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Weekly topics covering life‘s challenges with a positive spin and a new perspective. It‘s time to connect, learn, and grow!
Episodes
Tuesday Jun 21, 2022
Tuesday Jun 21, 2022
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we’ll be writing the script, marking the stage, and preparing for our close-ups as we take charge of directing and starring in our own blockbusters, our desired lives! Picture it…the musical score warms up the scene, opening credits are scrolling, and the viewer is engaged and trying to anticipate the beginning and where it will go. Will they be rocked and soothed with a heartwarming saga or shocked and moved to the edge of their seats with an unpredictable thriller? You choose, because you are in charge of this story and how people perceive it. Wouldn’t that be liberating? A chance to rewrite some darker times, the ones that didn’t turn out as we planned or expected. Or the ability to pen the future full of possibilities. Don’t forget our starring role, the lead character in this blockbuster. Will we be one of those characters that everyone falls in love with, who they’ll champion, and cheer for, or the reclusive and misunderstood they’ll spend the entire picture trying to figure out. ACTING! Sure but this is your life and your story. Have you ever really stepped back to take it all in?
So many times we get stuck in our more challenging scenes. We let those difficult chapters of our lives shape and mold our characters, making it hard to pivot and come out the hero or heroine. But imagine the boos you would get and the tickets you would have to refund if you left this character at the end of their rope. Perseverance, coming back harder, reinventing, and reshaping the story to strive for more.
That’s what leaves a crowd cheering. But don’t forget, after the applause dies down, the fans leave, the staff comes to clear the popcorn and forgotten personal items, there’s just you and your life. This could be fun and a worthwhile exercise, thinking of our lives as a motion picture, picking our supporting characters, designing the scene, choreographing the lighting, music, and visual effects. It gives us that vantage point that is important to frame things in the bigger picture. I mean, what does that even mean? It means gaining perspective. We can make small things into mountains and miss important details that can rob us of our happiness. All because we can’t see how this event fits into the bigger picture.
So come on a journey with me through the silver screen. As we look at our lives with a wide-angle lens, closing in on the meaningful moments and building suspense for what’s to come. CUT - the beauty of being the director and the screenwriter is that you have the option of changing your mind and doing a rewrite. Strengthen your character’s resolve, influencing the story with more compassion or grit and for goodness sake, don’t inspect the basement!
Mirna Smidt helps us with: Rewrite your story, change your life found at the Happiness Academy
John Millen explores, How Do People Perceive You? On his blog
Dr. Benjamin Hardy helps us with How to Rewrite Your Past Narrative found at psycologytoday.com
Beth Gray leads us in Imagine your desired life: how to create it found on her blog
CHALLENGE: refocus on the bigger picture, your desired life. You have the opportunity to write and rewrite your story since you are continually growing and evolving. When you’re ready for your close-up, take a breath and smile. You deserve this moment!
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Jun 14, 2022
Tuesday Jun 14, 2022
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we are looking internally, conjuring up our courage and celebrating our spunk. Because long-term vision takes guts and long-term goals take perseverance and passion. What’s standing in your way? For many of us, fear and self-doubt create roadblock after roadblock; pushing our dreams further from our reach. Let’s push back! Instead of changing our goals and altering our pursuits, let’s remove the obstacles standing in our way. It’s time to pursue guts and grit by conquering fear.
What is fear anyhow? 1a: an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger. So one is a perceived threat and one is an actual danger. Can we make this distinction right out of the gate? Remember, we are removing obstacles from our life’s journey. To do that effectively, we need to be specific. What if you were afraid of everything? Imagine how that would limit your day, petrified from fear. So let’s go ahead and release unnecessary fear. Perceived fear. More to come on that.
I would like to think that I’m pretty fearless. Let me clarify and quantify that statement just a bit using perceived and actual. I don’t like high places where I could fall to my death. Not once has bungee jumping, parachuting, or deep-sea diving ever crossed my mind as an enjoyable pastime option. I’m not a fan of snakes, bulls riding, or wrestling alligators, and cage or no cage, I will not be swimming with the sharks.
