a Plan B. If you aren’t willing to accept that failure is an option then you could be caught with a devastating, dream-crushing blow that you can’t recover from. Having an alternate route means you don’t have to start over if things don’t go as planned. You can simply make the necessary adjustments and be on your way! 

Sounds motivating and easy to do but is it? Failure can be a game-changer for some. If given the opportunity, it can solidify what you already knew; you aren’t good enough, you aren’t smart enough, you can’t win. Left untreated and failure can not only stop you in your tracks but it can prevent you from trying anything, you see risky, again. If you aren’t evolving and pushing yourself, then you are stuck; your growth stunted. 

How can you objectively learn from your failures without taking them so personally? Personal yes, they are happening to you, but objectively so you can step outside of the situation and learn from the lesson that is being presented.

Where does your motivation come from? It might be easy to say money or success but let’s dig a little deeper. Could it be a sense of accomplishment, praise, or validation? 

Has anyone told you that you could do it? That you matter and that your goals are important? 

Before goals and the motivation to reach them comes encouragement. The inspiration that all of this is even possible. Encouragement is needed to connect and visualize something better. Its instilling courage, confidence, and hope. It’s essential for reaching any goal. 

“Those who are lifting the world upward and onward are those who encourage more than criticize.” - Elizabeth Harrison

Just being told that someone believes in your ability to do something is motivating. I know YOU can do it! I believe in you! Your goals are important and you have the ability to reach them!

I think NIKE puts it best, Just DO it! Waiting around for motivation to come is like staying up to catch Santa, it will never happen. You can’t meditate motivation, you can’t wait it out, or touch your nose and watch it appear. You have to pick a goal that is important to you, specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound and then just go for it! 

The climate is never going to be perfect and someone isn’t going to knock on your door and hand it to you. You have to go out and get it. 

Ready to party? Waiting until you reach your overall goal will mean you miss out on all the intrinsic benefits of hitting and celebrating milestones along the way. Want to party more often, then make your milestones closer together. It’s important to throw in a few easy to obtain ones to give yourself a nice boost with a few challenging ones to keep you accountable. 

One of the main reasons celebrating is so important is because it reflects an overall attitude of gratitude and enjoying what we have, instead of focusing on what we don’t have or only on what we want in the future.

Goal setting is great and keeps you focused on shaping what’s to come but too much time in the future means you can’t enjoy the present. As with everything, it’s about creating a healthy balance. Creating celebrations around mini-milestones means you get to commemorate the now. Life moves at such a rapid speed that these built-in speed bumps can help you slow down and find gratitude. While you are there, you might have a chance to engage in other joyful activities that you would have missed on the Audobon of life. 

Grab dinner with your accountability partner to share your good news. Schedule a day of luxury and pampering for yourself. Make a marker showing a successful win you can display in your office or your home. Mark it off the to-do list and doodle a happy face. Journal your excitement so when life’s moving fast and the road is bumpy, you can come back and visit your success for extra motivation. 

You are in charge and you have the power to make it happen! Hopefully, these ideas will help you evaluate your plan to see where you need some additional attention or focus or maybe even a re-engineer of ideas. Either way, you are worth it and getting to your next milestone is just around the corner. 

CHALLENGE: Pull in for a pit-stop to make sure your goals reflect your dreams, put in the work to engineer a successful plan, and enlist encouragement and accountability from those you trust to help push you through the lulls. You deserve it!

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!