From Self-Sabotage and Criticism to Self-Love

SHOW NOTES:

On this show...we are getting out of our own way, changing our narrative, and going from self-sabotage and criticism to self-love. Isn’t it time we end the war with ourselves? We can adopt all the media mantras; find gratitude, choose kindness, live, laugh, love...all the while, twisted in a love-hate relationship with ourselves. What do others see when they look at you? What do they mention when describing you or giving you a compliment? Is that even what you’re struggling with? My guess is no. We secretly despise things about ourselves that no one even gives a second glance or thought about. This creates self-doubt which interrupts our daily climb providing detour after detour. STOP….ok you’re at a stop sign and have the option of going left or right.

What blinker do you have on? Remember, the stop sign, the option of left or right? Let me help you out. Turn left promises hairpin curves, unexpected stops, steep inclines, followed by a rush of excitement as you make your hands-free descent (wait that might be a roller-coaster but you get the visual)...this is your journey to self-discovery. Each milestone offers rest and a scenic overlook onto freedom. Freedom from what you’ve been putting in front of your true potential. 

Now, if you chose to go right you have a little more control because the path is familiar, straight away followed by a loop to repeat it over and over. Full of the potholes, and road-closed signs you’ve created along the way. You can pick up your speed here because you can predict when you will brake, skid, or run off the road. Predictable but far from safe. 

So what’s it going to be? Is it time in your life to start doing things differently? What productive and positive thing has self-loathing and doubt ever produced in your life? Then why on earth do you protect it so fiercely?

Jo Barrington gives us a window into your CRITICAL INNER VOICE on Self-Loathing in an article she wrote for psychalive.com 

Exerts from the content:

Self-loathing is that underlying feeling that we are just not good: not good enough, not good at this, not good at that, not good at – or for –much of anything. 

The proper viewpoint toward yourself should be one of friendship.  Think about yourself and treat yourself as you would a close friend; respectfully and with affection. 

Becoming aware that a division exists within us allows for a more rational, reasonable assessment of events in our daily lives. Once we have identified this process as being different from honest self-reflection, we are then able to think more objectively about ourselves and the various situations we encounter.

Could it be as easy as changing our narrative? Sounds easy enough but the problem is so much of what we see is deeply rooted and continues to bubble up subconsciously. However, you can put yourself back at the crossroad but take control STOP. No longer am I going to listen to that broken record. Instead, I’m turning left and will begin to untangle the web of lies I tell myself by pushing back and challenging those beliefs. I do have a purpose, I am beautiful, I deserve good things in my life. 

Rory MacKay explains more about this in his article: Is It Time to Change Your Story? Found at unbrokenself.com

Exerts from the content:

Our stories determine our entire experience of reality. They shape our personality, thoughts, feelings, behavior, and worldview.

Make no mistake, the story you tell yourself about yourself is what will ultimately make or break you. So, is it a positive or a negative story?

If we view ourselves as helpless and downtrodden and at the mercy of an unjust and cruel world, we’re defeated from the very start. We’ll feel powerless and lost. 

I would like to remember the specific day where I realized that enough was enough and I needed to find a new way. The day I learned I didn’t have all the answers yet but that there was so much more to learn. I keep racking my brain but I’m not sure it boils down to one major life event. 

Someday, somehow, I realized, there is more to learn and much to love. I just had to get out of my own way!

Crystal Raypole opens our eyes about  How Self-Sabotage Holds You Back in her article for healthline.com

Exerts from the content:

“How does this keep happening to me?”

You can sabotage yourself in a number of ways. Some are obvious, but others are a bit harder to recognize.

• Blaming others when things go wrong
• Choosing to walk away when things don’t go smoothly
• Procrastination
• Dating people who aren’t right for you
• Trouble stating your needs
• Fear of Failure
• Need for control
•  

KEY HIGHLIGHTS 

1. No matter what circumstances you find yourself in, a nasty point of view toward yourself is never warranted. 
2. You are powerful in your own right, free to choose any point of view or course of action available to you.
3. Challenging the tendency toward self-loathing is one of the most valuable uses of our time and energy. 
4. No longer am I going to listen to that broken record. Instead, I’m turning left and will begin to untangle the web of lies I tell myself but pushing back and challenging those beliefs.
5. Whatever your life has been, and whatever role you’ve inadvertently cast yourself, it’s essential to recognize that you are the King or Queen of your own story.
6. It’s time to recognize that and see yourself as the hero that you are.
7. There’s nothing wrong with moving on from situations that don’t meet your needs. 
8. When you give up before you’ve put in much effort, you may not learn how to make different choices in the future.
9. Wanting to avoid failure can lead you to avoid trying. If you don’t try, you can’t fail, right? 
10. Practicing mindfulness, or nonjudgmental awareness of your thoughts and behaviors in the present moment can also help.

 

CHALLENGE: Recognize the crossroad and come to a complete stop. Before you choose your direction make a commitment to let go of past behaviors and be willing to embrace a new perspective. Challenge the negative narrative with “not today” - today I’m turning left and continuing my journey to self-discovery. 

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!