So maybe I should say, I’m quite fearless when it comes to perceived danger. I actually enjoy speaking to large crowds, I’m not shy or reserved, and I believe everyone will like me. Not to sound arrogant in any way. I liken it to a chameleon changing its color to blend in as a way of protection. You see, by believing everyone will like me, I remove any fear of not being accepted. Myself and my ideas. This gives me the confidence to approach anything - from a person to a new idea.
It’s easy for me to go for it because I believe in what I’m doing and I am confident it will be well received.
Sometimes, after the fact, I chuckle to myself and think “wow, Kendall - that was gutsy, how did you do that?” But I’m thankful. Being trapped by fear means you short-side yourself from reaching your true potential.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."
--Theodore Roosevelt
Over at nm.org I found 5 Things You Never Knew About Fear
Josh Steimle gives us some ideas with 14 Ways To Conquer Fear found at forbes.com
James Clear gives us Grit: A Complete Guide on Being Mentally Tough found at jamesclear.com
CHALLENGE: Evaluate perceived from actual when exploring your fears. Chose to release irrational fear avoiding reactions to perceived threats. Instead, explore your goals conjuring guts and grit as you make a commitment for the long haul.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Jun 07, 2022
Tuesday Jun 07, 2022
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we’re cleaning out the mind-brain and evaluating whether to keep, pitch, or donate our ideas. Years and years of accumulation can generate an overabundance of thoughts that may or may not serve you any longer. It may be time to clear a path and take a deeper look at what you’re holding on to. Some of this clutter was embedded into the far-reaching corners of your mind and others were imprinted through shared experiences as you were developing. Some ideas helped you build barricades when you needed extra protection and some ideas just no longer fit, you’ve outgrown them. You could box, rebox, and stack all your thoughts into the corners running out of room for something new OR you could make a date, pull out the bins, and get to sorting. Keep, pitch, or donate.
I’m not a clutter bug or overly sentimental about stuff. Sure, when the kids were little I kept more, finding another drawer or filing cabinet for school projects and handmade cards. I mean who can throw out a picture of your child's handprint made into a turkey? Not to mention the funny questionnaire about how old they think you are or how much they think you weigh woven into a heartfelt Mother’s day card.
But when it comes to general stuff, I’m more for donating than storing away for a rainy day. It could be my generation because my Mom feels a massive responsibility to inherited furniture, china, and knick-knacks. At one point we had 5 different patterns in the attic because each child looked at me like I’d lost my mind when I told them I was saving Great Grandmother China for their first place. My oldest said, “Don’t bother, I’m buying paper and plastic so I never have to wash a dish”.
But ideas, now those are a little harder to pitch. Some are rooted rather deep and whether they’re true or not, they’ve lived in your reality for as long as you can remember. You might need those, someone might need those. Some just crept in over time. Ideas you created when you didn’t have the full story, half of an experience, or a sliver of truth. These too became you’re reality and right or wrong, you protect them fiercely.
But just like that, we have a breakthrough, a bit of growth. We start evolving and learning and what once fit, now doesn't. Someone else could benefit from this growth. Maybe it could help someone over or through a bad patch of their journey. You release old ideas and pass on the learning to help someone else. You’ve made room for more.
Hey, that was a fun and freeing feeling, I want some more of that. You fling the doors wide open as you are pulling out ideas, thoughts, and memories and sorting through good, bad, stay, or go!
