Beyond the Smile: Growing Through What You Don’t Want to Feel

On this show…we are going beyond the smile to understand that sometimes you have to grow through what you don’t want to feel. How often have you heard, “Just stay positive!” as a magic fix for life’s problems? It sounds good—and sometimes it is good—but what happens when positivity turns into a clever disguise for real, messy emotions? For a lot of us, especially those who are naturally peacekeepers or conflict-avoiders, it’s easier to slap on a smile, let things “roll off our back,” and move on… at least on the outside. But inside? Inside, we might be skipping important work—growth work—that only happens when we’re willing to sit with a little discomfort.

In this episode, we’re diving into the powerful ideas of Capacity Expert RaQuel Hopkins, who challenges the myth that you have to choose between being positive and being real. What if true growth isn’t about avoiding hard feelings—but about honoring them, learning from them, and letting them change us? If you, like me, have ever found yourself managing the appearance of being unbothered while quietly carrying unresolved emotions, you’re going to feel seen today. Let’s crack open this idea together and explore how feeling more can actually lead to living more.

Let’s start by breaking down this idea of emotional capacity. In simple terms, emotional capacity is your ability to experience, process, and integrate a wide range of emotions—both the pretty and the painful—without shutting down, lashing out, or checking out.

When we don’t stretch our emotional capacity, we end up stuck in a narrow lane of “acceptable” feelings: happy, fine, maybe a little stressed but functional. Anything outside that—anger, grief, sadness, disappointment—either gets stuffed down, rushed through, or paved over with “good vibes only” slogans. But the problem with skipping emotions isn’t just emotional. Over time, it limits our capacity for intimacy, resilience, creativity, and real personal growth.

RaQuel Hopkins teaches that growth comes from allowing yourself to fully experience friction, not rush past it. Friction isn’t failure; it’s feedback. And when you avoid it—when you smooth it over with positivity or pretend it doesn’t bother you—you’re not protecting your peace, you’re stunting your growth. Real capacity building happens when we practice being present with discomfort long enough to actually learn from it.

Doretta Bendalin offers the Truth: How Sweeping it Under the Rug Hurts You. Found at Medium

At Grouport I found more info on Understanding Emotional Avoidance: A Deep Dive

3 Toxic Mental Health Trends with RaQuel Hopkins, Capacity Expert

CHALLENGE: Stop sweeping discomfort under the rug and start seeing it as a doorway to your next level of growth. Instead of waiting for peace to find you, choose to meet your emotions where they are—and build the resilience to carry yourself forward with honesty and heart.

I Know YOU Can Do It!