CHALLENGE: give your mind a good spring cleaning. Evaluate ideas, old thought patterns, and limited thinking to see what you value to keep, what you’re ready to release, and what you can pass on to someone in need. Free your mind to invite in new and inspiring ideas.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday May 31, 2022
Tuesday May 31, 2022
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we’re taking it easy, slowing down, and examining time in an attempt to answer the seasonal question; what’s the rush? Hindsight, understanding of a situation or event only after it’s happened or developed, is post revelation, not premeditation. People poke fun at this by saying; Hindsight is 20/20 meaning only NOW do you see clearly what you should have seen then. A reminder I like to vocalize is, that you only know what you know. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to have everything figured out from the get-go. And even though the older generation is right there with the formidable experience lecture and an ample supply of “I told you so’s”, most of us still have to walk through the fire to realize it’s hot.
That doesn’t mean the advice is not sitting on the ready. There is plenty of it and for good reason. We’ve all rushed life, made mistakes, experienced failures, learned valuable lessons, and somehow, figured out how to soldier on. This is good stuff and definitely worth sifting through to find your own personal nugget of inspiration. I like to pick those up and plant them deep. Then, when you least expect it, they surface as a valuable reminder and important compass for your journey.
What’s the rush? I wish I would have taken that question seriously in the early seasons of my life. I was in a rush. Looking back it stems from being fiercely independent and deluded by the thought that I already had most of life figured out. WOW, that seems more than comical to me now. I wanted to hurry up and take every step that life offered, marriage, kids, and career. I never even considered trying to figure out who I was, what I wanted or this mystical idea of a life journey.
Looking back now I can clearly see that I had no idea who I was or what I wanted and my journey, well that started much later after repeated life wrecks and a realization that there had to be a better way. I’ll share more about some of my learning throughout but let’s explore this idea from multiple angles.
CHALLENGE: slow down, take a breath, and make time to get to know yourself. You’re changing naturally, with every experience, challenge, success, and failure so take your time instead of being in a rush.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday May 24, 2022
Tuesday May 24, 2022
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we’re not waiting until they reach the brim, flow over, or a rainy day. We are seizing the moment as we look at what’s in your bucket so we can start living NOW! I think we all have them. Call them lofty goals, fantasies, or big dreams. Those bits of adventure we’ve been putting off for one day, someday, or any other day but today. The bucket list; is a number of experiences or achievements that a person hopes to have or accomplish during their lifetime. During. Did you hear that? It didn’t say toward the end after everyone and everything had been taken care of then and only then can you explore the bucket. But that’s what happens. The bucket sits there with bits of wishes, dreams, fears, and exhilaration. You think about it and refer to it a lot. It’s that mirage you think you’ll reach eventually but yet you never take a step toward it. What can we pull out today? What can we experience today? What can we move from the dream column to the done column?
You might think your bucket needs to be full of adventure like a trip around the world or climbing Mount Everest but it doesn’t. To be honest, it’s your bucket. Put in what you like. If it helps you to organize your thoughts and collect things you would like to do or places you’d like to visit or stuff you’d like to learn then GREAT. You’re on the right track.
I’ve been emptied nested for 7 years. Wow, I just counted that up, seven years. What a transition that was. I am the mother of three and for 25 ½ years, I was raising kids. I feel like the bucket was a little deeper then and possibly overflowing since everything seemed reserved for another day. My focus was on their welfare and my career. That trip to Europe or a second language would just have to wait.
I want to say it got easier and easier as they each left but to be honest, by then I was more on autopilot and worried I’d have a crash landing when I was finally left alone. “Don’t leave me!!” I actually told my youngest I was considering hosting an exchange student because I was afraid the house would be too quiet. Ok…for those of you already where I am now, I’ll give you a minute to chuckle. Could anything really be too quiet? HA Let’s just say I adjusted and quick I might add. The major difference was time and focus. I had so much more time to focus on the things I wanted to do. Now, what did I want to do? I’ll come back to that….let’s first find out where this idea of a bucket list comes from and what it entails.
Joe Oliveto informs us with Where Does 'Bucket List' Really Come From? Shared on joincake.com
CHALLENGE: don’t put off what you could experience today, whether it be adventure, learning something new, or an interesting encounter. Time should be cherished, valued, and spent wisely.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday May 17, 2022
Tuesday May 17, 2022
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we are picking up, organizing, and instilling the filter; if it doesn’t serve us, it has to go! Since we are the owners of our domains, mind, body, and soul then the only what to control chaos is to declutter our world. Where to start? How about at the source of our frustration, worry, or stress. Pushing it around on the plate or moving it from here to there is not going to solve our issues or open up a clear path forward. We have to make some cuts, some deep cuts, to get back on track and make room for some new ideas. Clutter is the physical manifestation of unmade decisions fueled by procrastination, a quote by Christina Scalise. Whoa, the buck stops here. No more excuses. You have things, thoughts, past regrets, and unaccomplished goals which no longer fit. Time for some thoughtful evaluation; keep, pitch, or donate.
As a life coach, I’m often tasked with untangling a person's challenges to help them see a path forward. I think we’ve all been there a time or two. Overwhelmed, where every pressure in our lives takes on the same level of priority and before we know it, we’re running around with our heads cut off thinking the sky is falling. It’s easy to do. Life is busy, complicated, and oftentimes, messy. I don’t know about you but I don’t have a life assistant who wakes me up with my to-do list and a steaming cup of coffee. Picks out my outfit for the day, tells me they have this and that handled, and for me to just concentrate on what I do best. WOW - maybe that’s the type of robot help we need to be creating.
Instead, you have to wake up and tackle it all while running the gauntlet of more challenges and to-do’s added as you go. Chaos! There is a time in the day when no matter what else needs to be done, I take a hard pass. If there is any way it can wait until tomorrow - it does!
Today, I know my limitations but there was a time when busy felt productive and productive felt successful and stress was just part of it. If you’re there - don’t be swindled by that thought. If you look at all the memes, apparel, and home decor telling you to nurture yourself, love yourself, keep calm, and hit the beach, and think those are written for someone else, they aren’t. You will hit a wall. I don’t know what you’re wall will look like but hopefully, it’s just a nice wake-up call that you need more balance in your life. Well-rounded doesn’t just refer to possessing a personality mixture of a little bit of everything but you can strive for a well-rounded life.
Gustavo Razzetti shares How to Lead a Well Balanced Life in an article for fearlessculture.com
Hereford helps you Simplify Your Life in 10 Practical Steps found at essentiallifeskills.net
Hereford offers 15 Ways to Enjoy Life More found at essentiallifeskills.net
CHALLENGE: Purge the clutter that’s distracting you from living a well-balanced life. Create space to explore new relationships, welcome new ideas, and live life with meaning. Keep, pitch, or donate - it’s all up to you.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday May 10, 2022
Tuesday May 10, 2022
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we won’t be checking our likes and loves and we won’t be perched on the edge of our seat waiting for positive feedback or verification that we are doing, saying, or acting accordingly. Instead, we will be content with the discovery to better understand our need for validation. Recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile. Why do we need someone else to make that declaration for us? Why do we look to others for approval? It’s true even if you try and say it isn’t, all people want to be liked. So where is the edge; from being accepted to needing acceptance? An important part of this self-discovery journey is to understand who you are and why you need or want certain things. From the physical to the emotional. Through your strengths and your weaknesses. What makes you tick and what can you do to be self-satisfied while connecting with others in a healthier way.
Everyone loves a compliment. Ok, well maybe not EVERYONE. Some people are shy and uncomfortable receiving or giving compliments. But it’s nice to be appreciated and valued. You take the time to get dressed up, make a delicious dinner, or put an extra shine on the spring cleaning and it would be nice if it doesn’t go unnoticed.
That seems like a normal give and take for humanity right? Right. But what makes us take it too far? What causes us to crave more than a simple thank you, you got this, and I love your hair? You’re going to hear a lot of different angles on the topic of validation, from why we crave it to how to distance ourselves from what can be an obsessive need. So let me tell you why I felt it necessary to explore this topic. I’m a little worried frankly. I feel like I’ve reached a level of maturity that helps me step back and observe things as they happen vs being in the thick of it. Some might say being on the fringes is risky because you are too far away from the action to have a real opinion but in this case, I think it’s best.
Social media and the internet in general have given the normal human being more exposure than we’ve ever had in history. Everyone can be seen and heard if they choose to be. Look at me, listen to me, I’m over here! And instead of it being a one-way conversation that a soapbox might create, they are looking for feedback, agreement, encouragement, and validation.
We know it and yet we feel compelled to participate. You see a new profile pic of a friend of yours…what do you do? Great pic, you’re so beautiful, love your smile, stunning, gorgeous. LIKE LIKE LIKE, LOVE LOVE LOVE. Feels pretty good when it’s happening to you, right? Let’s be honest. Let’s explore the feeling to find the threshold.
Happiness.com suggests; Self-validation: 5 ways to develop it
CHALLENGE: Drink the water. You are enough and you have enough and what you offer is valuable. Look within to self-satisfy and meet your basic needs before seeking validation and acceptance from others.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday May 03, 2022
Tuesday May 03, 2022
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we aren’t taking our toys and going home or playing the blame game but instead, we are going to explore and research as we navigate ever-changing friendships. Best buds, bestie, buddy, friends-forever, chums, pals, twinkies, mates, amigo…..so what is the true meaning of friendship?
friendship, a state of enduring affection, esteem, intimacy, and trust between two people. In all cultures, friendships are important relationships throughout a person's life span. But it isn’t always smooth sailing but instead a little bumpy, emotional, and sometimes heartbreaking. If we could only answer with certainty, was it you or was it me? People come in and out of your life leaving meaning, impact, and a myriad of lessons. But at the time of a friendship break, it’s hard to pick through the benefits. Let’s try and do just that. So no matter where you are in your friendships, take this journey with me.
I have had the same best friend since I was 4 years old. That is a rarity I know and for which I am very blessed. Her sister is just a year older and we all met while visiting their cousin who was my neighbor. It wasn't long until we were thick as thieves. Coming from a small town, it was easy to stay together in school and in our free time. After school adventures and weekend slumber parties. We grew up, got braces, learned to drive, dated boys, started careers, found husbands, and had children. It all sounds very Norman Rockwell I know but it wasn’t without our lion’s share of challenges, tragedies wins, and losses. Through it all, we’ve weathered the storms and stayed together. You should hear us singing 80’s music at the top of our lungs at Patio Time. Actually, maybe you shouldn’t lol.
Not all my friendship stories have happy endings and at first, I took it personally. What do I mean, “at first”, maybe I still do. Endless hours were spent replaying my role, scrutinizing what I must have said or done, and not accepting that maybe our time had come to an end. How do you let go and move on when you weren’t really ready for a friendship to end? Don’t worry, we’ll unpack that and much more.
I found this post on Facebook which inspired the show today. I think we could have all benefited from this list as we were growing up but I also believe we need these reminders moving forward.
Things I want my daughter to know about friendship. Written by Amy Weatherly & Jess Johnston
Dr. Karen Binder-Brynes shares more on this with When Friendships Change, written for goop.com
At yourlifeyourvoice.org I found an interesting concept of Circles of Friendship
CHALLENGE: today, reach out to a friend, new or old. Set a date to connect and share. Realize the benefits of nurturing your inner circle and uncover new ways to give to those relationships. Be yourself. Let other people be themselves right back.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Apr 26, 2022
Tuesday Apr 26, 2022
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we aren’t going to be quick to dismiss our emotions or shame ourselves for overreacting. Instead, we’re going to listen to our bodies, recognize the sensations, and be thankful that acting on instinct is our brain’s natural protection. Your mind is command central and in most cases, is working for you not against you. In certain situations, you have a heightened sense of awareness for a reason. Cause for pause isn’t just a catchy slogan but your brain’s warning signal. Laughter, tears, shock, connection, joy, and peace are all delivering much-needed chemicals from your brain to your body at just the right moment. We can become overwhelmed, over-stimulated, and over-tired without reason except to say, OK, I hear you. Thank you for always looking out for me. Before someone tells you to stop feeling a certain way or to start feeling a certain way - shouldn’t you take the time to understand where you’re mind is coming from?
I don’t know about you but I am fascinated by the brain! We have such complex emotions, thoughts, and reactions, that it seems like our minds never shut off completely. Now, we could dwell on those moments where we find ourselves ruminating, worrying, or in a state of unnecessary panic over the past or the perceived future. But let’s not. Let’s try and understand how our brains protect us, and how they trigger us to be aware, question, and reason.
In 1784, philosopher Immanuel Kant penned a now-famous essay entitled, “What Is Enlightenment?” He called out people’s tendency to blindly follow thought leaders. “If I have a book that thinks for me, a pastor who acts as my conscience, a physician who prescribes my diet, and so on — then I have no need to exert myself. I have no need to think if I can only pay; others will take care of that disagreeable business for me,” he wrote. His thesis for the essay became a rallying cry for the era. “Sapere Aude! (Dare to know.) ‘Have the courage to use your own understanding,’ is, therefore, the motto of the enlightenment.”
Today I feel very led to think a certain way. Not because there has been some thoroughly researched revelation and I’m late to the party but more of someone’s ideas and opinions that spread and infect or impact large groups of people who adopt those same ideas and opinions as to their own. At times it feels like a tidal wave. Swim hard or get sucked down. What I want to say is HEY…wait a minute. Give me some time to sit with my feelings. Explore more than one point of view and come together with my own thoughts. THEN I might be ready to talk about it to see how my ideas match or differ from yours, or theirs, his, or hers.
Does that sound reasonable?
Let’s look at why our mind behaves as it does, how our brains protect us, and what it means to be a free thinker.
I found a few more ideas on the subject at aconsciousrethink.com
Remy Awika gives us The 10 Traits That Make You a Free-Thinker found at medium.com
CHALLENGE: Be informed, be inspired, be educated, but don’t be led to make your mind up before you are ready. Your thoughts and opinions are valuable and should never be discounted. Take your time.
I Know YOU Can Do It!
Tuesday Apr 19, 2022
Tuesday Apr 19, 2022
SHOW NOTES:
On this show…we are putting a pin in the “what ifs”, acknowledging our responsibility, and letting go so we can move on with peace and freedom. It’s time we give ourselves a pass. You will never have it all figured out, people, including yourself, will continue to shock and surprise you, and you don’t possess the power to change the past. You can, however, learn and grow as you navigate this complex thing called life. In order to move on, you need to come to a place of acceptance knowing what you have today, information, motive, apologies, or forgiveness will have to be enough. Feeling stuck and hopeless is an illusion. Emotions are powerful but you are stronger. Pick up each foot, quiet your spinning minds with ENOUGH, and reach a hand in front of you. Take your index finger and extend it forward because that’s where you are heading.
There are so many angles we can explore when it comes to acceptance so let’s leave no stone unturned. We’ve all heard or used the saying “It is what it is”. The perfect phrase for acceptance. It is that it means, "Oh well, nothing to do now but move on. It already happened and it can’t be changed or that’s just what it is and I can’t make it different." However you interpret the meaning, it means time to move on.
The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance. – Nathaniel Branden
Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune. – William James
Acceptance is typically linked to loss. Accepting the loss of something in preparation of letting go and moving forward. What have you lost that you are still in the process of accepting? How did you get there? How did you move on?
Mateja Klaric asks and answers, Why Is It So Hard to Accept a Loss? In her article for medium.com
At condolence.com I found more info on the Fifth Stage of Grief: Acceptance
CHALLENGE: accept what you can not change. Instead of resisting and living in a constant state of suffering. Reach out, explore your options, and be open and willing to invite in new emotions. You deserve to feel free.
I Know YOU Can Do It!